Chapter 52
Chapter Fifty-Two
NOAH
I was alone the last time I was here, but today I have Caleb and Jessica by my side.
Jessica hasn’t let go of my hand since we arrived. Her palm is as sweaty as mine, but I don’t have the heart to let go. I need the physical contact as much as she does.
Caleb’s arm brushes against mine as we sit in the waiting room, his leg bouncing up and down as we wait.
All of our nerves are a palpable presence. I have to consciously work on controlling my breathing.
In—one, two, three.
Out—one, two, three.
“Noah Harrington?”
We all look up as my name is called. I nod and let out a shaky breath.
“Soon to be Harrington-Knight,” Caleb says into my ear, causing my lips to rise in a smile despite the enormity of the situation. We’re just waiting on the deed poll paperwork to go through.
We all stand, Caleb’s palm moving to my lower back, Jessica’s fingers still linked with mine.
I square my shoulders and take another fortified breath. It takes physical effort to put one foot in front of the other.
And then we’re inside, the door closing behind us with an ominous clack.
Everything around me is amplified, the whooshing in my ears, the bright overhead lights, the stark white walls.
I don’t even recall sitting down, it’s as though I’m on autopilot going through the motions.
I struggle to process the doctor’s words.
I’ve imagined every possible outcome, the intrusive thoughts a barricade in my mind.
The surgeon is here along with the breast care nurse where they explain the results of the pathology report.
This is it.
I glance at Caleb and Jessica on either side of me, and they take my hands.
I feel their strength, their love and support to the core of my very being and I know no matter what happens next, I am the lucky one for being loved by two.
Exhaling, I focus on the surgeon and will myself to hear beyond the pulsing in my ears. My hands physically shake, my entire body tense as I grit my jaw in anticipation.
“Noah, we’re glad to tell you the surgery went well. We successfully removed the cancer and there were no signs of it spreading to your lymph nodes. It was caught early.”
I shake my head, unsure if I heard him correctly.
“Pardon?” I ask, my voice coming out shaky.
He smiles, like this isn’t an uncommon occurrence when sharing this kind of news. “We successfully removed the cancer, and there were no signs of it spreading to your lymph nodes,” he repeats with patience and understanding.
A soft sob escapes Jessica, and a huge sigh of relief comes from Caleb. I glance between them, seeing tears escape Jessica’s eyes, and Caleb’s are glassy. Unable to hold back my own emotions, I find myself crying too.
The nurse passes over some tissues.
“Oh my god, Noah,” Jessica says, leaning over to kiss the corner of my mouth, Caleb’s palm moving to the back of my neck.
“Fuck,” he says, his voice cracking.
I turn to look at him as he quickly wipes away his own tears and together the three of us revel in the moment.
“Sorry,” I say, glancing back to the surgeon and the nurse.
He shakes his head. “It’s okay, you take your time,” he replies.
It takes a few minutes for me to try to compose myself, as everything I felt over the past couple of weeks comes rushing to the surface.
But mostly I feel a huge wave of relief and gratitude.
“So, what happens next?” Jessica asks, and I couldn’t love her more in this moment, because any questions I might have had, elude me. Even though I have a list on my phone.
“We’d like to check your surgical wound,” he replies, his attention on me.
I nod and swallow. This was something else I knew was coming, wishing it was something I could avoid but knowing that’s not an option.
The nurse ushers me to the bed and pulls the curtain, leaving me alone.
I’ve only seen the outline of the scar through the surgical tape, the barrier making it less prominent.
I remove my shirt, my fingers struggling with the buttons as I do so. I sit on the bed, the surgeon asking if I’m ready, and then he and the nurse join me behind the curtain.
And yet I still can’t bear to look down, worried about what I’ll see.
“Okay, you’re healing nicely.”
He gently pokes around the incisions. “Anything you’re worried about, pain, discomfort?”
I shake my head. “I had some numbness, but that seems to be improving.”
He nods. “That’s good, and to be expected. But if anything else gives you cause for concern contact us immediately, okay?”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll leave you to get dressed, just come join us when you’re ready.”
I wait until I’m alone behind the confines of the curtain once more before I look down. My body will never be the same again, it’s something I resigned myself to and yet it doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.
I can hear whispered words from Jessica to Caleb and so I pull on my shirt and make my way back out. Jessica immediately reaches for my hand again as I sit. Caleb’s hand moves to grip my thigh in solidarity, knowing how hard that was for me.
“So, what’s next?” I ask, looking to the surgeon.
“We’d like you to have regular follow-up appointments so we can monitor for recurrence and your recovery. And address any concerns you might have. As well as further discussions about reconstruction.”
I nod. We agreed it would be best to undergo the mastectomy first and discuss reconstruction later to allow for healing and reduce complications, especially if radiation was needed which brings me to my next question.
“And what about treatment?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “We don’t believe further treatment is necessary.”
I let out an audible breath. This is better than any outcome I could have envisioned. I know nothing is for certain, but right now, I will count my blessings and take comfort and support from the two most important people in my life.