Twenty-three
Sadie
One week married, and it has been a lot. I do not regret marrying Ben, and I’m still crazy in love with him, but I have a lot of work to do in order to understand him better, and he needs to make more strides in trusting me.
I am still navigating how to live my life without talking to my father. My mom called, and we talked a little. She admitted that she regrets not being at the ceremony that day. I didn’t know what to say. There was a time I thought she wouldn’t make it to my wedding because of her cancer. And even though she has recovered, my best day still had moments of the worst day. She wasn’t there after all. I promised her I would come see her when my dad is ready, but I need time. He hurt me. And truth be told, I’m not ready to see that pained, disappointed look again.
Thankfully, I’ve been busy moving into his apartment with Kate’s help, all while getting ready for my graduation in a few weeks. That has helped keep my mind occupied. Ben has been so distracted with shows, interviews, and more that we barely have enough time to say good morning and good night to each other.
I miss him, even though I was aware of how lonely this life is. He is a rock star and is only growing his brand. We may be apart more than we are together, and it’s a sad reality that we will both have to adjust to.
Friday night, I take a break from studying to make dinner, and it feels surprisingly normal. I’ve never lived with anyone but my parents, so there are some small moments of unease, but for the most part, I like being in a new home that I’ll share with him.
Kate is due over any minute to have a girls’ night in. I haven’t spoken to Ben all day. He had a daytime show and then he has a huge meet and greet with fans tonight. God, I want him home already.
My thoughts carry me away before the sound of Kate arriving distracts me minutes later. She makes me forget, for now.
* * *
Being away from Ben over the last two weeks has been a lot harder than we both thought it would be. The knowledge that he tours for six months out of the year is starting to weigh on me. Our phone conversations and FaceTime calls are the only interactions we get, and it makes me long for him.
Tonight, I agree to have a study session with Mike at the café, and the entire time I am distracted, thinking about Ben and checking my phone frequently to see if he has been able to step away to call or text me. But that doesn’t happen until two in the morning. I wake up to my phone ringing, and even though I am exhausted, I’m more than excited to talk to him. I would forfeit all my sleep for moments with him.
* * *
Running around the apartment like a chicken loose from its pen, I get ready for today. My graduation is in a few hours, and Ben is due home any minute after three weeks away. My morning at the spa went longer than Kate and I planned, so I’m behind schedule. And today my mother let me know that she and my father will be there. Seeing them for the first time in weeks at my graduation isn’t ideal. But it’s a step. Dad wants to be there. He has to know Ben will be there too. Baby steps. Ben said baby steps.
My hair and makeup are done. I’m wearing a red lip with winged eyeliner and highlighter on my cheeks. I chose a simple black slip dress with lace lining the V-neck—completely unlike me. It has spaghetti straps, and it makes my fresh spray tan pop.
As I put on my nude pumps, I hear the front door open, and Ben’s voice carries through the apartment.
“Angel, I’m home!” My belly coils in butterflies, and I leap from the vanity chair in our walk-in closet.
“Ben!” I run down the hall and jump into his arms, wrapping myself around him. Before he can give me a proper hello, I move my hands to his face and take a kiss from him selfishly.
I bite at his lip. Adrenaline, excitement, arousal—all those things thrum inside me. I moan against him, using my legs to climb higher and closer. He tastes like cigarettes and mint, a taste I’ve come to love.
“Mm-hmm, baby, baby.” He pulls us apart, and I whimper when our lips separate.
“Welcome home, handsome.”
“What a homecoming that is.” I wipe my lipstick from his mouth. “You look—fuck, I missed you.” He gives me his lips again, and we push and pull, giving and taking equally with each second that goes by. I want him. I don’t want to wait. I can’t wait.
“I have thirty minutes left before I need to leave.” I pull away, and my blue eyes meet his deep brown ones. It feels almost surreal that he is here.
“That’s good, but what will we do with the remaining twenty-nine minutes?” He winks, and we both laugh as he carries us back to the bedroom. I missed him and his jokes.
“We can do it twenty-nine more times.”
“Challenge accepted.” Ben makes the most of those thirty minutes, giving me enough orgasms to keep me sated for the rest of the day.
* * *
My graduation is perfect. Ben, Nick, and Kate are seated in the front, and a couple rows back are my parents. I do my best to focus on the speakers, and when they congratulate us, I risk a look at my parents. My father is clapping, and his face holds so many mixed emotions that it instantly sends me into a fit of tears. He’s not on board with my marriage, but I’m still his daughter, and he’s proud of me for achieving my goals. Love is complicated at the best of times, and two things can be true at once—my dad knows how hard I worked even if he doesn’t believe in his heart that I should have married Ben so soon after meeting him.
I hold my LPN certificate in my hands, proof of the time and effort that I put into getting one step closer to nursing school. This certificate guarantees me my dream internship with Dr. Bailer at Portland General at the end of the summer.
Better yet, before that, I will be touring with Ben, meaning no more weeks apart and lonely phone calls. This summer, I will be all his.
I find Ben, Kate, and Nick in the crowd.
“Come here, angel.” Ben holds out his arms, and I throw myself into him and kiss him. He lifts me and spins me around.
“Get a room.” Kate breaks us up, and I give her a side hug.
Ben’s hand never leaves my lower back, a small gesture, like many others, that I missed while he was away.
“So, your parents planned a dinner tonight. Don’t yell at me, they just told me,” Kate tells us, putting her hands up defensively. Great. This day was nearly perfect.
“Hey, baby steps,” Ben whispers in my ear.
“This feels like a leap. It’s been three weeks.” My dad tossed me out, told me he didn’t want me getting married, and we haven’t talked since. This is a leap.
“Whatever happens, I’m here. We have each other.”
“What if he says something that triggers you?” I say quietly enough for only him to hear as we approach the car.
“I will remove us before something like that happens. Nick can help me if need be. Tonight is for you. Stop worrying about anyone or anything else but you.” He kisses me quickly on my lips and opens my door, signaling me to get in. I groan and throw my head back. Why am I worried this dinner is going to be anything but a good time?
Pulling up to the Southern-inspired restaurant, I can’t help the huge grin that spreads across my face.
“I love it here. I hope you like all my favorites that I’m going to make you try. Might overload you so much on food that you puke.” I climb out and take his hand. He looks edible in his basic black jeans and band tee, his full mane of hair combed back and styled on his head. I lost my cap and gown, throwing on the leather jacket Kate convinced me to buy. This is a new style I’m trying. It’s an adjustment, but I have been feeling more and more comfortable in the new outfits Kate and I picked out.
“So I should have worn stretchy pants?”
I chuckle, kissing the back of his hand. “You should have.”
Shaking his head and smiling, he opens the door and lets me go first. “You’re so fucking adorable.” Pulling me in for a kiss, he grips my ass in front of the hostess before she ushers us back. Normally, I would scold him for it, but I’m riding a high.
“Congratulations!”
Everyone at the table cheers, and I note that more people are here than I thought would be, including Mike. Great. My parents and Mike. So much for the giddy feeling I had seconds ago. Reality is slapping me in the face, isn’t it?
Mike and I are still friends, but after the way Ben reacted over Dean, my stomach ties in nervous knots. Taking a deep breath, I risk a peek at Ben and see his eyes zeroing in on Mike as he leaves his chair to greet us.
“Sadie, great job, we’re so proud of you!” Mike hugs me, and I hesitate at first but then return it with my free arm. My other hand stays in a purposeful grip with Ben’s.
Pulling back, Mike turns to Ben, and I swallow thickly. “You must be the infamous Ben. I’m Mike, nice to meet you.”
My husband’s eyes grow wide, and his lips get tight.
Oh no, please, not again.