15
EMILIA
Then, slowly, I reached for the roses and said, “Let’s talk inside.”
He didn’t step inside immediately. He looked at me with surprise in his eyes, his expression a mixture of confusion and hope.
“Are you sure?”
he asked, and I nodded.
“Come on. Before I change my mind again.”
He stepped inside, moving way too reluctantly. Had he not wanted me to ask him in? To just hear him out and send him away again? I decided not to give that too much thought. This couldn’t be easy for him, and maybe he truly expected me to send him away.
He scanned the room once, taking in the mug on the table, the blanket draped over the arm of the couch, the candle that had burned down to its last inch. He didn’t say anything right away. Neither did I.
I sat back down slowly, tucking my legs underneath me, and placing the roses on my lap. He stayed near the door for a moment before lowering himself into the armchair across from me. There was space between us. Not just the physical kind.
His hands ran along his thighs, then he leaned forward slightly, elbows on his legs.
“I’ve been thinking about what to say for days,”
he said, his voice lower now. “Trying to figure out how to explain something I barely understand myself.”
I didn’t interrupt. I wanted to know if he’d actually done the work. If this wasn’t just guilt wrapped in flowers.
“I didn’t come here to fix everything,”
he said. “I know I can’t. And I’m not here because I suddenly figured out how to be someone better. I’m not there yet. But I’ve realized a few things—things I should have seen way before I opened my mouth and wrecked everything.”
He rubbed his hands together slowly. A nervous gesture. I’d never seen Dean nervous before. Not once.
“When I said what I said that day…”
He winced. “It was cruel. I knew it the second it left my mouth. I wanted to take it back, but instead I doubled down. Like a coward.”
My throat felt tight again. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, not again. But his words hit harder than I expected.
“I’ve spent so long pretending that what we had was some casual thing. But it wasn’t that. It never was. And the moment I felt it slipping out of my control, I lashed out.”
His eyes finally met mine. There was no coldness in them now. Just exhaustion. Honesty.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Emilia. You weren’t na?ve or foolish. You didn’t read things wrong. I made you feel like it was one-sided, like you were delusional for thinking it meant something. But it did. It still does.”
I looked down at the roses, twisting the paper around the stems between my fingers.
He continued, quieter now. “You made me feel something I didn’t expect. And I didn’t know how to hold it without breaking it. Without breaking you. But I did it anyway. Because I thought it would be easier than saying what I really felt.”
I raised my eyes slowly, meeting his again. There was something raw in his face. Unfiltered. For once, no power play. No polished edge.
Dean swallowed hard. “I didn’t come here expecting forgiveness. I didn’t come to win you back. I came because I needed you to know the truth before the silence between us became permanent.”
I didn’t speak. Not yet.
He shifted, leaning back slightly. “You don’t owe me anything. Not your time. Not this conversation. But I needed to be here, in front of you, to say it out loud. You mattered to me. You matter to me. And I’m sorry it took me too long to say that the right way.”
There it was.
No defense. No excuses.
Just the quiet aftermath of a storm he had created.
But that meant nothing to me in that moment. I sat still for a long time, breathing through the lump in my throat.
“You hurt me,”
I said, needing for him to hear it again.
“I know.”
He didn’t flinch this time. “And I hate that I did. I’ve been selfish. Detached. A total fucking asshole. I kept telling myself that’s just who I am, but that’s not good enough anymore. If you never want to speak to me again, I’ll understand. I’ll leave, and I won’t bother you again. Keep it strictly professional at work from now on. But if there’s even a chance you’ll let me prove that I want to change, I needed to know.”
I glanced at the roses again. Then back at him.
“I have to think about it.”
He nodded, accepting my answer without a fight. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Emilia.”
“And when I come back to work, I want you to give me space. Even in meetings.”
He swallowed hard. He didn’t like that idea. But, again, he accepted it without a fight. “Of course. Anything you need.”
“I’ll be cold toward you. I won’t look at you or speak to you when I don’t want to. Even when we’re discussing work stuff. I will simply nod or give you clipped answers, and I want that to be enough for now.”
Dean straightened his back and rubbed his hands on his thighs. I could tell this was hard for him, and in a way, it showed me that he still wanted me in a physical way. He couldn’t shake the idea of not being close to me, but he’d have to deal with it.
“Okay,”
he replied with a quick nod. “That’s only fair.”
“It is.”
I pressed my lips into a tight line, watching him closely before getting up. I put the roses on the coffee table, then moved toward the door. “I would like for you to leave now.”
He didn’t argue and got up, following me to the door where we both stopped, standing face to face. I looked up at him, trying to figure out if I had more to say. But I hadn’t. So, I reached for the knob and opened the door. “Thanks for the roses.”
“Yeah…”
he said with a tight, sad smile. “I wasn’t sure you like roses—”
“I do. But they’re not my favorite.”
This was his chance to ask me about my favorite flowers. To finally ask me something personal. Something I only ever shared with a few people before. And though it didn’t seem like he would ask, he finally did. “Which are your favorite?”
“Peonies.”
Another smile tugged at his lips. This time, it wasn’t as sad. More sincere. Excited.
“Noted,”
he said softly before stepping out into the hallway. “Thanks for letting me come in and talk. I’ll…see you at the office.”
I simply nodded and waited for him to disappear from view before I closed the door and took a deep breath. Things wouldn’t be easier from now, but I would keep my head up high. I wouldn’t crash again. Wouldn’t fall back down that hole of misery I created for myself the past week.
Because I still loved my job. Still loved my life. I just had to decide if I wanted to move on with him in it or not.
***
I returned to the office a few days later.
My makeup was clean, my blouse neat, and not a single strand of my hair was out of place. I was composed and controlled. I had to be if I wanted to get through the day.
When the elevator doors opened, I stepped into the hallway and saw Leann’s face light up the second she laid eyes on me. His smile grew big, and she got up from behind the front desk to walk over to me. “Emilia, you’re back!”
I smiled back at her. Truthfully, Leann was the only person I was excited to see again. She had been nice to me before everything with Dean went downhill, and I wished I would’ve had the strength to text her when I was feeling down the past week.
“Hi,”
I said, smiling as genuinely as I could.
She pulled me into a light hug. “We missed you around here. It’s been busy and tense.”
I knew what that meant. Dean had probably asked her and some of the others for help with certain things. Things I should’ve helped him with. But he deserved my absence, and I wished I could tell Leann all about it. But I didn’t. I kept it to myself.
“It’s good to be back,”
I then told her, my smile tight. “Anything I need to know right away?”
“No, but…”
She headed back to the front desk to pick up a bunch of letters. “These came throughout the week.”
I took them and looked at the senders, recognizing a few names from past clients. The rest were advertisements. “Thank you, Leann.”
“Of course! You look amazing, by the way. You truly needed that little break, hm?”
Yeah, truly.
I nodded. “Yes, it helped for sure.”
“I’m glad. How about we get lunch together?”
I thought about it for a moment. Maybe it would be good to be around Leann. Though, I liked the idea of eating lunch in my office all by myself. Pursing my lips, I figured it wouldn’t really help me get out of that depression I lived through the past week. So, I smiled at her and said, “Sounds great.”
“Perfect! I’ve been craving tacos for so long. See you at lunch?”
I smiled again and nodded once. “See you then,”
I said, then started toward my office. While my door was closed, his was halfway open. I didn’t want to look inside, but my eyes immediately found him sitting in his chair. He was facing the floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the city. Without having to see his face, I knew he was thinking.
Even with my heels clicking on the floor, he didn’t turn around, and I decided not to bother him. I had things to take care of, and a job to get back into. I needed a few moments to myself too before I could actually communicate with him again.
I pushed open my office door and walked inside, finding my desk as neatly as I had left it. I put the letters down next to my keyboard and sat down, taking in my reflection in the black computer screen before turning it on.
It felt good to be here, and I would make the best out of my first day back after my emotional breakdown. My mind was more focused and clearer, and I was ready to take on whatever tasks waited for me today.
At 9:40, I got up and grabbed a few papers and headed over to Dean’s office. His door was still open, but this time, he was looking at his computer. He looked up when he heard me approach, and I stopped in the doorway with a tight smile on my lips. “Morning. May I hand you a few things?”
He moved to the side and nodded, his smile more sincere than mine. “Of course.”
His eyes followed me closely as I stepped toward his desk, and I could see the hope in his eyes. He was glad I was back, but the way he sat there, all relaxed, told me that he wouldn’t pressure me in any way. Just like he had promised he would.
“It’s good to have you back, Emilia. It’s been rough without you around here.”
Because, as his assistant, my job was very important. And not many could keep up with his often busy and stressful schedule.
I nodded, my smile growing just slightly.
At least he had always truly appreciated me for one thing.
I handed him a folder without commenting on the other thing he said, needing to keep this interaction professional. “Here’s Thomas’ deposition prep for the Garner case. Thought you might want to look over it since you’ll be in the court room with him for this case.”
He looked at it for a moment before his eyes were back on mine. “Has Thomas gone over this already?”
“Yes. He has asked me to give it to you.”
I broke eye contact to hand him the letter. “These are letters from past clients. They were addressed to me which I think was a mistake since they only invited you to dinner.”
He chuckled, taking the envelopes from me, and peeking inside one. “You’d think that hospitals and clinics were capable of sending out letters correctly.”
I didn’t laugh, but I did give him another tight smile. “They came while I was gone so they’re expecting a quick answer.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond and kept going. “You’ve got a meeting with the Pritchard clients at ten-thirty, then lunch with Halvorson at one.”
“Got it. Thanks, Emilia.”
I nodded and turned to leave but paused at the door. “I also rescheduled the quarterly review with finance like you asked me to. It’s next Thursday now.”
“Great. I’ll need you to sit through that one with me. Last time, some things got lost in that heated argument Eric started. I don’t want anything to go missing or be misinterpreted this time.”
I pursed my lips, remembering the aftermath of that argument. Nobody talked to each other for at least two days, and once they decided to talk it out, another argument erupted. Dean was angry, and, come to think of it, that was shortly before we started…hooking up.
Because that’s what it was. Just sex. No feelings. No emotions. At least not from him.
“Of course. Anything else?”
I asked, although, I didn’t want to do more for him today. I simply wanted to hide in my office and deal with some emails, then later go home and have a Chinese takeout on my couch.
“No, that’s all,”
he said, smiling again. “Thank you. And…welcome back.”
His eyes were soft, and I could tell there was more on his mind. He wanted to talk to me for a while longer, but I left without looking back.
This was the arrangement I’d asked for between us. Civil and professional. Emotionally distant, just like he used to be. Now it was my turn to be cold. To show emotions only when I wanted to. And he simply had to accept it.