Chapter 20
I felt heady, like I was on a natural high the entire ride home. Edison’s hand was intertwined with mine and I was stuck with a goofy smile that would not fade from my face. Shit if this was what love felt like, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. I’d never been this content or at peace with Chap. Not ever. Maybe because he was always correcting me and trying to dull my shine. It’s strange the time away was allowing me to clearly see things that should’ve been blatantly apparent.
They say love is blind but that shit with Chap wasn’t love, it was codependency at best. I thought I needed him to fit into the country music industry. There weren’t a lot of Black artists in the field. I stuck out like a sore thumb. Chap shielded me from all that. Or at least that’s the lie I told myself to keep me with him. Plus, his stepmother was Billie Preston and the handful of times I met her she’d always been gracious, offering great advice. In the past I’d convinced myself if dating Chap meant I had access to a legend, I could grin and bear it.
I turned to Edison with puppy dog eyes and said, “I love you.”
“Listen, I’m trying not to pinch myself because if this is a dream, I do not want to wake up.”
I playfully pinched his arm. “This isn’t a dream.”
Edison’s hand found my cheek. “I love you too, Fancy Face.” In the low light from the moon, I could see the muscles in his jaw clench and circle.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Edison, I’ve known you since you were five, and you’ve made that same pinched expression when you’re nervous or worried.”
He pulled off to the side of the road. Placing the truck in park. And I braced myself for what was to come. Because only bad news was delivered on the side of roads. “How is this going to work? You and me, I mean.”
I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to fully face him. “I don’t know. And I don’t wanna try to figure it out tonight. Tonight was a good night.”
“That’s not going to work for me. This just can’t all be vibes. You know me. I’m about things fitting in their place. I like details, I like a plan.”
“Love isn’t about logistics.”
“I just need to know we’re working toward the same thing.”
“We are.”
“Fancy, I want to marry you one day. I want to have a kid or two. I want to teach them how to grow vegetables and measure their height against a door frame. I want to dance around the kitchen at night while we clean up after dinner. I want us to renovate the farm so it’s a safe and loving home for our family.”
I cradled his face. “I’m onboard for all those things too. I don’t know exactly what that looks like. But I want to build a life with you in it. It’s probably not going to be as conventional as you outlined it, but if you’re willing to think outside the box on some things, I think we can make this work. I really do.”
“I hate to be that guy, but we need to iron this out.”
“Okay. But does it have to be tonight when I’m feeling tipsy and just want to go home and fuck you?” My hand slipped to his lap. I was a bit of a coward because while I recognized we had tough choices to make, I wasn’t ready to make them. If I could freeze time, I’d hide away with him forever. But I knew as well as he did I couldn’t stay in Hume.
Edison removed my hand and placed it over his heart. He didn’t say a word, just pressed on my hand so it was secure under the weight of his. Closing my eyes, the predictable beats of his heart vibrated against my palm. I could write a hundred love songs about this man. This had to work out because frankly, I’d never wanted something more in my entire life. I wanted Edison and the future he offered.
Edison would love me until his dying breath. I honestly didn’t deserve a love like that, but I’d do my best to return his focused devotion every day until he had his full. He kissed my palm and then turned back onto the road. We drove in silence, not awkward or unnerving quiet like I experienced with Chap. It was an easy, content stillness because we both knew we were exactly where we were meant to be.
When we pulled up to the farmhouse, he leaned in to kiss me and the kissing spilled out of the truck onto the paved walkway and up the stairs. Discarded items of clothing scattered in the grass, flower bed, and dirt. We weren’t making it inside. I pulled off my cowboy boots while Edison unbuckled his jeans, removing both his pants and boxers in one movement. Sitting on the oversized rocking chair, he pulled me onto his lap. Lowering myself onto his erect dick, I was eager for him to be inside.
As he entered me, we collectively exhaled a sigh of relief. Some people take hot yoga classes or meditate to relax. Me, I made love to Edison. With him I felt incredibly safe. I could turn my brain off and just let life happen because I knew when I was with him, he’d keep me protected. With Edison, I came first, and I meant that in every way possible.
The night air on my skin caused my flesh to pebble. Edison’s mouth consumed my modest breast. His tongue circling my tightened nipple. Moaning, I rocked my hips over his length. I’d never craved another person as much as I craved him. Every part of my body ignited when he was inside me. He possessed the master key to secret places deep within. Unlocking a kaleidoscope of emotions. Awash in a pink, orange, purplish glow of love’s first spark, the hue of a sunset kissing the horizon goodbye. My pussy literally salivating as I creamed on his impressive dick. Edison’s steady frame grounded me as we worked in tandem up and down, in and out.
He gripped my ass and worked me over his length. Like a sorcerer he culled every moan, desperate gasp of air, and cries to a higher power out of me. Pressing my forehead into his, our eyes connected and in that charged silence, a thousand unspoken words passed between us. His gaze softened, lingering, tracing the contours of my face as if he was cataloging every detail. My gaze held steady, searching, a quiet invitation to go deeper.
A slow knowing smile flickered at the corner of his lips, answering the question shimmering in my eyes. Was he all in? Because I didn’t have any more cards to play. In that moment there was no need for words, the longing in his kisses, and urgent thrust expressed a silent promise that I was not alone. This knowledge danced in the space between our gaze, speaking in a language only one’s heart could understand.
Leaning back, my body coasted on air with Edison’s hand at the base of my spine for support. Nature was an unexpected participant in my wave of ecstasy. My body unfolding like the night sky, an endless velvet tapestry, deep and mysterious. My eyes were stitched with countless stars shimmering like scattered diamonds. And Edison was the moon, his body slick with sweat, a silver guardian draped over me in a soft glow, casting dreams into my core.
Our love surged like constellations weaving their ancient tales across the heavens, guiding lovers to nirvana. When you are properly loved time slows, and the world breathes in the quiet magic of possibility. With Edison, it was possible to heal, forgive myself, and embrace the love I often questioned I deserved.
Since my return to Hume, I had the most restful sleep in years. Most nights I’d stare at the ceiling, trying to identify all the red flags. Not just with Chap but Darla too. Edison claimed Darla’s duplicitous nature was always there, but I didn’t buy it. Darla was my friend, but at some point our friendship became one-sided.
She teased me for being attached to Chap, saying who brings sand to the beach. We were famous and that meant having access to some of the hottest men in Hollywood. Darla thought it was silly for me to settle down so early. I’d never been a bar hopper, preferring to sit in my reserved booth at my favorite bar. And like Oz suggested, I didn’t like being alone, bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend with little lag time.
I’m not saying men were knocking down my door, but there was an active waiting area filled with eligible suitors. When one fucked up, I’d just call in the next. But I realized Edison wasn’t someone you could easily replace. He was the guy who set the bar so high it became damn near impossible for others to measure up.
I gave my body a huge stretch and pulled the covers from my head. Edison’s side of the bed was empty. Don’t ask me how he managed to do it, but he was like a ninja each morning. Getting dressed in the dark and out the door to feed the animals all without waking me. I loved animals, but waking up at the crack of dawn to tend to them wasn’t really my thing.
When Edison returned to the bedroom, he handed me a cup of coffee before stripping and jumping back into the bed. He positioned himself behind me so I could lean on his chest. I couldn’t see him, but his face was buried in my mass of curls.
“Don’t sniff my hair.”
“I didn’t.”
“I heard you sniff.”
“Your hair smells good.”
“My hair smells like barbecue smoke and beer.”
“Two of my favorite things.” He squeezed my waist, causing me to spill coffee down my chest.
“You brat.” I used the sheets to dry myself off. “How are the animals?”
“Fed, watered, and happy.”
“Just like me.” I smiled.
He kissed the top of my head.
Intertwining my fingers with his, I said, “I feel like we wasted so much time. If I knew loving you was going to feel like this, I’d of done it years ago.”
“That’s the thing, it’s all about timing. A few years, shit a few extra days and this could have gone very differently.”
“I guess you’re right. I’m just thankful for right now.” Shifting my body weight, I mounted his lap. “I’m ready to talk if you are.” A flutter in my stomach filled me with dread. We were content in the impregnable bubble we’d curated for ourselves. In which our days were filled with laughter, music, and impromptu sex. Negotiating plans threatened to disrupt the peace we’d created.
Edison’s body froze, and he examined my face. “One last kiss.”
“Not the last.”
His lips were soft against mine, not too eager, but filled with longing. Edison slid his hand down my naked back and my skin pebbled with goosebumps. I exhaled, melting into his frame, my hips slowly grinding because when he kissed me, I couldn’t help myself. Moaning into my mouth, he abruptly pulled away. “We’re supposed to be talking.”
“Yeah, for sure I agree,” I whispered breathlessly. “Where should we start?”
“How about location.”
I was hoping to start with something less complicated like being granted use of a few drawers in his bureau. “Okay, you go first.”
Before he could answer, the doorbell rang. Edison’s doorbell sounded like a rooster crowing. The sound made me cringe. I’d never noticed before because he hadn’t had any visitors during my stay.
“What the fuck is that?”
“I know, I ordered a new bell, it just hasn’t arrived yet.” He was stepping into his jeans.
“If I’m going to live here, I don’t want to hear cock-a-doodle-doos every gotdamn time someone rings the bell.”
Edison tossed a hesitant glance in my direction. “Live here?”
“Or not,” I said. The rooster bell chimed loudly again, and Edison left the room, still pulling on his T-shirt. I sunk into the bed. Maybe suggesting me moving in was too soon. Realistically it hadn’t even been three weeks. For me I’d fallen harder in these string of days with Edison than I ever had for any man. I wanted to invade his space, take up room in his thoughts, his home, and his future.
When I loved you, that was it. I didn’t do half in and half out. I fell fast, but with Edison I knew I wanted to linger. This wasn’t a passing fancy. I wasn’t just visiting, I was ready to plant roots. And until just now it never occurred to me, maybe he didn’t want the same. Maybe he’d considered the possibility and decided a long-term relationship would be difficult to maintain.
Maybe he’d had his fun fucking his dream woman and by this time next year, he’d be married to Willa and announcing the pending arrival of baby Birch. The thought made me want to crash out. Who the fuck did he think I was? I was prepared to live in his house of cheese, what right did he have to express reservations?
Edison’s foot falls caused the stairs to creak as he ascended each one. When he stopped at the doorway, his face was ashen.
“What?” I shot straight up.
“It’s Darla.”
“What about her?”
“She’s outside waiting to speak with you.”
“Outside this house?”
“Yep.”
I threw on the first articles of clothing I could find. A Funshine Care Bears graphic T-shirt and some sweatpants with Whiskey Wild emblazoned on the side. The joggers were part of the merch from our tours. As we made our way downstairs, the few sips of coffee in my stomach was churning. I never expected Darla to show her bitch ass in Hume. My hair was already piled on top of my head so at the first provocation I could get to scrapping.
Outside Darla was leaning on her mother’s car. She looked well rested and was dressed like she was headed to The Grove and not the backroads of our hometown.
“Thanks Edison,” she called.
“Yep.” He kissed his teeth as if a piece of food was wedged in them.
“It’s nice to see you again.” Darla made another attempt to connect with him, but he was Team Fancy and wasn’t impressed.
“I wish I could say the same.” Darla placed her hand on her hip and offered that half smile Edison was convinced was fake. “Well, I’ll leave y’all to it,” he said, returning to the slightly cooler house.
“You look good,” Darla called.
“I look a mess. I just woke up.” I fluffed my curls.
“Your mom told me you were over at Edison’s place. She had to give me directions. I didn’t know he’d bought the Castle Farm.”
I walked down the stairs, sticking close to the porch.
“Are you and Edison a thing now?”
“Why are you here?”
“I come bearing gifts.” She opened her car door and Yeti Spaghetti bounded onto the grass, running toward me at top speed.
“Yeti, oh my God. I’ve missed you.” I rubbed his belly and endured his wet kisses. “How have you been? Are you okay?”
“He’s fine. I just thought you’d like to see him.”
“How fucking kind. Well, that makes up for everything,” I quipped.
“I thought it best if we talk face to face.”
“Are you ready to answer the question I texted you and you ignored for days?”
Darla rolled her eyes. “Will you let me explain my side?”
I inched closer and Yeti moved in step with me. “I know you’re not giving me attitude. I know the woman who fucked my boyfriend ain’t popping off at the mouth. The fact that I didn’t jump off the porch and whoop your tired ass?—”
“Don’t act like you’re blameless in all this.”
“If we are doling out blame, I’ll take a portion for being a dizzy bitch. But the lion share goes to you and Chap.”
“I didn’t come here to fight.”
“Well then you wasted a trip, cause all I have are these fists.” I crept closer.
Surrendering hands in the air, she shouted, “It was a mistake.”
“Which part? The part when you were sucking my man’s dick. Or the part where you got caught?”
“I know you’re mad about Chap.”
“See that’s the thing … I don’t give a fuck about Chap. We’re through. He cheated. I just never thought it would be with you.”
“Fancy it was one time. We were drunk and it was the biggest mistake of my life.” This is how we were going to play it? She flew all the way down here and put on her Sunday’s best to tell lies.
“If you want to avoid this ass whooping you need to be honest. It wasn’t a one and done. You two carried on an affair for months.” Darla pulled out her phone like I was the one who showed up unannounced. I looked to the house, wondering how many punches I could get in before Edison pulled me off her. Snapping my fingers, I yelled, “Hey eyes front. Did you come to apologize or what?”
“I’m trying to. I’m sorry. In a moment of weakness, I made the wrong choice.”
“Apologizing means nothing if you’re not willing to lay out the whole truth. How do we move past this when you’re still lying to me?”
“About what?”
“The full extent of your relationship with Chap. It wasn’t one time. He probably claimed he loved you and what you two shared was special.” The intensity of my glare was combustible. That man’s words were hollow but effective because they’d kept me on the line for a few years.
“It was special, and he does love me,” she spat back.
“No, he does not. He was saying the exact same shit to me. We got played Darla, the both of us. Chap was sleeping with you and then returning to the home he and I shared and sleeping with me. We went ring shopping, he was going to ask me to marry him. Be fucking for real.”
“It’s not true. He was just with you because you were so fragile and needed guidance.”
Guidance? I wrote all our songs, arranged the music and vocals, and helped produce every one of our albums. The name Whiskey Wild was my intellectual property. The cover art for our first record was a picture I took on my iPhone. Darla was intent on letting me lead, and I was cool with it because she had an undeniably great voice. To claim I was a drift with no direction was laughable. Maybe you can say that about my personal life, but when it came to music, I was as solid as they come.
“Honest question. Were we ever friends? Because I was willing to lay my life down for you and I thought you’d do the same. But now it’s clear the danger isn’t external; the call is coming from inside the house. That’s what hurts the most.”
“I’m sorry, I just fell in love. I tried to stop it but the heart kinda wants what it wants.”
“And your heart wanted my sloppy seconds?”
“I love him, Fancy.”
“Over me? Over Whiskey Wild? Over everything we built.”
“We are still Whiskey Wild.”
“No, the fuck we’re not.”
An unfamiliar car approached, slowing to a stop. Chap stepped out. Looks like Darla texted for backup. It was only fitting he’d show up to support the woman he chose. I hated him, but even I had to admit this man was gorgeous. Tall, tan, with brilliant blue eyes, and blond hair.
“Francesca, you look a mess.” His eyes tripped over my disheveled outfit.
You’d think he would lead with an apology, but his first words were an insult. That pretty much summed him up. He was selfish and hurtful. And I took his verbal abuse because part of me felt like I deserved it. I suffered from major imposter syndrome. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was talented, but I often questioned whether I was deserving.
“Did you two come down here together thinking you could convince me of something different from what I already know?”
“No, I came here to tell you you’re acting like a child. Not answering my calls and ignoring my messages isn’t going to solve anything,” Chap said.
“I’m not looking for solutions. I was hoping for closure, but at this point you can keep that too.”
“We’re a team. You, me, and Darla. We’re Whiskey Wild.” His smile was smug and unearned.
“Nope, Darla and I are Whiskey Wild … and now we’re nothing.”
“I’m your manager. Whiskey Wild doesn’t move unless I make it happen.” He was so fucking entitled. I used to think it was attractive and claimed it was confidence. Now I could identify it as cocky bluffing to hide a lack of experience. Chap wasn’t special, as our manager, all he did was what we paid him for.
“You’re fired.”
Darla’s eyes grew wide like she was in the middle of a five-alarm fire. “Now wait a minute, he’s my manager too. You just can’t go and fire him.”
“Bitch you’re dead to me. You got your wish. You get to be with Chap. I hope he treats you just as well as he did me.”
Chap shifted his tone from stern to light and airy. “Francesca … sweetie be reasonable. There’s still five months left on our current contract. Dumping me wouldn’t be wise financially.”
“I don’t care. I’ll write you a check for the remaining five months.”
“What about the tour?” Darla protested. “We still have three months of tour dates. Whiskey Wild needs to get back on the road.”
Fuck I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation this morning. I could fire Chap, but walking away from the tour was complicated. We’d made commitments. Chucking the deuces on the tour would require us to pay back advances. Tickets had been purchased. The band and tour crew were secured and under contract. If I backed out of the tour, the record label would make sure I regretted it. A lot of people invested a lot of money into Whiskey Wild. I couldn’t just shit on their efforts. Chap was right, Whiskey Wild was never just about Darla and me.
I jerked an uncertain shoulder. Making career decisions at seven in the morning was something I was ill-prepared for. “We finish the tour dates, but after that Whiskey Wild is over.”
“Bullshit, you’re not going to walk away from all that money.” Chap squinted his eyes.
“I don’t want to be paired with someone I can’t trust. If she can actively attempt to steal my man, what’s next … my money?”
“Fancy I get you’re upset but think this through,” Darla begged.
“I have. This tour will be Whiskey Wild’s last.”
Chap turned red and spit flew from his mouth as he screamed at me. “You stupid bitch.”
He advanced quickly, closing the distance between us. Stumbling backward, I tried to retreat, tripping over my own feet and falling to the ground. I’d never seen him this angry, and I instinctually raised my hands in case I needed to protect myself. When the gunshot rang through the air, Darla and I screamed in unison.
Chap froze in his tracks and Edison was standing in front of me, the barrel of his rifle still smoking. “I’m gonna say this as respectfully as possible. Get the fuck off my property.”
Neither Chap nor Darla protested, scampering to their respective vehicles. No doubt they noted the incensed glint in Edison’s eyes. He aimed his rifle at Chap’s SUV until it disappeared from view.
“Did you just shoot at my ex-boyfriend?”
Edison secured the safety lock on the gun. Helping me to my feet, he said, “I shot into the sky. But that joker is lucky I didn’t aim it at his kneecap. He thinks he can come onto my property and threaten my girl. I bet his scary ass will think twice about that in the future.” He claimed my hand, leading me to the porch. Setting the gun down, he turned his attention toward me. “Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He brushed dust off the seat of my sweatpants.
“No, I’m just a little shook up.”
“Your arm is bleeding.” The way his face was marred with concern you would think my bone was exposed and my arm was hanging on by tendons.
“I must have skinned it when I fell.”
“Fancy.” He pressed his forehead into mine. When he pulled back, his eyes were misty with rage. “I’ma fucking kill him.”
“No, you’re not, because as far as I’m concerned, he’s dead to me.”
Edison stared into the vast, empty land, the muscles in his jaw ruminating. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“I could never be scared of you.” I slid closer in need of a hug, and he obliged. Wrapping me up in his strong arms.
Edison has always been my protector. When we were ten or eleven, we were walking down the road headed to a nearby stream and a dog came out of nowhere snarling and growling. Edison stepped in front of me and tried to shoo the dog away. But the animal attacked, latching onto his arm. He fell backward, pinning me under him. I was useless with fear, but Edison poked the dog in the eye until it released him and ran into the tall grass. Edison had to get a shitload of stitches and a faint scar remains behind.
“Whose dog is that?” Yeti ran off when the gunshot pierced the air, just now venturing out of his hiding spot.
“That’s our dog. Yeti Spaghetti the II.” Yeti ambled over to the porch, cautiously sniffing. Edison held out his palm, allowing Yeti to investigate. Climbing the steps, he settled in between Edison’s legs, resting his head on his thigh.
“Good thing I’m not allergic.” Edison scratched behind our dog’s ears. “Are you hungry? Because I’m starving.”
I nodded but wasn’t quite ready to pull away. How was I going to leave this man for three months to finish up the tour?