Chapter Fourteen Charlie
Chapter Fourteen
Charlie
I should have known this woman was up to something. It was always some sort of game with her. She’d been the one to push for this, and then she’d fled without even giving me a second glance.
This was why I didn’t mess around with women I knew.
Violet was anything but simple.
Yes, I was attracted to her.
But the woman was giving me whiplash.
One minute she’s trying to seduce me, and the next she can’t stand the sight of me.
I walked down the hall to my bedroom, where I found my dress shirt lying on the edge of the bed.
Had she changed her clothes?
My bedroom smelled like pine, and I glanced at the candle sitting on the dresser, noting the wax was still melted.
She’d come to my house, worn my clothing, lit candles, and what?
Rolled around in my bed?
This was some weird shit, even for Violet.
I sighed. I’d expected her to cancel this morning. Hell, even up until about an hour ago, I’d assumed she was fucking with me.
But then when she’d texted that she’d meet me here, I guess I got on board with the plan.
It was a disaster in the making, and we both knew it.
This was for the best.
My phone buzzed, and I saw an incoming call from Caroline.
I was already irritated, and I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather not talk to at the moment.
“Hey,” I hissed.
“I haven’t talked to you in a year, and that’s how you greet me?” she asked, her voice sugary sweet.
This woman could put on a show with the best of them.
“What’s up, Caroline?” I ran a hand down the back of my neck as I dropped to sit on the edge of my bed.
“Well, I just got back from the South of France. Wyatt proposed while we were there,” she said.
Wyatt was her longtime boyfriend, and I was actually shocked they hadn’t tied the knot yet. She claimed he knew about Harper, but he just didn’t want anything to do with her.
So, as far as I was concerned, Wyatt could go fuck himself.
We didn’t want anything to do with him either.
“Good for you.”
“We were gone for a couple weeks, and I think we can both use some space.” She chuckled, like we were fucking girlfriends discussing the things that irritated us about our boyfriends. She’d called the wrong dude if this was why she was reaching out.
I glanced at the nightstand, noting the top drawer wasn’t closed all the way. I pulled it open and knew immediately that the little deviant woman who’d been taunting me with her hot little body had been up to something. It looked like she’d rifled through my drawer looking for something.
My God, had she attempted to rob me?
And that’s when my eye caught on the red cap.
Clementine Claus Huxley.
The motherfucking Elf on a Shelf from hell.
I’d survived another Christmas of make-believe and magic for my little girl, even if it had nearly been the death of me.
This motherfucker had hung from our ceiling fans, set up camp on the toilet seat, even skied down a long piece of toilet paper that I’d attached to the ceiling.
Hell, I’d done home renovations that were less complicated than deciding where this elf would be stationed when Harper woke up every morning.
I’d been on websites that some of the moms from school had recommended to me, because Harper loved to find Clementine the minute she woke up, from the first day of December until the last.
So maybe I had a backup Elf on a Shelf, because I’d gotten her stuck in a goddamn balloon on Christmas Eve. She was supposed to look like she was in some sort of snow globe, but it looked more like a newborn alien resurrection.
So I’d used my backup elf and shoved this failed attempt in my nightstand.
Because my daughter wasn’t a snoop, unlike Violet Beaumont.
“Hello? Earth to Charlie.”
“Yeah, I’m here.” I tucked Clementine in my coat pocket and walked back to the kitchen. “What do you need, Caroline?”
“So, is there a birthday party this year?” she asked.
“She’s a kid. There’s a birthday party every year,” I said dryly.
“I’m going to fly into Blushing for a few hours, but I don’t want to spend it with a bunch of loud kids, you know? I’d rather just hang out with you and Harper.”
She said it like we should be so thankful to have her grace us with her presence.
I wasn’t thankful in the slightest.
I tolerated her because she was Harper’s mother.
I was annoyed that the woman who’d given birth to my daughter thought it was fine to fly into town for a few hours one day a year, and she thought Harper owed this day to her.
I was annoyed that the woman living in my backyard, haunting every filthy fantasy I’d had for weeks, had asked to spend a few hours with me, and then she’d been run off by Clementine the fucking elf.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “The party is tomorrow afternoon, here at the house. If you’re coming Saturday, that’s what we’re doing.”
“You can’t move it to Sunday?” she whined.
The fucking nerve of this woman.
“No, Caroline. It’s a party that’s been planned for weeks. It’s Harper’s day. Come or don’t come, but don’t fucking ask a six-year-old to move her party to accommodate you.”
“What is with this attitude, Charlie?” she snipped. “I thought we agreed I could come once a year.”
“Yeah. You just sort of said that’s what you were doing. But Harper is getting older, and things are changing. She doesn’t know you. And her birthday should not be about wondering if you’re coming or not.”
“Well, I’m coming.”
“Fine. Party’s at noon. I’ve got to go,” I said, grabbing my keys and ending the call.
I drove the short distance to the Blushing Bride and put my truck in park before jogging inside. Blakely was sitting at the front desk, and her eyes widened when I walked in.
“Hey, Charlie. Nice to see you,” she said.
“Yeah. You too. I just need a quick minute with Violet.” I moved toward her office, because I wasn’t waiting one more minute to call her out.
“She, um . . .” I heard Blakely fumble over her words, but I ignored her and kept walking.
I rounded the corner, finding the door to Violet’s office open.
She was staring at her monitor as she reached for a handful of Skittles.
Her head snapped up when I moved toward her desk, and before she could speak, I tossed the damn elf on her desk.
“Do you normally snoop in people’s nightstand drawers before you .
. . what did you call it . . . ‘bang it out’? ”
“Charles,” she said before her eyes moved to the monstrosity that had just landed on her desk.
I crossed my arms over my chest and waited.
“I mean, I find it interesting that you’re more disturbed by the idea of me looking in your nightstand drawer than the fact that you shoved a doll into a condom, and you keep it beside your bed.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The doll. The condom. You don’t find it alarming?” she snipped.
I ran a hand down my face. An hour ago, we were planning to have sex, but instead I was dealing with this complete insanity. “I don’t know what kind of condom you think that is, but it’s actually a balloon. And that’s not a doll, that’s Clementine.”
“This is supposed to make me feel better?” She rolled her eyes.
“If you hadn’t snooped in the first place, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
“Don’t turn this on me. I was looking for a condom, and I stumbled upon this Silence of the Lambs type of serial killer stuff.”
“You know, Violet, if you’d just picked up the damn phone and asked where the condoms were, I would have been happy to tell you that I didn’t have any at the house.
I don’t bring women to my home. This was going to be a first. That’s why I was late, because I stopped by the drugstore to grab a box on my way home, while you were ransacking my house like you work for the goddamn CIA. ”
She stood up, grabbed the elf shoved in the latex, and shook it in front of my face. “It still wouldn’t have explained this!”
I stood, leaning over the desk as I yanked it from her hand. “Don’t shake Clementine like that. Harper’s attached.”
“I’m sure Harper doesn’t know you shove her dolls in balloons, nor do I think she’d be happy about it.”
“For fuck’s sake. It’s an Elf on a Shelf.
I tried to make a snow globe out of a balloon on Christmas Eve.
A mom in her class told me I could shove it in the balloon and then blow it up and I could put snow in there, and some other fancy shit.
But I got the damn thing stuck in the balloon and couldn’t get it out.
So I hid it in my nightstand, and I had to have Will run to town and get me another elf to use on Christmas morning.
I just forgot I shoved it in my drawer. Why the fuck did you think I’d stuck it in a condom? ”
She sat back down in her chair as she processed my words, and I reached for the scissors on her desk and cut the end of the balloon, freeing Clementine from the latex.
I held it in front of her. “This is our Elf on a Shelf. Her name is Clementine Claus Huxley. Harper has had her since she was three years old, and she’s obsessed with her.
This thing has caused me more stress than the Wilsons’ nightmare renovation last year.
I’ve sewed clothing for her, I’ve built props that could rival a Hollywood movie set, and apparently now she’s the reason I’m currently standing here instead of having sex with you. ”
“Oh,” she whispered. “She’s cute.”
“‘She’s cute’? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I mean, you have to understand why I would be concerned?” She threw her hands in the air.
“And this is why this is not a good idea. Look how quickly you jumped to the wrong conclusion. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain, you just decided I was, what—a doll serial killer?”
“Well, it sounds crazy when you say it like that.” She sighed. “I should have asked you, but I guess I freaked out.”
My phone vibrated, and I glanced down to see a text from Will that there was an issue at the hotel. “That’s an understatement. I’ve got to get back to work.”
“Wait. We’ve still got time.” She moved to her feet just as I stood.
“Listen. I’m calling this done. Five minutes ago, you thought I was a serial killer, and this has disaster written all over it.” I moved toward the door after shoving Clementine in my back pocket.
“Charlie,” she said, and I paused in the doorway and turned around. She just stared at me, her gaze searching mine. “I’m sorry for snooping.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Firefly. Everything happens for a reason.”
“I’ve always hated that saying. I mean, it’s not true at all. Fires and natural disasters and murders, none of those happen for a reason. But maybe I wanted to find a reason to run out of there—I do have a habit of doing that. I tend to self-sabotage.”
It was the first time I’d ever seen a vulnerable side of Violet Beaumont, and it caught me off guard. “Hey, nothing wrong with self-preservation. I’ll see you later.”
But I wouldn’t see her tonight. She had a working oven. She wouldn’t need to come by the house to prepare her meals anymore.
“I, um, I wanted to run something by you.” She hurried to her feet and held up her phone. “I know I’m setting up the party in the morning, but I saw this cute idea on Pinterest to do the morning of a kid’s birthday, and I wanted to see if I could come by early and do it for Harper?”
The photo was of a bedroom covered in balloons with a note taped to the door with birthday wishes from the birthday fairy.
I wanted to tell her I had it covered. But I didn’t do this kind of shit. I’d been pretty decent with Clementine the elf, but that was as far as my creativity went.
“You don’t need to do that. But I’m not going to tell you that you can’t. She’d fucking love it.” I shrugged.
“That’s all I needed to hear,” she said. “I’ll be over tomorrow morning before the sun comes up. She needs to be asleep, and I’ll just come in the back door and work my magic, and slip right out.”
“Really? You don’t plan on bringing a forensics expert to swab our DNA?” I smirked.
“You aren’t going to let me live this one down, are you?”
“I don’t plan on it.” I knocked on the doorframe and walked out.
Me and my large set of blue balls had to get back to work.