Chapter 38
38
Sleep eluded Keith. His thoughts were of Michelle. Every time he closed his eyes, different visions of her appeared in his mind’s eye. Michelle cooking. Michelle smiling. Michelle surprised he was at her door. Michelle opening her eyes with desire after he kissed her.
“Damn.” He stomped to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. No woman had ever captured his thoughts like she had. He was supposed to report to work in a few hours and needed sleep. Maybe a haggard look would work for this scene. At least he was still filming with the horse.
He returned to bed, trying to clear his mind of everything Michelle. The last vision he saw was her blowing him a kiss. A kiss goodnight, which helped him drift off to sleep.
Before he was ready to move, his alarm sounded. “Great,” he mumbled as he flipped the blanket off his bed. Hoping a shower would help him start his day, he stepped in. Ten minutes later, he walked out of the bathroom, naked as the day he was born to find Chip waiting in the next room.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Making sure you’re on schedule. You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” Keith ran his fingers through his wet hair and then slipped on a pair of boxer briefs. “I didn’t sleep last night.”
“Something wrong?”
“Yeah, Michelle isn’t here.”
Chip slipped his hands into his hip pockets. “You told me to warn you if I thought you were moving too fast.”
“We’re not moving fast. Last night was the first time I kissed her with meaning. A peck here and there hasn’t meant anything. Now...”
“You want to sleep with her.”
“I want to make love to her. I want to love her, period.”
Chip scratched his jaw. “I see.”
“No, you don’t see. She has only been with her husband for the last thirty years. She’s hesitant about any type of intimacy. I can’t get the look on her face after I kissed her out of my mind!”
“Which was.”
“Desire.” Keith pulled on his jeans. “She’s nervous, but she trusts me. Do you know what that means? Now, with us apart, she may back away from her feelings.”
“Look, Keith, if that happens, her feelings for you don’t run as deep as yours for her. I saw her last night too. That woman is as crazy for you as you are for her.” Chip shifted his feet. “If you’re worried about this now, knowing you’re going to see her in a few days, what’s it going to be like when you go home?”
“Adam basically asked the same thing last night.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“We’d figure it out.”
“And did you mean that?”
“Absolutely.” Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need a favor.”
“Name it.”
Keith gave Chip instructions as to what he wanted. “Do you think you can do that while I’m working today?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem.”
“And you can fix this on her phone this week when we go back?”
“I can handle it, Keith. Calm down and get your ass to the makeup trailer.” Chip shooed Keith out the door. “By the way, it’s cold this morning. Take a jacket.”
Michelle spent her day running errands after she finished her workout at the gym. She’d ordered a new mattress on her way home, hoping she wasn’t overthinking Keith spending the night. Maybe he changed his mind once he was back on set. With that thought, she wondered if she’d hear from him tonight. Was meeting her children too much?
By the time she arrived home, her mind was all over the place reliving the events of the previous night. She kept going back to Adam’s hostility. Belynda had a point. She should speak with Adam. She sent him a quick text: Can you stop by on your way home?
She received a reply immediately: Are you okay?
She typed: Fine. Just want to talk.
Her phone pinged: See you after work.
With that handled, she sat in front of her computer. The words flowed as she wrote about her characters meeting each other. Turning the corner on happiness was easier to write than the tragedy that preceded it. She’d lost track of time as her fingers flew over the keyboard. The words continued to come when she heard Adam’s voice, “Mom?”
“In here. I’ll be right out.”
Adam was lounging in one of the chairs in the den when she walked out. “Writing?”
“Yeah.”
“How’s it going? Your book, I mean.”
“Great.”
“What’d you want to talk about?”
“Last night.”
Adam sat straighter. “What about it? I thought I made my point very clear.”
“Oh, you did, and I want to talk about that.” Michelle sat in the chair beside Adam’s. “I know that since your father passed, you feel that you need to be my protector. And while I understand and appreciate it, I also need you to understand that I still want to live. Adam, I’m fifty, not eighty. There are a lot of people who remarry after losing a spouse, whether through death or divorce.”
“You want to remarry?” His brows furrowed.
“I don’t know the future, Adam. I’m just saying hypothetically.” She looked into Adam’s watery eyes. “I will always love your father. He gave me three wonderful children who remind me of him every day. He was my first love, my forever love. No one will replace him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love again.”
“So, you love Keith?”
Michelle massaged her forehead. “I don’t know. I do know that I like him a lot, and if he’s being honest with me, he feels the same way. I wasn’t looking for him, Adam. And even after that first night, I never thought I’d see him again. When he asked for my number, I thought he was being polite, that was all. In a million years, I never thought he’d call.”
“What are you asking of me, Mom?”
“For you to trust my judgment, knowing that I’ll call you if something goes south.”
“I’m trying to prevent things from going south.”
“But that’s not living, my dear son. And I want to live.”
“I don’t want to see you hurt again, besides it’s hard for me to see you with a man that isn’t Dad.”
A sad smile crossed Michelle’s face. “If your father were still here, there wouldn’t be another man, but I don’t want to grow old alone. And I don’t want to be a burden to any of you. You have your life to live just as I’ve lived mine. Oh, Adam, what are you angry about? Belynda and Cade aren’t angry with me.”
“What do they have to be angry about? They didn’t kill Dad, I did!”
“What? No, Adam. It was an accident.”
“I’m angry that Dad died!” He stood and stared out the glass doors. “I’m angry because he wouldn’t have been in that wreck if I hadn’t asked him to dinner that night! I’m angry because I let him down.” For the first time since the accident, tears fell from Adam’s face, and his shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world had been lifted with his confession.
Michelle jumped out of her chair and hugged Adam. “No, son. No, no, no.” She peppered kisses on his face. “None of it was your fault. Will never be your fault. He was so proud of you, of all of you. You could never let him down.” She tilted his head to look at her. “Please, please, please don’t ever think that. Oh, Adam...”
His hands slowly engulfed his mother as they both cried. “I’m sorry, Mom. I should have talked with you about it sooner. I didn’t know how. No one knew I’d made him promise to be at that restaurant. I thought you’d blame me too.”
“Never, Adam. No one could predict the trucker having a heart attack. It was his time, baby. That’s all. That commute between Charlotte and home was long. It could have happened at any time. He would have come home that way anyway, Adam.”
“But it would’ve been later. He would’ve missed the man having a heart attack. He would have been saved.”
“You don’t know that, Adam. And he told me you’d asked him to dinner. I’ve always known but never knew why.”
Adam took a deep breath and pulled away from Michelle. “I’d bought Charlotte’s ring. I invited Dad to dinner to show it to him and ask for him to be my best man.”
Michelle’s hand flew to her mouth. “Adam . . .”
“I couldn’t propose to her after that.”
“That’s why you waited for so long?”
Adam nodded. “There had to be a separation between his death and professing my love to her.”
“I’m so sorry, son. I wish you would’ve talked to me.”
“It took a while, but I figured that Cade and I have each other. He’s agreed to be my best man, and I’ll be his. I’m glad Dad was able to walk Belynda down the aisle. She doesn’t have someone who could have filled in for Dad.”
“She has you and Cade.”
“That’s not the same, Mom, and you know it.”
“Your father would’ve been so proud to stand up for you. He loved all of you so much.”
“I know, and I loved him too.”
“Then no more feeling guilty. No more being angry at him or yourself. Please, baby, free yourself of that burden and live your life.”
“And let you live yours?”
“Yes.” She gave him a weak smile.
Adam wiped his face and looked at Michelle. “Are things serious with Keith?”
“I think they could be at some point.”
“Are you saying that you’d move in with him?”
“We haven’t discussed that at all. My life is here, and he knows it. The big test will be once he leaves. If I never hear from him again, then it was a fling. If I do, then we’ll see where this relationship takes us. I’m open to whatever life gives me.”
“Wow, you’ve always been the grounded one. The only time I remember you being somewhat reckless was when we moved here. You and Dad sold our house, and we moved the day after school ended.”
Michelle smiled at the memory. “Your father’s career was one where he could work from home most of the time and only go into the office a few times a month. We were very fortunate.”
“That’s when Dad told me to watch after you, Belynda, and Cade. I guess that’s when my protective instincts took root.”
“I remember. Cade looked up to you so much back then.” Michelle rolled her lips inward. “And when the crash happened. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, Adam. All of you helped me so much until I got my head back on straight, but you were my rock. Thank you. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that.”
“You have. More than with words. You show me all the time.”
Michelle swallowed as tears stung her eyes. “Then it’s time for you to let Mama Bird spread her wings.”
“I hear you.” Adam inhaled deeply. “I’ll back off, but...”
“I don’t think he’ll hurt me intentionally, Adam. I’m going in with my eyes wide open, knowing there’s a chance I’ll get my heart broken.” She laid her hand on Adam’s arm. “I don’t think it could break more than it did the day your father died.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll try.”
“I love you. Thank you.”
He kissed her cheek. “I love you too. I need to get home. Charlotte was cooking dinner since she had today off.”
“Please tell her hello for me.”
“I will.”
Michelle walked Adam out, then sat in the den and cried. She didn’t remember ever having such a deep conversation with Adam before.