Chapter 17
I’d been silently fuming all night, after Fancy hinted at Dial butting her nose where it didn’t belong. When I returned from feeding the animals, Fancy tried to entice me with sex. Normally that would work, but I was too wound up to slow down and enjoy morning sex with her. I had to be soft in the head to turn her down, but I needed to clear things up with my sister.
The thing about me and Dial was, we’ve always been close. And she was super protective. This woman threatened my second-grade bully. Not because I couldn’t protect myself, but because I was the one to turn the other cheek until my face was sore. She’d always taken on the protector role with both Cyrus and me. And we indulged her because it was coming from a genuinely good place.
I climbed the metal stairs to her office with views of the sales floor. Dial usually started her day going over the sales from the night before. She had a natural affinity for numbers even though she’d only completed a few classes at Hume Community College. Her brain was like a calculator constantly computing our bottom line.
“Morning,” she said, her eyes focused on the computer screen.
“We need to talk.” I closed the door and took a seat in one of the two chairs in front of the desk.
“Can it wait until I’m through?” She glanced at the paper ledger and then back to her screen.
“Nope.”
Dial finally looked at me and probably sensed we were about to have it out. My sister knew me better than anybody. I didn’t like it when things were out of place, and it was clear she and I were not on the same track. “Okay, shoot.”
“It’s about Fancy. She mentioned you two got into an argument yesterday.”
Dial reached for her coffee, taking a thoughtful sip. “It didn’t rise to the level of an argument.”
“She said you threatened to kick her ass.”
“First, it wasn’t a threat. And second, when were you going to tell me?”
My brows slammed together. “Tell you what?”
“That you and Fancy were shacking up.”
“What is this the seventies? We’re not shacking up , she’s my houseguest.”
“A house guest who’s sleeping in your bed.” She pointed her finger at me. “I knew there was something off with you the last few days. You’ve been all chipper and that is not a word anyone has used to describe you. Walking through the aisle whistling and shit. Leaving at five o’clock on the dot like you had better things to do.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s peculiar … with you traipsing through the shop like a Disney princess before she pricks her finger, eats the apple, or does some other stupid shit.”
“I didn’t tell you because I knew exactly how you would respond.”
“We talked about this. You and Fancy aren’t good for each other.” Dial’s tone made it sound like ancient law as if she was reading scripture from the good book. “An eye for an eye. He without sin cast the first stone. Edison and Fancy aren’t good for each other.”
With a long huff, I fidgeted with the brim of my baseball cap. “No, you talked about what you thought was best for me. I’ve asked you a thousand times to stop sticking your nose in my business. You did it with Willa and you’re doing it again with Fancy.”
“I’m looking out for you.” Apologies were few and far between when it came to my sister.
“Dial, I am damn near thirty years old, I don’t need you looking after me anymore.”
“You’re just too pussy whipped to see she’s doing what she always does. She’s going to hurt you.”
“Fancy makes me happy, right now, in this moment. If I get hurt, I get hurt. But I’m not going to live scared. You don’t have to like her. I’m not asking for you two to be friends, but you can’t keep inserting yourself into my personal life like this.”
“So, caring about you and your well-being is a crime now?”
“Damnit Dial, you just push and push. I have a lot of thoughts about you and Oz, and I’ve always bitten my tongue because I know you don’t want to hear it. I’m asking you to do the same now. Bite your tongue and swallow the blood like I’ve been doing all these years.”
“That’s different.” It was always different, or somebody else’s fault.
“No it isn’t … not really. What went on between you and Oz is your business. And what’s happening with me and Fancy is mine.”
“So, Fancy comes along and I have no say.”
“You don’t get a say,” I shouted. “Not in how I live my life. Or about who I choose to love.”
Dial sputtered out a laugh. “You love her now?”
“I’ve always loved her. It’s always been her. You don’t think I know she’s going back to LA, and this is all going to be over? You don’t think I fucking know that?”
“Then why put yourself through it when you know the outcome?”
“Because in this life you have to grab hold of what you can. Find joy in the simple moments. So yeah, I don’t care if it’s a week, a few days, or one second. I just want to be with her.” Sometimes talking to my sister was like conversing with a brick wall. I was stubborn and set in my ways, but Dial was ten times worse because she was stubborn and judgmental. “And I know you don’t get it because you prefer to push people away rather than be vulnerable.”
My statement landed and I witnessed Dial’s body language shift as she mentally checked out of the conversation. Her silence let me know we were at an impasse. We were not going to see this the same. Standing, I prepared to leave. if we kept at it like this, I was liable to say something that would be difficult to walk back.
“So that’s it, you’ve picked your side?”
“I’m a circle. I don’t have sides.”
“I’m entitled to have concerns.”
“Sure, but I’m not interested in them.”
“You say that but a month from now when she’s back on the road, you’ll be looking to me to bandage your wounds. You can’t tell me to mind my business, but then seek my shoulder to cry on.”
“Noted,” I called over my shoulder, leaving the office.
When Fancy and Darla left for Los Angeles. I was upset and conflicted, thinking maybe I should’ve gotten on that plane too. The thing is, Fancy and I were never a couple. Aside from one kiss when we were twelve, it was nothing. Did I want more, sure? Did she? I don’t know. But when she left, I lost my best friend. And at the time it was the most painful thing to ever happen to me. Granted I was still too young to realize life was a mixture of joy and pain. And the longer you lived the harder it becomes to escape the sting of your existence.
So, I metaphorically cried on Dial’s shoulder. And when Fancy stopped reaching out, I called her everything but a child of God. And Dial was there for that too. So, in a way I made Dial hate her because she saw I was in pain and the source of the pain appeared to be Fancy. My hurt feelings and sadness wasn’t Fancy’s fault, it was mine alone. I wanted something Fancy never promised.
After a long day of me and Dial scowling at one another when I wasn’t completely trying to avoid her all together, I headed home. These past few days, going home held a new thrill for me. I wasn’t returning home to an empty house and evening chores … well I still had chores. But now I had someone to do the chores with me. Fancy would sometimes tag along and help me feed the animals in the evening. She would talk my ear off telling me about her day and asking questions about mine.
Since Fancy was on vacation, her days consisted of working on new music, making jam with her mother, or catching up with an old friend for lunch. As we rode around the farm, I’d listen to the intricate jam making process and watch as her face lit up when she told me she’d brought me some strawberry jam to try. Before she arrived, I was content with nights alone tinkering in my garage but now having experienced what life could be with someone it would be hard to return to my normal routine.
When I exited the truck, Fancy was outside to greet me. Jumping into my arms from the top step of the porch. She almost bowled both of us over, but I managed to steady my feet.
“Welcome home.” The way she greeted me made my dick throb. It was like she’d been anticipating my return all day and now that the boring workday was over, the fun could finally begin.
“Did you miss me?” I asked, desperate for confirmation this feeling wasn’t all in my head.
Instead of words, her tongue invaded my mouth with a long, probing kiss, hinting at what the night had in store for us. When she finally released me, she claimed my hand and I followed her inside. Fancy had opened all the blinds, and the sunlight was beaming through the windows. My inherited collection of junk almost took on a mystical aura, transforming my place into one better suited for an antiquities dealer rather than a country boy.
“How’d things go with Dial?” she asked.
“It was like driving down a straight a way, hitting a dip in the road, careening through a cornfield and smashing into a tree.”
She lowered the volume on Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain.” “That bad, huh?”
“It’s fine. We both just need time to cool off. Dial and I are really similar, but the majority of our disagreements are because of how we differ. I still love her. I’m just not real happy with her at the moment.”
“I don’t want you two fighting about me. If I have to, I will lock you both in a room and force you to talk it out.”
I reached for her hand. “Listen, I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“For Dial and how she came at you yesterday. She’s mad at you because of me. Because when you left it felt like the world was ending. And as my big sister, she’s protective of me. It’s one of her best and worst qualities, the fierceness of her loyalty and love.”
“So, she’s mad at me because of the things you said.”
Tossing my hands in the air, I did my best to explain. “I was unhappy for a host of reasons. After graduation I wasn’t fully sure of my place in the world. I was taking classes at the community college because I was too scared to leave home. It was like everyone was moving on, pairing off, starting families, getting married. While I was over here trying to figure out my next move. Losing you was just added salt to the wound. It was a rough patch for sure. Dial was there for that?—”
Tears threatened to spill down Fancy’s face. “And now I’m back and she thinks my intentions aren’t sincere and I’m going to hurt you again and she’ll have to deal with the fallout.”
“Pretty much.”
“You’re not the only one who had trouble finding their way. LA wasn’t welcoming and more times than I liked to admit, I felt like I’d bitten off more than I could chew. I cried the entire plane ride to LA because you weren’t with us. At some point I got mad. I was so mad at you. So, I stopped calling. Because what was so great about Hume that you’d choose it over me. We weren’t even a couple, but I had this hole in my chest.” She blew out a tight breath in between sniffles. “And I didn’t know how to verbalize what I felt or the love I had for you, and it scared me.
“Eventually it became too late. The years passed and I just knew you’d moved on. I was waiting for my momma’s weekly Hume reports to include news about you getting engaged or having a baby.” Fancy tucked her curls behind her ears, her makeup smeared from crying. “I don’t regret moving … I don’t … but I do regret losing you. Because the truth is, I sort of love you Edison Birch.”
It was difficult to catch my breath, and my heart was beating like it was looking for a way out of my chest cavity. I always knew she loved me as a friend. But now she was saying she loved me … loved me. She was telling me I was special in a way others weren’t. Her fondness for me wasn’t because we’d known one another for years and were practically family. She just loved me and all the things that made me uniquely different from anyone else. In me she found a connection so deep it was scary, painful, and exhilarating simultaneously.
Fancy released a nervous chuckle. “Whoa, I think I need something stiff to drink.”
In the kitchen, I poured us both a glass of bourbon. Fancy took the glass to the head and immediately regretted it, frowning at the nutty spicy flavor of the liquor. Opening the fridge, she selected a beer to wash away the taste of the bourbon. After a few sips, she eyed me curiously. “Are you not going to say it back? I mean you don’t have to if you don’t feel it … but …”
I drank the remainder of my bourbon before answering. I’d declared my love for her a few nights prior, nothing had changed. “First day of kindergarten you came in and your hair was in two twisted pigtails with big pink ribbons at the top. The ribbons were almost as big as your head. And I thought, wow. I was five and could barely spell my name, but knew my life was forever changed in that moment. So, I’m glad you’re in love. Welcome to the party. I’ve been here waiting on you for a long fucking time.”
She rested her hand on my cheek, her thumb stroking my face. “Well, I hope I was worth the wait.”
“You were, you are, and you always will be.”