Love You Madly (Men of the Midwest #1)
Prologue
prologue
A THOUSAND YEARS - CHRISTINA PERRI
CALLIE - JULY 26, 2014
I never imagined I would find myself here again, especially not like this. After the mess that was made of me the first time around, I swore I’d never get married again. And honestly, I didn’t think anyone would want me after what I’d been through. I was damaged goods… A woman with two children and a reputation that’s seen better days (especially in this goddamn town). Who would sign up for that?
But I suppose he did. I suppose that’s exactly what he signed up for. This. Fucking. Man. It’s remarkable how quickly “never” turned into “forever” when I met him.
When I stretch out on the window seat in my childhood bedroom at the Van Damme Hawkridge estate, it all feels so surreal. This home has been in my mother’s family for generations, but it feels like I’m watching someone else’s life unfold. The buckeye tree I used to climb as a child remains tall and steadfast, a silent witness to years gone by .
Down the hall, I can hear the rapid pitter-patter of little feet and giggles approaching. “Sara, please! We need you to cooperate,” my mother, Rita, pleads with my little girl. She sounds exasperated. It’s clear my mom and sister are struggling to wrangle my two-year-old.
It’s not surprising when the doorknob jiggles a moment later. Sara’s tiny voice pierces through the door, “Mama! Mama!” she yells, banging on the door with all the impatience only a two-year-old can muster.
I can’t help but laugh as I crack open the door just as my niece, Ava, catches up to Sara. “Coast is clear! He’s already outside and won’t be able to see you. Can we come in?”
I nod, opening the door further. I managed to sneak out of bed this morning without waking him, and I would be heartbroken if he caught sight of me this close to the ceremony. I want our photographer to capture his expression when he sees me in my dress for the first time. I also don’t want to risk tempting fate to throw bad luck my way today. I’ve stumbled into that more often than I care to admit.
It seems my luck has changed, though. But maybe I shouldn’t even think that, in case I jinx myself. God, anxiety sucks. Feeling anxious and superstitious at the same time? Super fun!
Sara’s eyes are brimming with excitement. My mischievous toddler looks so sweet in her navy flower girl dress, her hair adorned with tiny silk sunflowers. As I stare down at my darling daughter, I can now see her pretty hairstyle is already disheveled.
It makes me chuckle and reminds me of the day I met my stepdad, Wayne, with untidy hair. Mom had brought Wayne to meet my sister and me when I was around the age of five. I couldn’t find the Lego piece I was looking for and had gone diving under my bed to find it. When I came out, my hair got stuck in the bottom of the box spring and was sticking straight in the air by the time I’d gotten myself loose… Shout-out to my big sister for cutting my hair for me to free me from the box spring death trap.
“You girls look beautiful.” I wrap them up in a miniature group hug and smile before turning to my oldest daughter and picking her up. “Where’s baby sissy?” She absentmindedly fiddles with the necklace he got her to wear today before answering.
“Sissy’s sweeping,” Sara says.
“Sl-ee-p-ing,” I say, enunciating the word to help Sara repeat it back to me correctly.
“That’s what I said, Sissy’s sweeping,” Sara says, matter-of-factly.
Ava giggles. “Grammy wanted to let her take a nap before the ceremony. My mom said that’s probably for the best so she’s not crabby later, but I can get the baby if you want me to.”
“No, that’s okay, honey. Your mom and Grammy are right… Just don’t tell them I said that,” I say with a mischievous wink.
Ava sticks out her smallest finger to initiate our super-secret pinky swear, and I loop mine into hers. We kiss our fists to seal our secret tight. “Thank you for your help today, Ava Bug. You look absolutely beautiful and mean so much to me.”
“Can you please take Sara back downstairs and let Miss Vicki know that I’m ready for her to finish my makeup?”
“Sure can!” Ava says with an excited pep in her voice. She takes Sara’s hand ready to lead her out of the room as I kiss them both quickly on the forehead. They walk back out the door, leaving it wide open behind them. It’s a good thing he’s already outside, or these two girls would have me busted long before the ceremony starts.
I choose to leave the door open for Vicki and hear Sara speak up a couple of minutes later. “Auntie Tay Tay!” she shouts, “Mama said you was right. Let Sissy sweep!”
I can’t help but laugh as I hear Ava scold Sara for telling our secret and cringe, knowing that both my sister and I want to amend Sara’s grammar, but today is not the day for that battle.
I turn back to the mirror, taking in my reflection. It’s hard to recognize the woman staring back at me. There’s a strength in her I never thought I would have. The simple elegance of the dress, the way my green eyes shine with a bundle of nerves and excitement.
I reach for the rose quartz plugs on the dresser, slipping them into my stretched earlobes. The cool, smooth stone against my skin is calming, a reminder of the love and positive energy I want to carry with me today and always. The choice of rose quartz, the stone of unconditional love, feels perfect at this moment because that is exactly what this man has given me and my daughters.
I’m so glad I’ve found this man. He has stepped up in ways I never imagined anyone would for me. I had a great stepfather example, but I never thought I’d be so lucky as to find a partner who would be willing to be that for my girls.
Tears fill my eyes as I slip on the bracelet my new bonus son got me for Christmas. I never thought that I could love a child that didn’t start off as my own as much as I love that sweet, handsome little boy. He is the spitting image of his father, and I feel so grateful to call him my son.
The bracelet sits over the tattoo on my wrist. It is a script of the word “love” along with a date that has become very special to me. The tattoo pays tribute to the organization To Write Love on Her Arms , which rescued me from a very dark place as a teenager. The date reflects the last time I allowed myself to be nearly too far gone .
I’m so grateful my attempts were unsuccessful. Especially now.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I take in the tattoo of a large cherry blossom tree that climbs my right arm from elbow to shoulder. The pink blossoms cascade down my arm, signifying the strength and resilience I’ve found in myself as a mother. The tattoo means so much to me because I got it after I had to give up breastfeeding Sara when my body couldn’t keep up with the supply she needed. I felt like a complete failure. Each bloom represents the moments that brought me here–good, bad, or otherwise. The tree’s roots represent strength and stability, the foundation I’ve built for my children.
It’s been a year and a day since I told him I was going to refer to him as my boyfriend when talking to my mother because “this guy I’ve been seeing exclusively for a while but met online a few months ago” was too long.
Three-hundred-sixty-six days.
It seemed fated as I was looking for something unique to add to our ceremony, I discovered handfasting rituals typically take place a year and a day after a couple has committed to one another. And our year and a day just so happens to be a Saturday. Today.
Although I’ve never been particularly religious, pagan and Celtic traditions have always fascinated me. I was a solitary practitioner for years, so the rituals, symbolism, connection to the universe, and idea of karma feel more like home to me. Which is the exact opposite of how I feel about the rigid Catholic traditions my mother’s family clung to. So, as I prepared for this day, I couldn’t help but subtly infuse my own beliefs into our celebration. It has given me the opportunity to embrace my true self.
My hair will be braided for the ceremony, each twist symbolizing a bond–past, present, and future– as is the handfasting cord that will bind our hands together during the ceremony. The cord is braided with threads of green, gold, red, pink, brown, purple, and light blue–each color chosen with intention. Green for prosperity, gold for longevity, red for passion, pink for romance, brown for encouragement, purple for growth, and light blue for patience and devotion.
Our handfasting will be a quiet, personal moment during the ceremony, a nod to the ancient tradition that resonates with the connection we’ve built–a bond that feels as though it’s been tied over lifetimes. The knots of the handfasting are meant to showcase our commitment to each other, our future, and the family we are building together.
I didn’t think this could become my reality. But I am here, standing on the precipice of a new beginning, with the man who made me believe in forever again and the children who have become my entire world.
Our entire world.
I take a deep breath, ready to embrace this new chance at life and remind myself I deserve to be happy. And I know, with every fiber of my being, this is just the beginning.