Chapter 8
Eight
STONE
“How was your signing?” I find myself asking her.
She relaxes into her seat. “Good, a little overwhelming but so fun. I’m going to be exhausted after all these are over.”
“You’ll find a rhythm,” Xander tells her confidently. “It took us a while to get used to all the fans at first. It’s not a normal feeling to have people gushing about something that’s so natural to you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Tobias says with a smirk. “I’ve always loved people worshipping me.”
“Not everyone is an egomaniac like you,” Jade teases.
“It is definitely new territory for me,” Hazel says. “I’m used to having my work torn apart by my peers and professors. Having people gushing to me about how much they enjoyed my work is wildly different.”
“You went to Columbia, right?” I ask.
“Yes. For both my bachelors and masters degrees.”
“In writing?”
“Yes.” She looks down at her lap, a shadow crossing behind her eyes.
I want to dig in and find out why she looks so sad and resigned all of a sudden. Who put that look on her face? Or what? Instead I do the only thing I can, change the subject.
“I read your book.”
She blinks, as if shocked I would. “Really?”
“Yeah. In one go. It completely sucked me in.” I give her the smile I reserve for when I need to be my most charming. “You look so surprised.”
“I am.”
“That I can read?”
It’s a joke, but she pales. “No, no. Of course you can read.”
“I was kidding.”
“I just wouldn’t have thought you’d be into a romance, especially an MM romance.”
I chuckle. “Are you calling me a bigot?”
“Oh my god,” she slams a palm over her mouth in mortification. “No.” She shakes her head vehemently. “I didn’t mean it like that at all. I’m so sorry.”
“Leave her alone,” Xander shoves my shoulder. “Ignore his ass.”
“And, for the record. we’re all a little gay,” Tobias says.
Her brows shoot up at that. “Like together?”
“Fuck no,” Xander says. “I wouldn’t touch these two with a ten-foot pole, but we’re all bi.”
I watch her face as the information settles in.
It’s not something we’ve openly shared, but if she’s around for the whole tour, she’ll definitely witness Tobias with other guys.
He sleeps with men the most frequently, whereas Xander and I have enjoyed group activities with other men in the past. It’s not something we’re embarrassed by or anything.
She looks at Jade. “What about you?”
“I wish I was attracted to women. Unfortunately, I’m just not.”
“Jade isn’t even attracted to men. She only wants demons from the seventh level of hell,” Xander says.
“You would be able to identify your own kind, wouldn’t you?” she sasses back at him.
Darren puts his arm up. “Don’t start.” He finally sets his phone down. “Let’s talk about how everything went this weekend.”
We do this after every tour stop. Check in with each other and plan for the next few days, discuss little changes that should be made.
I keep an eye on Hazel as we talk logistics about the show, little things that could be made more efficient.
She takes it all in without speaking until Darren turns his attention to her.
“How about you Hazel? Is there anything you need to make life easier?”
“No, not really. The hotel room was great. I found my bunk on the bus. Jade had me fill out preference sheets for food and beverages. I’m good with everything.”
“If you think of anything, don’t hesitate to let me or Jade know. I know your agent will be joining for many of your signings, but we’re happy to step in where need be.”
“I can look through your social media, if you want. I’m not an expert in the bookish spaces online, but I’m always here to bounce ideas off of.”
“Actually, now that you mention it.” Hazel stands and walks back to the bunks, digging through her bag for something.
She comes back holding a paper rose. “One of my readers made this from the pages of my book. I was thinking about turning it into a kind of mascot for the tour. Having it in photographs of me writing and at the table during signings.”
“I love that idea,” Jade squeals. “I could even place it near you and take some candid shots for you to post.” She points at the flower. “May I?”
“Sure.” Hazel hands it over.
“This is actually so cool.” Jade inspects the piece. “Have you gotten any other gifts like this?”
“Just a crocheted penis.”
Tobias spits his water out and coughs. Darren makes a disgusted face and wipes his arm on his shirt while the rest of us laugh.
“Did you bring that?” Tobais smirks.
“It’s in my other suitcase,” Hazel says with a smile. “I’ll show you later if you want.”
“Sweet, you show me your penis, and I’ll show you mine,” he flirts back.
My stomach sours at the thought of Tobias and Hazel. Absolutely in no way am I allowing him within five feet of her with his dick. We never call dibs on women, but the desire to do so is clawing within my chest.
Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
Is what my heart says with each and every beat.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t claim people. I’m not possessive. I’m not needy.
My eyes bore holes into her profile as she talks social media with Jade. Maybe if I stare at her long enough, this budding obsession will fade away. It’s because she’s so new to us. That has to be the reason. It just has to be.
As the bus finally starts to move, Tobias finishes his dinner and goes right to his bunk.
He’ll be asleep for most of the nine-hour drive.
Xander wanders back to the lounge to work on writing for the new album.
Darren grabs his laptop and gets in his bunk.
After a few minutes Jade takes her phone and walks back into the lounge, mumbling something about getting candid shots of Xan working.
That leaves Hazel alone with me. I watch as she flips open a notebook and starts writing haphazardly all over sheets of paper. She turns her chair, so she’s looking out into the dark of the night.
Part of me wants to ask her what she’s writing. But she’s so focused I don’t want to interrupt her flow. Instead, I pick up my own journal and go through the ideas I have so far. I play around with lyrics, but nothing sticks. Everything feels so uninspired, so vacant.
Eventually I give up and wander back into the lounge to see what Xan is doing.
When I walk through the door, I find Jade in the corner, her knees pulled to her chest as she watches him play.
Times like these are the only ones when they coexist peacefully.
He pretends to ignore her, and she watches quietly, occasionally recording a short clip of him playing or taking a photo to post later on.
I grab the keyboard and sit down across from him, listening to what he’s got and adding what I think might mesh well. I ad lib once we get to a place where the music sounds good, and he’s started recording on his phone for reference.
My eyes close as I lean into the rhythm and let it carry me. This is when I’m at my most calm, just jamming with Xan like we’re back in school. When what we have of the song ends, I open my eyes and find Hazel sitting next to Jade.
Her gray eyes are wide and full of wonder. “That was amazing. I hope you don’t mind me coming back here.”
“Not at all.” We all signed NDAs for each other’s projects. It’s too hard to live in such close quarters and keep secrets.
“What did you think?” Xan asks the girls.
“It was great. More mellow than I expected,” Hazel says. “Most of your music has a harder edge.”
“Yeah, we’ve been wanting to switch it up lately.”
“What does the label think of that?” Jade asks. “I can’t imagine they’ll be happy if you write in a completely different vibe.”
“We don’t really give a fuck what they want,” Xan pulls out his vape pen and hits it. “Especially when the suits are pushing us so hard to have our next album complete so soon after the tour.”
“They aren’t giving you time off?” Hazel’s brow furrows. “It seems like touring would be exhausting.”
“It is.” Xan blows smoke out of his mouth. “Apparently they think the two-week break between the Texas shows and the rest of the tour is enough time to rest.”
“What about you? When do you need to turn in your manuscript?” I ask her.
“They want my editor to have a first draft by October.”
“That’s before the end of the tour,” Jade says incredulously.
Hazel nods. “I can do it. I don’t sleep well, so I usually write late at night.”
Something she and I have in common. I know why I don’t sleep. It used to be because I was high. Now it’s because of pain.
“Stone is a night owl, too,” Jade says. “Speaking of sleep, I’m going to go grab a couple hours of it. Goodnight.” She stands and opens the door.
“Wait up, I’m going, too,” Xan pushes to his feet, telling us both goodnight over his shoulder.
We look at each other as the door closes behind him, another game of chicken. She looks away first and runs her finger over the textured wall beside her.
“I take it this is sound proofing?” she asks.
“Yep. It’s not the best, you can still hear some of the music from the front of the bus, but everyone sleeps with ear plugs anyway. Darren snores like a freight train.”
She smiles, and fuck if my heart doesn’t skip a beat at the sight. It’s a soft, quiet smile, different from those earlier. It’s mine. I’m going to claim all those smiles from now on.
“Do you listen to music when you write?” I ask, desperate to keep her with me.
“Sometimes.” She looks down at her nails. “It depends on what I’m writing. The vibe of the scene.”
“Like what?”
“Well, for scenes with a lot of dialogue or banter, I do best with silence, so I can imagine it. But if it’s a sex scene or something, I’ll usually listen to a song on repeat. If the scene calls for something slow and sensual or hard and fast.”
“Depending on what type of fucking you’re writing.”
Her cheeks turn pink.
“Exactly.” Her eyes meet mine briefly and then dart back away. “Other times I’ll listen to low-fi coffee house type music or classical.”
“A little bit of everything, then.”
“Exactly.” Now that we’re not alluding to sex, she’s back to holding eye contact. “What type of music do you listen to when you’re not writing or performing it?”
“Everything. Breaking Giants, The Hometown Heartless, Of Men and Wolves are some of my current favorites. Then classic southern rock and nineties grunge.”
“Julian Ashburn is so—talented.” Her cheeks turn pink again.
“Talented, sure.” I give her a knowing smirk. “I’ll let him know you think so.”
“You know him?” Her eyes widen.
“The Seattle music scene is pretty small. We’re all acquainted.”
“Do you still live there?”
“I’d say it’s home base, but I’m mostly in Los Angeles anymore. What about you?”
“I'm a New York girl, born and raised.”
“I can tell.”
She huffs a laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have the aura of a New Yorker. Focused and direct but not mean.”
“Most people from outside the city think we’re all rude.”
I shake my head. “That’s just a stereotype. I actually find New Yorkers to be some of the most helpful people on the east coast. At least in my experience. I’ve always assumed it was because you’re all used to tourists.”
“That’s nice to hear.”
We fall into silence, but I don’t want her to go, so I start playing a song I think she may know. Her lips tilt upward as she sways to the beat. She has good rhythm; I smile back at her.
“Sing it.”
She chuckles. “I don’t sing.”
“That feels like a challenge.” I keep playing. “I’m going to get you singing by the end of this tour.”
“You will not. But keep playing, you’re pretty good at it.”
I smile so big my cheeks hurt. “Just pretty good?”
“Yep.” Her eyes twinkle mischievously.
I play for her until my fingers ache, and her eyes droop with exhaustion. I’m so fucked because if she wasn’t close to nodding off, I’d still be playing just to watch her watching me.
I’m ready for a shower as soon as I walk into my suite at the hotel in Toronto. Our concert isn’t until tomorrow night, but Hazel has her signing this evening. I thought about asking her if she would mind me sneaking along, but I don’t know if she’d want that.
Just as I strip off my shirt, I hear two sharp raps at the door. Darren’s face greets me as soon as I open it. I don’t even bother to stifle a groan at the intrusion.
“I just wanted to check in with you real quick. How are you doing?”
“I’m not about to do any lines off a stripper’s tits.”
“It’s too soon for you to be glib about this.” He unbuttons his jacket and sits down on the couch. “Do you need anything? Is the room cleared of all temptations?”
“I haven’t even looked.” I walk over to the mini bar and find it free of all alcohol. “The well is dry.”
“Excellent.”
There’s another knock at the door, a lighter one. I cross the room quickly, hoping I’ll find Hazel on the other side. Unfortunately, it’s just Jade. I turn and leave her to come in one her own. Apparently, Mom and Dad are here to lecture me.
“Jesus, look a little more disappointed next time you see my smiling face.” She closes the door quietly.
I drop down into an armchair while she takes a seat next to Darren on the sofa. “What is this about?”
“We just wanted to go over what everyone on social media and in the news is saying,” Jade flips her iPad around and leans over the coffee table to give it to me.
“Ninety-nine percent of the sentiment is positive. A couple industry reviewers thought your performance as a whole was good, but you were a little lackluster.”
“I’m not worried about those assholes, and you shouldn’t be either,” Darren says. “We just want you to know we support you.”
“I think that show was the best opening night you’ve had, personally,” Jade adds.
“Good to know I have your approval,” I reply dryly.
I know they have good intentions, but I hate that they're tiptoeing around me like this. I’m not going to go off the rails if I see one bad review.
“What are you planning on doing today?” Darren asks.
“Take a shower. Relax in peace. Both of which you two have interrupted. Should we paint each other’s toenails and talk about our dreams and aspirations?”
Darren presses his lips into a flat line at my sarcasm. “We’re just trying to support you.”
“I don’t need babysitters.”
They share a look and then Darren stands. “I need to go check in with Xander.”
Jade waits until the door behind him closes. “I’m going to go with Hazel to her signing tonight because her agent won’t be able to make it to this one.”
My ears perk up. “Do you think she’d be okay with me tagging along? I’ll stay out of sight, so I don’t draw attention away from her.”
“I’ll ask. From what I’ve learned about her over the past couple days, she won’t care. I don’t think she’s a fan of attention to begin with.”
My lips twitch because that’s my impression, too. But another part of me wants to know everything Jade knows about her. I want to hoard knowledge about Hazel Archer like a dragon hoards riches.