Chapter Ten
Friday. Twelve days to Christmas
Just before seven, the doorbell rang and I got up to let Ollie in. I was definitely intrigued by the large box he carried into the living room. He handed me the plastic bag containing our dinner and the mulled wine, with instructions to shove the meal in the oven because he was starving.
Quite the entrance. I couldn’t help smiling. “Good evening Ollie. Come on in. Make yourself at home.”
He laughed. “I had to skip lunch today, because I nipped out during my lunch hour for this. And I tend to get cranky when I’m hungry, so feed me.”
I snickered. “Yes, sir. Right away, sir.” I was still smiling, however, when I walked into the kitchen to switch on the oven. When I came into the living room, Ollie had placed the box on the table in the corner.
“Can I move this stuff?” He gestured to the magazines and mail. “Only, we’re going to need some room.” He shrugged off his leather jacket and scarf, then placed them over the back of a chair. Then he kicked off his shoes and I had to smile at the sight of his socks.
“Polar bears. How cute.”
Ollie chuckled. “They were a present from Jay. You know, one of those filler presents that you get every year?”
“I used to get an awful lot of filler presents. Mike was dreadful at buying Christmas gifts. He would ask me weeks beforehand for hints of what I needed or wanted. I would give lots of hints. And then Christmas morning would arrive, and nothing I asked for would ever find its way under the tree. I’d end up with scarves, pyjamas, occasionally some CDs, and a lot of chocolate, but it was never anything that had required a great deal of thought.
” It felt for a moment that I was criticizing Mike, but I knew I was speaking the truth.
All my presents seem to be ones he’d picked up on a stroll through a department store.
Ollie stared at me. “I think I’ve just found the brother Jay never knew he had.
Every year, I would go out of my way to find something special for him.
There was the time I bought him a flying lesson.
Another year, I bought him six laps around a racetrack in a classic sports car.
Then there was the hot air balloon trip. Whereas I got?”
“Socks, scarves…”
He nodded. “Exactly.” I left him for a moment to go into the kitchen to put dinner in the oven. When I returned, he opened the box, and I crossed the room in a hurry.
“I am dying to know what’s in there.”
Ollie said nothing but reached into the cardboard container.
On the table, he placed several items: plastic sealed packages containing clear plastic baubles; a couple of packs each containing twelve ceramic bells; little pots of red, gold, green, and silver glitter; glitter pens; small sheets of coloured cellophane; and a bag containing tiny Christmas figures—snowmen, penguins, polar bears, Father Christmas, elves…
“What on earth?”
Ollie grinned. “I raided Poundland.” He pointed to the tabletop. “I got the idea after seeing that you were quite artistic.”
“The mind boggles.” I chuckled. “Okay, I give up. What am I going to do with all this?”
“We are going to make baubles. Now, before you tell me you could just as easily go to a shop and buy a box of decorations, this is more personal. We can put what we like in the baubles, and paint what we like on the bells.” He picked up a brown paper bag and emptied its contents onto the table.
Out spilled red and gold ribbon in coils.
“We use these to hang them on the tree. Granted, my efforts might not be as beautiful as what you’re capable of, but I will do my best.”
It was something I’d never consider doing. And I loved it. “I think that’s a lovely idea.”
Ollie’s face lit up and the sight warmed me. “Oh God, I’m so relieved. I had no idea how you were going to react.”
I was touched by how much effort he’d gone to, for me.
We spent the next fifteen minutes or so, deciding what we were going to do.
The cellophane had a green tinge to it, and Ollie explained that when you scrunched it up and put it inside the bubble, it caught the light.
We were going to put some of the little figures into the baubles, along with glitter.
Others would remain empty, and instead we would paint on the surface with the glitter pens.
By the time we’d worked out what we were going to do, the oven pinged, and dinner was ready.
Rather than disrupt what was laid out on the table, we sat on the couch to eat, our plates balanced on our knees.
Ollie glanced at the tree. “You haven’t done anything with it yet.”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to help me this evening. This would normally be the night I would decorate it anyway. And I’m going to be up the stepladder just to reach the top of the tree. It would be easier with a second body to pass me things.”
Ollie’s eyes shone. “I’d love to help. I can even take turns up the ladder too.”
“And how is your tree looking?”
He bit his lip. “I’m a bit late this year with putting up my decs.”
I had a brief flash of insight. “It’s not the same, is it? Decorating on your own?”
Ollie paused, his food forgotten for a moment. “Can I tell you something? Buying the tree with you this week, buying all the stuff to make the baubles… This is the most Christmassy I felt in a while.”
My heart went out to a fellow sufferer. “Then let’s finish our dinner and get on with making this tree look magnificent.”
Ollie smiled. “You haven’t mentioned Mike, so I’m assuming he’s elsewhere this evening, wherever it is ghosts go to when they’re not watching the living. Will we be having any extra help this evening?” His eyes twinkled.
“For a man who wasn’t sure if he believed in ghosts a week ago, you’re taking this all very calmly.”
“You didn’t see me when I got home that night. I ran around the flat screaming for half an hour. This calm exterior you see before you is the result of taking drugs.” His lips twitched.
I liked a man with a sense of humour.
“I haven’t seen Mike today.” Only then did it strike me that I hadn’t seen Mike since Wednesday night. Not that I was concerned. I mean, what harm could befall a ghost?
Ollie shivered. “Seriously though, I’m not sure how I’d feel knowing there was a ghost following me around, watching me all the time.”
“Oh God, I hope he isn’t watching me all the time.” I laughed. “I had to make him wait outside the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth.”
“I don’t suppose you’d be doing anything he hasn’t seen before. Unless you were one of those couples who didn’t live in each other’s pockets.”
I nodded slowly. “And there you have it. I happen to like my privacy.”
Ollie’s gaze went to Mike’s photo. “I’m glad you have that up,” he said. “You’ll never forget him, just like I’ll never forget Jay. They will always be a part of us.” He sighed. “Can I share something with you?”
“Of course.”
Ollie’s gaze went to Mike’s photo. “These last few days, I’ve been feeling a little… guilty.”
“What on earth have you done to feel guilty about?”
He didn’t look at me, but kept his gaze focused on the photo.
“We’ve talked a lot about our memories, haven’t we?
Well, just recently I’ve become aware of something.
A change in me. I’d remember something Jay did or said, and the memory made me smile, but…
it wasn’t tugging at my heart the way it had in the past.” At last he looked at me, his eyes troubled. “Does that make me a horrible person?”
“God, no. It just means you’re healing, that’s all.” I considered his words, applying them to my own experience. “I do understand. The memories don’t hurt anymore. They leave you with a warm glow inside, reminding you of good times you shared.”
Ollie widened his eyes. “That’s it. That’s exactly how it made me feel. It just felt… wrong, when he’d only been gone three years.”
I smiled. “Three years, six years… grief doesn’t come with an expiry date.
The heart takes as much time as it takes.
I don’t think grief ever goes away, but it…
mutates into a form that we can deal with.
” I patted his knee, trying not to upset his plate.
“Like memories that warm us, instead of cutting through us.”
Ollie nodded slowly. “Maybe that’s why I find it so easy to talk to you. Because you truly understand.” Then he went back to finishing his dinner, and for a while neither of us spoke.
Once the plates were safely placed inside the dishwasher, we got to work.
I put on some music in the background, and heated up some of the mulled wine.
Now and again, I glanced at Ollie, only to find him staring at me too.
Then he’d hurriedly look away and get back to his task.
Moments later, I stole another glance, smiling at the way his hair fell forward over his eyes, the way he bit his lip when he was concentrating, the curve of his long eyelashes on his cheek.
When Ollie raised his head to meet my gaze, I got back to the job in hand.
We spent an hour carefully painting, cutting, and filling, until at the end, there were thirty baubles ready for the tree, twenty-four ceramic bells, and decorations made from gold painted pinecones hanging from gold ribbon.
Ollie looked at the box on the floor next to the tree, then at the work we’d just accomplished. “It’s not going to look overburdened, I can tell you that.”
“There’ll be enough,” I assured him. I sniffed the air. “I can already smell it.” In the last two days, the tree had opened up in the warmth of the flat, and that glorious aroma of pine was everywhere.
Our first task was the lights. We started at the top, and at Ollie’s insistence, we trailed them around the tree, not placing them carefully but simply filling up the space.
I’d followed his advice and had come away from B&Q with two boxes of 240 warm white lights.
Ollie’s eyes sparkled with approval when he saw them.
The combination of the new lights and the original set meant there were plenty to go around.
When the three sets of lights were all in place, Ollie placed the plugs in the sockets of the extension lead.
“Now we switch them on, and stand back,” Ollie said decisively. “That way, you can see where there are gaps and where you need to move them. This way is much easier than meticulously placing them where you think they should be. Just throw them on willy-nilly and then arrange them.”
“I’m learning something new every day with you,” I commented. I gave him a nod. “Okay, put them on.” Ollie flicked the switches and I caught my breath. “Oh wow,” I said softly.
The lights lit up the room, reflecting on glass surfaces and painted walls and giving off a warm glow.
Ollie smiled. “Not bad.” He got onto the stepladders and began nudging lights into obvious gaps, working his way down the tree.
Rather than get in his way, I let him do it, watching his progress from afar.
By the time he’d finished and had stepped back to survey his handiwork, the tree looked perfect as it was.
“I don’t know about you, but I always leave the lights on when I start to hang the baubles.”
Ollie nodded in agreement. He glanced into the decorations box. “Some of these will really catch the lights.”
It took us another hour before the box and tabletop were empty, and everything was in place. I had to admit, the flat had never seen such a beautiful tree.
“My mom used to take white cotton wool, tease it out, and put it on the branches like snow.” Ollie smiled wistfully.
“That sounds lovely.” There was such love in his voice, and my throat tightened to hear it.
He glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. “I realize it’s late, but you know what? I don’t want to go, because that will mean the evening has come to an end.”
I understood that feeling all too well. The evening had flown by, and I didn’t want him to leave either.
“I can’t remember the last time I had such a good time.”
His words echoed my own thoughts. “Think of it this way. You have to go home, so that we can meet up tomorrow and go skating.” The idea that I would get to spend more time with him was very pleasant indeed.
Ollie nodded. “I’ve been looking forward to that all week.”
It was only then that I realized I’d been doing the same.
Ollie put on his boots, then slipped on his jacket. He wrapped his scarf around his neck. “Time to brave the chill night air.”
I walked him to the front door, pausing before I opened it. “Eleven o’clock, by the bandstand, in Hyde Park.”
“I'll be there.” Ollie peered over my shoulder and called out, “Goodnight, Mike.”
I stared at him in surprise. “Is he there? Can you see him?”
Ollie laughed. “No, I can’t see him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t there. I’m just going on the assumption that he’s hanging around somewhere.” He shook his head. “I’m saying goodnight to a ghost.”
“Thank you again. The baubles were a wonderful idea. I had so much fun, decorating the tree with you.”
Ollie stilled. “I'm glad,” he said softly. “I did too.”
I waited until he was no longer in sight before closing the door. I walked slowly into the living room, where I sat on the floor gazing up at the tree.
“It’s beautiful.”
I wasn’t surprised to hear his voice. “It is, isn’t it?”
A comfortable silence ensued, and I was sure he’d gone. Then Mike said quietly, “He’s a nice guy, isn’t he?”
I turned my head to look at him. Mike regarded me steadily, his face calm.
“Yes, he is.”
Mike titled his head to one side. “You like him, don’t you?” I hesitated, unsure of how to respond, and Mike smiled. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to say a word. I see what’s in your heart. And there’s nothing wrong with liking him.”
I breathed easy. “Yes, I like him.” Ollie was attractive and funny, quick and intelligent. I might have only met him one short week ago, but it felt longer.
What came as a shock was the fact that it didn’t seem wrong to confess to Mike that I was feeling the beginnings of attraction.
Then I realized Mike probably knew that already.
“Go to sleep. It’s late, and you’ve got an adventure planned for tomorrow.” Mike chuckled. “This I have to see.” Then he was gone.
Apparently, we were going to have a ghostly spectator.
Not for the first time, I considered stuffing some kind of padding down the back of my jeans. Anything to cushion the blow of landing heavily on the ice.
You’ll be fine, sweetheart. And I promise not to laugh. Well… not much.
“You’re not helping!”