Twenty-Eight
twenty-eight
AIN'T NO REST FOR THE WICKED - CAGE THE ELEPHANT
OWEN - JULY 4, 2013
I n the days that follow the camping trip, things with Karissa seem to settle into a pleasant rhythm. The tension from the camping trip dissolves, replaced by a sense of normalcy that’s almost unsettling in its simplicity. We have had no issues since then, and she’s been a lot more laid-back, the initial spark I saw with her slowly returning. But we have spent little time together, either.
I’ve been stretched pretty thin between spending time with Barrett and work, so we’ve had trouble getting our schedules aligned. Karissa has been working some odd shifts here and there for extra cash too and I can’t say I blame her, especially since it sounds like her ex doesn’t help with her kids. Most of our communication since the camping trip has been through texts and the occasional lunch date in the hospital cafeteria. She wanted to spend today together, but I’d already made plans with Barrett and I am not comfortable introducing them yet. I don’t think that sat well with her, and I should probably be thinking about how to make it up to her.
The sun is just beginning to dip below the horizon as I buckle Barrett into his car seat. He’s clutching his new stuffed dinosaur, a bright green T-Rex he’s dubbed “Mr. Chompers,” like it’s his lifeline, his little legs swinging with excitement. Barrett grins and makes sure Mr. Chompers is safely buckled in too, because apparently, that’s going to be what keeps him from going extinct according to my three-year-old son.
Satisfied, Barrett goes back to making Mr. Chompers roar in a way that’s more cute than terrifying. I climb into the driver’s seat, mentally ticking off a checklist: Blanket? Check. Snacks? Check. Backpack with spare clothes and enough toy cars to start a dealership? Check. We’re all set.
As I pull out of the parking lot of my apartment building, Barrett starts narrating an epic adventure involving Mr. Chompers battling other dinosaurs, saving the world from meteors, and possibly getting lemon ice cream afterwards. I can’t help but laugh at some of the plot twists that his mind has come up with as I listen to him while we head toward Cedar Bluff.
“Daddy, Mr. Chompers says we need to go faster so we don’t miss the fireworks!”
I glance back at him in the rearview mirror, his eyes wide with innocent urgency. “Well, you tell Mr. Chompers that I have a squeaky clean driving record and we’re already going as fast as we can. Don’t want to get pulled over by the police, do we?”
Barrett gasps dramatically. “No! Mr. Chompers doesn’t want to go to jail!”
I bite back a laugh. “Good, because I don’t think they allow dinosaurs in jail anyway.” Barrett giggles, then turns serious as he directs Mr. Chompers to keep an eye out for cops.
We hit a bit of holiday traffic as we get closer to Cedar Bluff, and I can feel Barrett’s patience deteriorating. He starts to ask the predictable, “Are we there yet?” on repeat, and after the fifth time, I tell him, “We’ll go faster if Mr. Chompers takes a nap.”
Barrett frowns, holding Mr. Chompers up at eye level as if considering this very serious suggestion. “Mr. Chompers says he’s not tired.”
“Well, maybe he could just close his eyes for a little bit,” I suggest, trying to keep a straight face.
Barrett thinks about this for a second, then nods. “Okay, but only for a little bit. Mr. Chompers wants to see the fireworks too.”
Barrett fills the rest of the drive making fake snoring noises for Mr. Chompers, which has me bursting with laughter. By the time we roll into Cedar Bluff, the sun has dipped low, casting a warm, golden glow over the town. The park is filling up with people who are preparing for a fun evening with blankets, lawn chairs, and kids playing with sparklers.
I find a parking spot not too far from the park, and before I can even shut off the engine, Barrett’s already trying to unbuckle himself, gripping Mr. Chompers tightly in one hand.
“Easy there, buddy,” I say, laughing as I lean over to help him out of his seat. “Let’s grab your stuff, and then we’ll head over.”
We walk into the park, and it isn’t long before I spot Vince. I take a few minutes to catch up with him before Barrett and I continue on our way to find a spot to sit. Vince is with his fiancée, Zoe, and their daughter, Ainsley. While part of me would like to sit with them—given how close Vince and I were growing up—I just don’t have it in me tonight. Zoe’s an energy vampire, and after about two minutes of her complaining about Vince choosing the fireworks over picking up some extra holiday pay at the prison, I’m reminded of exactly why we don’t hang out more often.
I use snow cones as a convenient excuse to bail, but before I leave, Vince mentions that he and Malcolm are organizing a cousin’s weekend in a few weeks. Sabrina will have Barrett on vacation that week, so it’ll be nice to have some adult time with family. I just hope Zoe’s attitude during cousin’s weekend is better than the way she’s acting today.
The first firework bursts overhead, painting the sky in a cascade of bright purples and greens. Barrett’s his face lights up and he lets out delighted giggles with every explosion, making my stress melt away. This is what it’s all about—just being here, in this moment, with my son.
A part of me keeps circling back to Vince. I can’t shake the worry that he’s stuck in something that’s only going to drag him down further. I’ve been there before, and I know how it ends—how it eats away at you until there’s nothing left but resentment and regret.
As the fireworks finale comes to a close, a series of loud, dazzling explosions light up the entire sky. Barrett is clapping and cheering, completely absorbed in the spectacle. I pull Barrett close, savoring the simple joy of his happiness, but I know that our night isn’t over just yet. I still need to drop him off at Sabrina’s before I can head home.
When the last firework fades and the crowd begins to disperse, I start gathering up our things. Barrett’s eyelids are already drooping as I pick up Mr. Chompers and his blanket, his energy finally winding down after the excitement of the evening.
“Come on, buddy,” I say softly, helping him up. “Time to get you to Mom’s.”
Barrett nods sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he clutches Mr. Chompers to his chest. I carry him back to the car, his little head resting on my shoulder. He’s half-asleep by the time I buckle him into his seat, his fingers still curled around his dinosaur.
The drive to Sabrina’s is quiet, the only sound being the soft hum of the engine and Barrett’s gentle snores from the backseat. My mind drifts, wondering what Callie’s doing right now. I know it should be Karissa that I’m thinking about. But instead, Callie has been on my mind. I miss talking to her. I’m sure she’d enjoy a night like this, relaxed under the stars, with Sara probably asleep next to her.
We arrive at Sabrina’s house, and I park in the driveway, careful not to wake Barrett as I unbuckle him and gently lift him out of the car. Sabrina’s porch light is on, and I can see her silhouette in the doorway as she waits for us.
“Hey,” she says softly as I approach, her eyes flicking to Barrett, who’s still fast asleep in my arms.
“Hey,” I reply, my voice low. “He had a big night. He’s out like a light.”
Sabrina smiles, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from Barrett’s forehead. “He always has the best time with you.”
“Yeah, we had fun,” I say, feeling a pang of something I can’t quite identify—maybe it’s just the bittersweet reality of co-parenting, of knowing these moments are fleeting.
I carry Barrett to his room, tucking him into bed. He stirs a little but doesn’t wake, his tiny hand still gripping Mr. Chompers. I pull the blanket over him, making sure he’s comfortable before stepping back.
“Thanks for bringing him in for me,” Sabrina says, her voice full of warmth.
“Of course,” I reply, glancing at her. There’s a familiarity between us, a shared understanding that comes from years of navigating this complicated relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs, but when it comes to Barrett, we’re always on the same page.
“If you want to stick around for a bit, you can,” she offers, her tone casual but her eyes searching mine.
I consider it for a moment, but the weight of the evening’s events is pressing down on me, and I know I need some time to decompress. “Thanks, but I should probably head home. It’s been a long day.”
She nods, not pressing the issue. “Alright. Drive safe, okay?”
“Always,” I say with a small smile, giving Barrett one last look before heading back to the door. As I step outside into the cool night air, my thoughts go to Callie again. I wonder if she’s had as full of a day as I have. Maybe she’s putting Sara to bed or enjoying a quiet evening. Either way, I wish I could talk to her.