Chapter Two
Jeff let out a shudder of relief. “Thank God. I thought you were about to call for the police and tell them you’d met a weirdo stalker.” He held up his hands. “And I’m not, honest.”
The guy narrowed his gaze. “Ooh, are you sure? You wear a disguise, you promise little kids you’ll bring them stuff….” Then he burst out laughing. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
Jeff gave his brow an exaggerated wipe.
“So, do I call you Father Christmas, Santa…? Which is exactly what my son asked, by the way.”
He laughed. “Actually, I prefer Jeff. Jeff Nicholson.”
The guy held out his hand, and they shook. “I’m Dave Hayland. I’ve been let off roller coaster duty by a very kind friend. And right now she’s probably screaming at the top of her lungs on the Wild Mouse with my son and his best friend.”
“That’s one polite kid. He’s a credit to his parents.” He didn’t say fathers—that would have given too much away.
Dave smiled. “Thank you. Except now it’s parent, singular.” He hesitated, then continued. “My husband died three years ago.”
“I’m so sorry.” And he genuinely was.
Dave sipped his coffee. “I’m not sure why I told you that. It’s not the kind of thing I share with people I’ve just met.”
“Ah, but I’m not people.” Jeff smiled. “I’m Santa.”
Dave chuckled. “I forgot. How silly of me.”
Jeff took a bite out of his hot dog and moaned. “God, that’s good,” he mumbled, covering his mouth. “Can’t remember the last time I had one of these.”
“Is this your break, or something?”
Jeff shook his head and swallowed. “My shift ended. There’s a new Santa in town. You surprised me. Even my sister wouldn’t recognize me in my Santa suit.”
“Your voice is quite… distinctive.”
He stilled. “I see.” Then he took another bite, drinking in the view. Dave was even better up close.
“What did my son ask you for?” Dave blurted out.
Jeff bit his lip. “You know I can’t answer that, don’t you?” he said as gently as he could. “Don’t get me wrong. If he’d shared something that you needed to know, I’d tell you in a heartbeat, but his request wasn’t for him.”
“I see.” Dave looked out across the fairground. “He’s been quieter than usual. I’m just worried, that’s all.”
“I can understand that, especially now it’s just you.” Jeff sighed. “Look, this isn’t my usual line of work. I only do this to bring in a bit of extra money. But even so, I have to be professional about it, especially when it’s supposed to be a secret.”
“I get that. And I’m sorry I asked. That was wrong of me.” Dave sipped his coffee. “So what is your usual line of work?”
“I’m in construction. Those guys you see humping bricks and planks on a building site, their jeans halfway down their arse?
That’s me. Only, there’s not a lot of building going on in the winter, so I work here from the end of November to January 5th.
I don’t play Santa to keep the wolf from the door, mind you.
I really enjoy it—well, most of the time. ” He took another bite.
Dave drank his coffee while Jeff ate. He was trying to estimate Dave’s age, and reckoned he could be anywhere in the mid-thirties. He had a kind face, especially around the eyes. Jeff set great store by a person’s eyes.
When he’d finished his bratwurst, Jeff wiped his mouth with the paper napkin. “I really am sorry, you know. You seem too young to lose a husband.”
“He was thirty-five when he died. My age now.” His face tightened. “And it was such a senseless way to go.”
“What happened?”
Dave stared into his coffee cup. “Matt worked in the City. He’d travel in by train from Bromley.
That’s where we live. And one evening, just after Christmas, he was on the Tube coming home, when a fight broke out between two men.
Matt was always the peacemaker, so he tried to break them up, the police report said.
When the train arrived at his stop, he got off, and so did one of the men.
He stabbed Matt, several times. Matt died in hospital four hours later from his injuries. ”
Jeff’s mouth dried up, and his heartbeat quickened.
“They caught him, by the way. A year later, he stood trial, and went to prison. At his trial, his lawyer claimed he was a ‘troubled man’. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to comfort me.” Dave drained his cup. “And here I am again, unburdening myself to a stranger.”
Jeff took a sip of coffee. “But I’m not a stranger now, am I?”
Dave studied him for a moment. “No, you’re not.”
“Can I ask you something?” Dave gave him an inquiring glance, and Jeff plunged ahead. “Does Chris take after Matt? Or is he adopted? He’s a good-looking kid, by the way.”
Dave chuckled. “Especially when he turns those big blue eyes on me and say in that coaxing tone, ‘Daaaaaad…’” They both laughed.
“We had a surrogate, and I had hoped he’d look a little like me, seeing as it was my sister Janine who donated the egg.
She carried him too.” Dave’s eyes twinkled.
“And if that sounds a little incestuous, don’t worry—Matt donated his sperm.
We’d talked about adoption, of course, but then Janine came up with the plan, we both loved it, and…
” He let out a heavy sigh. “Now I’m glad we went down this route.
He looks so like Matt, and it feels as if I still have a little bit of him. ”
“How long were you two together?”
“We met at university.” Dave smiled. “I was an undergraduate and he was doing his Masters. I couldn’t stand him at first.” He grinned.
“He said he fell for me in about three minutes’ flat.
The year I graduated, they introduced civil partnerships, and that was that.
Chris was born in 2009, and in 2015 when same-sex marriage became legal, we said sod the civil partnership, let’s get married.
Which was actually trickier than it sounds.
” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “He died the following year.”
“It can’t have been easy, suddenly becoming a single parent.” Jeff gazed at him with even more respect. Chris appeared to be a well-rounded, polite, thoughtful kid.
“When Chris was born, we made a decision. Matt would go on working in the City—he made three times the money I did—and I’d work from home.
The only drawback to that? Since Matt died, the only people I get to see on a regular basis are the mothers of Chris’s friends.
” He gestured toward the large roller coaster.
“My friend, Beth, who’s taking care of Chris right now?
She’s chair of his school’s governors. Janine visits a lot too. ”
Jeff couldn’t get Chris’s words out of his head. “Do you think you’re still grieving?” Is he ready for someone new?
Dave was silent for a moment, and Jeff wondered if he’d said too much.
“After the funeral, my mother-in-law, Marie, took me aside and gave me the benefit of her wisdom. She said according to popular belief, grief for a spouse would equate to one month for every year a couple had been together. So I’d be over him in ten months. ”
Jeff caught his breath. “Forgive me for saying this, but your mother-in-law sounds as if she’s—”
“An insensitive cow? Yeah, that pretty much nails it. Which is why she isn’t in Chris’s life, beyond birthday cards, and gifts at Christmas.
She prefers it that way, I think. Matt’s parents set up a trust fund for Chris when he was born, and I’m sure she feels that’s more than enough.
” Dave’s eyes gleamed. “If Matt had been like his mother, we’d never have got together.
But to answer your question…” He went quiet for a moment.
“I don’t believe we ever truly stop grieving for someone we’ve been close to.
There are times when it feels as if I only lost him days ago, but those times are few and far between, thank God.
That… blanket of grief is gone. It doesn’t weigh me down like it used to.
Take today as a for instance. My head may have been full of memories of being here with him, but for the first time, I did something I haven’t done in years.
” His face reddened, and Jeff was dying to ask exactly what he’d done.
“And out of nowhere, it was as if Matt was cheering me on.” He squared his shoulders. “It felt good.”
“I’m glad.”
Dave’s eyes glittered. “You’re still not going to tell me what he asked for, are you?”
Jeff grinned. “Nope. Let’s just say, Santa is working on it.” He gestured to the fairground. “Did you come here often with Matt?”
Dave nodded. “For about three years before Chris was born, and a couple of times after, when Janine babysat for us. Matt used to beg me to go on the rollercoasters, but I never did. We went on the Ferris wheel once, but I threw up on him, so we never did that again.”
“You threw… ew. But if you didn’t like the rides, why did you keep coming back?”
Dave smiled. “To watch Matt having fun.” He glanced at his phone. “Is that the time? I meant to look at the Christmas market, but they’ll be back here soon.”
Jeff chuckled. “Funny. That was my plan too. Only, I got talking to this stranger…”
“Now wait a sec. I’ve done all the talking. You know everything there is to know about me, and all I know about you is your profession.” He folded his arms. “Your turn, I think.”
“Not much to tell, really. I left school at sixteen and got a job in a builders’ yard. They taught me a trade, and it turned out I was pretty good at it. End of story. There’s always work for a good builder. And a few years ago, I started playing Santa here.”
Dave glanced at his left hand. “You’re not married?”
“Nope.” His heartbeat quickened. “And until I find a man who doesn’t mind builder’s hands, it’ll stay that way.”
Dave’s breathing gave the tiniest hitch. “What are builder’s hands?”
Jeff turned his hands palm up. “These are out in all weathers, and they come into contact with stuff like cement, so they can end up rough, dry and cracked.”
“They don’t look rough or dry.”
Jeff chuckled. “That’s because I go through one pot a week of bloody good hand cream.” Then his heartbeat sped up even more as Dave took one of Jeff’s hands in his.
“Must be good stuff,” he murmured. “Because they don’t feel in the least bit rough.” His cheeks flushed, and he released Jeff’s hand quickly.
“I’ll be sure to pass that on when I next write a review on .” Jeff glanced over Dave’s shoulder. “I think Chris has had enough of the rides.” He was running toward them with another boy, a woman—Beth?—following at a more sedate pace.
Dave stood. “Well? Did you have a good time?”
“It was great!” Chris beamed. “We went on the loops, and the Waltzers, and—” He broke off, staring at Jeff. “Hello.”
“Hi.” Jeff waited for some sign of recognition, but there was nothing.
“This is Jeff,” Dave explained. His gaze flickered in Jeff’s direction. “He’s a friend.”
“Hi, Jeff. I’m Chris.” His eyes lit up. “Ooh, bratwurst.”
Dave burst out laughing. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and handed a folded twenty-pound note to Beth. “Here. Buy four bratwursts. They must be starving after all that excitement. I think that’s the least I can do.”
“I won’t say no to that.” She smiled and took the money. “We’ll be right back.” She gave Jeff a nod. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too.” He waited until she and the boys had gone over to the counter before meeting Dave’s gaze. “Your ‘friend’? I thought I was the complete stranger?”
“Ah, but I already said you weren’t. Not anymore.” Dave held out his hand. “Good to know you, Jeff.”
He took it, and they shook. “Same here, Dave.” He cleared his throat. “And now I’d better be off home. The Christmas market will have to wait till I finish my shift tomorrow.”
Dave gave him a thoughtful glance. “What time is your shift?”
Jeff frowned. “One till six tomorrow. Why?”
“And the park opens at ten, right?” When Jeff nodded, Dave smiled.
“Well, I was going to take some time off tomorrow when Chris is at school. I wanted to check out the market to see if there’s anything I’d like to buy for Christmas presents.
What about meeting up when the park opens?
We could have a stroll around the stalls. ”
Jeff didn’t know what to say.
Dave sighed. “I know it’s an odd request, but… I don’t want to do this on my own. Does that make any sense?”
“Would it help keep the memories at bay?”
He smiled. “Something like that. It would be good to have someone to talk to, other than the voice inside my head.”
There was no way Jeff could say no to that. “Sure. I’ll meet you here at ten-fifteen.”
“At the bratwurst stand?”
He laughed. “Why not?” Jeff inclined his head toward Chris. “There’s just one thing. I don’t think Chris realizes who I am. Let’s keep it that way?”
Dave blinked, then nodded. “Okay.”
Jeff got to his feet. “Enjoy your bratwurst, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” He picked up his litter and stuffed it into the already overflowing rubbish bin that stood nearby, then strode toward the exit, his heart pounding.
Why did I let him know I was into men?
Dave smiled as the two boys approached the table with bratwurst, cans of coke, and packets of crisps. “I know someone who won’t want any dinner tonight.”
Chris looked around, his brow wrinkled. “Where’s your friend gone?”
“He had to go home.”
Chris sat next to Dave and opened his can. “He seemed nice,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“That’s because he is nice,” Dave affirmed. A very nice man indeed. He still couldn’t believe he’d asked Jeff to join him the following day. Where did I find the nerve to do that?
What lingered in his memory were a pair of blue-grey eyes—and soft hands.