Chapter 29
Twenty-nine
HOPE
A few weeks later
God, I hoped I’d never see Jared’s face again, but here I am, stuck closing out his file. He looks so… kind. Almost harmless. But I know better.
A shiver runs down my spine. All the camera’s, the pictures in his apartment, and his attempt…
“Men are disgusting,” I mutter to myself and send out the email for Jared’s file.
“Not all of us.” I flinch as Coach Carpenter stands in my doorway. “Apologies, didn’t mean to startle you, Hope.”
I hold up my hand. “No, it’s okay. I forgot I left the door open.”
A smile tugs on his lips and he nods to the chair at the other side of my desk.
“Yes, yes, of course! Take a seat.”
“I wanted to check in with you, to see how you were holding up… with… everything.”
I swallow. “Thank you for the referral to Dr. Lin,” I say and take a breath.
“It’s been… difficult trusting another therapist again.
But I’m happy with her.” Of course, Jaxon, with his annoying burglary skills, broke in…
fucking again. But I was glad he did. It made me trust her more. And I needed that.
“Good, good.” He beams and his fingers lace together as he rests his forearms on my desk. “I heard about your project.”
“Project?” My brows tug together and my cheeks heat when I realize what he’s talking about. “Right… it isn’t really a project. It was just an idea. And I don’t even know if I’m the right person to set something like that up.”
“I think you’re the best person for it,” he says, a hint of pride laced in his voice. I can’t help the sting that fills my eyes.
“Well,” I say and grab the binder from my drawer. “I’ve done some research and tried to find a way to make it… fit… with my job here. And I think I got it figured out.”
“Just an idea,” he chuckles and takes the binder from me. He flips through the pages, and my nerves spike.
I don’t want anyone else to go through what I did.
After everything that has happened to me and the support I missed in my life to escape the horrors I endured, I have to do something.
Or at least, build something. A safe haven for those who are victims of abuse, a place where they know they can find help.
Help they need.
Real people that listen to them and act as their rock. Someone who gives them an out, an escape.
“You got a name?” he asks and his eyes stay glued to the pages.
I bite my bottom lip. “Kinda. Haven’t told the guys yet.”
“What is it?”
“Daisy’s Haven…” I say.
He nods. “I love it,” he says and hands me the file back. “Get everything in order, so we can set it up.”
I blink. “We?”
He smiles. “Here, you’re family. Whatever you need, just ask.”
A family. “Thank you.”
He smiles and gets up. “Oh, before I forget. I know Jaxon isn’t a kleptomaniac, but—”
Oh dammit. “I know, he just wanted me to be safe. He won’t break into her office again.”
He chuckles. “Good.”
As he walks out, I see Knox lurking, leaning against the doorframe.
He stares at me, checking if I’m really okay, and I nod.
My monsters… My saviors.
“Ready to go home, sweetheart?” Knox’s voice rumbles softly.
Home. My home, with them.
“Always,” I say and close off my computer and grab my stuff.
No more bruises mark my skin, no more cuts. My body is healed, my soul… almost. Or maybe never. But that’s okay.
I’ve found my place, I’ve found happiness, my light in the darkness.
I think I finally know the meaning of love.
It’s not easy, or soft. Love isn’t some Hallmark movie full of smiles and endless joy. It’s real, hurtful, and honest.
I think of the way Dimitri’s hands are so gentle when he touches me, like he’s always afraid he’s going to hurt me.
How he watches me eat, how I feel when we cook together.
I think of the way Jaxon can’t sit still, his body always on the edge of violence or laughter, how he holds me tightly at night to keep the nightmares away.
How even though I know I hurt him, he’ll never let me go.
Then Knox, the way his voice darkens and his body tenses whenever I’m in pain and how he’d kill to protect me. They all have and will, and I for them.
Love isn’t the absence of monsters. It’s about learning to survive with them, to find solace in the thorny tangle of their arms and hunger, to see them and see home.
It’s waking up every day and choosing to stay, not because I’m needed or I need them, but because I want to.
For the first time, I want nothing more than to be the center of these men’s brutal, messy universes.
That’s what love is, for me. Ugly and wild and so beautiful it tears my chest open with every single breath.
I lace my fingers with Knox’s, and my heart skips.
He smiles down at me and heat simmers in my stomach.
He doesn’t say anything, just leads us out of the building, down the steps.
Outside, Dimitri and Jaxon are already waiting by the car, arguing about the best route home like it matters, but they just like to… banter.
I smile at them, leaning closer to Knox.
Jax opens the back door and bows, making a big show of it. “Your chariot, m’lady.”
I roll my eyes with a scoff and climb in. He slides in after me, pressing me up against the window, his thigh warm against mine. He leans in and, for a second, I think he’s going to make a joke, but he just kisses my temple. Soft, gentle.
Dimitri catches my gaze in the rearview mirror, his mouth twitching up at one corner.
Knox drives. I watch his knuckles flex on the wheel, the way his jaw tightens and relaxes every time he glances back to check on us.
I rest my head on Jaxon’s shoulder and let myself drift.
We don’t say it, but we’re all thinking of the cabin.
About Dimitri’s dad and what will happen to us.
We haven’t heard anything, not a single whisper.
“I found a name,” I say, needing my mind straight again. Of course, I told them about my plan too, to build something bigger than us, in recognition of us, to help or prevent or support. I lift my head and meet Jaxon’s stare. “Daisy’s Haven.”
I see the hurt in his eyes when he hears her name. I see the pain. He swallows and slowly nods. “I love it.”
I smile. “I love you.”
Knox hits the brakes and I squeal.
“What did you say?”
“Jesus, you can’t just stop the car here,” I mutter.
“Sweetheart, look at me,” Knox orders. Jaxon can’t control the beaming smile on his face, and Dimitri’s eyes bounce between us, unsure.
“She said it to me first,” Jaxon taunts and stares at Dimitri.
I lift my eyes to Knox, a teasing curve on my lips. “What?”
“Don’t torture me like this,” he grits.
I unbuckle my seat, ignoring the honks from outside, and lean forward. “I love you too, Knox,” I whisper and I believe this is the first time his stoic, harsh expression truly softens.
None of us believed we were worthy of love. Too many scars on our skins. On our souls. But we deserve it as much as anyone else.
I turn my head to Dimitri, and I reach for his cheek, brushing my fingers over the stubble. “I love you, Dimitri.” His hand covers mine and I see a weight lifting off his shoulders. “You’re all mine, and I’m yours.”
Knox slowly drives away again, and Jaxon pulls me back into my seat.
“I love you too,” Jaxon whispers in my ear.
I know they do; they all do. God, we’re a mess. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.
KNOX
The second I get out of the car, I wrap myself around Hope, sweeping her off her feet and kissing her hard and deep.
If I could spell out that I love her in a kiss, I would.
As it is, my greedy hands stroking over her back, gripping her hair, and my hips grinding her into the side of the car while I feast on her will have to do.
Three words isn’t enough. I pant against her mouth. “I live for you. Forever. More than love, sweetheart.”
Dimitri turns her head, his hand gripping her cheek as he kisses her tenderly, softly, like he can soothe my hunger. He kisses her like it’s worship and I fucking believe it.
None of us deserve her love. None of us were trying to get it when we saved her, when we killed for her, when we followed through again and again. We weren’t even aiming for forgiveness. It was just about her safety, her happiness, whatever she needed to feel whole and secure.
Dimitri draws back and Hope touches her raw lips. I refuse to let go of her, keeping my hand on her back. Dimitri stays close while Jaxon kisses her, the corner of her mouth, the other side, then he deepens the kiss, moaning into her mouth.
She strokes the still-healing scar that races from nearly the corner of his eye to right over his ear where the top is missing. He shudders and turns his head slightly. She traces the wound with her lips, then looks between us.
She blushes. “So I say it to all three of you and we’re just going to stand outside?”
“Oh, do you have naughty plans for us now that the truth is out?” Jax teases.
Hope giggles, but I motion the guys to the apartment. They go, giving me a moment alone with her. I put her hand on my chest, right over the new scar that’s just for her, the only scar on my skin that matters.
She looks at her hand, feels my heart pounding under it, then I swallow hard. “I love you, Hope. More than love you. I’m yours. In every way you need, in ways you want. Only yours.”
She trembles. “Knox…”
“You might as well be the only woman that exists in the world. There’s only you.”
She sucks in a breath, then swallows, trying and failing to come up with something to say. I lean down, tugging her shirt and kissing the mark we put on her. It was done in cruelty, but now it’s a mark of what’s been obvious for longer than any of us could have realized—we belong together.
“That’s… a lot,” she whispers.
“You’re with three men. You should be preparing to deal with a lot forever. We’re your monsters, for better or worse,” I say, then kiss her forehead. “And we all deserve a hell of a lot better than what we’ve had in the past.”
“Only better in the future,” she says.
Squeezing her hand, I pull it up and kiss across her knuckles. I’ll be gentle with her, for her, as long as she needs it. I won’t demand sex, even though my entire body craves it. We’re going to find the normal that works for us. The normal we can all tolerate, then we can explore.
There’s no point in reminding her that we still have to wait for some kind of police answer before we can start ruling things out. My phone buzzes and I slide it out of my pocket.
I forgot I asked the real estate agent to put me on a list for penthouses up north and some fixer-uppers.
Opening it up, I scroll through the pictures.
Two-story house, a full backyard, a pool, gated, plenty of room without there being too much, and it’s currently listed at a steal because there needs to be some renovations, like a new roof, and it’s not exactly the best looking from the outside.
We can fix curb appeal easily and the bare bones of the place are good for us.
It’s right what we need, something we can build up. Create our home together.
I send an auto message to the real estate agent without bothering to tell Hope or the guys. I’ll talk to Dimitri about it. He’ll understand.
We’ve outgrown apartments—we’re no longer running. It’s time to put down roots.