17
EMILIA
I pressed my lips into a tight line, and before the walls around me closed in on me, I said, “No.”
Everything went still. My heartbeat. His breathing. Everything.
He looked disappointed, and I felt…bad. But did I really have a reason to feel bad? I clearly wasn’t over it. The hurt he caused. The pain I still carried around with me, hidden from everybody—and sometimes even myself.
Dean’s expression didn’t crumble, but I could see the quiet shift behind his eyes. He nodded once, his jaw tightening for the briefest second before he relaxed again.
“Okay,”
he said simply.
No argument. No attempt to convince me otherwise. That somehow made it worse.
I looked at the floor for a moment, searching for words that would ease the heaviness between us. But there weren’t any. Or maybe there were too many.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you,”
I said, finally lifting my gaze back to his. “But I’m still figuring things out. About you. About myself. I just…I need more time.”
“I understand,”
he said. And to his credit, he didn’t force a smile or pretend it didn’t sting. “I just needed to ask.”
I nodded. “Thank you for understanding.”
We stood there for a second too long. The silence didn’t feel like the warm kind anymore.
“I should get back,”
I murmured, reaching for the door.
Dean stepped aside to let me pass, his hand brushing the edge of the doorframe as if he’d thought about stopping me but didn’t.
I walked out without looking back, closing the door behind me with quiet finality.
As I walked into my office, the lump in my throat rose slowly, catching me off guard. I didn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Not for this. But I felt it. That sharp ache that comes from turning away from something that could have meant something but just didn’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
I went back to my desk, but for the rest of the day, I sat there in silence, with my head throbbing, and my heart breaking bit by bit.
And I hated it.
***
By the time I got home, the day had completely worn me out. I did my best to focus on my work, but my thoughts kept going back to Dean and the answer I had given him. I kept the lights in my apartment off and headed straight to my kitchen to get myself something to eat and drink before I headed to my couch.
I got comfortable under my blanket and turned on the TV, not really caring about what was on. I ate and just stared straight ahead, feeling a little more stupid with each minute that passed. And all because I said no.
He asked me as his date.
That part echoed louder than the rest.
He didn’t want me there as his assistant, nor as a thank-you for my work.
A date.
Because he had feelings for me. That’s what he said, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
The funny part of it all was, that’s all I’ve ever wanted from him. For him to reciprocate my feelings. And now that he did, I pushed him away.
I didn’t know what to think anymore. It was confusing, and nothing felt right anymore. Worst of all…I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this. I didn’t want to tell my parents. They’d be worried and drive over here immediately, and they wouldn’t leave until I was better. I didn’t want to put that on them.
My friends were too busy. Not that they wouldn’t read my texts or listen to my voice notes, but they wouldn’t really care that much. It’s been too long since I’ve had a true connection with them, anyway.
And at work, there was only one person I ever talked to about personal things. But even then, those things I told were limited. Leann was a good listener and advice-giver, and maybe telling her about Dean and me wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.
After finishing my food, I reached for my phone and unlocked it to open my contacts. I scrolled to Leann’s name and let my thumb hover over the call button, debating whether or not I should drag her into this mess.
But I needed someone. And I was sure Leann would be happy to help.
I hit the FaceTime icon before I could overthink it, then leaned back on the couch and waited. I had never called Leann before—let alone on FaceTime. But I had high hopes that she would pick up.
A few rings later, her face popped up on the screen. Her face was free from the makeup she wore today, and her hair was in a messy bun.
“Emilia? Hey, is everything okay? You don’t usually call me,”
she said with a soft chuckle.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
I sighed and furrowed my brows. “I didn’t know who else to call.”
“Oh my…what’s wrong?”
“Do you have time? I called without asking. I don’t want to bother you.”
“Of course you’re not bothering me. I was just about to sit down on my couch and watch whatever movie first comes up on Netflix. Tell me…is it guy-problems?”
I pressed my lips together and nodded slowly. “Yes.”
Leann’s expression immediately shifted from playful to serious, her brows pulling together as she sank back into her couch and gave me her full attention. “Alright. Spill. I’m all ears.”
I took a breath, then I told her everything.
I told her about how things started with Dean. How it all began quietly, slowly, in those late nights at the office. How I tried to deny it, how he never said much but always looked at me like he knew exactly how much I wanted him. About all the moments that crossed lines. The kissing, the sex. All the hidden moments.
I told her about the high of it all. How I felt seen, like I mattered in ways I hadn’t in a long time. How he gave me just enough attention to make me believe something real was growing between us.
Then came the letdown. The moment I realized he only wanted me for pleasure, and how I still let him continue using me. How he kept his distance when others were around, but behind closed doors, he used the naughtiest words, and did the naughtiest things. And worst of all, how he made me feel like it had all been a mistake.
I didn’t hold back. I told her everything. Every gut-wrenching detail, every word I never said out loud until now.
When I finally finished, I was lying on my side, phone propped against a throw pillow, and tears prickling my eyes. But they didn’t fall. I couldn’t let them.
Leann was quiet for a beat. Then she exhaled. “Damn.”
“Yeah,”
I whispered.
“That’s a lot, Emilia,”
she said gently, her tone steady but soft. “And honestly? I get why you said no. He put you through it. And it doesn’t make you weak for still feeling all of it.”
I nodded slowly, my throat too tight to say anything yet.
“But,”
she added carefully, “I also don’t think it’s stupid to still want him. To still wonder what could’ve happened if you’d said yes.”
“I do wonder,”
I admitted. “All the time.”
Leann gave me a sympathetic smile. “And, truthfully…he changed.”
I watched her on my screen, my eyes searching her face. “In what way?”
Leann shrugged. “For the better. I mean, he’s always been an ass, to be honest. Always so cold and annoyed and grumpy. But, lately, he’s been so nice. Open. He talks a lot more, and he even smiles and laughs at my jokes. Which you know are really bad.”
I laughed softly, surprised about her words. “Really?”
“Yes, really. So I think he meant what he said. The apologies, the friendliness. He started to care about you so much that everyone in the office notices his change of heart. People have picked up on it. He’s different lately. It’s like he’s trying to be, I don’t know…better.”
I blinked, unsure how to respond.
“And from what you’ve just told me,”
Leann said after a pause. “I’m pretty sure he’s trying to change because of you.”
I looked away from the screen, my throat tightening. “That makes it harder, you know? It’s easier to walk away from someone who stays the same. Not from someone who’s trying.”
Leann gave a small, understanding nod. “I get that. And I’m not saying you owe him anything. But maybe…just think about it.”
I looked back at her, unsure.
“You don’t have to decide tonight,”
she said gently. “But if someone’s making that kind of effort, not just with you, but with everyone around him, it might mean something. And maybe that something deserves another look.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. Maybe she was right, but I definitely needed some time.
“Thanks, Leann,”
I said softly, smiling.
“Anytime,”
she said. “I’m glad I was helpful. And, hey, this should become a normal thing from now on. I’ve always liked you. Always thought you were such a beautiful and kind woman, and I just wished we would’ve become friends right away.”
But we hadn’t because I didn’t care. I only cared about Dean and what he thought. What he said to me, and what he wanted from me. I pushed everyone else aside, not caring to make new friendships.
“I’m sorry about that, Leann. It’s my fault. I was so…stuck. But that’s not an excuse.”
“It’s all good, Emmy. Shit, can I call you Emmy? I know I called you Emmy once but I don’t remember if you liked it.”
I smiled gently. “It’s fine. My Dad also calls me Emmy.”
“Okay, so…”
Her grin widened. “Are we having lunch together from now on?”
I couldn’t say no to that. “Sounds perfect.”
“Great! I know exactly where we’re going for lunch tomorrow.”
***
Three days later, I had made my decision.
I didn’t come to it lightly. I didn’t wake up with clarity or have a movie-moment epiphany. It came slowly, through conversations with Leann, through the stillness between tasks at work, and the silence in my apartment when I was alone. I kept thinking about what she said, about how people change, and how sometimes, they do it because they care.
And Dean had changed.
I saw it in his expression. In his eyes. They weren’t dark anymore. There was emotion. Light. And I saw it in how he listened more. To everyone in the office. He took his time, sat in the break room a little longer to chitchat with his employees. He accepted ideas and even critique. Though he wasn’t exactly warm because his work was still extremely stressful at times, but he wasn’t ice anymore either. He was trying.
Because of me.
And I would’ve been lying to myself if I said that didn’t mean something.
So by the end of the workday, I found myself standing outside his office, heart thudding too loudly, palm slightly damp as I raised my hand to knock.
The door was half-open. I peeked in.
Dean was at his desk, eyes locked on his screen, brows slightly drawn the way they always were when he was deep in thought. His tie was loosened, the top button undone, sleeves rolled up. He looked tired.
I knocked once.
His head lifted immediately. When his eyes met mine, his expression shifted from surprised to unreadable. He didn’t speak, just watched me.
“Can I come in?”
I asked, keeping my voice steady.
He stood almost instantly. “Yeah. Of course.”
I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. I didn’t move closer, needing to say what I had to say first.
“I’ve been thinking,”
I said quietly.
His gaze didn’t waver. “Okay.”
“About what you asked me. About the dinner.”
Dean nodded once, his hands falling into his pockets. But he didn’t speak. He waited.
I took a breath. “I said no because I was scared. Because I thought you hadn’t changed. And because I didn’t trust myself not to fall into the same pattern again.”
His jaw flexed.
“But I was wrong,”
I added. “You are changing. I see it. Everyone sees it.”
That caught something in him. A flicker in his eyes. The faintest pull at his mouth.
I stepped a little closer. “Leann told me how you’ve been lately. How the whole office feels different when you’re around now. How…lighter things feel. And it made me realize something,”
I said softly, watching as he lowered his head as if he didn’t know what to do with my words. “I want to go to that dinner with you.”
His head snapped back up, eyes locked on mine.
“I want to say yes,”
I continued. “Not because I’ve forgotten the past. Not because it didn’t hurt. But because I believe people can grow. And maybe…maybe I want to see who you are now. Who we could be.”
The silence that followed was bearable. There was no heaviness. No pressure. Just us, looking at each other with hope in our eyes.
Dean stepped forward slowly, like he didn’t want to scare me away.
“Are you sure?”
he asked, voice quiet but serious.
“No,”
I admitted. “But I think that’s what makes it real.”
Something softened in his face, and then he smiled.
“Well,”
he said. “I’m excited to have you by my side at that dinner.”