33. Aubree
THIRTY-THREE
“Mommy! I missed you so, so much,” Evie yells, running through the coffeehouse and straight into my arms. I bend and scoop my little girl up, hugging her tightly.
“I missed you too, sweet girl.”
“Hey, Mom,” Miles says, walking over and hugging me from the side. “Can I get a brownie?”
I laugh at his nonchalance and nod. “Of course.”
I set Evie down and she joins her brother while I give Beatrice a hug. “Thank you for taking them,” I tell her. “I didn’t realize how much I needed this break.”
“We loved spending time with them. They are such a delight and so well-mannered.” She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “You’re a wonderful mother, Aubree, and you’re raising two amazing kids. There’s nothing wrong with needing some time for yourself.”
“Thank you.”
After saying goodbye to my in-laws and Caroline and Lacey assuring me that they have the place under control, I head upstairs with the kids and their luggage to get situated.
“Mom, Evie and I were talking, and we were wondering if we could have our party at the park,” Miles says as I go through his clothes, separating the dirty from the clean so I can do the laundry.
“Yeah,” Evie agrees. “Miles wants to play, and I want to paint with my friends.”
Since I haven’t made any plans and throwing one party instead of two will make everything easier, I have zero issues with that. “Sure, make a list of who you’d like to invite, and we can figure it out.”
A little while later, my phone goes off with a text from Brody, asking if the kids have gotten home, and I send him a picture of them scribbling down their list at the kitchen table.
Brody
Miss you in our bed already, but I’m glad they’re home with you again. I know how much you missed them.
I send him a text back, telling him how much I miss them as well, and then put my phone down so I can get a load into the washer and start dinner.
The kids and I spend the evening catching up as they show me all the photos they took with their iPads. After they take showers, we settle in on the couch and watch a movie. Evie falls asleep halfway through, but Miles is still awake at the end. I carry Evie to her bed, kissing her good night, and then join Miles in his room, where I find him sitting in his bed, looking at a piece of paper.
At first, I assume it’s his list of friends he’s planning to invite to his birthday party, until I get closer and see it’s the letter Peter wrote him before he died—well, a copy of the letter. I put the original away so nothing would happen to it. It’s been a while since he’s pulled it out, so I’m not sure what’s going through his head until he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“Grammy told Papa you have a new boyfriend. Does that mean I’ll have a new dad?”
His words have me freezing, my heart stammering in my chest. I wasn’t expecting this, and I have no idea how to answer him. One thing’s for sure, Beatrice and I will be having a conversation about being careful of what she says around my kids. They’re getting older and can hear and understand what’s being said.
“Nobody,” I say, sitting on the edge of the bed and framing his face. “And I mean, nobody will ever replace your dad. He was your dad since the day I found out I was pregnant with you, and he’ll be your dad forever. He loved you so much, and nobody can ever take his place.”
“Okay, good,” he says softly, sniffling back his tears. “I don’t want a new dad. I want my dad back even though I know I can’t have him.”
My heart cracks in my chest at his words, knowing exactly how he feels. Then guilt fills those crevices because, unlike Miles, who can never replace his dad, I’ve replaced my late husband with Brody and Hayden in many ways. Whereas I used to spend hours thinking about Peter, I now think about them. My heart, that once upon a time only beat for my late husband, now beats for two other men.
“I miss him,” Miles murmurs, glancing down at the letter that’s never going to be enough to quell the need he has in him to feel like his father is here with him. He’s gone, and nothing will ever bring him back.
“Me too,” I tell him honestly. “Every single day.”
“Can you read me his letter?” he asks like he used to when he was little and couldn’t read. Now, he’s old enough to read it on his own, but I know he’s not asking because he can’t read it. He’s asking because he doesn’t want to be alone in his thoughts and feelings. Nobody wants to mourn alone.
“Of course,” I tell him, settling next to him against his headboard. I clear my throat and then begin reading Peter’s final words to his son.
Dear Miles,
I’m writing you this letter so you have something from me once I’m gone. Words will never be enough, but it’s all I have to give you. I love you, my boy. You, your mom, and your sister are my entire world, and I want you to always remember that. If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve gone to heaven. It’s okay to be sad. I’m sad. But once you’re done being sad, I want you to be happy again and know that I’m watching you from heaven.
When you give your mom a kiss and a hug, make sure you give her two—one from you and one from me. Right now, you’re four years old, but one day, you’re going to grow up, and I always imagined being there as you did. Since I can’t be there, here are some things I want you to know:
It’s okay to fail. Everyone fails until they succeed. Just make sure you keep getting up.
Follow your dreams and passions.
One day, you’re going to like girls. Treat them the way you would want someone to treat your mom and sister.
It’s okay to cry.
Always try to use your words instead of your fists.
Always hold the door open for a woman.
Learn how to tie a tie.
Money can’t buy happiness, but money pays the bills, so get a job you love but can also pay the bills.
When picking a wife, remember you can’t do better than your mom.
It’s okay to be the man and support your wife, but it’s also okay to support her dreams.
Cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, and caring for your babies is not only the woman’s job.
A happy wife is a happy life.
One day, your mom will find someone new to love. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me anymore. It means she’s ready to move forward, and I’m okay with that. Make sure he’s good to her and if he is, be supportive. One day, when your sister and you leave home, I don’t want her to be alone.
When your sister gets married, walk her down the aisle, and when you give her away, give her two kisses: one from you and one from me. The same goes for your mom.
And last but not least, always remember that I love you and I wish I were there with you. If you ever need me, know that I’m listening and am here with you.
Love always,
Dad
By the time I finish reading the letter, I’m a mess, and my heart aches. Miles sniffles and takes the letter from me, folding it back up. “I don’t know a lot of what he said,” he admits, “but I’m never getting a wife or moving out. I’m going to live here forever, and so is Evie.”
I stifle a laugh at his innocence and kiss the top of his head. “You both can live here for however long you like, but when you’re ready to move out one day, that will be okay too. And when you’re older, you’ll understand more of what your dad wrote. Just know that he loves you and is watching over you.”
I turn off his light and partly close his door, then head to my room. I can feel my phone buzzing in my pocket, and I’d bet it’s Brody or Hayden, but I don’t have it in me to respond. I know Peter said he wanted me to move forward, but I can’t help feeling guilty.
While the kids were away, it was easy to live in a fairy tale, feeling like a princess who had found her prince—or, in my case, princes—but the moment they returned, it was as if the clock struck midnight, and I turned back into a pumpkin.
“Night, Mommy!”
I give Evie an exhausted kiss good night, then go to Miles’s room to kiss him as well.
“Night, Mom,” he says, rolling over and closing his eyes.
It’s late, and I’m exhausted. Between Jessica quitting unexpectedly—she apparently applied for an internship without mentioning it and got it—and one of my ovens going out and needing to be replaced—which will take weeks because the part is on back order—which means it’s taking twice as long to get the baking done, I’m ready for this week to be over. The kids’ birthday is coming up, and I’ve done nothing to prepare for them.
As I brush my teeth and wash my face, I make a mental note to buy invitations and call to make sure the park pavilion is available tomorrow. Then I climb into bed, missing Brody and Hayden like crazy. I haven’t seen either of them since the kids returned almost a week ago, and like the amazing guys they are, knowing I need to take things slow because of my kids, aside from them texting to tell me they miss me and see how things are going, they haven’t asked or complained once. And somehow, that only makes me feel that much more guilty.
Since my eyes aren’t tired yet, I turn on my e-reader to read a chapter since reading always helps me fall asleep. The book I’m reading is about a poly relationship—I know, I know, how cliché—but even though it’s romance and obviously not reality, it’s nice to read about people in the same situation as me.
Of course, the part I’m on is where they’re all about to be together sexually, and as I read, I can’t help thinking about the last time I was with Hayden and Brody. When we spent the night at the cottage Upstate. We missed lunch…and dinner, but it was worth it. The way they devoured me, working together to pleasure me…
I continue to read, but unlike with my guys and me, in my book, while the men are pleasuring the heroine, they’re also pleasuring each other.
My thoughts go to Brody and Hayden… and what it would be like to watch them kiss or go down on each other.
The images run through my head like the best movie reel, and before I know it, I’m sticking my hand down the front of my shorts and circling my clit with my fingers. I’m near my orgasm when my phone vibrates with an incoming call. Hayden. I ignore it, desperate for release. But when it stops and then starts again, I stop mid-stroke and answer it because he hasn’t called me since the kids got home. What if something is wrong?
“Hey, is everything okay?” I breathe, cringing when my voice comes out breathy, and hoping he doesn’t notice.
“Where the hell are you?” Hayden barks.
“What?” I ask in confusion. “I’m at home.”
“Alone?”
“Yes.”
“Then why the hell does it sound like you’re being fucked?”
Even though he can’t see me, my face heats up at having been caught. “I’m…”
“Don’t lie to me, Bree.”
Dammit! “I’m doing it to myself,” I whisper.
There’s a long beat of silence, and then he says, “Please hold.”
A few seconds later, Brody says, “Hello?”
“I’m on the phone with Bree…and she’s fingering herself.”
“Hayden!” I hiss in embarrassment.
“What? Why?” Brody asks, sounding hurt.
“Because I miss you guys,” I admit. “And a woman has needs.”
“Needs that we would gladly meet if you let us see you,” Hayden says.
“The kids aren’t ready for that… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Brody murmurs. “Were you at least thinking about us?”
My body heat increases. “Of course, I was… but the fantasy isn’t as good as the real thing.”
Hayden chuckles. “You’re fantasizing about us, baby? Tell us about it.”
“Wait,” Brody adds. Two seconds later, my phone is beeping to switch to a video chat.
Holy shit, they want to have phone sex.
I hit accept, and their gorgeous faces appear on the screen. It’s dark in my room, but with the light from the city shining in, it’s enough for them to see me.
“There you are,” Brody says, smiling softly. “We’ve missed that face.”
“I’ve missed you too. Hence me resorting to…” I shrug. “You know.”
“Tell us about your fantasy,” Hayden says, his eyes alight over the screen. “And don’t leave anything out.”
When I remember that I was fantasizing about them being together, I clear my throat and dart my eyes away sheepishly.
“Don’t be shy,” Brody says. “We’ve been in every one of your holes. Nothing you could fantasize about would be embarrassing.”
“Actually, I wasn’t imagining us together,” I admit. “Well, I was there, but you two were together.”
Brody’s brows hit his forehead, and Hayden smirks.
“Tell us what you were imagining,” Hayden says.
“We were in the room together, and I watched as you guys kissed and then…” I swallow thickly, my thighs clenching in desire. “Brody got on his knees and took you in his mouth.”
“Fuck,” Brody curses while Hayden’s smirk widens.
“What happened next?” Hayden asks.
My hand instinctively slides back down my shorts, my finger going to my clit. I’m soaked and sensitive. “Brody gave you head.”
“And what were you doing while I was sucking his dick?” Brody asks, his voice hoarse.
“I was watching.”
“Fuck,” Hayden hisses. “What are you doing right now?” His heated gaze sears into mine. “Are you touching yourself, baby?”
“Yes,” I croak.
“Does it turn you on to think of Brody sucking my cock?”
Oh, God! “Yes.”
“What else turns you on?” Brody asks.
I open my mouth to answer, but I’m so close to coming, it’s hard to speak.
“What about you riding Brody, taking his cock deep in your pussy, while I plow into his tight ass from behind?” Hayden murmurs. “Does that turn you on?”
The explicit visual sends me soaring over the edge, and I climax harder than I ever have by myself. My eyes squeeze shut, and white spots dance behind my lids.
When I open them, Brody and Hayden are staring at me with lust-filled eyes.
I should be embarrassed that I just came while on the phone with them, but I don’t even have it in me to care because it felt too damn good.
“We need to see you soon,” Brody says softly.
“Like now,” Hayden growls.
“I can’t,” I say. “The kids are here.”
Both guys nod in understanding, but I still feel like shit because all they want is to be with me, and while I might’ve gotten off, they didn’t. How long until they give up on me? Until they’re so sexually frustrated, they turn to someone else?
The thought causes tears to prick my eyes, and before I can hide them, Hayden notices. “What’s wrong?” he asks, concern replacing the lust.
“I’m sorry I can’t be with you guys right now. If you can just give me a little bit more time…” I don’t know what’s come over me or why I’m suddenly so emotional. My period is due soon, so maybe it’s that.
“Hey,” Brody says gently. “You don’t have to apologize for being a mom. Yeah, we miss you, but we’re patient, and we’ll wait as long as you need.”
“We love you, Bree,” Hayden adds.
I take a deep breath and nod, feeling silly. I know these men. They love me and wouldn’t go elsewhere because we can’t be together for a couple of weeks. I mean more to them than that.
“I love you too.”
“Get some sleep, sweetness,” Brody says with a soft smile. “We’ll talk soon.”