Chapter 22 Character Development At Its Finest
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AT ITS FINEST
THE brOTHERSHIP
FOSTER
How’d the carnival go, you guys? Sorry I couldn’t make it. Algebra is killing me.
CREW
It was awesome, but Knox ended up dipping out early.
FOSTER
Where did he go?
HARLAN
I think I saw him leaving with Staten.
AXEL
Holy shit. Do you guys think it’s happening?
SUTTON
What’s happening?
AXEL
Dude, Knox has been obsessed with this girl from the moment he saw her. They’re totally getting it on.
SUTTON
That’s not an image anyone needs to visualize.
CREW
About time. I owe you twenty bucks, Har.
FOSTER
You guys made bets? Why wasn’t I included?
HARLAN
Because you have a gambling problem.
FOSTER
Oh my God, a guy goes to Vegas ONE time, blows five thousand dollars, and suddenly he has a “gambling problem.”
SUTTON
You also got totally sloshed and broke into the local zoo trying to free the monkeys.
FOSTER
They don’t deserve to be locked up. Have you guys ever seen Planet of the Apes? I want to be on their side when they inevitably take over the world.
AXEL
I can actually feel my brain cells deteriorating.
FOSTER
Surprised you have any in the first place.
AXEL
Someone hold me back before I take a rusty piece of rebar and make him sit.
SUTTON
I always knew you liked to peg people.
AXEL
I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that to me.
HARLAN
Can we get back to the topic at hand please? Our boy is growing up.
CREW
They’re good together. I mean, he’s a totally different person around her.
FOSTER
Ooh, does this mean he’ll be less of an annoying asshole?
KNOX
Oh, fuck off, Foster.
SUTTON
He’s here! The chosen one is here!
AXEL
We need all the details, man.
CREW
Maybe not ALL.
KNOX
Staten and I just had a quiet night in.
FOSTER
Oh, please. Quiet isn’t in your vocabulary. I’ve heard you having wall-banging sex from OUTSIDE of your goddamn house before.
CREW
Dude, that’s hella creepy.
HARLAN
Yeah. Why were you listening?
FOSTER
I wasn’t! I was bringing him a missed assignment.
KNOX
Whatever you say.
AXEL
Did you guys…you know?
KNOX
***
AXEL
Perform the beast with two backs.
KNOX
Fucking pardon me?
FOSTER
You know, did you unleash Girthzilla? Storm her Bastille? Pound the punanni pavement?
KNOX
Yeah, I’m not having this conversation with any of you.
FOSTER
He’s deflecting. That means they totally did.
CREW
I’m happy for you, Knox. About the relationship stuff, not the sex stuff. Staten seems like a sweet girl.
KNOX
Guys, I think I’m way in over my head. She’s so out of my league.
AXEL
We know.
KNOX
HARLAN
You’ve got this. All you have to do is be yourself.
FOSTER
I thought we wanted her to like him.
KNOX
One of these days you fuckers are going to have to pay for my therapy bill.
SUTTON
This is like a real life rom-com.
CREW
…
KNOX
…
AXEL
…
FOSTER
…
HARLAN
…
SUTTON
What?
FOSTER
YOU watch rom-coms? I once saw you rip apart a log of firewood with your bare hands.
SUTTON
I have layers, alright? Let a man enjoy his cheesy movies every now and then.
KNOX
Shit. Staten is calling me. Gotta go.
HARLAN
Aw, look at him. Already abandoning us for his girlfriend.
AXEL
Guys, we’re watching history be made right now.
FOSTER
You better not forget about me, Knox. I was your day one from the very beginning. I held your dick to help you pee when you got really drunk that one time!
CREW
Thanks for the reminder. I tried to forget about that night. I had to clean up piss stains the next morning.
FOSTER
I know. That’s what makes us a family.