Chapter 12
12
Over the next few days, Michelle avoided Jackie and her children. She spent her time curled in bed, reading a book. She wrote a few pages in her manuscript, and she looked at the statement from her accountant. Her moods ranged from thinking that she had loved and lost and should be grateful for the wonderful love she had to feeling as if she were too much because she and Bill had worked hard to retire early. She still preached financial responsibility to her children, so why did she feel she’d done something wrong?
She went to lunch with a man who apparently needed someone he could feel superior to, at least financially. That was his problem, not hers. Her standards were high, Bill set them high, so why was she trying to find fault in herself? She hadn’t done anything wrong except meet these men before she knew enough about them. They could be anyone they wanted to be online, but face-to-face was a different story. At least she’d learned early who these men were. She wasn’t emotionally attached to either of them, so why was it bothering her so much? She just needed her confidence back. Determined to be herself, she decided that if she met someone, fine. If not, also fine. Life would go on.
After her pity party, she was ready to get back into her life. She sent Jackie a text, letting her know she was ready to go back to the gym. Then she called each of her children, explaining what had happened and that she needed a few days to take a long look at herself and decide what she would do about dating apps.
Belynda, of course, was the most sympathetic. “Mom, dating apps aren’t for everyone. You don’t have to delete your account, just pause it for a bit. Plus, there are thousands out there. Maybe you haven’t found the right one for you.”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Why do they work for everyone else? Maybe it’s me.”
“I heard the girls talking at work. There’s an app tailored to women. The woman is the first to make contact. They’re the one who asks the man out first. Maybe that’s what you need so you don’t feel as though you have to speak to everyone who speaks to you.”
“Belynda, that takes me so far out of my comfort zone.”
“Just think about it, Mom. You don’t have to do anything right now or ever. It’s completely up to you.”
“Do you know how scary that is?”
“I would’ve thought it would be liberating.”
“In some ways it is, but in others it isn’t. For thirty years, I had your father to listen to me and bounce decisions off, going back to before we were married. He was always my voice of reason. Now, I don’t have that, so my decisions are mine, good or bad, and right now, I feel that I’ve made two bad ones. I just need to step back for a while. I’m not saying forever, just not right now.”
“Okay, Mom. Are you all right, though?”
Michelle smiled even though Belynda couldn’t see her. “I’m good. Tell Nelson hello, and I’ll talk with you later.”
Michelle had just settled down with a book in her den when a knock sounded on the back door. She turned on several lights as she made her way through the kitchen. She furrowed her brows and then smiled. “Adam?” she said as she opened the door.
“I know you said you’re fine, but I wanted to see for myself.”
Michelle stepped aside and allowed him in. “I’m good.”
“You didn’t sound like your bubbly self. I was worried. Even Charlotte thought you sounded off.”
“Sometimes, my darling son, taking a long look at your life and who you are isn’t easy, and that’s what I’ve been doing. Having said that, I’ve learned some things about myself. Yes, your father spoiled me. Yes, I have high standards. And I’ve decided that I’m worth being picky about who I spend my time with. I’m not a spring chicken like you, Belynda, and Cade are.” She grinned. “I’m on the other side of that mountain. I need to spend my time with people who make me happy more than those who have me questioning myself. Does that make sense?”
Adam hugged her. “Perfect sense, Mom. I’m glad you’ve come to that decision. So, you aren’t going to date anymore?”
She chuckled. “I didn’t say that. I said I don’t need to feel bad about who I want to spend time with. If I don’t like someone, walking away is best for me, not trying to make myself fit into their life if I don’t.”
He grinned. “So, still don’t want a dog, huh?”
She shook her head. “Still don’t want a dog.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll get out of your hair tonight. I just needed to make sure you were fine.”
“Perfect.”
“Goodnight then.”
“Goodnight.” She waited at the door, then blew him a kiss as he got into his truck.
She locked up again, hoping Cade wouldn’t decide to show up too. She walked back into the den and opened her book.