Lovestruck

6. Theo

CHAPTER 6

Theo

“I sent her like two hundred messages during her show,” I said, pacing back and forth across the room while holding my phone. “What was I thinking? I’m going to push her away. She’s going to think I’m some sort of creeper.”

Spencer laughed. “Dude. Relax.” He turned to Lacey and they laughed at my misery.

“I can’t relax,” I said.

“Theo,” Lacey said. These two had been sworn to secrecy that I was talking to Allie—Mallorie—my Mallie. I trusted them with my life. “Breathe, buddy. She isn’t going to think you’re a creeper. Did she respond to you yet?”

“Not yet, but her show ended not too long ago.”

I could hear the laughter in Lacey’s voice. “Has she given you any indication that she’s been afraid of your honesty before now? Because it seems that you’ve been pretty open with her about the way you feel.”

I thought back to our numerous texts, the phone call, and the promise for FaceTime tonight. “No.”

“Right. So what’s the worst that could happen?”

“She realizes I’m a freak and stops talking to me.” The thought of this made me want to bang my head on the wall.

Spencer shook his head. “Wow, Theo. I’ve never heard you like this before. I like it.”

The phone beeped and I looked at the screen. I gasped and almost dropped the phone. “I have to go! It’s Allie!” I clicked to answer her call so fast I wasn’t even sure I did it correctly. That dang accept or deny a phone call screwed me up every time. If I hung up on her, I’d never forgive myself.

“Mallie,” I said as she filled the screen. She was makeup-free, and I almost lost my breath at the sight of her natural face. Her hair curled around her features, and I wished to be there to tuck it behind her ear.

A huge grin crossed her face, and it was so much nicer to see her this way than sobbing her eyes out over a guy who didn’t deserve her.

“Hey, Teddy.”

That low, gravelly voice hit me in the gut again. She settled back against what looked like a hotel headboard, and I saw that she wore a Blaze oversized T-shirt. My heart skipped at the sight. It wasn’t the jersey I’d sent her that night. Where did she get it from? “Sorry it took so long. Someone distracted me after the show with a lot of messages, and I needed a shower when we got back. So you get after-show me now. This is what I look like after being on stage for many hours.”

Someone . Me. She didn’t hate it. She wasn’t running away. She was—teasing me? “I love after-show you. It’s just as stunning as during-the-show you. Are you wearing a Blaze shirt?”

She nodded and bit her lip, and it took everything in me to not groan at what that did to me. She stood, phone in hand. If she wore anything under the shirt, I once again could not see it. Her bare, toned legs peeked out from under the long shirt, and I almost lost my mind. “Conor got it for me. He’s a big fan of yours.” I knew Conor was her cousin and assistant, and I thanked Conor in my head for this vision in front of me. I made a mental note to send him a signed jersey as well.

She walked in front of the mirror and turned so I could see the back. It absolutely had my last name and number on it. She. Was. Wearing. My. Fucking. Name. On. Her. Back.

“You like it?”

I blew out a breath, trying to keep myself under control. It was too early for me to panic—in the best way—about this, but damn if it didn’t make me want to stand up and beat my chest. “I love it, Mallie. You look so good with my name on your back.”

Her face filled the screen again, and I noticed how wide her eyes were. “Teddy,” she whispered.

“What’s that, angel?”

She bit that damn lip again, and this time I groaned. “Why are you calling me angel now?”

“Because you look like a fucking angel, and I would give literally anything in the world to be in that room with you right now.”

“What would you do if you were?” The look on her face told me she surprised herself with the question.

“Honestly?”

She nodded. “Always.”

I took a deep breath. Here went nothing. It may be too soon. I may be out of line. But I couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. “I would grab a fistful of that shirt that is way too big on you and pull you to me. I’d smooth back the curls that frame your gorgeous face, and I would kiss the hell out of those amazing fucking lips. I’d kiss you until you forgot that anyone before me existed.”

Mallie opened and closed her mouth a few times, the flush on her cheeks evident even on the camera. “And then?”

Oh, my girl wanted more ? I wasn’t sure she was ready for what was really in my head. “I’d see if you had on anything under that shirt of mine.”

Her eyes widened again, and before I could even hope for it, she lifted the shirt to show off a tiny pair of black shorts that definitely didn’t cover her ass. The curve of her hips, her flat stomach, her killer legs, and the anticipation of what else was—or wasn’t—under that shirt had me hard instantly.

This was probably going too fast. I should probably be the smart one and slow it down. Talk. Ask her how the show was. What her travel plans were next. Anything. But I also wanted nothing more than to continue this.

“I know you get told this a lot in your life, but you are so fucking beautiful.”

She blushed, the shirt back over her shorts, and she settled back on the bed. “I do, but hearing it from you is different.”

“Different how?”

She shrugged, seeming shy all of a sudden. “I don’t know. It just feels—different. Like you mean it more? I don’t know. A lot of times people that say that just see my exterior. I feel like you see more than that, and that makes the compliment matter more to me.”

“I agree,” I said, and both of us knew we weren’t talking about what I just said.

“Do you know what I like the most about us getting to know each other?”

“What’s that?” There were so many things I wanted her to say here, and I couldn’t wait to hear what it was she picked.

“That it feels so ... organic. I don’t know how to explain this or if you have felt this way in your profession, too. Everything with me is so scheduled. Where I am, who I meet, nothing happens accidentally. The people I’m connected to, the parties I go to, the pictures that are taken. I’m not saying it’s fake because it isn’t, but it is also not something I choose, you know?”

“And you’re choosing this?” I wanted this answer more than I’d admit to anyone.

“I am,” she said, her voice catching. “And I’m not going to lie, it feels fucking fantastic for me to have something that I chose just for me and I’m the only one that knows about it.”

“I’m choosing it, too,” I said back. “In case you needed to hear me say it.” I didn’t have to think about that answer at all. We looked at each other in the camera for a few seconds, nothing exchanged but the simple yet powerful words we left off with.

“I’m scared,” she said finally. “I keep telling myself not to be, but I am.”

“Tell me,” I said.

“Tell you why I’m scared?”

I nodded. “Let it all out. I’m listening. You have absolutely nothing to be afraid of with me.”

“I think that scares me the most,” she said. “That you seem like the most genuine, honest person I’ve ever known, but that’s also hard for me to believe. I have had to sift through so much bullshit in my life. People who said they cared about me but didn’t. Friends who turned into enemies. Lovers who said they loved me, but at the end of the day, it was too much. Being associated with me is something on another level. No one has been able to handle it. I wish I could be a normal girl dating a normal boy, but that’s not the life I lead.”

“Angel, let me try to settle your fears. First, I get it. I truly do. I mean, my life will never be on your level, but I’m not immune to the press and people with opinions, either. I was with my ex, Beth, for several years. She was a cheerleader for the Blaze. We had a very public relationship. Our team exploited us for their ratings. They fucking called us Barbie and Ken. There were even shirts made by our team with that on them. Social media was very invested in us, even putting bets on who our kids would look like. I thought I was going to marry her. I even had a ring. Until I found out she cheated on me.”

Allie’s mouth dropped open and she put her hand over it, a gasp escaping. “You have got to be kidding me. Who would cheat on you?”

I laughed. “Well, I have the same opinion about the moron that broke up with you on the stage before your first show. It was truly his loss.”

“Well, it was truly her loss too,” she echoed.

“I am a big believer in what is meant to be will be,” I said, “even if that sometimes means things don’t work out the way we want them to. Something better is always out there, even if we can’t see it at the time.”

“That’s a great way to think of things,” she said. “So, kind of like you were meant to be there when I ran into you full speed while sobbing my eyes out?”

My heart clenched. I still hated thinking of her that upset. “Kind of like that, yes,” I said. “I’m sorry that was such a hard day for you, but I am glad that I got to be there to pick you up.”

“Literally,” she joked, and we both laughed.

“Literally,” I agreed, “but it gave me a chance to see you, the real you.”

“Ugh.” She covered her face with her hand. “That was so embarrassing. Thank you for being a nice person and not telling everyone you know how pathetic I am.”

“Mallie,” I said, and she peeked at me through her fingers. “Do not be embarrassed about that at all. And don’t ever call yourself pathetic again. Josiah was pathetic, not you. You’re not a robot; you’re a human being with feelings. Do you want me to tell you something I deem as the most embarrassing moment of my life to make you feel better?”

She grinned, uncovering her gorgeous face. “Yes.”

I laughed. “That was a quick answer.”

“Well, my every move is usually cataloged by cameras, so there are a lot of moments I wish I could take back in my life, but instead, they are on video for all to see anytime they search it. It’s nice to know someone else has had their share of moments, too.”

“Oh, this one was caught on camera,” I said, and she leaned forward, intently listening. I fought not to be distracted by her large blue eyes and dark eyelashes. “I’m surprised you have never heard this or seen it before. I guess I’m thankful for your busy life and not going on social media. A few years ago, not long after Beth and I broke up, she was still cheering for the Blaze before she was basically run out of there, and she transferred to a team in California. She walked up to me before the game while I was on the field warming up. It was a playoff game, so there was a huge media presence and tons of fans at the game. All eyes were on us because our breakup made a great news story in our football circle. She was apparently tired of my friends—what used to be our friends—making her feel like shit for cheating on me, so she decided to walk right up to me in front of God and everyone and tell me that I was the worst fuck of her life, I had a small dick, and that was why she cheated on me. Loudly. With multiple cameras facing us.”

Mallie’s eyes widened. “No fucking way,” she said. “She did not.”

“She did,” I said. “I’m sure if you look it up now, the video still exists somewhere, but also, please don’t. It was the top trending story for weeks. Weeks . I had to not only pretend that what she said didn’t make me feel two inches tall but also attempt to crush our opponents in the game. Of course the other team started calling me ‘Little Cock’ on the field, so that was great. The good news was I used that anger to fuel my performance, so it was my best game and we won and advanced. That’s one of the many reasons I was able to tell you about compartmentalizing the day we met. I have had to do it many times, but never like that day.”

Mallie blinked. “Teddy, Jesus. That is horrible! Did you ever do anything?”

“What was I going to do? There was nothing I could say that would make it better. How do you defend someone that says that? Tell people that wasn’t true? I just let people drag me through the mud on social media and in the news, painting me as the bad guy until they were done and moved on to someone else. But was I angry and mortified? Yes. Absolutely yes. They even got ‘past lovers’ to agree that I was terrible in bed. Of course I knew none of these supposed lovers.”

Mallie whistled. “Damn. I can’t believe you can trust anyone after that,” she said, her voice low. “Someone you loved. For her to do that to you like that. Why? Just why would she do that?”

“She was mad that all of our friends dropped her, and she felt pressured to leave the team. I acted like she didn’t exist, but she of course blamed me. So she figured the best way to get back at me was to hit me where it hurt and make sure no one wanted to be with me ever again. The whole ‘I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you’ thing.”

She shook her head. “Okay, you win. That is so wrong. That makes my blood boil, and I don’t even know that woman.”

“There’s no competition here and definitely no winning. I just want you to see that I get both why you are guarded and why you’re tired of always being speculated about.”

“How can you put yourself out there again?” She looked so sad, so beaten down with that question, that I wished I could reach through the screen and pull her into my lap. I felt like this answer was important and mattered a lot to her.

“It took me a really long time to get over that whole thing,” I said. “I haven’t dated seriously since her. But I know that at the end of the day, when I look back on my life, more than any of my accomplishments, I want to be able to say that I had a great love story. And I can’t get a great love story if I don’t put myself out there to find her. And guarding myself against it will not get me there. I’m successful at my job, and I’ve loved football my entire life. I have an amazing family and friends that I love dearly. I have more money than I’ll ever know what to do with. But even as happy as I am with all of that, I want my own family. I want someone to come home to every day, that knows I love her with every cell in my body. I want children that run to me when I get home and wrap themselves around my legs. I want to lie in bed with my wife and feel our child growing in her stomach. I cannot let Beth take that dream from me because she wasn’t the right person for me.”

Mallie looked away and closed her eyes briefly. I stared at her face, wondering if I just fucked up somehow. I said too much. She didn’t want those things. I was going to push her away. When she looked back into the camera, tears shimmered in her eyes. Before I could come up with what to say to backtrack, she began to speak.

“Teddy,” she said, and her voice caught. “It’s like you fell straight out of my dreams and into my life. That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. Don’t be surprised if you hear those words in a song soon. Do you really feel that way?”

She wiped a tear off her face, and I once again wished I could be next to her.

“Why are you crying, Mal? I didn’t mean to make you upset.” I was starting to think there was nothing I hated more than seeing tears on this beautiful woman’s face.

She shook her head. “I’m not upset. I’m moved. I don’t know how, since the day I met you, you put into words exactly what I feel. I feel the exact same way, but for some reason, it still scares me so much. I’ve dated quite a bit, but until Josiah, I never saw myself with them long term. I’m sure you know what the press has said about me. But with Josiah, I thought for sure that he was it. But I was so wrong, and now I question myself on whether I even know what I want or how to know if it is real. I spent so many years thinking he was the one. But you’re right. Everything you said is true. It’s what I want, too. I’m living my dream right now, and singing as my career has been my dream for my entire life. But I’m not a young girl anymore wishing for a date to a high school dance like my first songs. I want someone to come home to, someone that I know has my back at all times. Someone who I don’t have to be careful what I say around because I know he’d rather die than ever do something to hurt me. I want someone that helps me live out the song lyrics I’ve spent my life writing and inspires all the songs I’ve yet to write.”

That line hit me like a punch in the gut. I wanted her to have that, too.

“That got deep fast,” she said with a nervous giggle. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t downplay it. I’m not running away from serious topics with you, and I don’t want you to, either.”

“Okay,” she said. “So. Are we scared together?”

“No. We are brave together.”