CHAPTER 5 Tel Aviv
“Just a quick overnight layover, Aaron.” William waved a haphazard hand in front of him, wordlessly asking Aaron to step aside. “Nothing to worry about.”
I followed William out of the bedroom in complete shock.
“Nothing to worry about?” Aaron shouted behind us. “Mr. Murphy will go ballistic on me. On all of us! You lied about the flight plan, Mr. Sj?berg. And—”
“It was the only way,” William cut him off, his voice harsher this time. “And I will deal with the consequences once we’re back in New York.”
My hand searched for William’s while hooking an arm around his.
“We’re here to pay our respects to the family of the man who gave his life for ours.” William squeezed my hand and searched for my gaze. His lips curled into a tight smile. And I smiled back, feeling how my throat closed in on me.
Aaron’s nostrils flared as he took a deep breath in through his nose.
“Oh, William,” I mumbled, hugging him. He’d done so many thoughtful things for me in the past, but this exceeded all of them. It’d been so painful to say goodbye to Caleb in New York knowing I could’ve been there for his funeral.
But I missed it. I had begged Nathan to bring me to Tel Aviv, but he panicked and chose to avoid any problems with my father. And since that day, I’d felt like I had missed a step in the grieving process. I needed to bury him, so now, at least I’d get to say a proper goodbye at the exact place where his body had been put to rest. And William had thought of this because he knew me well enough to know how much I needed this.
It was now or never. I didn’t think there’d be a chance in the near future to come here and do this. And as much as the dread kept piling up in regard to my father’s retaliation, the desire to be here outweighed the trepidation.
“I’m sure you can understand that, Aaron. And I’m hoping we can count on your cooperation in arranging the meetup and the visit to Caleb’s grave.”
Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head a few times. He seemed beyond distraught. I’d never seen him display such a varied range of emotions in my entire life. I knew we were pushing his limits, and I didn’t want to know what would happen if we managed to overstep those completely.
We had to tread carefully during our time in Tel Aviv.
“Good morning, Mr. Sj?berg,” Amy, the flight attendant, said with a twitchy smile, assessing the situation. “Miss Murphy.” She nodded once at me. “Sorry to interrupt, but could I ask you all to please take your seats and fasten your seat belts? We will be landing shortly.”
“Yes, of course.” I took a seat and did as I was told, somewhat thankful for the interruption. William sat next to me while Aaron and David followed Amy’s orders and buckled up as well.
“William?”
“Mmm.” He leaned in and kissed the top of my head.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “You shouldn’t have. But I’m glad you did.”
“I would’ve done this sooner if it’d been in my capacity to do so.”
I know.
Sliding up the window shade, I stared down at the city below us. Caleb’s home. This is where Caleb grew up, and I couldn’t help but imagine him as a young boy and wonder what his life looked like back then. What it would’ve looked like today if he had chosen to stay instead of accepting Aaron’s offer to work as my bodyguard.
I let out a heavy sigh charged with heartache. It seemed to me like the guilt would never leave me. It had clawed its way into my soul. How was I to face his family? I knew I had to do it. I knew I had wanted to do so for months now. But it didn’t make it any easier to picture that encounter.
“It’s going to be okay,” William cooed as I kept staring out the window, deeply lost in my thoughts. “I’ve got you.”
My eyes widened with surprise as I quickly turned to face him.
“What?” He chuckled, stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Nothing, um—” I shook my head twice, fast. “That’s what Caleb used to say all the time.”
“Well, I’m hoping he won’t mind me stepping in for the gig. Though I know I’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill.”
“He would’ve loved that.” I held on to his neck and pulled him closer to drop a kiss on his lips. “And luckily, you’ve got pretty big feet yourself.”
We stepped out of Caleb’s family home, waving his parents goodbye as we got in the black armored SUV Aaron was able to borrow for the duration of our stay from a friend who owns a security company in Tel Aviv. And the moment David shut the door behind us, I choked on a sob that made my chest violently jerk back and forth. William wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in against him, where I found myself crying inconsolably.
I’d been trying so hard to keep the tears in check while visiting Caleb’s parents. I wanted to seem strong and put together and to be able to say the things I wanted to say without breaking apart. To apologize, to acknowledge their pain. To tell them how great and honorable their son was. How much I loved him. Still did. I didn’t want to cry in front of them and make the visit about my grief. This visit was about them and the amazing son they lost. It was about me coming to pay my respects and apologize for not coming sooner. William also did a great job expressing his condolences, emphasizing their son’s bravery.
As I took gasping breaths against William’s chest, I noticed Aaron had lingered a bit longer while he said his goodbyes. Caleb’s mom hugged him tightly, and I could see the tears falling down her cheeks even if she was smiling or trying to for what it seemed. That only made me shut my eyes as more and heavier sobs escaped my throat.
William kept brushing my hair off my face in complete silence. That’s all I needed, for him to be there with me. Words were superfluous in moments like these.
Aaron turned his back on Caleb’s parents and walked toward the SUV. That’s when David got in the passenger seat with a solemn expression on his face. And I silently thanked him for not looking at me when I was such a mess, for giving me as much privacy as I could get inside the car.
Aaron cleared his throat and turned the key in the ignition. “I’m taking you to his grave now, Miss Murphy,” he said, his voice sounding slightly off, like he, too, was having trouble dealing with the emotions that got triggered with the visit.
“Thank you, Aaron,” William replied in my stead. I wasn’t even trying to stop myself from crying at this point because I needed it. I needed to feel it all and leave whatever was left of the grief inside me here in Tel Aviv, where it belonged, hoping I would take nothing but the good memories with me back home.
“Can we … stop … for flowers?” I managed to say, still holding on to William, my arms refusing to unlatch from around his waist.
“It’s not customary to leave flowers, Miss,” Aaron said plainly. He was informing me about their traditions, and it’s not that I didn’t want to respect them, but I had my own too. And I knew Caleb wouldn’t have minded if I left flowers on his grave. He knew how stubborn I was and how I always got my way. My silence must’ve said it all. “But I know a place we can stop by that’s on the way.”
“Thank you, Aaron.” My eyelids gave in on me, so I allowed myself to relax, knowing we’d done the right thing coming here.
And then my phone rang. It startled me and the peace that was beginning to brew inside the vehicle after the volatile emotions floating around had promised to settle.
My father.
It was the first time he had called me directly while I’d been away. He’d been contacting Aaron, who would relay his messages to me or pass me the phone as he did the night before. But not this time.
With a sigh, I took the call.
“Dad?”
“You have until sundown to get on that plane and fly back home,” he said, his tone dry as if he were dictating an instruction to his personal assistant. “There are a few changes we need to discuss when you get back.”
I knew he meant that as a warning to coerce me back into submission, but I was pleased to realize his passive-aggressive threat did little to move me.
“I agree,” I said matter-of-factly, straightening in my seat and mustering as much confidence as I could gather, feeling the whiplash of emotions walloping me but fueling me all the same. “There are lots of changes we need to discuss when I get back.”
He didn’t know about the ace up my sleeve. The truths I was now in possession of that gave me all the leverage I needed to negotiate the terms of our previous agreement regarding my security and other ridiculous arrangements.
He let out a sharp sound through his nose, clearly irritated about my unstoppable rebellious streak.
“Put Aaron on the phone.”
Nice talking to you too.
Shaking my head, I leaned in and passed my phone to Aaron. He said, “Yes, Mr. Murphy,” a few times and ended the call. I took my phone back and put it in my bag.
My dad won’t know what hit him.
Aaron guided us around the large cemetery toward Caleb’s burial plot. All of the graves were simple and made of stone but still surrounded by beautiful greenery. Most of them had pebbles and rocks stacked on top of them forming small piles, some larger than others. I wondered what those meant. The cemetery felt peaceful and was almost empty, save for a few scattered people around the place.
Aaron stopped walking without notice and said, “That’s the one,” as he pointed toward a grave in the near distance with a weak flick of his finger. A young brunette woman was kneeling at the base of it, weeding the perimeter with focused intent, not noticing our arrival.
She was beautiful.
I turned to Aaron to ask if it was okay for me to approach the grave, but he spoke before I could. “Let me introduce you to Noa.”
When we got closer to her, she said something in Hebrew without looking our way. Aaron chuckled. “She says we don’t do flowers.”
Noa slowly crawled around the grave as she kept weeding it like her life depended on it.
“Shalom, Aaron,” she said without turning around.
“Shalom, Noa.” Aaron continued to say something in Hebrew that made Noa stop what she was doing. She bit her lower lip as she kept nodding with understanding at his words and helped herself up from the ground. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand and tugged the single gardening glove off the other. “Noa, this is Miss Murphy and Mr. Sj?berg. They’re here for a visitation.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said with a rough accent and not a hint of a smile, offering her hand to us. Her big brown eyes looked glassy, and she seemed annoyed about the interruption. I wondered who she was to Caleb. “You are Billie?”
“Ah, yes.” I shot a twitchy smile her way.
“Mm.” She considered me in silence for a few tense seconds. “I know who you are.” She turned around, got on her knees again, and placed the gardening glove back in her hand. “If you don’t mind.” She tilted her head toward the grave. “I promised Caleb’s mother I would keep it clean. When I’m done, I’ll leave you alone with him.”
We didn’t have to wait long for Noa to be done weeding Caleb’s grave, but we did it in silence, giving her enough space to do it in peace. Before we knew it, she was giving the burial plot one last look as she pulled a small stone out of her small crossbody canvas bag. She carefully placed it over the grave and pressed her palm against it with her eyes closed, mumbling something in Hebrew. I wondered how many of those stones had been placed by her.
“He’s all yours,” Noa said, adjusting the strap on her shoulder. “Nice seeing you, Aaron.” Her lips went into a tight line, and she nodded once as she started to walk away.
“Noa?” I said, stopping her, but she didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry.” The guilt overcame me once again, realizing Caleb had left an entire life behind him here. I didn’t know what they were to each other, but something told me she loved and cared about him enough to visit his grave and take on the responsibility of keeping it tidy.
“I do wonder,” she said softly, turning around to face me. “If he’d still be alive, had he chosen to stay.”
I’d toyed around with the idea, and the first thing that came to my mind every single time was: yes. A parallel timeline existed where Caleb never left and was still living his life in Tel Aviv.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I felt my breathing getting heavier. I was here as an act of respect and penance, even if everyone insisted Caleb’s fate wasn’t on me. It felt right to have these conversations with the loved ones he’d left behind—terrifying, but right.
I remained silent, sensing Noa wasn’t done talking.
“He was dead before he left.” Noa glanced at Aaron before flicking her gaze back to me. “I understand now that leaving was his only choice at the time because he never turned back. And we only talked once after he left. It was brief—the night before he died. After five years without speaking, I finally got my head out of my ass and called him to wish him a happy birthday. Asked him if he was happy. If he missed home. The food. The beach. If he could see himself living a different life because when he left …” Noa trailed off and took a deep breath. She smiled, but I could see the tears pooling in the corner of her round chocolate eyes. “As I said, he was dead before he left. And that day that I was lucky enough to talk to him, he seemed happier and more alive than I’d ever—” She wiped a few tears off her cheeks. “He mentioned you. And I teased him about it and playfully warned him about not shitting where he eats, but he laughed and said you were his best friend and that you’d saved him.” She smiled, but her eyes closed for a few long seconds, more tears cascading down her lovely face as she hugged herself.
My face was drenched with tears, and my eyes were swollen, spent from the day’s intense emotional occurrences.
“You brought him back to life.” She nodded a few times and worked her lower lip. “Lord knows I tried but wasn’t able to do it.”
That last line made me think there had been romantic ties between them. He must’ve left when they were still somewhat involved. But I quickly came to terms with the fact that I would never know. I knew I could ask Aaron about Noa and everything he knew. But it didn’t feel right to dig into Caleb’s past. It was his past. And if he chose not to mention her to me, then I had to respect his reasons.
It didn’t make it any less difficult to process that the job Caleb was offered in Paris was what probably ripped him away from her.
“I need to head back home.” Noa pulled her phone out of her bag, which wouldn’t stop chiming with incoming notifications. “Can’t leave the husband alone with the baby for more than forty minutes.” She shook her head and let out a sad chuckle, and I joined in as I wiped the tears with the back of my hand.
William stood behind me, ran his arms around my shoulders, kissed my hair, and set his chin on the top of my head. Always letting me know he was there with me.
“It was nice meeting you, Noa.”
“Same,” she said, putting her phone away. “Take good care of her, Aaron.”
Aaron nodded once, and William tightened his grip around me. His way of letting me know I can take good care of you too. “Tell Eitan I said hi and that I can still beat him at chess anytime.”
Noa laughed. “He really sucks at chess. But don’t tell him I said that.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure to mention it next time I talk to him,” he said with a laugh, making Noa roll her eyes.
“I really need to go.” She rubbed her palms in front of her chest and then waved us goodbye with a short sway of her hand. She looked over her shoulder at William and said, “Big fan of your work. Paper Planes is my favorite movie of yours.”
William smiled. “Thank you, Noa.”
We saw her walk away, and William kissed my cheek. “Take all the time you need.”
The time had come to say my last farewell to Caleb.