Chapter When I was at a loss for words
When I was at a loss for words
I swear, my heart almost stopped with the shock. “Husband?”
Wait just one goddamn minute. Santa is freaking gay?
Please, please, tell me I heard right. Tell me this isn’t all a part of my imagination. Tell me I didn’t just hear that because that was what I wanted to hear.
God, he was still looking at me.
“Husband, boyfriend—although the latter sounds weird coming from someone my age.” Then he smiled. “Not that there’s ever been anyone my age, so I suppose I can say whatever I want. What it boils down to is, I didn’t want a woman—I wanted a man.”
“So…” I had to ask, because that voice in my head was demanding I did, so loudly that it buzzed and I was trembling. “Has there ever been… I mean, there had to have been someone that…”
“I have never told a single soul. Until now.”
And he was telling me. That had to mean something, right?
“Have you ever brought any—”
“No. Just you.”
“But you must have been interes—”
“No.”
Oh my God, was he telling me what I thought he was telling me?
Then everything clicked into place. I was in a realm where time stood still, where a moment could last forever, and I didn’t want this particular moment to end.
Well, not before I did something with the knowledge I’d just acquired, provided I could summon up enough nerve.
I took a breath, but what came from my lips surprised the hell out of me. “You know, considering you’re Santa, I couldn’t tell it was Christmas by the look of this place.”
What the fuck? Santa had finally revealed the secret he’d kept from the universe, and I was complaining about the decor?
He blinked. “Oh. Well… I’d better do something about that.” He snapped his fingers, and the room exploded into Christmas. A tall tree festooned with color, tinsel, and lights stood in one corner. There were candles everywhere. The ceilings were draped with yet more color and lights.
I sprang to my feet, and he followed. I spun around, taking in the glitter and sparkle that surrounded us. “This is beautiful.” Santa would rock the world if he ever decided to go into business as a holidays interior decorator. The rest of them might as well change careers, because he nails it.
Something was hanging over the spot where we stood.
He looked up. I looked up.
A bough of mistletoe, green and abundant, its white berries stark amid the leaves, was suspended from one of the rafters, barely a foot above our heads.
I lowered my gaze, and found him staring at my lips. I gazed at his full lower lip, below which sprouted white silken hair, only a touch of gray at the roots. Then we both moved, slow and easy, as though we had all the time in the world for our lips to meet.
Which we did, of course. Time was frozen so that our first kiss could last forever if we chose.
His lips were warm, soft. His beard grazed mine. I cupped his face and breathed him in, a spicy-sweet scent that sank into my very bones. The sigh that escaped him was one that said ‘and there you are at last.’
I drew back, taking my time, so as not to break the fragility of this heart-stopping moment.
He mimicked my action, and we stared at each other.
But then the gap closed again, and we were kissing once more, still sweet yet so fervent as I mapped out his face with my lips.
His hand cradled the back of my head as he kissed me, those soft sighs punctuating each intimate press of his lips against mine, feeding me his sounds of contentment and joy.
When we broke the kiss at the same moment, he smiled, and warmth pulsed through me.
“You have no idea how long I’ve thought about doing that,” he murmured.
I grinned. “Ditto.”
“And where better to kiss you than in a realm where a kiss could last a lifetime if we wanted it to?” He stroked my face. “There’s little trace of the boy I saw all those years ago.” His fingertips traced the line of my jaw. “I’ve watched you grow into such a handsome man.”
“There’s something I have to ask. When did you know—”
“That I wanted you?”
“Yes. Can you remember?”
His smile reached his eyes. “That part wasn’t a lie.
I remember everything. You were thirty-three.
And I came to your apartment in Philadelphia to find you weren’t there alone.
” He swallowed. “That was a moment of dual, painful recognition. I knew I was falling for you—I’d known ever since you were in your late twenties—and I wanted to tell you.
First time I’d ever found myself attracted to someone, and there you were, in love with someone else.
Talk about bad timing.” He peered at me. “What about you?”
“There was that one time I thought you were the sexiest friend ever, but I put that down to the high temperature caused by ’flu.”
He gave a mock gasp. “Wait… You really thought you were delirious? I’m wounded here.”
I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t until I was thirty-five that the truth hit me in the face.”
“What truth?”
I smiled. “That all the men I was attracted to looked like you.”
He coughed. “I think you knew you were into guys like me when you were in college.”
I put my hands on my hips. “So what you’re saying is, I’ve secretly been lusting after Santa Claus most of my adult life?”
It was his turn to grin. “If the cap fits.”
“You wanna know what I think?”
“I’m all ears.”
“I think you need to kiss me again.”
His eyes sparkled. “I’m all for that. I’m trying to catch up, remember.” When I frowned, he smiled. “Hey, I only had my first kiss a moment ago.”
His first—
My mouth fell open. “You’ve never—”
“No.”
“So you’ve never—”
“No, I haven’t.” His gaze locked onto mine. “So you need to be gentle with me, and go slow.”
My breathing hitched. “Then isn’t it fortunate we’re in a place where we can take as long as we like?” Oh my God, the possibilities…
He bit his lip. “I thought you needed to kiss me again?”
That was all it took to take him into my arms, our bodies pressed together as we kissed, lingering chaste kisses that fed something deep inside me.
“I have a confession,” I murmured against his neck.
“Hmm?” Santa sounded blissed-out.
“I’m dying to see what you look like without the Santa suit.”
He pulled back, and my chest ached to see sorrow in those hauntingly beautiful eyes. “I’m afraid that will have to wait until next time.”
Shock thrummed through me. “I… I have to leave?”
He nodded. “Time might stand still here, but it’s still ticking away in your realm.”
Then it hit me. “But… next time is a year away.”
Another nod.
“Can’t you visit me when it isn’t Christmas Eve?”
He shook his head. “One night is all I get. True, it’s an elastic kind of Christmas Eve, spanning every time zone, and I can stretch it to fit in everything I need to do, but once my job is done, when dawn comes Christmas morning, I have to return here.”
I don’t think I’d ever felt so sad. “So what does it matter if time stands still here? I’m limited by the time in my own realm.”
He cupped my cheek. “You need to know something. It will be a long year for you, I know, but it will seem even longer to me—and I will spend every one of your five hundred and twenty-five thousand and six hundred minutes, waiting until I can hold you again.”
I froze. “2015 isn’t a leap year, is it?”
“No, thank God. The next one is 2016.”
“And how do I get back? In the sleigh?”
He nodded. “It’s the only way to cross over between the realms.”
I smiled. “Good. That means I’ll get a chance to say goodbye to the girls.” I preened. “Your reindeer like me.”
“That’s because until now, they thought I was the only person in their world. No one else can see them.” He rolled his eyes. “Except for NORAD’s Santa tracker, of course. And then you greeted them.” He held out his hand. “Come on, before it gets much later.”
“Only if you kiss me one more time under the mistletoe.”
His face glowed. “That, I can do.”