Love (Their Shattered Hope #3)

Chapter 1

One

HOPE

Silence lays around me like a thick blanket, almost suffocating. I see them move; I feel their breaths but hear no sounds. Nothing other than the sharp ringing in my ear as I stare at his bloodshot eyes, the filthy grin on his destroyed face.

One move. One squeeze and it’s done. A sharp intake of breath to force the tremble to stop and I squeeze. I squeeze my finger around the trigger with all I have, and my scream replaces the sharp ringing. Sounds rush back as I keep pulling, keep shooting until no bullets leave the barrel.

A big strong hand covers my own and pries the empty gun from my cold fingers.

His voice is a gentle whisper. “Good girl.”

I blink away the memory as I stare out of the window. I should feel something, right? Anger, remorse, regret?

I scoff at the thought. Regret will never be one of the emotions I’ll feel when it comes to killing my dad.

He deserved it, and I wish I could hurt him even more, as his death was a kindness he didn’t deserve. He deserved to suffer every day, like I did and still am.

But can you make a true monster suffer?

I flinch as Dimitri nudges my shoulder. “You should eat something, sweetheart,” he says, a soft smile on his lips and a kindness in his eyes I’ve never seen before.

“What are you doing?” I ask the first thing that comes to mind.

“Getting you to eat something,” he says with a raised brow.

“I get that, but why are you being… different?” I note, and his eyes fall to the ground.

“What do you want me to be then?” he mutters and pulls my fluffy blue robe aside to skim his fingers over the scars on my chest. My breath hitches in the back of my throat. “Do you want me to be the guy who did that to you?”

My brows crease and I lean back so his touch leaves my skin. “Never mind,” I mumble and grab the plate with the ham sandwich.

“Look at me,” he says, his voice harsher than before but the kindness in his eyes remains. The reminder of how weak and fragile I am.

He sighs as if he heard my thoughts. “I don’t know what to do either, Hope.

But I do know, I’m not leaving, never. So, get used to this side of me, and remember it when I’m being…

my usual fantastic self.” He rolls his eyes and turns away from me.

Just in time so he doesn’t see the slight smile on my cracked lips.

That was better.

I eat the sandwich with small, careful bites.

Every time my jaw closes, pain shoots down my neck but I have to finish it.

Dimitri even remembered to cut the crusts off.

I wonder if he thinks doing small, gentle things will make me whole, or if it’s a penance, a way to absolve himself of what he didn’t stop, what he let happen.

I wonder if it even matters.

I keep my eyes trained on the street below. Waiting, watching.

The street is empty except for a pair of small birds pecking at the ground.

I stare past them, watching my own reflection, seeing how the dark circles under my eyes have started to look like bruises.

I raise my hand and press a fingertip against the glass, just to see if I can hide myself behind it, and then I notice them, two shadows.

Knox walks with his head down, hands jammed in his pockets, jaw clenched, eyes flicking everywhere. Jax, beside him, walks like he’s daring the world to try something.

I swallow the last of the sandwich and call over my shoulder, “They’re home.”

Home… is this my home now. With them?

Dimitri doesn’t answer. I know he’s listening, waiting for me to say more, but I won’t give him that.

Instead, I watch as Jax stops and looks straight up at the window.

He sees me watching, and for a second, his expression almost seems soft.

He lifts a hand in a loose wave, but I don’t move.

I just watch him, letting him see that I don’t have to respond, that I don’t owe him anything. Even though I do.

I hear the small click of ceramic as Dimitri puts his mug down, then the soft hiss of his shoes as he comes up beside me. He looks over my head, out at the lot.

“They weren’t supposed to be back till tomorrow.”

“Plans change,” I mumble.

He rests his hand on my shoulder, almost too heavy. The three of us haven’t been in one room since the night it happened. Since they buried what was left of my father and pretended we never knew him.

Dimitri whispers, “You okay?”

“I’m always okay,” I whisper, and I almost believe it. Jax and Knox move out of sight and Dimitri scans the lot.

“Do you think someone will come for us?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Whoever called him…” He leaves me by the window and I listen as he unlocks the apartment door and waits for the other monsters. My monsters.

My fingers go to the scars on my chest before I can stop them, tracing the pale ridges under my robe.

I hear the front door open, the thud and shuffle of boots in the hall but I still don’t move.

The silence stretches for a while before they actually come up.

I count the footsteps, and in my head I guess which one is which, but the truth is I know their weights, their gaits.

Dimitri is steady, Knox is louder, and Jax…

he’s sneaky, silent like a predator. But I can hear the change, as if they all know I listen closely now, more aware of my surroundings.

Jax’s the first to stand by my side, his fingers grazing over my swollen cheek as he sits down beside me. He glances down at the plate in my hands and says, “You eat?”

I don’t answer. Instead, I look at the knuckle of his right hand, split open and scabbed, and ask, “Did it hurt?”

He looks at me, and for a second I see how much he wants me to care, how much he needs this to mean something. “Not really,” he says. “But Jared wasn’t any help this time.”

I should be grateful for them, but the torment weights just as heavy and I wonder what would tip the scale. Will I be safe and happy with them, or only safe…?

“When do you three need to go back to the team?” I ask and my ribs tighten, fear settles, and I hate that I’m leaning on them.

“Why? You’re ready?” Knox asks and I almost scoff.

“You want to wait until I’m ready to go back?” The corner of my lip twitches as a smile threatens to escape.

“You set the rules,” Jax says and tugs on my robe.

“Rules? What’s that supposed to mean?” I fear if I set the pace, I’ll never leave this freaking apartment. Knox’s apartment, actually. I haven’t been back to my own, fearing there’s someone watching me there.

“Look at me,” Knox says, his voice sharp and tough.

Jax teases me with an eye-roll and I meet Knox’s dark and heavy stare.

“Want me to decide? Want me to tell you what to do?” he chuckles. “Be very careful with what you decide, sweetheart. Very careful.”

Asshole. He’s a fucking ass. But I need it. When they push my buttons, taunt me, it makes something stir inside me and I feel the strength that comes from my resistance.

A strength I need, desperately.

“No,” I mutter. “I don’t need you deciding what to do.”

“Then tell us. We need fucking words, Hope,” Knox grumbles.

“I don’t like staying here,” I whisper.

His thick brows crease together. “You don’t like the bed? I can get your mattress if you want.”

Too nice.

“Well too bad, Hope. You’re not leaving, so get used to it,” Dimitri snaps at me, but I see what he did there. I notice the faint curve of his lips.

“Fuck you,” I say.

Dimitri’s smile treads further. “Don’t tease me now.”

“I’m lost,” Jax whispers as he glances between Knox and Dimitri until Dimitri fills in the blanks.

“She misses us, stupid,” Dimitri says.

“Misses is a very big word,” I add.

“She’s not made of fucking glass, so stop treating like she is. She’s strong, fierce, she killed her own dad. Emptied the entire clip in his body. She doesn’t need our doting,” Dimitri says.

“We’re being too nice, that’s it?” Knox fills in.

“It’s… weird,” I whisper.

“Baby, you don’t have to be strong now, you can… we got you. You know that, right?” Jax asks.

“I know that. It just… feels off. This is not who you are and yes you three could change a bit for the better… cause well… you know. But this?” I point to us all. “I’m not even sure what this is.”

“Oh, I can show you what this is,” Jax teases as he rubs his tongue piercing between his lips and I briefly wonder why he took out the snake bites and his eyebrow piercing.

“I’m sure you can,” I nudge back.

I don’t see it coming, not until warm hands cover my sensitive cheeks and turn my face. Dimitri’s lips press on mine, my eyes wide open as his kiss becomes almost painful.

He pulls back slightly. Our lips part. “I’m not leaving, they aren’t leaving, but I hear you. I get what you need, but we need your help, okay, sweetheart?” He whispers the last part and his breath tickles my wet lips.

I swallow and nod without a sound.

“Good girl,” Dimitri whispers.