Emiliano
MAL DE AIRE
Berto sent a message, letting me know that he and Taina decided to head back to the ranch due to an impending migraine. I told him to ask her what she needs, and once he drops her off at home, to go get it.
I’m not entirely sure what I can do to help, but I know someone who does. Someone I’ve been meaning to call anyway.
“ Hola, mijo ,” Mami says when she answers her phone. “Mass is not the same without you.”
I hate that I haven’t made time for her, knowing no one else has or can. Ignacio is busier now than ever, and Carlos only gives a shit about himself.
My hope is that one day down the road, Taina will be accepted into this family and Mami will have a sort of companion in her.
It’s hard not to see the similarities between them.
And while it could be taken as inappropriate, I think we all try to find a partner who holds some of the characteristics you learned to value in your mother or father.
I admire Taina’s strength because I’ve seen a similar version of it in Mami .
“I’m sure Fernando is a far better companion than I am,” I tell her, knowing her security guard values Catholicism far more than I do. “At least you don’t have to remind him to pay attention.”
“You’re a big attorney,” she states, as if she’s excusing it, for the first time in her life. Her priorities are God, her husband, and her children—in that order. “Of course you have things on your mind.”
I can’t tell her that I’m just bored. Or tired. Or both.
That might earn her anger. And while I’ve never quite seen it, I’m still terrified.
My mother is beloved by both her son Ignacio and her brother Guillermo. Anyone who crosses her can repent in hell.
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” I respond in lieu of continuing the topic of church. “Or someone .”
She’s quiet, but I can hear her novelas playing in the background. I’m reminded of the one time I stayed home sick from school in the fourth grade and watched her shows while sitting at her feet. She stroked my hair until I fell asleep.
I don’t know how I managed to forget such a tender moment.
That was the start of me watching novelas with her, though she never ran her fingers through my hair again.
“Did you meet someone?” Her question is quiet, and I can’t quite decipher her tone.
“I did. Her name is Taina,” I answer. I’m met with more silence, and I wonder if she’s digesting what I’m saying or if she’s angry that I’ve stopped coming around as much because I met someone.
“Is she a good girl?” Mami’s question makes me pause, unsure of how to answer.
I’ve never brought a woman home before, so this is uncharted territory for the both of us. Ignacio doesn’t date—to my knowledge—and Carlos brought Nina around after they’d already been married. I don’t know that she ever forgave him for not inviting her to the wedding .
She’ll never say it, but I saw her bloodshot eyes for days after he announced it. And then Papi died and…man, my mother has had a tough year.
“She’s not like Nina,” is the best answer I can find. “Her father knew Papi .”
“Oh?” Her voice perks up, edging on delight. “Who is her father and how did he know my Oswaldo?”
How could Carlos think she never loved our father? Anyone who spends time with her could clearly see it.
“Congressman de la Matta,” I inform her, wondering if she’s ever met him or knows who he is.
“Oh,” Mami answers, and the word ends on a downward tilt.
“I’m curious to know what you think of him,” I press, valuing her opinion more than almost anyone else. “And I’ll share what I think afterwards.”
I try to keep it light, as if this is some sort of gossip session. Mami may hide her wisdom behind chisme , but it’s undeniably there.
“ Papi liked him. He thought he had good ideas.” I love that she starts with my father’s opinion. She still prioritizes him, in spite of his death. “We rarely disagreed on things, but on this, we did. Oswaldo liked to see the best in people and believed in change. I’m not so easily convinced.”
Not surprising. She was raised with our uncle, after all. While we’ve never seen the ruthless side of him, there are stories that make my skin crawl. He’s El Jefe for good reason.
“And what happened?” I ask, loving this look inside their marriage that I was never afforded before.
“He asked for my opinion, and I gave it. The congressman felt… como se dice …slimy? Like he would sell his soul for a dollar and smile the whole way to the bank. I told Papi , cría cuervos y te sacarán los ojos .”
And there’s the wisdom, hidden in the gossip like the gem it is .
“I agree with you. Taina doesn’t speak to her parents anymore, funnily enough,” I reply, prepared for her reaction.
“No?” Mami gasps out the word. Because in our world, children listen to and respect their parents, no matter what.
But times are different now, and I need her to know that Taina is nothing like him. She is nothing like who she came from.
“No, he kicked her out on the street,” I inform her, using my own conspiratorial tone to match hers.
“ Está bien pendejo ,” she mutters under her breath, and I imagine her clutching her rosary in preparation for penance. “You don’t leave your child in the street. Especially a daughter. Are you helping her?”
There’s something about knowing my mother so well that I’m able to lead her to understanding a situation I didn’t want to spring on her.
If I’d come out and said that I met someone and we’re living together, she would be pissed.
She would question my discernment and already have a negative idea of who Taina is.
“ Por supuesto, Mami . You raised me better than that,” I remind her, stroking her ego in the process.
“Where is she staying now?” And here we go.
“At the ranch.” I say it like it’s an obvious answer. I have an extra place to stay. Of course, I offered it to her like the gentleman that I am. The gentleman Mami raised me to be.
“ Y no hanky panky, sí ?” Her question followed so quickly, I didn’t have the chance to wonder if she was going to be upset.
I try not smother my laugh, but I don’t do a great job at it, so I offer an immediate apology. “Sorry, Mami . No hanky panky.”
This time, there’s a pause, and I hear someone yelling on the TV. My mother is probably going to rewind the show once she’s off the phone, grumbling about how I interrupted her novela .
“I want to meet her. You bring her to the party this weekend,” she pretty much commands.
Whether Taina is ready or not, she’s going to meet my mother in two days. But first, we have to get her feeling better.
“We’ll be there, Mami . But I was wondering what you used to do to help with your migraines.
She has one now.” On days my mother didn’t come downstairs and we were instructed to stay quiet when we came home from school, I’d come to realize she suffered from intense headaches.
Headaches she claimed were her lot in life because she was so blessed otherwise.
“ Le dio mal de aire ,” she sighs. “Wrap her in heavy blankets to sweat it out and rub Vicks on her forehead and temples.”
My mother is far from a doctor, using traditional home remedies that were passed down through generations. But if she says to do it, I’m at least going to try.
“ Gracias, Mami ,” I say, preparing to hang up.
“I’ll see you two this weekend,” she responds before ending the call.
“Did you know?”
I’m standing at the bathroom sink, one hand on my face and my other hand holding my razor nearly to my cheek when I turn to look at her.
She still smells like Vicks, but she’s only wearing one blanket. It’s soft and pink, and it makes me wonder if pink is her favorite color. Her eyes look tired, and her curls are everywhere .
“Know what, Princesa ?” I ask, itching to tell her to go back to bed.
“This,” she announces before holding up her phone for me. On the screen there’s a headline about her father’s shooting, with an article likely discussing the minimal details they have.
Whoever did this didn’t have ties in the political world, nor were they a disgruntled constituent. This was a hit. I read the articles, I asked the right people, and there are no leads.
If I’m being honest, it was likely the Russians, knowing that I have Taina and trying to attack anyone even remotely attached to us.
“Your mother called to inform me, yes,” I tell her rather than lying. “She implied that this was somehow your fault because you couldn’t leave things alone. I assume I’m the thing you couldn’t leave alone?”
All while I speak, I watch a myriad of emotions sequence over her features. Anger, sadness, confusion, and finally, indifference.
She sets her jaw, but I see the shining in her eyes as she regards me. “This never even had to happen.”
I shake my head at the sound of the truth. I’m not sure what went on behind closed doors in their home, but I know Taina wasn’t okay there. So much so, she was prepared to sleep on the street.
“Are you okay?” I grab the nearest towel and wipe away the shaving cream. She begins to sink to the floor just as I toss the towel aside. I catch her and hold her against me as we sit on the floor together.
I can’t hear her cries, but I feel her tears as they plop onto my arm. I fucking hate when she cries.
“What do you need?” I ask her, wracking my brain for a way to fix this.
“This,” she whispers. “Just this.”