Chapter Twelve
Joshua took back the strip of photos and gazed at them fondly. “These were taken in Alabama. I guess this was one of the happiest times of my life.”
Alex couldn’t keep his suspicions to himself. “I’m not imagining things, am I? You did love him.”
Joshua smiled. “You know what’s funny? Everyone I’ve shown these photos said the same damn thing.
” He replaced them inside the book. “Yeah, I loved him. First person I ever gave my heart to.” He glanced at Alex.
“And the only reason I can say all this to you is, I know you’ll understand.
Course, I didn’t know that before Manda let slip about your ex. ”
Alex snickered. “That was more by design than by accident, if I know her.” When Joshua appeared puzzled by his remark, Alex waved his hand. “Not important. Right now I want to hear more. Two seventeen-year-olds, in love…”
“Lord, we were that.” Joshua sighed. “I often wonder how things might have turned out, if events hadn’t forced us to part. Who knows?” His gaze met Alex’s. “And then sometimes I think wondering about stuff like this is a good way to drive yourself nuts.”
“What happened?” Alex asked softly.
“Our parents, in a nutshell. Not gonna go into all that. Let’s just say I wound up here, and Hayden found himself in California, at least for a while. And from there, our lives took two very different directions.”
Alex was amazed. “And years later your kids meet in what can only be described as an amazing circumstance. I see what you mean about blowing my mind. It’s like something out of a book, isn’t it?” He peered at Joshua. “But you never forgot about him, did you?”
Joshua shook his head. “Nope. And I guess he never forgot about me either.” He stroked a finger over Hayden’s image. “He tried to live as a straight man, but it just didn’t work out. I don’t think he was as lucky as me.”
Alex had to ask. “Did Rachel know?”
“Oh yeah.” Joshua’s gaze flickered to her portrait. “That amazing woman accepted me being bisexual without so much as the blink of an eye.” Suddenly a chuckle burst from him.
“What did you just think of?” Alex was entranced. This was a whole new Joshua unfolding before his eyes, a fascinating man with an equally fascinating history.
“I was just recalling those times we were out together, especially before Micah was born. We’d go see a movie, or eat out, and…” He flushed. “You know how it is. You see a cute guy and you can’t help but look, right?”
“And she caught you looking,” Alex surmised with delight.
Joshua’s eyes widened. “Yeah, but only ’cause she was looking at the same guy. Those were the times she’d give me That Look, and I always knew what that meant.” He grinned. “You can look but you can’t touch.” Joshua snorted. “As if I would. I had my hands full with her.”
“Sounds like you had a very healthy marriage.” A thought occurred to him. “How much do your kids know of all this?”
“Everything,” Joshua said simply. Then he bit his lip. “Well, almost everything. That last part about me looking at other guys? Yeah, that stays with me.”
“They’d understand, surely. Micah and Greg especially.”
Joshua stared at Rachel’s portrait. “I don’t know about that.
It’s one thing to know your dad was once in love with a guy.
It’s another to think of him still being interested in guys when he was happily married to your mother.
” He shrugged. “Maybe I’m wrong. Not that it matters.
I mean, it’s not like I’m on the lookout for a relationship, right?
There may not be a couple of inches of snow on the roof, but there’s definitely a light dusting. ”
Alex stared at him. “Is that meant to imply you’re too old to be dating?” He huffed. “What about the rest of that saying? ‘There may be snow on the rooftop but there is fire in the furnace.’” He grinned. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
Joshua snorted. “As far as my kids are concerned? That fire is well and truly out. Their dad having…? I can almost hear the ‘ew’.” He sighed.
“Let’s be honest here. I’ve loved two people in my life.
It doesn’t get any better than that. And it’s like I told Greg.
To want more sounds kinda greedy.” Joshua’s gaze met his. “Don’tcha think?”
Before Alex could figure out how to respond, Joshua held up his hand. “You know what? You don’t have to answer that. Your experiences are probably nothing like mine.”
There was a light knock on the door, and Micah stuck his head around it. “I’m starting to put dinner together, and I wondered if you wanted to join us, Alex. There’ll be plenty.”
Much as Alex liked the idea, his thoughts went to Manda. “I appreciate the invitation, but I have a guest staying with me at the moment.” He glanced at Joshua. “Manda’s not going to visit her grandmother until tomorrow, so she’ll be expecting me home.”
Joshua nodded. “Then you must thank her from me, for letting us steal you for the afternoon.” He smiled. “And the cheesecake was delicious.”
“It certainly was,” Micah affirmed.
“I’d better get thinking about what we’re going to attempt next.” Alex cocked his head to one side. “Any ideas of what you’d like to try?”
To his surprise, Joshua nodded instantly. “Lasagna. It’s a family favorite, and the way Micah and Naomi make it is way better than the store-bought kind. I’d like to be able to make it for myself.”
He didn’t add the words ‘once they’ve left home’ but Alex heard them, plain as day. “Sure. We can do that.” He just wasn’t sure when. His life was about to get awfully busy in the coming weeks. These last few weeks had been unusual, affording him the luxury of spending time with Joshua.
Real Life was about to intrude, big time.
“Dad says you’re coming to my show next week,” Micah said, smiling.
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Alex got to his feet. That was one event he was not going to miss, workload be damned. “Well, I’d better be off.”
“Enjoy the rest of your weekend with Manda.” Joshua extended a hand.
After the conversation they’d just shared, Alex felt they’d passed the shaking hands stage. Impulsively, he gave Joshua a hug, who stiffened slightly, then relaxed. “Thanks for sharing with me,” Alex said quietly, before releasing him.
Joshua blinked. “Thanks for being here.” Then he smiled. “It was good to talk with you. I’ll get your jacket.”
Alex followed him from the office, Micah walking ahead of them. While he slipped into his jacket, Greg appeared, carrying a baking tin. “Yours, I believe. And any time you want to bring another over here…”
Alex laughed and took it. “Yeah, I get the message.” He laid a hand on Greg’s arm. “Detective Riley says you’re still working on getting me more witnesses. Good luck. You’re doing a terrific job.”
“Thank you. And I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna help Joshua whip up next.”
“Lasagna,” Micah said in a stage whisper, and Greg’s eyes widened.
Joshua sighed. “Alex is gonna think this house revolves around food.”
Micah did an eye roll. “Duh. That’s because it does. Always did.”
Joshua shook his head and opened the front door. “Thanks again. For helping me make the cheesecake, and for sharing my birthday.”
“I had a great time,” Alex assured him. He walked over to his car, and after placing the cake tin on the passenger seat, he strapped himself in.
With a final wave, he pulled out of Joshua’s driveway, and headed for the main road out of Wright.
What struck him most as he made his way home was that he could’ve stayed at Joshua’s house for hours.
The atmosphere had been comfortable, almost cozy, and he’d felt at home.
Then he remembered Manda, and a flush of guilt rushed through him.
I’ll make it up to her.
Besides, if he’d stayed any longer, the conversation might have gotten around to Todd, and there was no way Alex was about to share that piece of history with Joshua, no matter how well they were getting along.
Telling Joshua what happened would be like ripping open my heart all over again.
~ 0 ~
Joshua gazed at Hayden’s image. “Another birthday almost gone. Wish you’d been around to share it with me.
” He still couldn’t get over the fact that Hayden had been in Jackson.
The same fucking state. He sighed and unfolded the letter.
Considering how many times he’d done this since receiving it, Joshua was surprised he didn’t know every word by heart. One paragraph stuck in his mind.
Remember me, Joshua. Remember what we shared. I look at how the world is changing, and part of me likes to imagine that we could have had what others now enjoy—marriage, equality…. Happiness.
Never forget I loved you first.
A tap at the door was followed by Greg’s low voice. “Joshua?”
“Come on in.” He smiled at the sight of a steaming mug in Greg’s hand, and sniffed up. “Aw. Hot chocolate.”
“Thought you might like some.” Greg glanced at the letter and photos in his lap. “Funny. I was thinking about Dad too.” He walked over and set the mug down on the table beside the couch, before joining Joshua there.
Joshua gestured to the photos. “I was telling Alex about how you came to be in Wyoming. Didn’t take him long to work out what had been going on between me and your Dad, not that that surprises me now, knowing what I know.
” When Greg gave him a puzzled glance, Joshua made a decision.
“I don’t expect you’ll go shouting your mouth off about this, ’cause you’re not that kind of a guy.
And I don’t get the impression this is a big secret, because Alex didn’t seem disturbed in the slightest that I knew, so… ” He paused. “Alex is gay.”
Greg stared at him for a moment, then he broke into a smile.
“Wow. That makes me feel so much better. Not that it makes any difference to how he’ll treat this case, but…
it’s nice to know he does understand how I feel.
” He lowered his gaze to the photos. “I’m really happy how things are working out. ”
“Huh?” Joshua wasn’t sure what he meant by that.
Greg raised his chin. “Well, look at you. Your life was pretty insular, wouldn’t you admit? And now you’re getting out more, trying new things… and you’ve met someone you like.”
“What does that mean?” For a moment, it sounded like…. Then Joshua pushed the thought aside. Greg is not implying there could be anything between me and Alex.
Greg frowned. “What I said. You like Alex. You’re friends.
That’s a good thing, right?” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry about Micah this morning.
I know why he reacted the way he did. He was just being snotty because you went and got yourself a life outside of this house.
Maybe he even saw Alex as an intruder, taking away what was his. ”
Joshua got that. “But he doesn’t feel that way now, does he?”
Greg chuckled. “After he spent an hour in the studio, showing Alex his work? Nah. Besides, he can’t wait to try your next culinary masterpiece. His words.” He beamed. “See? Alex is good for you.” Greg nodded toward his mug. “Now drink your chocolate before it goes cold.” He got up from the couch.
Joshua grabbed his hand. “You’re a good man, you know that? Your Dad would be so proud of you.”
Light caught in the tears that glistened briefly in Greg’s eyes. “Thank you for that.” He grinned as he wiped away the tears. “And now I’m going to have one more piece of cheesecake before Micah gets his hands on it.”
Joshua got to his feet. “I think I’ll join you.” He folded the letter and placed it and the photos inside the book, then replaced them in the drawer of his desk. He grabbed his mug and followed Greg out of the office.
There was still a little more of his birthday to be enjoyed.