Chapter Twenty-Eight #2
A few more seconds go by, then Silas yells into the mic, “It’s that time of the night, beautiful people!
You ready, Colchester?” Like the push of a button, the audience erupts into loud cheers, some yelling, “I love you, Silas!” or “Play my song!” Silas laughs, then removes his trademark black bowler hat from his head, blond curls tumbling all over the place.
I hold my breath, my heart in my throat, as Silas digs his hand into the hat, a broad smile on his freckled face.
“Oh no,” he pouts. “Did we forget to put one in there?” Then he winks at Jonah.
“Nah, I’m just kidding. Just kidding, people!
” The crowd goes crazy, and I feel like I’m going to pass out.
I know my name isn’t in the hat because I didn’t know they were playing until a few hours ago.
It’s The Emberline’s tradition. A few weeks before a concert, people can send them requests on their Instagram or website, and then they’ll pick a song and play it on the night in question.
It’s always the last song of the night, and they always mention the name of the fan who requested the song.
Silas nods at Alex, and he starts tapping his drums at a rapid pace that increases and increases in speed and volume. Silas pulls out a small white note, and Alex slows down into a soft, low thrum.
“Ahhh, this is a good one.” Silas smirks, and everyone laughs. “Well, obviously it’s good, because yours truly fucking wrote it.”
Jonah shakes his head at his boyfriend, then leans into his mic and coughs, “Conceited much?” They’re so fucking adorable.
“Shut up.” Silas scowls at Jonah before his gaze dips back to the small white piece of paper in his hand.
The venue is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“This song is for Kayden.” Like a giant wave of sound, people start cheering, screaming my name, and I think my heart stops.
There’s probably another guy with the same name as me; there has to be.
It’s not a rare name at all. But then Silas continues, “Awww, this is so fucking sweet, you guys! This song is for Kayden from his boyfriend, Caleb.”
Caleb’s heart beats against my back, his breath suddenly fast and heavy against my cheek. I turn my head and look up at him, only to find him already looking at me, always looking at me, always seeing me.
“You did that?” I whisper, and he just nods, then says like it’s nothing, “Thought it’d make your night.”
“My night?” A laugh of disbelief bursts from my lips as the first notes of Run Wild, Run Home wash over me.
“How about my fucking life?” I say, overwhelmed by how much I love this man, who continues to look at me like I’m his fucking life, and maybe I am.
I mean, why wouldn’t I be? He’s mine after all.
“Just wanted to make sure they play your song, baby.”
“I love you. So fucking much.”
“Love you too. Now don’t miss your song.” Caleb nods at the stage, and I turn too, just when Silas starts the first verse, the words imprinted onto my soul forever.
“They called you by a borrowed name, stitched it in your coat. You wore it thin through winter years, quiet in your throat.”
I move my lips to the words, pride soaring in my chest. This is me. This song is mine just as much as it is Silas’ and every other trans person’s in this room tonight. Caleb rests his chin on top of my head, tightening his hold on me.
“You carved your name in ancient wood, watched it drift downstream. Every step felt closer to the shape you’d seen in dreams.”
The music shifts, the violin chasing the guitar as the song moves into the chorus, Silas’ voice breaking on the first syllable, then lifting into a thundering call.
Something unlocks deep inside me, some long forgotten memory of Dad carving my name, my real name, into a tree in the woods a few miles from our house. Kayden.
“Run wild, my child, shed your second skin, let your old voice fall. Run fierce into the roaring waves, answer your true call.”
I twine my fingers through Caleb’s, and he squeezes them, then brushes his thumb along my knuckles. My past, my present, and my future come together in one magical moment. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I’m who I was always supposed to be. I’m Kayden. I’m a man, loved by another man.
Silas pulls the mic from the stand and moves toward the edge of the stage.
There’s a small interlude in the song, as Ren plays a violin solo.
Silas points toward the audience, and people wave their arms back at him.
Before I know it, Caleb pries the drink from my hand, mumbling, “Do it, baby.” I lift my arms, holding them as high as I can reach, and wave back at Silas.
“This is for you, Kayden!” Silas shouts, and the rest of the band pick up the beat as he continues singing.
“The road is long, but it leads you home—run wild. Run home. Run wild, speak your only truth.”
I realize I do. I speak my truth now, every day, living as a trans man, living my life to the fullest. The road was long, and there were times when I couldn’t see the end of it, but it has led me home finally.
“You happy, baby?” Caleb whispers hours later, in the darkness of our bedroom, Silas’ words still ringing in my ears, the rhythm of the music still pulsing in my veins like a soft echo.
“So happy,” I murmur against his chest, drawing circles on his skin. “Never been happier.”
“Me neither.” His chest is so warm and solid, a hint of wonder in his voice like he still can’t believe it either, that in a world filled with people, he and I found each other.
“Do you think he meant it?” My voice is all raspy, my throat raw and sore from singing and screaming all night.
“Who?”
“Silas.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he did. Silas Reed doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who doesn’t mean what he says.”
“It still feels surreal.” I lean down, placing my ear right above Caleb’s heart, listening to its steady beat.
After the concert, when most of the crowd had left, Caleb and I were having an energy drink at the bar so we could stay awake during the drive home.
Suddenly, Silas and Jonah appeared out of nowhere, ordering coffee from the bartender.
If it hadn’t been for Caleb’s iron grip around my elbows, I think I would’ve fainted then and there.
I remember blurting, ‘It’s you,’ and Silas frowning back at me, then smiling, ‘It is. It’s me. And you are…?’
‘I’m Kayden,’ I muttered, awestruck, then nodded at Caleb, ‘And this is my boyfriend, Caleb.’
‘Ahhh,’ Silas eyed me with understanding before he held out his hand, and Caleb had to nudge my shoulder before I held out mine too. Silas grabbed it, shaking it enthusiastically, a tired smile on his face. ‘Good to meet you, man.’
‘Good to meet you too,’ I croaked as if a frog was caught in my throat. At that moment, Jonah returned with two cups of coffee, a dazed expression in his eyes.
‘Who’s the hottie?’ He nodded at Caleb with a smirk, then waggled his eyebrows at Silas.
Before I could even mull it over in my head, I blurted, ‘He’s mine!’ And Caleb laughed, ‘Yeah, I’m taken!’
‘Too bad,’ Jonah drawled, while Silas groaned, ‘You’re such an asshole.’
‘Yeah, but I’m your asshole.’
Caleb leaned in against my ear, whispering, ‘They sound just like us, sweetheart,’ and I just nodded slowly, my heart spilling over with joy.
Then Silas and Jonah quickly threw back their coffee while we finished our energy drinks, and I gushed about the concert, even making Jonah blush at some point.
Eventually, Alex appeared, telling them to get their heads out of their asses because their bus was there, and he needed to get some shuteye.
And that’s when Silas Reed blew my fucking mind. Again.
‘If you guys are ever in Seattle, then give us a shout. We’ll show you around.’
We’ll show you around.
I lift my face, resting my chin on Caleb’s chest, gazing up at him, his soft hair tickling my lips.
He lifts an eyebrow at me. “What?”
“Nothing?”
“Bullshit.”
I smile all sugary sweet, then bat my eyelashes for good measure. “Can we go to Seattle, pretty please?”
Caleb snorts. “You’re impossible.”
“I know.”
“Maybe. I mean, apparently, I’m a fucking hottie in Seattle,” Caleb smirks.
“Babe, you’re a fucking hottie everywhere.”
“Awww, that’s sweet, K.” A devilish spark appears in his gray eyes. “You wanna show me how hot you think I am?”
“Again?” I can still feel Caleb’s cum leaking from my hole, sticking to my thighs. “Aren’t you tired yet?”
“Pfft, I can sleep when I’m old.”
“You’re already old!”
“Excuse me?” He thrusts his hips upward, digging his hard-on into my stomach.
“Is this the fucking stamina of an old man?” I moan against his lips, grinding against him, my core throbbing with renewed need.
“Is it?” he grits, rolling us around, pinning me against the bed, pushing my thighs apart with his knee.
I open up for him, and before I can brace myself, he slams into me, my hole soft and ready for him.
A gasp shoots from my mouth, but Caleb gives me no time to catch my breath.
He fucks me in fast, deep thrusts, his body glued to mine, keeping me locked underneath him.
I fucking love it when he takes me like this.
I love when he’s careful too, but like this, his need for me is so raw and blazing, all his restraint falling away.
I claw at his shoulders, then lock my legs behind his lower back and use all my strength to flip him around.
“Whoa,” Caleb shouts, looking up at me with surprise and hunger.
I start rolling my hips, grinding my ass on his fat length.
“Shit, baby,” he groans deep in his throat, his hands finding my waist, blunt fingers digging into my skin just on top of my tattoo.
I slide all the way up until only his cockhead is inside my ass, then slam back down on him, swallowing his entire length in one go.
“Fucking hell, K!” Caleb’s chest ripples, his muscles bulging, sweat glistening in his chest hair, and he’s the hottest fucking thing ever.
I start riding him at a steady pace, resting my hands on his shoulders, his cock buried deep inside me, pulsing in my ass.
“Shit, baby, that’s it. Take what you need from me. Ride my fucking cock, baby, ride it.”
A keening sound grows in my chest, and I fuck him harder, faster, deeper.
I throw my head back and close my eyes. Caleb’s fingers dig into my skin, and he’s fucking me back now, meeting each of my thrusts with one of his.
We’re so in sync. We fit so perfectly together, like he was made just for me, carved from the stuff that all my dreams were made of.
I believe it. I believe it can happen because it’s happened to me.
The whole love-of-your-life thing. The whole soulmate thing.
The whole shebang. A laugh bursts from my lips, and Caleb groans when I clench around him.
His pained expression just makes me laugh even harder.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. Just… Ahhh, fuck. Yes.”
My needy noises seem to put Caleb back on track.
After a few more pumps, he swells inside me, a clipped “I’m gonna fucking come, baby!
” filling the room. Caleb’s desperate cry as he shoots his load inside me sets me off, too.
My hole pulses around him as my orgasm hits me, my dick throbbing deliciously.
I collapse on top of Caleb, my body aching, my heart racing in my chest.
“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” Caleb pants. “You’re never having an energy drink again.”
“Okay,” I slur, and I think I drool a little. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Caleb stirs, then starts easing me off him, but I make myself heavier, clinging to him. “No, don’t go.”
“I just wanna get something to clean you up.”
I lift my arm, and it feels like lead. I pat his head like he’s my favorite pet. “Not now. Later.”
“Kayden.”
“Can’t move. Your shebang killed me.”
He chuckles. “What?”
“Your damn shebang. It killed me.”
“You’re crazy,” he murmurs, lying back down, kissing my forehead.
“I know, but you looove me.”
“I do. So fucking much. Now sleep, baby.”
Tiredness pulls at me while the soft, steady beats of Caleb’s heart come in waves, rocking me tenderly, peacefully off to sleep. This is my life now, is my last conscious thought before everything goes quiet. This is my beautiful life, and I’m going to enjoy every second because I deserve it.