Chapter Four #2
Alex put down the knife and turned around slowly. “We are friends. Honest. It was just….” He struggled to put into words why he’d not let her in. “Losing Todd was like… well, it was like he’d died. And for the longest time, I didn’t want to talk about it.”
Manda’s eyes were filled with compassion. “He really knocked the stuffing out of you, didn’t he?”
Alex snorted. “Isn’t that the fucking understatement of the year? One day, my life was perfect. The next? He’d torn it apart.” He went back to his chopping. “I kept asking myself if it was my fault. Had I grown too complacent? Did I not give him what he needed?”
Manda barked out a harsh laugh. “You’re kidding, right? Those last few years, you went along with everything he wanted.”
“And yet he still left me.” Five years on, and that sting hadn’t left either.
“But that wasn’t your fault, Alex!” Manda’s voice rose.
“It was Todd’s fucking mid-life crisis that brought all this on.
He was the one trying to recapture his ‘lost years’.
” She air-quoted. “And seeing as we’re being honest?
I never thought he was good enough for ya.
You need someone who’s… genuine. Todd wasn’t. ”
Before Alex could reply to that stunning declaration, two arms enfolded him from behind, and Manda’s breath tickled his ear.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re done. You’re a wonderful man, and you need someone equally wonderful to share your life with.
Now, you bring the lemon, I’ll bring the salt, and let’s see how much of this tequila we can drink before one of us gives in and goes to bed.
” She released him and grabbed the little pot of salt that sat beside the stove.
Alex followed her into the living room, the lemon wedges stuffed into a small ramekin. By the time they’d drunk their fourth shot, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he caved and headed for bed. But her words still echoed in his head.
“Did you mean that? About Todd not being good enough for me? Because hell, girl, we were together almost twenty-three years. Didn’t you ever think of sharing that with me at some point?”
Manda’s face fell. “Why would I, when it was obvious you were happy? But you can bet I regretted not saying something the morning I got your email, saying you’d broken up.
You thought it was your fault, and I kept thinking it was mine, that maybe if I’d said something sooner, you wouldn’t have ended up so freakin’ miserable. ”
Headache be damned. Alex poured them both another shot, before licking his hand and sprinkling it with salt. He licked it up, knocked back the tequila, then sucked on a lemon wedge. “Let’s change the subject. How’s Asha?”
Manda smiled. “Still working. Well, these days she’s voluntary, but she still helps out at the National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center.” She grinned. “One of the new guys suggested—very respectfully, I must add—that it might be time for her to consider ‘retiring’.”
Alex winced. “Ouch. Does he still have his balls intact?”
Manda hooted. “Pretty much. I think it was his pride that got hurt the most. Six-foot-two, muscles in all the right places, and this tiny ninety-three-year-old woman blasts him in front of most of the tribe. I’m just thankful she didn’t resort to mentioning his quantum.
” When Alex frowned, she smiled. “That’s what percentage of your heritage is Native American.
They work it out when you apply to be recognized by the tribe. ”
“Ah. He’s newly arrived in the community?”
Manda nodded. “He did one of these ancestry searches, y’know, the ones they advertise on TV?
Turns out he’s one-fourth Cheyenne, so he got the paperwork now to say he’s officially part of the tribe.
But you know Asha. In her book, having one grandparent who happened to be Cheyenne doesn’t mean you’re Native American.
I get that. She’s lived in the community her entire life, and I have no idea how far she can trace her line back. ”
“Has she forgiven your father yet for marrying your mother?”
Manda smiled. “I think she’s mellowed a little in recent years, especially when she sees what’s happening nowadays. But don’t get me started. Asha and I have sat up late the last few nights, trying to put the world to rights.”
“Does she have any ideas how to do that? Because we sure could use some right now.” Alex couldn’t avoid politics. Being the prosecuting attorney meant he was essentially a politician, and sometimes he hated the stuff he was forced to come out with.
Manda hid her yawn behind her hand, and Alex chuckled. “Don’t think I didn’t see that. Why don’t we call it a night? We’ve got time—and tequila—enough for chats into the wee small hours, if you’re staying the weekend.”
She nodded, yawning again. “Sorry. I guess my day has just caught up with me.” She got to her feet and extended a hand to him.
“Come on. I need my beauty sleep. Besides, the fire is almost out anyway.” Manda hoisted him to his feet, but instead of letting go, she squeezed his hand.
“And I’m sorry if I upset you earlier. It’s just that it’s been so long, and I have all these questions I wanted to ask, and—”
“Tomorrow night,” Alex said gently. “I promise, I’ll answer them. And while we’re on the subject, I’m sorry for keeping you at arms’ length. I just didn’t want to bring everything up again.”
Manda gave him a tight hug. “I gotcha. Well, in that case, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Seems to me like talking over Asha’s bison chili is definitely the way to go.”
“You’re on.” Alex laid a hand on her shoulder. “And just for the record? The last thing you need is beauty sleep.”
Manda gave him a sheepish smile. “Aw. That was sweet. Total crap, but sweet.” She shuffled out of the living room, heading for her bed.
Alex took one last look around the living room before switching off the lights. The coming weekend looked like it might be a long and sometimes painful one, but maybe it was time to exorcise a few ghosts after all.
Do I really think I’m done?
Jesus, he hoped not.