CHAPTER 23 Tinted Windows
December 15, 2010
William wasn’t particularly thrilled when I told him Nina had moved in, claiming he enjoyed the privacy of having the entire 9th floor to ourselves. But at the same time, he thought it wasn’t a half-bad idea for me to have some company when he was gone for long stretches of time.
I couldn’t help but sigh at the thought of him leaving again when he hadn’t even returned yet. But I knew what I was getting myself into, and so far, we’d survived his first project abroad.
The wait was finally over, though. I would see him tonight, and the excitement to grab his face between my hands and kiss every inch of it was spiking as every second of the day ticked by.
Nina was fully established in my guest bedroom, and the last couple of days of helping her settle in had been fun. Living together felt different than the first time she and CJ moved in for a few weeks when they were in between apartments. More natural. Better.
CJ called to thank me for taking Nina in, as it made things so much easier for David and him, and promised to take me out for dinner soon as a thank you. He apologized for being so distant, claiming school was keeping him crazy busy, but we all knew he and David were still very much in the honeymoon phase and wanted to keep to themselves.
Nina said she only saw him because they lived together, and even so, he went out mostly with David and other groups of friends.
We agreed to go on a double date before Christmas, and I was excited about hanging out with them in that setting. I missed David too. I hadn’t seen him since he quit back in September.
“Billie?” Nolan said, waving a hand in front of my face to grab my attention. “We’re next.”
“Sorry.” I stood up from my seat. It was our turn to present our final project in front of the class, and I admit that I had been daydreaming through most of my classmates’ presentations. I’d come out of my daze whenever people started clapping, and I would do the same but then I’d quickly retreat back into my mind. Concentrating had become challenging when all I could think of was that I’d be seeing William in a few more hours.
I was so ready for my winter break at school to begin.
After we were done with our presentation, another group followed us, and then we were dismissed.
When Nolan and I stepped out of our classroom, I spotted Aaron lingering nearby, which was odd. He usually waited for me outside of school since it’d been understood his job as my bodyguard was more of a requisite imposed by my father rather than a necessity now.
My gaze fixed on his as a silent dread crept up my spine. Was something wrong? He frowned and followed close behind in silence after Nolan pulled my arm and told me to stop acting funny.
“A friend who took the Art History exam today said it’s multiple choice,” Nolan said as we walked out of the building and headed toward the exit. We had to take that one exam the next day and then we’d be done with the fall semester.
“Wasn’t planning on studying anyway,” I said with a laugh. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” There was no way I’d be able to set aside time to study when William was arriving.
Aaron’s pace was steady. He was walking so close I could almost listen to his heavy footsteps behind us. Something was up, and he wasn’t telling me. I could feel it, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Suddenly, a soft breeze gusted around us, making a few strands of my hair fly in my face, and it reminded me of that day I visited Caleb’s grave in Tel Aviv and of how the soft wind blowing that day caressing my face made me think it was his way of “talking” to me.
“Caleb,” I whispered with a smile, brushing my hair off my face.
“Come again?” Nolan lifted a brow and looked at me like he was a second away from taking my temperature.
“Nothing.” I pressed my lips together but couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
“I heard what you said.” He readjusted his backward cap. “Are you seeing ghosts now?”
I elbowed him in the ribs but imagined his comment would’ve made Caleb laugh.
“Ouch!” He laughed. “No, seriously. What happened?”
I stopped walking abruptly, and Aaron almost bumped into us.
Jesus.
“Sorry, Miss,” he apologized and took a couple of steps back, his neck turning from side to side as he remained “on the lookout” with his bodyguard stance firmly in place.
“What’s going on, Aaron?” I asked with a wary frown. “Why are you being weird today?”
“Everything’s fine, Miss,” he said drily, his features untelling.
“Fine.” I didn’t have the energy to entertain this. I turned to Nolan and leaned in to whisper, “Promise you won’t think I’m crazy if I tell you.”
“I already think you’re crazy.” He shrugged.
“Nolan!” I shoved his shoulder. “I’m being serious about this.”
“You can tell me anything,” he said with a laugh. “You know that much.”
“Okay.” I sighed. “When I visited Caleb’s grave in Tel Aviv, this … soft breeze kept blowing when I was talking to him, and it kinda felt like it was his way of replying to me.”
Nolan stared at me.
“You think I’m crazy.”
He chuckled. “No, not at all. I’m thinking about what you just said.”
“For instance,” I kept whispering, “seeing Aaron standing outside our classroom when he never does anymore made me feel a bit uneasy, and then this gust of wind blew in my face, and it felt like it was Caleb telling me not to worry, that everything’s okay.”
Nolan’s gaze fixed on mine as he bobbed his head in understanding. “I saw this show earlier this year,” he started to say, “about people saying that right after one of their loved ones passed, a beautiful bird would fly into their home and stay there, allowing them to pet it, which is strange for birds. And claiming it would appear again on special dates and stuff like that.”
“Oh, wow,” I replied with fascination. I’d never had anything special or symbolic happen when my mom died. When she passed, the emptiness left behind by her absence didn’t allow me to even think that there could be traces of her still hovering among us. She was gone, and the feeling of it was so intense that I don’t think I ever dared to attempt to see her in the simple things of my everyday life. It was easier for me to let go and process my grief if I didn’t allow myself to think that way. It was as if I was trying my best to stop thinking of her, to forget her, hoping the pain would dissipate, even if I knew that would never happen.
It wasn’t until recently that I stopped to think of her whenever I looked up at the night sky. To consider if somehow she could see me. But mostly, all I did in the past years was learn to live with that wound and find a way to tend to it when needed.
Somehow, Caleb’s loss felt different. I would catch myself thinking of him in very specific moments, as if he were trying to tell me that even if he wasn’t physically here, he was still very much present. Or at least, that’s what I wanted to think. It’s so hard to lose someone and come to terms with that loss when you can see, feel, and hear them in the most unexpected and inconsequential ways. Especially when you want to see them everywhere.
When you refuse to let go.
“I like to think the wind is his way of communicating with me,” I admitted, feeling more confident sharing my theory with Nolan. “And it’s not that I think of him every time the wind blows.” I chuckled, resuming our lazy stroll to the exit. “It’s when I’m thinking of him or thinking about something specific that I feel like I need an answer; that’s when it usually happens.”
Nolan and I walked silently for a few seconds as if waiting for the wind to blow against our faces to prove my point and make our conversation even more epic. But that soft breeze never came.
Instead, a loud engine roared in the distance, followed by screams. Panic invaded me, and I searched for Aaron because that’s what my instincts were programmed to do. As much as I told myself I didn’t need security anymore, I’d grown accustomed to having Aaron by my side, appeasing the dread whenever it resurfaced.
My body stored a memory. An awful memory that included a school, screams, and an overwhelmed Aaron rushing toward me. My head began to spin when he reached me.
“I told him this was a bad idea,” Aaron grumbled, running a protective arm around my shoulder and leading me toward the exit in a hurry.
“What’s going on?” Nolan asked, trying to keep up with us while students stared at how Aaron rushed me out of the premises.
“William is here to pick you up,” Aaron explained. I didn’t understand. William wasn’t supposed to arrive until later tonight. “It’s a surprise, so act surprised.”
“Don’t think I’ll have to fake it,” I mumbled.
And that’s when I saw him parked by the curve, right in front of the school’s main entrance, leaning against his black Porsche. He was wearing dark denim jeans and a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt. Numerous students and curious pedestrians gathered around him. Most of them had their phones pointed at him, while some asked for a selfie or an autograph. William struggled to keep up with the demands of his overly excited fans, but he did it all the same with a huge smile on his face—the studied one.
All I could think of was that I was headed in that direction and straight into that madness.
Our SUV was parked behind his Porsche, and someone was behind the wheel, but I couldn’t make out their face.
“That’s Cooper,” Aaron said, reading my mind. “I need someone standing by in the SUV so we can follow you. And I wasn’t going to allow you to walk into this crowd on your own either.”
“Follow me?” I asked. “You’re letting me ride with William?”
Aaron’s brow wrinkled with evident disapproval. “He would’ve hauled you inside and driven away either way. So I preferred to have a plan.”
Sounds about right.
“I’m late for work!” Nolan said with a funny grin, hurrying away. Of course, he didn’t want to step into the growing crowd, and I didn’t blame him. “See you tomorrow!”
I waved Nolan goodbye, and that’s when William’s gaze met mine. He smiled, and I smiled back as William thanked his fans, letting them know he was done with the interaction.
Finally, I reached William after Aaron helped me push through the throng. “Hey.” I could feel everyone’s attention and their phones being directed at us, but I couldn’t make myself care. My emotions were all over the place. The scene didn’t feel real, anyway.
He rounded my waist with his arms, lifted me off the ground to level my face with his, and kissed me. It was a soft and quick kiss, but long enough for everyone to witness it. And capture it with their phones.
“Hey.” He smiled at me and pressed a gentle kiss on my cheek, lowering me slowly to my feet. “Shall we?” He opened the passenger door, and I tossed my backpack on the floor before getting in. Aaron rushed to join Cooper in the SUV while William rounded the car, waving goodbye to his fans and finally sitting beside me.
He let out a charged breath through his mouth. “It was about time to let everyone know you’re mine.” He turned the ignition, making the engine roar. His hand squeezed my thigh before shifting into first gear and driving away. Cooper and Aaron followed close behind.
“So that was a publicity stunt?” I teased, and he laughed a delicious laugh that made his head pull back a little. “Did Naomi put you up to this?”
“Actually … she did,” he confessed. “She’s been suggesting we make our relationship official to keep the gossip magazines from making shit up. But the part of me coming to pick you up is something I’ve been dying to do since we came back from South Africa. So, I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone.” He stopped so a few people could cross the street and leaned in to kiss my hair. “I just … wanted to feel normal, you know? But I knew that would happen, and we’d agreed to keep things more private, so I never did it.”
“I loved seeing you waiting for me outside.” I squeezed his hand resting on the gear stick.
“Want me to come pick you up tomorrow?” He winked at me and continued driving once the street was clear of pedestrians. “It’s your last day of school, isn’t it?”
I knew he was joking, but I still replied, “I don’t think Aaron would approve. His resting Aaron face confirms it.” We laughed. “I thought something was off today when I saw him standing outside my classroom and later when I heard the screams. But I’m glad it was just you making the girls go crazy.”
He rolled his eyes but kept his attention forward. Seconds later, a deep frown formed between his brows. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Oh, you’re fine.” I squeezed his hand again. “I loved it.”
“So when is Nina leaving?” He stopped at a red light and smirked at me.
“Seriously?” I choked on a laugh. “She moved in two days ago!”
“I’m kidding.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Okay, you got me.” The light turned green, and we kept slowly moving through traffic. “What’s wrong with wanting to have you all to myself?” He slid his hand to my thigh and rested it there for a few seconds before he had to change gears again.
That motion continued for a while as he switched from touching my leg to shifting gears. But even if traffic was terrible, as usual, I wasn’t paying attention to it. William was telling me all about how intense filming in Vancouver had been. It’d been a darker, heavier film, and he was ready to get out of character.
A part of me felt curious about that sex scene he filmed with his co-star. I knew she was his friend, and her husband was present during the shoot, but even if I was dying to ask him about it, I didn’t. How would I bring up the subject without coming off as jealous? Because I was. A little, even if I’d never admit to it.
Ultimately, being supportive of him and his career was a priority. He usually dated women in the Hollywood scene. Women who understood the business because they, too, were a part of it. And I wanted to prove to him that I could handle it all: the fame, the kissing on set, and him pretending to have sweaty sex on the big screen while the whole world got to watch.
A churning sensation gathered in the pit of my stomach.
Nina had watched most of the movies William had starred in with me when he was gone, and it’d been a surreal experience. He was a fantastic actor and always managed to look beautiful on screen, even if he was covered in dirt or fake wounds. We even watched some of the smaller projects he did back in Sweden before he made it big in Hollywood since he left me a box with DVDs of all of his work.
The film he co-starred with Erin in was a hard pass for me because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. I also skipped another one called “Whispers of Destiny” because William asked me to do so. He didn’t like watching his films, and he said he didn’t want me to watch this one specifically without him because of the sex scenes.
Thankfully, most of the films he’d been in were in the action genre with little to no sexual content, but I did get to see his backside on full display during a shower scene, and my jaw dropped to the floor just imagining the entire world drooling over his perfect ass. I even jumped over Nina and covered her eyes while we both laughed hysterically, and she shouted, “I’ve already seen this one!”
Christ.
William brought out this wild territorial side in me that I’d never experienced with any of my exes before. I wasn’t new to jealousy, but this was something entirely different, a staggering realization that I didn’t have William all to myself. That I somehow had to share a part of him with the rest of the world.
I cleared my throat and shoved the thoughts away. “You need an automatic car,” I teased as his hand rested back on my leg after switching gears for the hundredth time.
“Then help me out.” His touch slid further up against the fabric of my jeans. “Grab the stick.”
“You’re insane!” I scoffed. “I’ve never driven a car in my entire life, let alone one with a stick!”
“Do it.” His voice was commanding as his hand reached between my legs, and a jagged breath escaped my lips. “Humor me.”
My hand landed on the lever. “What do I do now?” My voice came out shaky and breathless.
“Take it into fourth gear—now.”
That was easy. All I did was pull it down, but William’s fingers were pressing against me, and the added friction of my jeans felt so good it made me shut my eyes and throw my head back against the headrest.
“Focus,” he said with a mischievous laugh. I opened my eyes to realize we had left Manhattan and were headed north. “Fifth gear.”
“Shit.” I stared at the gear stick for a few seconds and gathered my wits. Okay. Up, right, up. A slight screeching sound erupted as I struggled to shift gears properly. “Sorry.”
“You can relax now.” William seemed unfazed about his engine’s complaint due to my inexperienced handling while his fingers kept working me at a steady rhythm. “We’ll be cruising at this speed for a while.”
“Where are we going?” I gasped as the feeling intensified in my core.
“Tarrytown,” he replied, his voice low and breathy. “Pocantico Hills, to be exact. But I’m two seconds away from turning this car around and driving you back home and taking you directly to my bed.” His voice was drowning with need, and I was so close to going over the ledge with pleasure.
“Not opposed.” I chuckled, but it turned into a soft moan.
I didn’t know what was waiting for us in Pocantico Hills. I’d never been there in my life, but knowing William, I was sure it was something special he didn’t want to miss.
“William.” I held on to his arm and shut my eyes again, feeling the heat surging up my spine until it exploded behind my eyes. He pressed his fingers against me, patiently waiting for the waves of pleasure that coursed through my body in delightful spasms to cease.
Finally, I opened my eyes and sighed, drinking in William’s proud face. It made me smile. His hand slipped back quickly to shift gears as he lowered his speed at an intersection.
“I missed you,” I said, placing my hand on his cheek, letting it slide to the back of his head, where my fingers twirled around his soft, golden hair.
“I missed you, too.” He smiled and grabbed my hand to kiss it, placing it back where it was and rubbing it against his hair. I laughed. “I don’t want you to stop doing that.”
“You don’t say.” I was still catching my breath, but I leaned in to keep massaging his scalp while his attention remained on the road ahead. “So what’s in Pocantico Hills?”
“A friend of mine owns this incredible farm-to-table restaurant there, and he called me a few days after I left for Vancouver, inviting me and a select few for a private tasting of this year’s holiday season menu. He won a James Beard award for Best Chef in New York City four years ago.”
“Oh, wow.” I could see a bright spark lighting up William’s blue eyes whenever he talked about anything related to food, chefs, menus, and restaurants.
“So please convince me it’s not a good idea to turn around.”
“It’s a terrible idea.” My hand slid down his chest slowly until it reached the hem of his t-shirt. I lifted it just a bit, and my finger teased the skin above the waistband.
“Guille.”
He was visibly hard against the taut fabric of his jeans, and I couldn’t help myself from touching him.
“Is this your way of telling me to turn around?” he rasped out, his tone slightly breathless. “Because I swear to God, I’m—”
“Don’t,” I whispered, kissing the soft skin underneath his ear. “It sounds like this event is important to you. And I think we should go. But maybe this”— I unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper—“will keep you from turning the car around. How much time do we have left before we arrive?”
“Around … thirty-five minutes,” he said in a low, hoarse voice, looking at his watch and wetting his lower lip. “But you should stop unless you want me to crash the car.”
“Are you sure?” I rubbed my hand against the soft fabric of his boxers, his hard length waiting to be released. So I pulled down on the waistband and curled my fingers around his shaft to give it a teasing stroke.
“I don’t want to ruin the leather—fuck that feels good.”
“Men and their cars.” I shook my head with a playful snort and kept teasing him with my hand. “Besides, this is my first handjob in a car.”
Here I was, doing things outside my comfort zone, but that’s what William did to me. He ignited this wildfire inside me, and it would spread so fast that it was so easy to become consumed by it.
“A first?”
“Mhm. Should I stop?”
“Never.” His chest heaved, and his lips parted as he took in slow, deep breaths through his mouth while his hands gripped the steering wheel so hard it made his knuckles turn white. “There’s a small pack of tissues in the glove compartment.”
As I stretched my other hand to open the glove compartment, a school bus filled with kids became visible in the short distance as we passed through Yonkers, and we were fast approaching it. “Shit, shit, shit.” I tried zipping William up, but it was impossible, so I removed my warm Sherpa-lined denim jacket as fast as I could and tossed it on his lap. He laughed. I straightened up, placed my hands on my thighs, and kept my gaze forward.
“Don’t worry, the windows are tinted.” He smirked at me. “And at the speed we’re going, it’s impossible for anyone to see what’s happening inside.”
“Was happening.” We caught up to the school bus, and as we drove next to it, I waved the kids goodbye to confirm we were invisible, as William claimed we were. “They are waving back!” I shoved his shoulder with my mouth agape, mortified about the thought of having caught someone’s attention earlier when William made me come with his fingers.
“They can’t see us!” He let out a rumble of laughter, which made me laugh, too. “They’re waving at the car.”
“Right.”
“Kids wave goodbye to every passing car. We used to do that all the time growing up.”
I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him, making him laugh even more.
He pulled the gear stick and stepped on the gas, the sudden change in speed gluing my back to the seat. That left the school bus and the SUV far behind us, but Aaron and Cooper quickly caught up.
The highway wasn’t bustling with cars. It was peaceful once we passed through Yonkers, and even if I was feeling a bit more self-conscious, I still wanted to resume what we were doing.
“Can you zip me up?” William said. I’m sure he thought I was uncomfortable about carrying on, but he was wrong.
I removed the jacket that I’d placed over his lap to find his erection pretty much the same as I’d left it before covering him.
“And how do you expect me to do that?” I asked, grabbing his length again.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing,” he said, cupping my cheek. “You know I’ll deal with you later, either way.” He shot me one of his naughty smirks that landed in my core, making my insides heat with desire.
I swallowed past the dryness in my throat.
“Not opposed either,” I replied with a soft laugh. “But at this point”—I increased the pace, and a soft groan escaped his throat—“this is the only way we’ll be able to zip you back up.”