CHAPTER 20 Business As Usual
Nathan froze at the sight of me and gripped the width of the door, slowly sliding it further open. It’d been months since I last saw him. Five months, to be precise, on Lily and Joel’s engagement party when he almost proposed.
When I stopped him from doing so.
“What are you doing here?” His tone wasn’t rude but mostly surprised, and his greyish-green eyes, which I knew well, swelled with emotion.
Seeing him stirred up feelings I didn’t need to be stirred. Not now, not ever. But especially not when I felt this lonely, angry, and miserable after my failed Thanksgiving dinner with my dad. The added stress from those tabloid headlines wasn’t helping either.
“I …” My gaze dropped to my feet as I readjusted my purse’s strap on my shoulder and slid my cold hands inside my coat pockets. But I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and quickly flicked my attention back to his lovely green eyes. “I just came back from dinner with my … fuck.” I tossed the last word to the side with a whisper.
My voice cracked, so I turned around, intending to leave since there was no use in pretending I could hang out with the Sj?bergs while Nathan was present.
“What’s wrong?” He grabbed my arm but quickly let go of it when I looked up to meet his worried face.
“I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath to make the tears stop, to contain the growing need to allow someone who knew me so well to comfort me. “I didn’t know you were here, or I wouldn’t have come.”
“You can stay,” he said. “We can talk.”
I parted my mouth to reply, to say no, I cannot stay, but Zara appeared under the threshold.
“Billie?” She stood next to Nathan but remained a step behind him, her body language screaming, I’ve got his back. But instead of looking at me for a reply, she searched for Nathan’s reaction, suspicion clouding her eyes. “What’s going on here?”
“Nothing,” I replied quickly, wiping the tears off my cheeks and trying to summon a smile. “I was having dinner with my dad, and Lily told me I could stop by afterward, but I didn’t think it was going to end as soon as it did, so I never confirmed.” I looked back at Nathan. “I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to Lily. Please tell her I stopped by and will call her tomorrow. Goodnight.”
I turned around and clicked the elevator button.
“I’ll leave.” Nathan’s tone was resolute. The elevator arrived. “You should stay and talk to Lily.” His words felt like a threat. Don’t you dare step inside that elevator. He turned around swiftly and headed back inside the apartment. “I’ll fetch my phone and get out of your way.”
“Nathan!” Zara seized his arm, trying to stop him from doing so as if trying to talk sense into him. “You can’t go, we were just about to—”
“Zara.” He shot a glance at her over his shoulder, making her drop his arm and stop mid-sentence. Zara kept shaking her head as she stared at how Nathan disappeared inside the apartment.
“If you’re leaving, then I’m leaving with you!” she shouted to his back.
Staying wasn’t an option. Not if it would create this much stress and conflict between Nathan, Zara, and the rest. It hadn’t been an option from the moment Nathan opened that door. He deserved to spend time with the Sj?bergs, especially Joel, his best friend. William not being around must’ve made it easier for Nathan to find the time to do so, and I wouldn’t be the one to take that opportunity away from him.
The elevator chimed when the doors opened, making Zara face me again.
“You guys shouldn’t have to leave because of me,” I told her. “I didn’t mean to show up unannounced. I honestly didn’t know he’d be here.”
“I agree.” Zara crossed her arms at her chest. “I think it’s best if you leave.”
Her words stung and felt like a hot dagger burning through my chest. I knew that trying to repair my relationship with Zara wouldn’t be an easy feat, but I wasn’t expecting her reaction to hurt that much.
I didn’t blame her. She was stuck in the middle of wanting to protect Nathan and support William. But when William wasn’t around, her loyalty would inevitably sway toward Nathan. I wondered where it would lie if they were both present. What would she do then?
It didn’t matter because she freaking hated me, that was an unfortunate fact, but I hated even more that I cared so much.
I stepped inside the elevator, and as the doors slid closed, I heard Nathan shout, “Murph!” and Lily yell, “Billie!”
But I ignored them and fled the scene because staying would only stir up more drama. I didn’t have the strength or energy to deal with the conflict of their family dynamics on top of the ridiculous claims from the media that kept nagging me in the back of my brain and draining me of the precious energy I needed to fulfill my day-to-day responsibilities.
When I walked into my apartment, my phone rang. It was Lily, but I didn’t pick up. If I did, we would be talking for a while, and I wanted her to forget about me for tonight and keep enjoying herself. Besides, I’d soon be able to talk to William and sort things through.
My doorbell rang at the same time as my phone. God. I knew better than to expect Lily to back off by ignoring her calls. Of course, she would come down looking for me after what happened.
Huffing, I swung the door open, and said, “Lily, you didn’t have to—oh.”
“Hey.” Nathan was standing on the other side of the door. “I won’t take up too much of your time. I wanted to make sure you’re okay because clearly, you’re not.”
I stepped outside and pulled the door behind me, leaving it slightly open as if saying, I won’t invite you in, but I also can’t make this conversation last longer than it has to.
“Thank you, but I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.” He angled his head to the right, his gaze digging for answers. “What did he do this time?”
I shook my head twice. “You know how my dad can be.”
“Right.” Nathan’s brow furrowed. He was wearing his coat and seemed like he was ready to leave.
“You should stay,” I said. “Zara hates me enough as it is. She won’t forgive me if you left because I showed up unannounced.”
“I have a conference call tomorrow morning, so I need to get some sleep.” He pressed his lips into a small smile. “And Zara doesn’t hate you.”
I laughed under my breath. “Everyone keeps saying that.”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“It’s fine.” I crossed my arms at my chest. “I don’t need her to love me.” But I did. I wanted her approval. I wanted us to be able to breathe the same air without the horrible tension building up between us and be amicable, at least. “I would probably feel the same way if I were in her position.”
Nathan sighed. “It hurts to see you like this.” He took a step forward that made every muscle in my body tense.
“I’m fine.” I hated how far I was from being fine and how badly I needed comfort. But what I craved was William’s reassurance. Nathan was nothing but a shiny mirage when I was clawing my way through the sand under the unforgiving sun. He had to go. “I just need to sleep it off. Thank you.”
He considered my answer in silence.
“I heard Tobias talking about the headlines that have been popping up in tabloids and gossip sites.”
“Well, comes with the territory, right?” I shrugged with a small smile. “I knew what I was getting myself into.”
“Do you, though?” he said with narrowed eyes. “Know what you’re getting yourself into?”
“I do.” I didn’t, but I was careful to use the right tone to convey confidence when answering his question, even if I had the feeling it was rhetoric.
Who in my position would know exactly what to expect when dating an A-list celebrity known and loved by millions around the world? It came with a price, that much I knew. But I knew William wouldn’t allow it to hurt me. He promised to do everything in his power to keep things under control. That was one of the reasons why he fired Warren and hired Naomi.
“I say this because I know you,” he continued. “I know how much you value your peace and freedom, and I’m afraid that being with William will rob you of both.”
A sharp, dreadful sensation splintered through my stomach because I’d had that fear, even if I hadn’t been brave enough to admit it to myself. I trusted William to handle things, but how was I not going to feel afraid that the situation would surpass me? It was only natural.
He made me feel freer and more like myself than anyone else in the world, but what if him being in the spotlight got in the way of our happiness?
My silence prompted Nathan to keep expanding.
“And the fact that he’ll be traveling all the time doesn’t bother you?” He was getting flustered. “I knew how much you hated it when I went away for a few days. How will you cope with him leaving for months at a time? And kissing and pretending to have sex with others on screen while you wait for him to return?”
“Nathan,” I snapped, ensuring the warning was unmistakable in my tone. “That’s enough. It’s not your job to worry about these things or about me anymore.”
The hurt was visible again in his eyes.
“It never was … a job.” The words came out sad. “I’ll always want you to be safe and happy.”
Safe. As if being with William somehow put my life in danger. But I knew I had the power to avoid diving into an argument with Nathan by keeping my mouth shut. It was useless. I knew he meant well, but I didn’t need the added pressure of him not only worrying about me but voicing his concerns, too.
“I also want you to be happy.” I sighed. “But I don’t need this right now. I know what I’m doing.”
“I really hope so.” He nodded a few times and stared up and down at me as if scanning for any other wounds before he left.
“You really do love him, don’t you?”
My lungs deflated and my heart squeezed in my chest. “I do.”
With my entire heart.
He nodded slowly. Terribly so, as if he were able to listen to that last sentence I said to
myself inside my mind. “Good night, Murph.”
He walked away, but I stopped him by calling his name. This was my only chance to ask him a question, one I’d been too hesitant to ask my father because I didn’t know if he’d answer it with honesty, but mostly because it would piss me off even more if he were the one to confirm it.
He turned around and met my gaze in silence.
“Are you and my father business partners?”
Nathan’s gaze widened for a second, visibly thrown aback by my question. He licked his lower lip as he took his sweet time to reply.
“It’s in the works,” he admitted, but his features hardened as if he were trying to warn me that was as much as he was willing to say.
The disappointment was heartbreaking, almost sickening, and something told me Nathan could see it in my eyes because I didn’t care to conceal it from him.
Unsure about how I should feel about this, even if I had had months to mull over the possibilities of it being true, a part of me had still hoped they parted ways after we broke up. But knowing my dad, it wasn’t that surprising either. He always had a plan.
I detected a smidge of shame in Nathan’s eyes as he, without another word, turned on his heel and left. There was nothing left to say, so I retreated to my apartment, still overwhelmed with the emotions of the night. But a sense of peace washed over me at the realization that my feelings of romantic love and devotion for Nathan were a thing of the past.
All I wanted was William. But Nathan would always be inevitably tied to William’s family, and now to mine as well.