19. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
“Fuck, that was intense,” Chris said as we stripped out of our gear at the station. “You all right, Estrada?”
“Yeah,” I breathed. “I’m okay.”
Curly came up and slapped me on the back. “You did a good job tonight, man. You know, with all officer-involved shootings—”
“Yeah, I’ll be on leave for a bit during the investigation. I know that’s standard,” I assured him with a nod.
His face was somber. “It won’t be for long, I’m sure. That piece of shit, Cappitani, was on top of an underaged girl when you kicked in the door.”
I cringed at the memory. I’d never been more disgusted in my life.
“And he pulled a gun on you,” Kai added, giving my shoulder a light shake as I remembered the cold steel rising from beneath the dirty pillow. “You were justified, bro.”
“I know. Thanks, guys. I appreciate the support,” I told them, clenching my fingers into my palms so no one could see the slight shake there. I was aware it was simply my adrenaline coming down after all the action of the raid. “I’m gonna hit the shower.”
“Me too,” Jayden said, following me into the tiled room. He didn’t speak on the ride back to the station, which was unusual for him. The guy was always joking and carrying on.
“You okay?” I asked him softly. He’d been right behind me when we breached the room where Luca Cappitani was assaulting that poor girl while another cowered in the corner.
His big brown eyes were haunted as he halted and stared across the room. “My twin sisters are seventeen like that girl.” I was silent, letting him process. Then his tight face twisted toward me. “I know we’re not supposed to say shit like this after a shooting, but I’m glad that sadistic motherfucker is dead.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. “That’s valid, Jayden. I know we’re just supposed to do our jobs and then put it out of our minds, but in real life, that’s not how it works. Some of this shit really hits home.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly, walking into one of the stalls.
Once we were cleaned up and walking out of the shower room with rough white towels around our waists, I forced my tone into something casual.
“You know, they’ll probably make me speak to a shrink about this. I haven’t killed anyone since my days in the military. I had to wound a guy in the leg once back in Houston, but otherwise, I haven’t had to discharge my weapon in a long time.”
“Probably,” he said, scruffing a hand over his dark curls.
“Do you think you could come with me?” He looked up at me in surprise, and I told a bit of a fib. “I don’t want to go by myself, and I think it would help to have one of my brothers there with me.”
A hint of a smile passed his lips. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go if you need me to.”
Maybe he was onto what I was doing, and maybe he wasn’t, but at least he was going to go. I was positive he wouldn’t take the initiative to seek out the psychological resources we were provided on his own, but I was sure it would do him some good to be able to talk freely about how he was feeling.
As I pulled on a pair of black cargo pants, Jayden said, “Estrada?”
“Yeah?”
His grin was full wattage now. “What’s your mom look like?”
“Shut the fuck up, Jay.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the law enforcement connection or the familial one, but Monty Bouvier and I hit it off instantly. A few days after the funeral, we were at an Irish pub in the East Village, and the talk inevitably turned to women after the waitress flirted with Monty.
“She was totally giving off some fuck me vibes, dude,” I said, giving him a light elbow jab to the ribs.
“Not interested,” he replied immediately.
“You interested in someone else?” I asked, digging into the mound of Irish nachos on my plate.
“There’s someone, but I’m not sure if it’s gonna work out.”
“Is that someone here in New York?” I suspected it was Kassie Ramirez, his ex-girlfriend Paul had told me about. At least I hoped it was. I’d met her a few times, and she was a strong, beautiful, smart attorney raising her son by herself. She deserved a good man in her life.
He nodded. “How about you? You got a lady?”
I chewed slowly, wavering on how to answer. It didn’t seem right to tell him about our night in the hotel hot tub, so I kept it vague. “No, but yes. I really like someone, but I don’t know if she likes me, so I guess we’re both kinda in the same boat.”
“Have you asked her out?”
“No, she gives me signals, but I don’t know if she’d be into the same things as me. You know…” I lowered my voice a little, “sexually.”
“You into BDSM or something?”
I rimmed the top of my glass of Guinness with my finger. “Not that. Something different. I have trouble finding women who have the same tastes as me.”
We talked and ate some more, but when Monty suggested the idea of going to a sex club to find someone that was into my mystery kink, something a guy from my team said a while back popped into my brain. His name was Bryson, and he’d told me about a place he and his wife frequented.
Me and the wifey have been going to keep the spice in our marriage. I could get you a guest pass if you want to come sometime and check it out. They have anything you could want there. Private voyeur rooms—which is what we like—a swingers area, a sex toy store, BDSM stuff. They even have a great shop if you’re into role playing.
That last one had sparked my interest, and I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. Drumming my fingers on the table, I tentatively mentioned it to Monty.
“I have a buddy who goes to one of those clubs. He assures me it’s not sleazy or anything. It’s really upscale. Just a place to find other people who like what you like.”
I definitely didn’t want to pick up anyone, and Monty didn’t seem to want to either, but we both decided to go one night and see what it was all about.
Because I was intrigued by the thought of that role playing shop. I’d been judged for my kink before, but maybe they’d have some tips on the best way to bring it up to a partner.
I wasn’t sure Lehra would be interested in something like that, but then again… what if she was open to trying?