15. Amara
FIFTEEN
AMARA
"He's sending flowers every day?" Jax looked at the yellow roses on my dining table.
"Yep."
Jax picked up the card that came with the flowers and read it out aloud.
"Amara, yellow roses are for friendship, for new beginnings, and for the promise that no matter what happens, I'll always treasure the bond we have. Lucas. P.S. Please unblock my number." He laughed softly. "Man, he's wooing you."
I snatched the card away from him and tucked it away into a drawer. I kept all of them, unable to throw them away. They were a part of Lucas, and like a lovesick simpering idiot, I even re-read the damn handwritten notes.
"He's driving me crazy. Isn't he still dating Kath?" I muttered and bent to check on the duck breasts slow-roasting in the oven.
"Technically, they're not dating. There has been no formal announcement. They have not been seen around town except for some social events."
I snorted. "Really? You think they're not sleeping together?"
"Yep."
I frowned. "I thought you were not Team Lucas."
"I'm not. The way he treated you was cruel and stupid. If I lost someone like you I'd be sending flowers too, along with jewelry if I thought it would work."
I frowned. "Jewelry is not going to work on me."
The doorbell rang, and Jax raised a hand, telling me he'd get it.
I had finally decided to invite people for dinner. Basil was visiting for the weekend, so it was the right time to throw a party. Since Emily and I had become friendly, she and Ace were coming along as well.
Gemma walked in, sniffing the air. "What smells divine?"
"Duck a l'orange," I announced and gave her a quick hug.
"You look…wow! What's going on?" Gemma demanded.
I quirked an eyebrow and then nodded. "I had a haircut."
"That's not it.
I gave Gemma a wry smile. "Maybe it's the wine." I raised my glass of a nice Bordeaux that Jax brought.
Gemma tilted her head, studying me with those sharp eyes of hers that never missed a thing. "Hmm, maybe. But it's more than that. You're glowing, girl. What gives?"
I opened my mouth to brush her off with some light comment, but the words caught in my throat. Was I glowing? I didn't feel it. If anything, I felt like I was teetering on the edge of chaos, thanks to Lucas's relentless attempts to…what? Win me back? Or just confuse the hell out of me?
"Is it Lucas?" Gemma prodded, leaning against the counter.
I could hear my other guests at the entrance of the house and wished they'd come in faster so Gemma would stop making me think things I didn't want to.
I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face. "It's definitely not Lucas. Or maybe it is. I don't know. He's been sending me flowers every damn day, and I can't figure out if it's sweet or if it's just another way to mess with my head."
Gemma raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Yellow roses. Not exactly a declaration of undying love."
"Yeah, well, maybe that's the problem," I muttered. "He's sending mixed signals. First, he says he wants to be friends. Then, he's slipping in little notes that make me wonder if there's more to it. And all the while, he's still with Kath."
Thankfully my guests came in through the foyer into my open-plan living room, kitchen, and dining area.
I hugged Ace and Emily in greeting. And then saw Basil, who'd just come in. He opened his arms, and I flew into them.
"I've missed you so much," I mumbled into his chest.
"Me too, Sunshine. Me too."
We disengaged, and Jax helped me fill glasses with wine as guests helped themselves to the charcuterie and cheese board I'd placed as an appetizer.
"What are we eating?" Ace rubbed his hands together. "Sorry to bring up the ex, but Lucas said you're an amazing cook."
Emily elbowed her husband, glaring at him. "Excuse the moron here."
"What?" Ace asked innocently, looking at his wife and then turning to me. "I had a drink with Lucas earlier today."
"Is that your orange duck I can smell in the air?" Basil smoothly changed the topic.
I forced a smile, grateful for the distraction. "I'm just trying to impress my favorite people."
"Aww, I'm one of her favorites." Gemma wiped an imaginary tear.
"I'm already impressed." Jax slipped an arm around me.
"I'm so grateful since I live to impress," I quipped, earning a laugh from the group.
"Dinner will be ready in—" Before I could finish, the doorbell rang again. I glanced at Jax, who was already moving to answer it. "I swear if that's another delivery of flowers?—"
Jax grinned back at me. "I'll check. Maybe it's jewelry this time."
I watched curiously at the entryway from the foyer into my living space and that's when I heard his voice. It sent a jolt through me.
Everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath.
"I couldn't exactly kick him out." Jax sounded more resigned than surprised as he led Lucas in.
My heart dropped to my stomach. Lucas was holding a bouquet of pink roses. He seemed more determined, less uncertain. There was something in his eyes that made me feel like the floor had just dropped out from under me.
"What on earth are you doing here?" Basil demanded, walking up to Lucas, ready to rip him a new one, no doubt.
"Hi, Basil," Lucas said softly. "Pink roses symbolize gratitude and appreciation."
The room went silent, and all eyes were on me as I stood frozen in place. My heart was racing, and my mind was a mess of emotions I didn't have the time or the energy to untangle.
I glanced at Ace who looked guilty as hell. "I didn't think he'd show up." He raised both his hands in a peace offering.
Gemma cleared her throat, breaking the silence. "Well, this just got interesting."
I forced myself to meet Lucas's gaze, ignoring the flutter in my chest. "Lucas, you can't just show up like this."
"I know," he said, taking a step closer. "But I've missed your cooking, and I thought there would be safety in numbers. Also, I'd have called to warn you, but you've not unblocked me yet."
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I grabbed the flowers he held and turned my back to him.
"Gemma, sweetheart, can you set an extra plate." I didn't look at anyone as I made a big production out of finding a vase for the roses. I set them on the coffee table in the living room.
Basil was in Lucas's face by the time Gemma set a place for Lucas. "You and Amara are not friends, you get me? You have some big brass ones to show up here."
Lucas smiled uneasily at Basil. "I hurt your friend. I understand that upsets you. I get it. I fucked up. I just…want to make amends. Okay?"
"You're still dating that other woman, though, aren't you?" Gemma piped up.
I groaned softly. What a shitshow? I didn't deserve this drama in my life.
Liar! You're so happy to see Lucas after all this time that your panties are wet, and you're ready to drop to your knees to suck him off.
My vagina, obviously, had a mind of her own, which was in the gutter.
"I have not dated Kath, not since we broke up five years ago." Lucas watched me as he spoke. "I'm not dating her now."
"Then what have you been doing with her?" Emily demanded.
Ace might be Team Lucas but Emily was all Team Amara.
"Hey, Emily." He walked to her, brushed his lips against her cheek, and shook hands with Ace. "I'm not doing anything with Kath except working with her."
He then went to Gemma and gave her a quick hug, which the traitor responded to with a grin.
"It sure looks like you're with her," Jax prodded.
The oven beeped then, loudly, as the timer went off. The room went silent except for the strains of jazz playing on my Bose speaker.
"God! All I wanted was a pleasant dinner with friends for the first time in forever, and we have this." I flung my arms up in the air and went to the oven. "Everyone, take a seat. Jax, fill glasses with wine, will you?"
Gemma came to me. "Can I help you plate?"
"No." I didn't want anyone near me right now because I was likely to start screaming and not stop. Who the hell did Lucas think he was coming here?
But he told you he hasn't slept with anyone since you. That means something, doesn't it?
Big fucking deal, I told myself. I hadn't had sex with anyone since Lucas either, so it wasn't like he'd made some big sacrifice.
Lucas obviously didn't listen to my instructions and leaned against the counter as I pulled out the duck to rest under foil. I turned the oven off and set the dinner plates in to warm up.
"You always do that. Warm the plates," Lucas mused.
"My mother used to do this."
"I know, you told me. How's your father doing?"
"He wants to knock your teeth out," I muttered angrily as I started to assemble everything I needed to plate the meal. I was serving the duck with parsnip puree, steamed broccolini, and a side watercress salad with orange sections.
"I'm sorry, Amara. Don't shut me out."
"Why?"
"Because," he dropped his voice so only I could hear him, "I love you."
His words hung in the air, heavy, and I felt my resolve waver. He was saying what I wanted to hear, everything I'd been afraid to hope for. But I couldn't just let myself fall into his arms and forget the pain he'd caused.
"You never said it before. I don't know if I can believe you now." My voice trembled despite my best efforts.
"Give me a chance to show you."
"You hurt me, Lucas. How do I know this time will be different?"
He moved closer to me and I could feel the heat of his body, and when he spoke, his voice was low and filled with a raw honesty that sent a shiver up my spine.
"You don't, Tesoro. And I'm not asking you to believe me right away.
But I'm asking you to give me a chance—one chance to prove to you that I'm not the same man who let you go. "
I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest, torn between the part of me that wanted to believe him and the part of me that wanted to protect myself from more hurt.
"I don't know if I can do that," I whispered, the vulnerability in my voice catching me off guard.
Lucas reached out, gently taking my hand in his. His touch was warm and grounding, and for a moment, I let myself just feel it—feel him.