Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Amber
I wake slowly with a smile. My heavy body is deliciously sore, a lingering reminder of last night. Every inch of me hums with a gentle ache like I’ve been used in the best way, like he found every hidden part of me and brought it to life. Just the thought of it—of him—sends a thrill through me.
Who knew he had that side?
My body heats up at the thought. The way he took control—gentle yet unrestrained, commanding yet deeply in tune with what I wanted—was primal, raw, and, God, it was sexy as hell.
I reach for him, still half-asleep, maybe steal a few more minutes in his arms before the day starts. But my hand meets cool sheets, empty, with no trace of him. The spot where he’d been lying is vacant, and the sheets pulled smooth and cold as if he’d been gone for a while.
No.
I inhale sharply. My heart sinks, and I immediately put out my bottom lip.
Where is he?
I push myself up, looking around for any sign of him. His clothes and boots are no longer on the floor. My mind races, a knot of doubt twisting in my stomach.
I stare at the empty side of the bed, and every worst-case scenario bubbles to the surface.
What if he just… left? Was it just a one-time thing? Oh my God, I didn’t even think to ask or clarify that. I mean…jeez, what kind of woman does he think I am? We’ve never even been on a date, and I slept with him.
I groan and bury my face in my hands. My heart thumps painfully at the thought.
Maybe I misread everything. Perhaps he was just having some fun, and now he’s gone back to his real life, leaving me alone to deal with the morning-after regrets.
Oh my God, how will I face him at school? Am I going to have to avoid him for the rest of the school year?
I swallow hard, my hands clenching the sheets as the wave of regret and frustration builds.
I’m so new to this dating scene. Did I do something wrong? Did I miss the signs?
I let out a long groan and pull the blankets over my head. I can feel the panic and sadness start to take over, too.
I let myself fall into this, thinking it was something real. I let myself get swept up by a man I thought was different, by someone I thought—
Nope, not today. I need movement to distract my body from the crazy thoughts creeping in.
I force myself to get out of bed. I pad into the kitchen. As I step into the doorway, I can smell coffee and see that he’s made a pot this morning. There’s a sticky note on the coffee maker.
Aw.
Thanks for last night. Had to get to the farm early, but I’ll see you later.
I let out a long breath. He didn’t just leave. He had to get to the farm. I laugh softly, feeling ridiculous for letting myself spiral.
I hug the note to my chest, savoring the giddiness spreading through me. He didn’t just disappear. Instead, he did something thoughtful. I glance over at the coffee pot, grinning as I pour myself a cup, smiling at the small gesture.
Holding the warm mug in my hands, I wander over to the window and let my gaze drift across the early morning landscape, feeling lighter than I had just minutes ago. I take a slow sip, savoring both the taste and the thought of him taking the time to leave me coffee.
As I go about the rest of my morning, the memories of last night play on a loop in my mind, each moment bringing a fresh smile to my face. The quiet confidence in his gaze, the way his hands had held me with both strength and tenderness, the raw, unfiltered way he seemed to need me… it’s all there, vivid and perfect.
I wander around the house, barely able to keep the smile off my face as I tidy up here and there, glancing at my phone every so often, secretly hoping to hear from him.
When Tommy and I were together, I never felt this giddiness afterward. I always felt drained. I also was never able to actually fall asleep in bed with him. What a difference this is.
I could reach out, maybe just say thank you or tell him what a wonderful night it was, but something stops me. I want him to make the next move. To show me he’s just as interested as I am.
By midday, just as I’m thinking I need to pull myself out of this dreamy state and get some actual work done, my phone vibrates on the countertop, its sudden noise jolting me out of my thoughts.
I grab it, my heart racing as I see Derek’s name on the screen.
Derek: How about dinner Friday night? Just us?
A grin spreads across my face.
Me: I’d love that.
As I set my phone down, I let out a little laugh, grinning from ear to ear.
I see you, Derek Townson, and I am intrigued.
A moment later, my phone buzzes on the counter again. I glance at the screen to see Bree’s name pop up.
I swipe to answer and bring the phone to my ear. “Hello, friend!”
“Oh hello, friend, indeed,” she says in a singsong voice. “You know, I just happened to be driving by your place this morning…”
I laugh, rolling my eyes. “Is that so?”
“Uh-huh. And I may or may not have noticed a familiar truck parked out front. Bright and early, Amber. Almost as if it had been there all night,” she says, stretching out the words, dripping with amusement.
“Oh, really?” I play along, biting back a smile.
“Yes, really! Want to fill me in on why a certain broody, handsome farmer’s truck might’ve been parked in your driveway until the early hours?”
“Derek stayed over.”
There’s a fake gasp, followed by delighted laughter. “Amber! Are you serious? I knew something was brewing between you two.”
“It wasn’t exactly planned,” I say, my smile widening at the memory of last night. “One thing led to another. And, well…let’s just say he’s a lot more passionate than I gave him credit for.”
“Oh, girl, spill! Was he, you know, everything you hoped for?”
“He was…intense. And sweet. And in control in this completely unexpected, sexy way. I honestly didn’t realize he had that side to him. But it felt so right.”
“Well, well, well. The quiet, strong type reveals his true colors. I love it. And let’s be honest, you’re practically floating right now, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” I admit, unable to stop smiling. “I mean, Bree, I didn’t think I could feel like this again. It’s been such a long time since someone just…clicked with me.”
“I love this for you!” she exclaims. “But let me play devil’s advocate. You had a problem with him being the parent of one of your students. You also had issues about him being married to Sharon just hours before the two of you went home together. What changed?”
I sigh, leaning back against the counter. “Dating a parent is…complicated. I don’t want to mess anything up for him or his kids. I think you were right last night when you called me out about my excuses being fear. Realizing that helped me step out of the uncomfortable and see if my feelings were…right. It’s not like we just jumped into bed, but…there’s this pull I feel toward him.”
“I think it’s smart to be cautious about dating a parent. You can’t focus on what could happen, you know?”
“What if Casey and Eric get attached, and it doesn’t work out between Derek and me? They have already lost their mom.”
“And what if he’s your one true love, and the two of you live happily ever after?” she asks.
I blow out a breath. I know she’s right, but I can’t quiet the fears rolling through my head.
“What if Derek’s not the type to date casually? He’s been through so much already. What if he’s expecting something serious, and I’m just…too scared to give it to him? What if he only wants a one-night stand or a friends-with-benefits type thing?”
Bree pauses, then lets out a thoughtful hum. “Amber, listen. I know that all of this is scary, but you’re putting the cart before the horse or whatever that saying is. You have to sit down and have a serious conversation with yourself about what you want because you’re all over the place right now. Think about it right now. What do you want…and remember, it’s just me not judging you over here.”
I hesitate. I breathe in and out a few times, thinking about what I want with Derek, but there’s only one thing running through my head.
“I want a relationship.”
“Then that’s what you tell him. If it’s not what he wants, then you walk away regardless of whether it’s hard or not. Sure, he’s got kids, a farm, and all that responsibility, and maybe both of you will use that as an excuse not to be in a relationship. From what I know, he needs someone like you. Someone who brings him a little joy, someone he can actually rely on. You’re the most loyal, loving person I know, and everyone needs someone like you in their life.”
“Aw, thank you for saying that. I want to be that for him. But what if it’s too much? I don’t want to mess up his family. What if I think I want it but then get overwhelmed? That’s a big deal.”
“First of all, you’re never too much. Get that bullshit out of your head.”
“But…”
“I don’t care who told you that in the past. They’re wrong. If you have to make yourself small to appease him, then he’s not the one. You’re wayyyyy overthinking this.” She laughs. “Take a breath. All you have to do right now is be you. And let him be him. Be open with him, let things develop naturally, and stop worrying about the end before you’ve even fully started.”
I sigh, absorbing her words. “You’re right. I think it’s just my own insecurities flaring up. Tommy was my only serious relationship, and it wasn’t a good example of one.”
“He wasn’t. He didn’t treat you well, and he gaslit you to believe that he was treating you like a queen. You deserve better. Also, when we really like someone new, it’s normal for your past to resurface and cause insecurities. You just have to realize that’s what they are and differentiate between that and reality.”
“When did you get so smart?” I tease.
“Seasoned, not smart,” she says. “I was the same way when Charlie came back around, remember? I was an anxious mess for the first month, and even now, it still happens, but not as much. My therapist has been great at getting me through this stuff.”
“Maybe you need to share her information. I’m not sure why I’m stuck in the negatives with everything. That’s really not like me.”
“It happens. We all have a little trauma in our lives. It’s like…we live in fight or flight anyway, with so much news at our fingertips. But also, not getting enough sleep, not taking time for self-care, stress…all of that tug you into the negative. You’ve definitely been under stress with having to move and change jobs in the span of two weeks, too. Remember that and give yourself some grace.”
I let out a long sigh and nod. “You’re not wrong.”
“Oooooh, why don’t we go to the spa in Culver City next weekend? We can make it a girls’ day. Massage, facials, pedicures…it would be so relaxing and good for both of us.”
“That sounds like heaven.”
“Perfect. I have gift cards I’m dying to use, so it’ll be my treat.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I’m not. My lovely fiancé is. He keeps telling me to spoil myself, and I just haven’t done it because I don’t want to go alone. Now that I have you home again, we’ll both reap the rewards.”
“I love that. I can’t wait.”
The decision to come back to Hicks Creek is getting better every day.