Fifty-Nine
fifty-nine
I CHOOSE YOU - SARA BAREILLES
CALLIE - SEPTEMBER 27, 2013
I t’s been a good day spent with Brooke and Taylor. As we stroll through the rows of craft booths, the smell of cinnamon and freshly brewed coffee fills the air. The sun warms my skin and I take in the simplicity of the moment.
As I look at a display of funny signs that say things like “If I stirred it, it’s Homemade,” my phone buzzes in my back pocket. I expect it to be a picture of Sara from my mom who is watching her or maybe a message from Owen. Instead, when I glance at the screen, my stomach twists. It’s not them. It’s Matt.
I stare at his name for a second on my screen and I contemplate not opening the message at all but curiosity gets the best of me.
Matt:
Callie, I think I made a mistake. I love you. I have since we were kids. Please don’t shut me out. I’ll break things off with her if you just give me another chance.
The message catches me completely off-guard because I haven’t heard from him in months and when we were exploring getting back together, he hadn’t told me he loved me then.
My breath catches in my chest and I feel my throat tighten. The text brings so many emotions to the forefront of my mind–confusion, anger. After everything, Matt chooses now to say these things to me?
Is it because he’s aware that I’m with someone else now–because I’m finally happy?
Without further hesitation, I swipe back to my messages and block his number–barring him from my life completely. Matt doesn’t deserve to hold space in my life. That part of my life is over, and I’m not going to fall back into old patterns again. I’m not risking what I have with Owen for anything.
The following weekend when we have Barrett again, Owen and I decide to take the kids for a walk. He took the news of Matt’s text to me better than I expected. It’s obvious that he is grateful my first instinct was to block Matt rather than reply to him.
Today is one of those crisp fall days, the kind that makes everything feel cozy. I’ve been trying to walk more now that I’m getting closer to having the baby and we’ve been going for walks like this almost every day. Owen pulls Barrett and Sara in a big red wagon behind him.
I smile, pulling out my phone to snap a few pictures. Sara is babbling and giving me her biggest smiles while Barrett flashes me a giant grin.
“We should do this every year,” I say, the words coming out before I think about the fact that I’m absentmindedly making plans for our future. Owen said he’s all in with me but there’s still a part of me that wonders if he’s ever going to wake up one day and realize just how crazy it is to commit to someone like me–someone with all the baggage that I have.
He looks at me, his expression softening. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
As of yesterday, we’ve been together for two months. I still get those same drunken butterflies in my stomach every time he looks at me and somehow, I know that won’t go away any time soon. This is what I want for my life–him, us, the kids–this is my future. I know, without a doubt, this is exactly where I’m meant to be.
The cool breeze swirls around us as we continue walking and I feel our future unfolding with every step we take.