Thirty-Eight
thirty-eight
COUNT ON ME - brUNO MARS
OWEN - JULY 13, 2013
C arrying the box into Callie’s house, I start to feel a level of unease settling in my chest. I should have thought this through a bit more. Springing this on her, especially with Sara here, wasn’t my smartest move. I just wanted to do something nice for her and make life a little easier. But I didn’t think about the major boundary I’m potentially crossing by asking to be here when she has her daughter.
As I set the box down in the living room, I glance at Callie. She’s watching me, a soft smile playing on her lips. Despite my worries, she seems to be okay with it. Still, guilt gnaws at me. What was I thinking, just showing up like this?
“Callie…” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “I didn’t think about the fact that Sara would be here when I just showed up like this. If you need me to go, I can. I just wanted to help since you were so worn out. I should never have assumed that you’d be okay with me coming here like this when your daughter is here.”
Callie shakes her head, her smile widening, her eyes filled with understanding. “Owen, you have nothing to apologize for. This is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. I appreciate it more than you know. It just caught me off guard. I’m not usually a big fan of surprise visits. But I know your heart is in the right place. And I think it’s really sweet that you did this for me. For us,” she says, tipping her head in the direction of where Sara must be sleeping in Callie’s bedroom.
I nod, my eyes meeting hers. Her deep green eyes draw me in, brimming with appreciation and something I can’t quite place. “I get it. I just wanted to make things easier for you. But I should have asked you first.”
She steps closer, placing her hand on my arm. Her touch is warm, comforting. “You’re sweet, Owen. And thoughtful. It’s just going to get some getting used to… someone caring like this.”
Her touch sends a warmth through me, but it also makes me a bit sad knowing that she clearly hasn’t been cared for in the way she deserves in the past. “How about I hang out for a while while Sara is asleep? We can wait to put the crib together so we don’t wake her up.”
Callie’s face lights up with excitement. “Sure! We can watch a movie while we wait. I was finally able to get a little TV for the house, so I don’t have to watch movies on my computer anymore.”
“That sounds great,” I say, genuinely relieved that she’s okay with me sticking around. “What do you want to watch?”
Callie walks over to where the new TV sits proudly on a small stand. She grabs a stack of DVDs and starts flipping through them. “I have a few favorites here. How about The Notebook ?” she suggests with a wink.
I cringe involuntarily, and Callie laughs, the sound light and melodic. “Okay, clearly, that’s a no. How about Juno instead?”
I grin, deciding to tease her a bit. “We could always watch Dennis the Menace ?”
Callie’s eyes widen in horror, and she shakes her head vehemently. “Absolutely not! I told you that movie scares the crap out of me!”
We decide on Juno, but I make her promise to watch Back to the Future with me someday. As we settle on the couch and the movie starts, I can’t help but steal glances at Callie. There’s something about being here, in her space, sharing this simple moment that feels right.
As the movie plays, my phone starts buzzing repeatedly. I glance at the screen and see Karissa’s name flashing. I send it to voicemail and shove it back in my pocket, but a few minutes later, it buzzes again.
Callie notices and frowns. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s Karissa,” I admit, feeling a bit frustrated. “She keeps calling, but I’m sending her to voicemail. I’m not dealing with her drama right now.
Callie looks unconvinced. “Owen, if you’re not together, why is she calling you so much?”
“She’s not thrilled that I broke up with her this morning.”
“Weren’t you guys only together for like a month?” she asks, curiosity piqued.
I nod and pull out my phone, typing a quick text message to Karissa to remind her we aren’t together anymore and to please stop calling me. I hit send and then turn the screen to show Callie. “Here, see? I’m not lying to you.”
Callie glances at the message briefly before handing the phone back to me. “You didn’t have to show me that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten snippy about it. I just can’t deal with cheating and drama. ”
“I just want you to know that I would never lie to you about something like that,” I say, meeting her gaze earnestly. The sincerity in my voice is palpable, and I hope she feels it too. She’s obviously overwhelmed, though so I don’t want to go down the rabbit hole of telling her of the bullshit Karissa said to me about being pregnant and stress her out further.
She nods, and we turn our attention back to the movie. Just as it’s getting to one of the more emotional parts, we hear a small cry from the other room. I guess that means Sara is awake.
Callie pauses the movie and gets up. “I’ll be right back.”
I watch as she heads to her bedroom to get Sara, and I cannot help but miss what it was like when Barrett was that age. He was always so snuggly after his naps. It’s way too soon to think about it but my mind starts to wonder what it would be like to be a family with them anyway.
Callie comes out of the bedroom holding Sara, who looks sleepy, her light brown hair is disheveled from her nap. Her big blue eyes are wide with curiosity and she has a pacifier in her mouth that makes me chuckle as I read the words “Mute Button” on it. She’s clutching a well-loved stuffed giraffe, its faded spots and frayed ears indicating how much it’s been cherished. She rubs her eyes with her tiny fists, making her that much more adorable. My heart melts at the sight.
Callie approaches me with a nervous smile. “Owen, this is Sara,” she says softly, setting her daughter down on the floor.
I crouch down to Sara’s level, giving her a gentle smile. “Hi, Sara. It’s nice to meet you.”
Sara looks at me with wide eyes, clutching her stuffed giraffe tighter. Callie gently nudges her and then reaches to remove the pacifier from her mouth, causing a loud comical pop as it releases. “Sara, can you say hi to Owen?”
Sara’s little voice is barely audible as she whispers, “Hi.”
She is so precious. I reach out slowly, not wanting to startle her. “Is that your giraffe? He’s very cute.”
Sara nods, her grip on her giraffe loosening slightly. “Jeff-er-y,” she says, her voice a bit stronger now.
“Jeffrey is a great name,” I say, giving her a reassuring smile. “Do you like giraffes?”
Sara nods again, a small smile forming on her lips. I glance up at Callie, and our eyes meet. There’s a look of gratitude in her eyes, mixed with something deeper, something that makes my chest tighten. She’s letting me into this part of her life, and I completely understand the significance.
“I’m going to hang out with her in the living room while you work on the crib if you don’t mind,” Callie says, heading over to the small play area she’s set up with toys and books. She sets Sara down and Sara pops her pacifier back in her mouth and immediately starts playing with her toys. Her pacifier bobs up and down as she babbles softly to herself.
“Of course. Whatever you need,” I reply, my voice a little hoarse from the wave of emotions.
As I carry the crib box to Sara’s room, I can’t help but think about how natural this feels, being here with them. I open the box and start setting out the pieces and tools, my mind racing. The quiet gives me a moment to process everything. I can hear Callie and Sara playing in the other room, their laughter filling the house. It’s a comforting sound, one that makes me feel at home. I’ve never felt like this before, and it’s both exhilarating and terrifying.
While I work, my thoughts drift back to Barrett. How would he fit into this dynamic? Could he bond with Sara? Would he feel comfortable here, with Callie and me? The thought of Barrett and Sara playing together brings a smile to my face.
The crazy thing is I had zero interest in allowing Karissa to meet Barrett. But with Callie… it just feels different. It feels like we would all fit together seamlessly. I need to pump the brakes before my mind goes too far. One day at a time, Owen.
As I start assembling the crib, my mind drifts to the future. What will happen between Callie and me? Can we make this work? Does she want to make a go of this? I want to be there for her as more than just her friend. The thought of being a part of her life with Sara, of building something real and lasting, fills me with a sense of purpose I haven’t felt in a long time. I imagine Barrett being here, playing with Sara, us all spending time together as a blended family. The idea warms my heart and makes me hope for a future where we can all be happy together.
By the time the crib is halfway assembled, I hear footsteps behind me. Callie peeks into the room, holding Sara in her arms. “How’s it going in here?”
I smile, wiping some sweat from my forehead. “Making progress. It’s going to look great once it’s done.”
She steps closer, looking at the pieces starting to come together. “Thank you, Owen. For everything.”
I look at her and Sara, feeling that same warmth and determination. “It’s my pleasure Callie. Really.”
After I finish assembling the crib, Callie insists on making me dinner, which I am admittedly a little hesitant to eat, considering she’s told me on numerous occasions that she is a terrible cook. But it’s tacos, and I figured those couldn’t be screwed up too much. They actually weren’t that bad. Far from authentic, but still slightly less likely to make me shit my brains out than a certain fast food “Mexican” restaurant. I can’t help but smirk to myself as I eat; she’s sitting across from me, nervously watching for my reaction like she’s expecting me to spit it out or something. This girl… she cares so much, even about the little things, and it’s fucking adorable.
After dinner, Callie puts Sara to bed in her room where the crib is ready to go. She’s put on new elephant crib sheets and mutters something under her breath that sounds like, “At least it’s not fucking camo,” as she fights to get the fitted sheet on the crib mattress. I can’t help but chuckle at that—she’s got this fierce independence about her that I can’t get enough of. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, not even inanimate objects like crib sheets, and I love that about her.
This girl is something else.
Once Sara falls asleep, we settle back on the couch. There’s a comfortable silence between us as we watch another movie. This time, I’m choosing the movie. I shuffle through her DVD collection and cannot believe that she doesn’t own a single Will Ferrell movie. Not a single one. I let her know that this makes me question our friendship, and she has the audacity to say he’s “not that funny.” I pretend to be outraged, but I’m mostly amused by her blatant disregard for what I consider comedy gold.
We opt for Pineapple Express – fucking classic. Apparently she bought it in one of the cheap DVD bins at the store and hasn’t watched it yet because it’s still wrapped in plastic. As the movie starts, we sit close, our shoulders almost touching. Callie’s legs are curled up underneath her, and she keeps shifting, trying to get more comfortable. It’s a small thing, but every little move she makes pulls me in closer, like she’s got some invisible force field I can’t escape. And truthfully, I don’t want to. Her laugh as the movie plays—loud, unapologetic, even as she claims the movie is idiotic—sends warmth spreading through my chest. I catch myself just watching her, the way her eyes light up even when she’s rolling them at the dumb jokes. It’s one of those moments that feels almost surreal, like how did I get here, sitting on this couch with this incredible woman who has no idea how much she’s starting to mean to me?
Callie turns to me as the movie ends, her eyes searching mine. Without a word, she leans in, and our lips meet in a soft, tentative kiss. The world seems to pause, and all I can focus on is the feeling of her soft pink lips against mine. It’s like all those months of holding back, all those what-ifs and almosts, have culminated into this one moment. And damn, it feels right.
The kiss deepens, and I can feel Callie’s hands sliding up my chest. Her touch is electric, sending shivers down my spine. She moves closer, her body pressing against mine as she leans into the kiss. One of her hands moves to the back of my neck, her fingers slowly tickling my scalp as she runs her hand over my short hair. I swear, the sensation alone is enough to undo me.
Her kiss is driving me crazy and I don’t ever want it to stop. I reach my hand over to pull her on top of me so that she’s straddling me on the sofa. I’m certain that the little whimpers and moans that escape her lips are going to drive me mad. I’ve never enjoyed kissing as much as I do in this moment.
Every part of me wants to lose myself in her, to just let go and finally have what I’ve been craving since the first time we spoke. But somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice reminds me to slow down. I've heard that women get more worked up when they are pregnant, but something tells me that’s not what’s going on right now. This is three months of wishing we could be together crashing into us all at once, and it’s taking everything in me not to just give in. But I can’t. I can’t let myself get carried away because this girl… she matters. So fucking much.
She reaches down to my belt and I grab her wrists to stop her, trying desperately not to squeeze too tight. I pull back slowly from our kiss and she tugs on my bottom lip slightly with her teeth as a low growl escapes me. Fuck .
She looks at me with confusion and a hint of hurt flashing across her face. “Did I do something wrong?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
“No, Callie, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… I don’t want to rush this,” I tell her as I move my hands from her wrists and take her hands in mine, squeezing them gently. I can feel the tension in her, the way she’s trying to hold it together, and it kills me to think that she might be doubting herself right now.
She looks down at our hands intertwining and I can tell she’s upset that I stopped her. “Hey… look at me,” I say gently. When she lifts her gaze to meet mine, I can see tears welling up. “Hey, hey… Please don’t cry. I just don’t move quite this fast.”
She blinks, clearly surprised. “So now I’m fast?” she asks, defensively.
“Hey, don’t be like that. I am not saying that there’s anything wrong with you so don’t put words in my mouth.” She bites her bottom lip and starts fidgeting with her hands in mine nervously, and fuck, if it isn’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She looks so vulnerable, and all I want to do is protect her from whatever doubts are swirling in her head.
“I mean,” I say, lifting her chin so she’ll look at me again as tears fall from her eyes and I brush them away with my thumbs and hold her face steady, “I don’t want to rush this. I don’t rush into sex. I have a three date minimum before I get into bed with someone. And I want to do things right with you.” I’m terrified that saying this will make her push me away, but she needs to know I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.
Her expression softens, and she gives me a small, understanding smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think we were rushing. We’ve been talking for what feels like forever and now that I finally have you here with me… I just don’t want to lose you.”
“Callie, you don’t have to be physical with me in order to keep me coming back.” I hope she believes me because every word is true. It’s not about the sex. It’s about her.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped.” I can see the sincerity in her eyes and feel the weight of her words.
“Baby, don’t cry. It’s okay,” I hesitate, realizing I probably shouldn’t have called her that.
She cries into my chest and sniffles when she’s finally able to stop her tears. She reaches up at the same time I do to wipe away her tears. “I just thought you didn’t want me,” she finally admits.
God, if she only knew how badly I want her. I pull her face to mine and kiss her deeply, wrapping my arms around her in a hug, holding her close. “I do want you, Callie—more than you know. But I respect you too much to rush this. I want to make sure we do it right.”
She nods, and I can feel her relaxing in my arms. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Always,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I promise.”
As the night grows later, I know it’s time to leave. I walk to the door and Callie follows. Before I step outside, I turn to her, taking in her face one last time. I lean in, kissing her goodbye. As I pull away, I notice the hint of amethyst in her eyes and my breath catches.
Wait a minute …
“Goodnight, Owen,” she says softly as I stand dumbfounded as the realization hits me that I’ve seen those eyes before.
This is fucking intense.
“Goodnight, Callie.”
As I walk to my truck, my mind races with thoughts of what this all means. Callie is literally the girl of my fucking dreams.
And I’m so fucking gone for her.