Chapter Twenty-Two #2
I don’t feel like sitting down. I don’t feel like doing anything until Kayden is safely back in my arms, but I recognize the look in Vivian’s eyes.
It’s her don’t fuck with me look. It’s the look she gave me when I picked up Sal for his bachelor party before they got married.
It’s the look she’s given me a thousand times over the years when I’ve dated one of her friends.
So I sit down, eyeing Sal from the corner of my eye.
He doesn’t look at me, but instead stares a hole into the floor.
“I know you called in sick for him, Viv, so you know where he is. Just tell me. Please.” I have a feeling Vivian is the one I need to appeal to right now, since she didn’t find out about Kayden and me by accident and has had more time to digest it.
Vivian eyes her husband. “Sal?”
Yeah, I guess I’d be the same if the roles were reversed. I’d never do anything if it meant going against Kayden.
Silence envelopes the room. I’ve known these two people for most of my life.
We were pretty much attached at the hip through high school, always together, and now it feels like we’re strangers.
A sense of sadness overcomes me, one I haven’t felt since I lost my parents.
Sal, Vivian, and Kayden are like family to me, and the thought of… Yeah, I can’t finish that thought.
I clear my throat as I lean forward, resting my arms on my knees. “I know you want to protect him, Sal, but you don’t need to protect him from me.”
Sal’s jaw clenches, and Vivian loops her arm through his like she’s getting ready to hold him back. After a few seconds, he looks up, his eyes dark. “Don’t I?” he grits.
“No, of course not.” I twist my hands in front of me. “You know me, Sal.”
He huffs a laugh, the sound bitter and ugly. “Do I? Do I really know you, Caleb?”
“Of course you do!” I say, exasperated. “You’re my best friend.”
“The fuck I am!” he spits before Vivian retorts, “Sal, please. This is not getting us anywhere.” I throw her a grateful smile, but she just looks at me pointedly, like she’s not too impressed with me either right now.
“You need to let Kayden live his life,” I mutter. “You need to let him make his own choices.”
Sal gets up from the couch and points a shaky finger at me. “Oh, you’ve got some nerve, Caleb Morgan, coming into my house, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do when it comes to my kid.” Then he points the finger at his own chest instead of me. “My son, Caleb!”
“Let’s just… let’s just calm down.” Vivian gets up too, placing herself strategically between Sal and me. “I know you’re both hurting—”
“I’m not hurting!” Sal and I blurt at the same time. Of course, we’re both lying, the stubborn fuckers that we are.
“Okay. My mistake,” Vivian sighs. “Just… don’t kill each other while I go put some coffee on.” She eyes Sal, then me. “I mean it. Behave yourselves.”
“Okay,” I agree while Sal mumbles something that sounds a lot like asshole and never.
Vivian leaves the room, and soon I hear the sound of the coffeemaker as it puffs away in the kitchen. I sit back down, and after eyeing me for a few seconds, Sal drops back down on the couch.
“We were going to tell you,” I say after a while. “It wasn’t my intention for you to find out the way you did. I see how that…”
Sal remains silent, looking down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them. Perhaps he’s envisioning choking me to death or snapping my neck like a twig.
Just when the silence is bordering on unbearable, Sal clears his throat.
“From the first time I held Kayden in my arms, I knew everything else would come second, including myself. And I’ve kept that promise every day since.
Kayden always comes first.” He looks up at me, a wet sheen to his eyes, his features so similar to Kayden’s, it sends a chill racing down my spine.
Sal clenches his fist. His pain is palpable, like he’s back in the past, holding his baby for the first time.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
I was outside in the waiting room at the hospital, pacing nervously, when Sal came flying out of the door to the maternity ward, all flustered and excited.
‘It’s a girl, Caleb! I have a daughter. Can you believe it?
’ He was only eighteen then. They were just kids, he and Vivian, and still they instinctively knew how to be parents.
‘Come on, Caleb. You gotta meet her. She’s so beautiful.
’ He wiped at his eyes, but it was fruitless because the tears—tears of unspeakable joy—wouldn’t stop.
I only saw Sal cry one other time, and that’s when he told me Kayden was a boy, and while those were different tears, the love in Sal’s eyes was the same.
I remember how he told me he felt like he’d failed Kayden for not knowing sooner, for not seeing it sooner, when he knew something was wrong.
‘He must’ve felt so alone, Caleb. All this fucking time. So alone. My kid.’
I remember telling Sal that Kayden would never be alone, not as long as he and Vivian were there. Not as long as I was. I promised Sal that day that I’d always be there for Kayden, too, just like I’d promised my best friend the day Kayden was born. Always.
It’s humbling, sitting across from a man who loves someone that I love so much, too. It creates a permanent bond. Whether we want to or not, Sal and I are tied together for life by our mutual love for Kayden.
“You’re a good man, Sal. A good father. You always have been.”
Sal shrugs but doesn’t say anything, just keeps wringing his hands.
“And that’s why Kayden has become the amazing man he is. It’s all thanks to you and Viv. You made Kayden the way he is by loving him unconditionally. By sticking by him and making sure he knows his worth and that he’s loved.”
Sal looks up at me, tears clinging to his lashes, his jaw clenching.
I inhale deeply, then tell him what I told him yesterday, hoping he’ll hear the truth in my voice this time.
“I love him, Sal. I love Kayden. So help me God, I do. It won’t go away.
If you force me to choose, Sal, then I’m gonna choose him.
I choose Kayden.” My voice breaks, but I have to get the next part off my chest, too.
“So cut me out of your life, out of the business, if that’s what you want, but if he still wants me, I’m all his. ”
Sal’s eyes soften just a tad, then he wipes his hand across his stubbled jaw. “Why him?” His voice is hoarse, but no longer angry.
“I… I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It just…
it just happened.” It’s probably the biggest cliché in the world, but it’s true.
Sometimes love just happens. Sure, Kayden is beautiful, and I’m insanely attracted to him, but it’s more than just that.
For the first time in my life, I’m no longer in a hurry to be somewhere else.
I’m not looking for a way out or for the next fling.
I’m just happy and content and at peace with the world and myself.
How can I even begin to explain that to Sal when I don’t even understand it myself? Where do I even begin?
“When?” Sal’s voice shakes, and I know what he’s asking. As much as I hate it, I think maybe I’d be asking that too, if it were my kid. It’s any parent’s worst fear, I guess.
“Shortly after he came back home.” Sal eyes me like he’s trying to look straight into my very soul.
“I swear to you, Sal, on everything I hold dear, on my parents, that I never laid a hand on him before that. Not fucking ever.” I think Sal can tell I’m telling the truth because his face relaxes.
“I’d never do that.” Sal nods, and some of the tension vanishes from the space between us.
“Please tell me where he is, Sal. Tell me where he is so I can go get him and bring him home. To us. Where he belongs.” I dig my fingers into my palms, trying to redirect the pain away from my heart, but it’s fruitless.
A wide range of emotions flash across Sal’s face, and once again, silence stretches out between my best friend and me.
As much as Sal and I have bickered over the years, we’ve never gone more than a day without speaking, always settling any disputes between us before they could fester and turn into something more.
Neither of us really has a temper, or at least I didn’t think so.
I guess when something matters, the way Kayden matters to both of us, it’s different.
It’s raw and emotional, and something that has caused a rift between us.
I have no idea what this means to our friendship, to our business, but as much as a future without Sal scares me, a future without Kayden terrifies me even more.
It steals the air right out of my lungs.
Sal reaches for the remote and glares at it. Then he mumbles something.
“What?”
“I said useless domestic crap. I should’ve listened to you and gotten the South Korean brand.”
I shrug, chuckling. “Well, you almost never listen to me.”
The corner of Sal’s mouth twitches, then he tilts his chin and counters. “You never listen to me either. That electric panel at work blows a goddamn fuse every time someone uses the microwave.”
I bite back a smile. “I guess we’re both stubborn motherfuckers.”
Sal grunts, but I don’t miss the fondness pooling in his eyes. “I guess we are.” He hesitates. “That’s why we’re friends. No one else can put up with your sorry ass like I can.”
My mind zeroes in on that small word that carries no real meaning on its own, but is making a world of difference to me right now. Because it’s invoking hope in my chest, frail and careful, but hope nonetheless.
“Are?”
“What?”
“You said ‘are’. As in, we are still friends.”
Sal throws the remote back on the coffee table, then wipes his hands across his face, groaning into them.
I can’t help smiling because I can tell there’s a war going on inside him, just like there was that time back in high school when he was trying to confess his crush on Vivian to me. Back when I was still dating her.
Removing his hands, Sal stares directly at me, his voice steady as a beat. “If you hurt him, I will end you. I mean it, Caleb, as God is my witness. If you hurt him, I will end you with my own hands.” His fists clench for good measure.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less. But I won’t hurt him, Sal.”
“Swear it. Fucking swear that to me, Caleb.”
“I swear it. I’ll always do right by him. You have my word.”
“Because you love him?” Sal looks so vulnerable in that moment, like it’s finally dawning on him that I do love Kayden, just differently than before.
Before I can reply, soft footsteps approach, and then Vivian returns with a tray filled with cups and a pot of coffee.
“Oh, good, you didn’t kill each other. Well, at least that’s something.
” She walks over to the coffee table, Sal’s question hanging between us, while she puts the tray down.
She looks between her husband and me, then lifts the pot and starts pouring coffee into a cup.
“I asked you a question,” Sal says, his gaze not leaving mine, not even when Vivian hands him a cup of steaming coffee.
“Yes,” I rasp. “Because I love him.”
“Why him?” My best friend asks me again as Vivian hands me a cup, then pours one for herself.
“He’s special.” It’s the best I can do, because I could list a million fucking reasons why Kayden is my person, but they still wouldn’t come close to summing it up.
“You’re damn straight he is. And he’s too good for you.” Sal takes a sip of his coffee, then hisses when he burns his tongue.
I chuckle, because isn’t that the truth? “I know he is.” Of course, Kayden is too good for me, but that’s beside the point. If Kayden still wants me, then I have no issue with going through the rest of my life with a better man than me by my side. It would be a fucking honor and a privilege.
Vivian blows at her coffee, then reaches for her phone on the table and checks it, a frown building between her eyebrows.
Sal clears his throat. “You know there was a time when he didn’t wanna live.
” My heart nearly stops at his words. I was not expecting that.
“My fucking kid. He’d rather not be here than live in a world where he couldn’t be himself.
” Sal’s bottom lip trembles, tears gathering in his eyes again. “How fucked up is that, Caleb?”
“I… I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Sal.” I turn to Vivian. “I’m sorry, Viv.” She gives me a curt nod, her eyes growing moist.
“I would’ve done anything to carry that pain for him. Anything.”
“I know you would.”
Sal exhales, then places his cup down on the table and rubs at his forehead. Vivian reaches for him and squeezes his shoulder.
“So that’s why I’m telling you, Caleb, that if you aren’t 1000% sure about this, about him, then walk away.”
The answer is easy. There can only ever be one answer to that.
I’ve never been more sure about anything.
“I’m sure. I love him, and that won’t ever change.
” It’s strange sitting here in front of my best friend and his wife, swearing to them that I’ll always love their only child, but it can’t be any other way. I’ll never love anyone else but Kayden.
Eventually, Sal nods. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. But I will hurt you, Caleb.”
Vivian groans next to Sal, rolling her eyes, but Sal either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.
“I swear to God you’ll know pain like never before.”
“Alright, alright, Don Corleone,” Vivian chuckles. “Settle down. I think you got your message across, honey.” She looks at me pointedly. “Didn’t he, Caleb?”
“Absolutely. No need to put a horse’s head at the foot of my bed.”
Sal grunts something unintelligible, then exchanges a look with Vivian. She smiles softly, then presses a kiss against his chin.
“Kayden’s in Boston,” she says, without turning away from Sal. “With Emily.”
And just like that, it feels like I can breathe again. “Boston?”
Vivian nods. “Their old apartment. He’s, uhm… he’s okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I’m sure he will be.” She smiles at me softly. “Once you’re there.”
I nod, then get up, placing my cup back on the tray. “Thank you,” I rasp, looking at first Vivian, then Sal. “Thank you both.”