Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
WILDER
“Honey, are you sure you’re all right?” my mom’s voice blared through my truck’s stereo system, and I rolled my eyes for the millionth time.
My parents didn’t understand why I’d chosen to move to Rolesville, North Carolina—a decision they’d been questioning since I’d told them the day after my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. Nothing ever felt right with her, and the only reason I’d stayed with Sheila as long as I had was because I felt obligated. We’d met at our college graduation when she got lost, and I had to show her the way. As soon as the ceremony ended, she informed me that I would be taking her out on a date, and she’d been dictating our relationship ever since. Why had I put up with it for five years? I was still questioning my life choices.
With her, sex had been nonexistent. I did whatever I needed to give her an orgasm and then pretended that I had come with her at the same time. I never did but the longer we were together, the more comfortable it felt. Like a well-worn pair of shoes that fit perfectly. With her in my life, I didn’t have to answer questions about my love life. I didn’t have to worry about putting myself out there. I simply existed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want more; I did, but I didn’t know how to get it. I was shy, and whenever I was in the presence of someone I liked, I lost the ability to speak and usually wound up tripping over my own feet.
Sheila was pretty enough, smart as a whip, but she never did it for me. I knew why. She had the wrong kind of package, and I was terrified of coming out to anyone I knew. Even my closest friends had no idea.
It all came to a head when Sheila informed me at a family dinner with her parents and mine that we would be getting married. I finally spoke up, informing her that I couldn’t marry her. All eyes turned to me in shock. Coming out would always be difficult, but it was time I manned up. For fuck’s sake, I was twenty-seven and needed to quit hiding from my family and friends. I needed to stop worrying about what they would think of me because right now, I was miserable, and this was no way to live my life.
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat perfectly lodged there and threatening to choke me. Eventually, I managed to blurt out a hoarse, “I’m gay!” My heartbeat accelerated, thundering in my ears. My breathing was coming hard and fast, and I knew I was hyperventilating. If I didn’t get myself under control, my humiliation would be complete when I fell out of my chair at the dinner table and passed out cold.
“What?” Sheila asked, staring at me curiously. Had she not heard me?
“Huh?”
“What did you say? I didn’t catch it. You need to speak up. Annunciate,” she said loudly, and everyone nodded in agreement.
Fuck my life! I could feel the blackness encroaching on my vision. I couldn’t calm down, but I had to get this out. “I’m gay!” I yelled. At that moment, all hell broke loose.
Sheila screamed, and she might have slapped me, I’m not sure. Her parents left the table and never returned, so I assumed they left. I got a text the next morning, stating she never wanted to speak to me again. I didn’t blame her.
But it was my parents’ reactions that I worried about the most. My father looked stunned, his jaw hanging open as he stared at me unblinkingly. My mom, on the other hand, smiled and kept eating. What the hell?
It turned out she’d known all along and wondered how long it would take before I stood up for myself. Apparently, when she told my father, he hadn’t believed her and said I couldn’t be gay because I had Sheila.
I clumsily staggered to my childhood bedroom, unable to face my dad or drive home, and fell on the bed. Thankfully, I had somehow resisted moving in with Sheila even though she’d hinted at wanting to share the same dwelling and move out of her parents’ house. I couldn’t say how I got to my room except that I ran into several walls and my door, but I made it without breaking anything, so I would count that as a win.
At breakfast, I sat down slowly, not making eye contact with anyone.
“Wilder…” my dad paused, and I bit the inside of my cheek, terrified of what he would say.
This was a man I’d always looked up to, strived to emulate. I’d never heard him say anything, never seen him do anything against anyone who didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t stop me from fearing his reaction to being gay. As a kid, I always planned on following in my father’s footsteps, but I wound up choosing a different path. He encouraged and supported me when I decided to stay away from the military. But that didn’t mean he would support me coming out. I could fight bullies and lead my team on the football field, but I never wanted to disappoint my father. He was my hero.
“Dad—” He held up his hand to stop me.
“Wilder…” He paused again and looked at my mother before returning his gaze to mine. “How long have you been… I mean, how long have you known you were…gay?” The last word was spoken so softly that I almost didn’t hear it.
“I don’t know.” I really didn’t. I’d been like this my whole life. Sure, I’d noticed girls and their curves, but I didn’t seek them out the way I did Billy Johnson or Davis McKenzie in junior high and high school. “All my life.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrugged and swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”
“Want to try that again?” he snapped, making me flinch.
Clearing my throat, I scratched the back of my neck and shifted in my seat. I felt like I was sitting in an interrogation room under a spotlight.
My mom sat down next to me and gently placed her hand on my shoulder. “It’s not that we don’t support or love you. Some of us even knew Sheila was not the right person for you. But why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was afraid of disappointing you.” I was twenty-seven years old, had allowed some random girl I met at graduation to control my life for five years, and hid who I was because I was afraid of how my father would react. Some man I turned out to be.
Dad sighed long and loud, and I felt my mom squeeze my shoulder. “I’m only disappointed you felt like you couldn’t be honest with us. I’m not saying I understand or that I won’t need some time, but you are still my son, and I still love you.”
My head shot up. My dad didn’t say he loved me all that often, but hearing it now settled me. “Thanks.”
Thinking about that conversation and the one that followed when I informed them I was moving made me smile. They thought it was a reaction to the breakup and spilling a life-altering secret, but it had been something I’d been considering and looking into for the past year. In fact, I’d been given a few job offers. I picked one and informed them I would start in a month.
And now, here I was, driving into my new town, leaving Lexington, Kentucky behind, in a U-Haul full of boxes and towing my car.
“Wilder?” my mom said, trying to get my attention. My thoughts had drifted again. This was going to be my new start, a place I would finally be able to be myself and not hide.
“I’m fine, Mom. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Don’t worry so much.”
“You may be grown, but you are still my baby, and I will always worry about you.”
“I know, Mom. Look, I need to go. I’m pulling up to the house.” Instead of renting an apartment, I’d bought a new home, not wanting to deal with neighbors who kept me up all night or babies who cried all the time. More than once, I’d needed to be at work early, only to find myself staying up most of the night thanks to thin walls and noisy neighbors. Trying to deal with city infrastructure on two hours of sleep was not conducive to a good outcome.
Unfortunately, I was not able to make it out here to tour the property myself and had to depended on the real estate agent and three inspectors. I figured checking three times would make sure everything was caught. Now, I got out of my car and prayed everything truly was good.
“Mr. Holliman?” I asked when a man stepped out of the house. As soon as he looked up, something hit me in the gut. Yes, he looked good, and based on his looks, he was totally my type, but it was more than that. Something familiar. I stared at him for a few seconds longer, but I couldn’t place why I thought that.
“Yes. Are you Wilder Jeffries?”
“That would be me.” I shifted my gaze to the house and did a brief scan. Nothing seemed off. In fact, the house looked better than the pictures. I was a little stunned since I half-expected a rundown shack or something. I looked at him and noticed the way he narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. “Everything okay?” I lifted an eyebrow in question.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry. You look like someone I know.”
I smiled. “Really? Who?”