Chapter 18.5
“Do you love me, poppet?”
My gaze snapped up. “Of course, I do. You know I do.”
“Prove it,” he stated coolly. “I want you to prove it. I’ve proven to you, time and time again, exactly how much I love you. Now it’s your turn. If you love me the way you profess to love me, then I want you to speak to someone about this seemingly destructive cycle you’ve found yourself in. And by ‘someone’, I’m referring to a person with the necessary medical qualifications who can actually help you.”
I stared at him for a second. “That’s—I love you, Matt. I don’t have to prove how I feel about you. I always say it.”
“Actions speak louder than words, poppet.” He snorted. “And this is what I want you to do for me.”
I was starting to get angry. This was bullshit. “That’s emotional blackmail.”
“Then you should be used to it,” he said gently. “Because that’s what you’ve been doing to yourself.” He got off the floor and sat next to me on the bed, reaching for my hand. I clasped my hands tighter together so he couldn’t get one. Matt sighed.
“That’s not fair, Matt,” I whispered. “I’m fine and you’re making a big deal out of nothing. I’m not that crazy. Why are you acting like this?”
He sighed again.
“What if I don’t do this? What then?” I challenged. “What if I say no to your demands?”
Matt raised a hand to my jaw and tilted my head until our eyes met. “Then we’ll both know that I mean nothing to you; that all of this, that our relationship, means nothing to you. If you say no, then you’ll be proving that the love you say you have for me is worthless, because I haven’t asked one thing of you, Madi, not really. But I’m asking you to do this. For me. For us. I won’t stand by and watch you put yourself through this again, that I won’t do. Prove to me you love me, Madison.”
“That’s not fair, Matt,” I argued, feeling moisture seeping into my eyes. Goddamned bastard was not going to make me cry.
“Life isn’t fair, poppet. You of all people should know that,” he replied blandly, but the emotions in his eyes were too raw for me to maintain our gaze.
Talk about an ultimatum. I wasn’t just a crazy girlfriend. I was a crazy girlfriend whose boyfriend thought she needed professional help.
“What’s your answer?” he pressed.
“Give me a minute,” I snapped, jumping to my feet. “You’re basically calling me bat-shit crazy. I mean, I know I act silly sometimes but I’m not insane. You’re implying there’s something wrong with me. There isn’t. I just have my own way of dealing with things.”
“What’s your answer?” His tone had lowered.
“It’s insulting when you come to think of it. Saying a person needs to see a shrink when they don’t. I’m fine, Matt.”
“I need an answer from you,” he said. Like a freaking heartless robot. Why was he doing this to me?
“It’s not going to change anything. This is ridiculous—”
Matt stood up quickly, so quickly I almost got a face-full of chest. “No, Madison. Ridiculous is you being an emotional wreck yesterday and happy as a lark today.” He gripped me by the shoulders and shook me slightly. “That’s not normal. Not by a long shot. I love you, and I promise you won’t have to do this alone, but goddamn it…if you don’t do this…I’m asking you, poppet. Will you do this for me?”
I was holding my breath, and I didn’t realize it until my lungs burned from lack of oxygen. When I thought about, he was kind of right. I mean what had he asked of me? To attend family dinners and charity balls? To not get stressed over the stupid media? To let him shower me with expensive trips and gifts? To let him love me the way he wanted to?
He hadn’t asked much of me, had he? Why did it have to be this though? Stupid gazillionaire.
“Okay,” I mumbled softly.
“Beg pardon? What?” he asked, releasing his grip on my shoulders to cup my face.
“I said okay,” I half-yelled in frustration. “But I don’t want anyone to know. I get to choose when and how and where. I don’t want you bossing me around and deciding how this is going to happen. And I want a handwritten apology from you when it’s proven that I am fine. And you have to promise to—I don’t want to—don’t make me go alone. Please, Matt. I don’t think I can—mmph.”
Matt was kissing me, kissing me senseless. Which was a good thing because I was absolutely terrified of what I had agreed to.
He tipped us on top of the bed.
“Didn’t we just do this?” I groaned as his nimble fingers made short work of the tie around my waist.
“Not exactly.” He nibbled my ear lobe. “That was to take the edge off weeks of celibacy. Now I’m going to shag you senseless.”
And he did, oh boy, he did. Afterward, we lay cuddling. Matt rose up to check the time.
“It’s eight forty-five, poppet. Do you want to go down for breakfast?”
I shook my head, and Matt relaxed against the pillows, twirling my hair around his fingers.
“Do you think I was made for you, Matt?” I asked in a voice that sounded drugged. I couldn’t move if my life depended on it. My senses had been shagged into oblivion. Hopefully they returned soon.
“Mhmm,” he murmured. “Didn’t I just finish demonstrating what a perfect fit we are?”
I laughed, then yawned and snuggled closer to him.
“Tired?” he queried, burying his face in my hair.
“Lacking energy more like. Are we lazing about all day?”
“You can, poppet. I need to get some work done today. In fact—” He shuffled around, gently lifting me off his chest and propping me over the pillows. “I should be in the office checking emails right now to be honest. I have a backlog of reports from the past couple of days that need going through, and I need to make a few international conference calls.”
Matt was always working. I felt extremely guilty for being the cause of him taking time off work the past couple of days.
“Do you have enough energy to join me in the shower?” he asked, wagging his eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner.
I raised up an arm and let it fall back to the mattress, like deadweight. Matt chuckled and pressed a soft kiss over my forehead before climbing out of bed.
“Fine then, keep my side warm, poppet. I’m going to have a shower, spend a few hours in the office, then come back to bed.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I murmured, snuggling under the duvet covers and closing my eyes.
“Poppet,” Matt said.
I cracked one eye open. “Mmm?”
“You know I only want what’s best for you, don’t you?”
I cracked the other eye open, too. “I know.”
“You know you can depend on me for anything,” he continued.
“I know, Matt.”
“You also know that I will hold you to your word about what we discussed before—”
“Before you shagged me senseless?” I teased, wanting to get him off this topic. Man. I agreed to get help, didn’t I? What? Did he think I would back out…okay, I was already thinking of ways to back out.
Matt was scrutinizing my face like a hawk and his eyes narrowed into unhappy slits of grey. “Poppet,”
“Stop reading my mind.” I pulled the duvet over my head to hide my face.
“Humph.” He huffed. “It’s happening, Madison. I’m giving you two weeks to sort it out. Two weeks to research the options available to you.”
“Two weeks?” I mouthed under the duvet. The man was ridiculous. How on earth did he expect me to do that? I knew Matt was used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it, but what the hell? I was freaking fine. I felt fine today. So yesterday was bad, really bad…my mind automatically shied away from dwelling on it, instinctively flashed an ‘it’s over, do not go there’ warning, and I froze under the duvet. Oh God. Was he right about me? Was this not normal? I’d done this for so long, it felt like normal to me. I flew up into a sitting position, eyes wide with confusion. Matt observed my crestfallen face and came back to the bed in quick strides.
“Forget what I said, poppet,” he said. “There’s no time limit. We’ll go at your pace. Ignore me. I’m a bossy bastard who should keep his mouth shut.”
I was too dazed to realize Matt had verbally admitted his bossiness.
“Am I ill?” I asked quietly. “Do you think I’m crazy?”
He hedged a bit, pondering his words before saying as calmly as possible, “I think you have repressed a lot of things concerning your parents’ death but, with the right help, you’ll be fine. I promise you.”
I nodded wordlessly, then went back under the duvet. I heard Matt sigh loudly before he walked away to his shower.
I was officially in the bunny boiler bracket, or whatever version of it that didn’t include trying to kill your ex. Madison DuMont, crazy ass black chick.