Chapter 33
October 30, 2023
Michael:
Hey Brynn, sorry to hear my socks aren’t holding your bed together anymore! Things in Boston are great—so great in fact I’m actually going to be staying on permanently.
Michael:
I’m sorry to hear about your job and your friend. Cancer is rough, especially without insurance. I’ll be in the city to pack up my apartment next week and am happy to meet with him. I’ve got a few ideas that might help him out.
‘Oh my god!’ I shout, throwing my phone down on the pile of discarded clothes on my bed. It’s taken me ages to choose an outfit for a double date to a concert with Corey and Jake, me and Sienna.
‘What?! Did you get an interview?’ Corey shouts from the other end of the apartment, where she’s doing her makeup.
‘No! It’s seven on a Monday night,’ I call back.
A moment later she pops her head around the door of my room. ‘This is New York, babe, I hear from work twenty-four seven.’
‘Yes, but your job is ridiculous.’
She points a stern finger at me. ‘And my ridiculous job got us these sold-out Reneé Rapp tickets, so shut your mouth. Now, what were you oh my goding about?’
I pick up my phone and wave it in front of her face, bouncing on my toes. ‘Michael is going to chat with Robert about the insurance stuff. He thinks that because Robert has been working for more than thirty hours a week for two years, he should be eligible for benefits.’
‘That’s amazing!’ Corey says. Quickly though her eyes narrow and she scans my outfit. ‘Now, are you ready?’
I look down at my new swishy black velvet midi skirt and the perfectly oversized white vintage shirt—my latest Goodwill Pam purchase. I love the outfit and it’s so comfortable, but there’s a tiny niggling in the back of my head because it’s not what I usually wear. ‘I don’t know if I’m too fat to pull off this cool girl oversized look.’
Corey shakes her head. ‘There is absolutely no rulebook that says fat girls are not allowed to be cool girls, I will not hear you saying you’re too fat for anything. You are beautiful and you look amazing. That skirt actually goes perfectly with the dog boots.’
‘Should I tuck the shirt in at the front so you can see I have a waist?’ I ask, lifting the shirt and demonstrating.
‘Fuck no, you look like a millennial aunty. Leave it untucked and embrace your fat, fabulous, bisexual self.’
With a little more convincing she gets me out of the house and into an Uber. And when we arrive at the venue, I see Sienna standing out the front with Jake. The sight of her face before she notices me, laughing at something Jake said, makes my chest get airy. I will never not be amazed by how the woman manages to pull off so many looks so perfectly. She can go from vintage bombshell to proper modern cool girl without even trying. Tonight she’s wearing high-waisted black pants and a black bralette with a loose orange button down shirt open over the top. She’s relaxed her hair into a loose wave and is wearing dark, smoky eye makeup. Her lips are full and red and as soon as we get to each other, I can’t help but kiss her.
‘Hello, you,’ she murmurs, smiling when I pull away. Next to us, Corey is embracing Jake and it occurs to me that things have worked out perfectly for both of us.
The concert is amazing. Reneé’s energy is incredible on stage, and I’ve never felt more at home than I have dancing and singing along, holding Sienna’s hand, bouncing around with Corey and Jake. When she plays ‘Pretty Girls’, Sienna leans over and whispers in my ear. ‘After that first time we kissed I played this song over and over,’ she says. ‘I think I’m going to do an act to this song.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, knowing that the song’s story is about pretty girls who play with queer girls’ hearts. I hate the idea that I could have been the one playing with Sienna’s feelings, but we’ve talked about it a lot since and I know I need to be kinder to myself.
Sienna shakes her head at me, squishing her nose up in this cute way I’m learning to love. ‘My act is going to be about how I get the pretty girl in the end,’ she says and kisses my neck, sending electricity shooting through my body.
After the show we share a cab across town. We get out at Jake’s place and after we’ve said our goodbyes to him and Corey, Sienna and I walk hand in hand to her place. The streets seem even busier tonight if that’s possible. All around there are people hopping from bar to bar, some in costumes, others dressed to the nines. It’s loud and bright and yet, with Sienna’s hand in mine, I feel like we’re the only two people in the world.
‘I’ve been thinking about this part of the night all day,’ she says, and her words send a shiver down my spine. I am hyper-aware of every part of my body. ‘Tell me what you like.’
I lick my lips. ‘Sienna, we’re on the street.’
‘I know,’ she says, nudging my shoulder with hers. ‘But all day I’ve been thinking about the moment I get you in my apartment, and once you’re there, I want to know what’s going to make you feel good.’
Sweat prickles under my arms. ‘I’m not very experienced, especially with ...’
‘I’m not asking about experience,’ she says, squeezing my hand. ‘I’m asking what I can do to make your face keep flushing like that.’
I swallow. ‘I like it when you call me sweetheart.’
She bites her lips, eyes darkening, and nods at me. ‘And? What else?’
‘Soft touches.’
We reach her building and she retrieves her keys from her purse and opens the door. I’m almost shaking with anticipation. When we’re inside, she pushes me up against the vestibule and runs her fingers down my arm. Her nails are long and pointed, painted with a pink glitter that matches the sparkle of that first costume I saw her in. ‘Like that?’ she asks.
I close my eyes and lean in to kiss her, and she bites my lip. ‘I can be gentle but I like to bite a bit too,’ she says as I moan into her mouth.
‘Can we be upstairs already?’ I say and then we’re running up the stairs, laughing as we stumble together and pause on every landing to make out.
Inside her tiny apartment, I can see that she’s been thinking about this moment, as she said. The lighting as always is soft and romantic but, once the front door is closed, she darts away from me to light candles and put on music at a low volume. The pillows on her bed are plumped and the corner of the covers are pulled down.
‘I know romance is a bit scary for you,’ she says, coming towards me. She catches my hand and leads me towards the bed. ‘But I promise you, Brynn, I don’t want anything more than to be with you. There’s no one but you. Tonight is all about me showing you how special you are.’ It’s the exact right thing to say to vanquish my worries and all that self-consciousness I carry around with me. I feel safe. I feel needed. This feels right.
She pushes me gently so my legs hit against the back of the bed and I sit, then she leans down to unlace my boots and pull off my tights. She kicks off her own shoes and socks and uses her knee to part my legs, leans in and kisses me. Gently she moves us so I’m lying down with her settling over me.
‘How do I make you feel good?’ I ask, reaching up to push the orange shirt over her shoulders.
‘You are,’ she says around kisses. ‘Now, less talking, more undressing.’
Clothes disappear in a flurry and I lose myself in the feel of her body over mine, her mouth on mine, her fingers skating over my skin. When she dips her head to my breasts, I hesitate. She looks up at me, her blue eyes dark with a lust that almost undoes me.
She smiles at me languidly. ‘You okay, sweetheart?’
I gulp. ‘They’re not the only thing you like about my body, are they?’
She looks at my chest. ‘Your tits are great,’ she says running a soft finger over my nipple and it peaks at her touch. ‘But I love your tummy.’ She lowers her head to kiss down my belly. ‘It’s perfect and your skin is so soft.’
My head spins as she hums along my skin. ‘Your hips are perfect,’ she almost pants. ‘And I can’t wait to hold onto your perfect ass later when you’re fucking me.’
I let out a moan and reach for her, but she deftly presses my hands onto my tummy, holding them there with one hand as she dips her head lower and moves the other hand to my centre, slipping her fingers between my folds as her mouth kisses over my mound.
‘And now, sweetheart,’ she says, lifting her head and meeting my gaze, ‘I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to talk for a minute while I show you how much I love this part of you.’
Her tongue traces its way over my core while she slides a finger inside. I push against her and cry out again as her finger works inside me. She’s gentle at first, but reacts as my body pushes down on her. I claw at the quilt as the pressure builds and builds until finally, deliciously, waves of pleasure overtake me.
‘And sweetheart?’ she says, moving up the bed and pulling me against her as I still gasp for breath. ‘That’s not the only part of you that I love.’