Chapter 26
lilah
By the time we got back to the house, it was nearly two in the morning.
The car ride had been loud and chaotic—Hudson trying to scream-sing to whatever song was still looping in his head despite the radio being on, Luca shouting over him, and Nina and Sloane giggling about something in the backseat.
Everyone smelled like champagne and perfume and late-night laughter.
I managed to nap on and off for parts of it, but mostly I just enjoyed being with all of them.
When the front door finally opened and we all stumbled inside, the warmth of the house hit me like a wall compared to the snowy outdoors.
“Home sweet chaos,” Luca declared, kicking off his shoes and immediately tripping over them.
“Watch it,” Sloane said, catching his arm before he face-planted.
“I’m fine,” he insisted, then stumbled forward.
Finn muttered something about noise complaints while Hudson headed straight for the kitchen, calling over his shoulder that he was making toast. Which, judging by the smell of burnt bread ten minutes later, had gone predictably wrong.
Luca was already halfway up the stairs, singing something that definitely wasn’t English, with Sloane following close behind, trying not to laugh. Nina rolled her eyes and shouted, “You’re waking Asa up!” which only made him sing louder.
I leaned against the front hall closet, the adrenaline still buzzing faintly in my chest. The entire night felt surreal—the lights, the laughter, the crowd, the award in Luca’s hands. I’d been proud before, but tonight had been something different. Bigger.
Tino came up beside me now, still in his suit shirt with the top buttons undone but now with his suit jacket on and tie hanging out of his pocket.
His hair was a little messy, like he’d run his hands through it one too many times.
My hand tingled as I resisted the temptation to run my own hand through it now.
I wondered if he knew just how much I loved it when he looked like that.
“You look tired,” he said softly, eyes flicking up and down over me.
I smiled softly. “Do I?”
“A little—but in a good way,” he rushed to add. “Like you conquered something.”
My grin grew. “If surviving in heels for six hours counts as conquering, then yeah. Total victory.”
He grinned, the corner of his mouth tilting up in that way that made something twist in my stomach. “Come on. Let’s get changed before Luca decides we’re doing a group karaoke.”
I groaned. “Oh gosh, don’t joke.”
Our room was dim when we walked in, the only light coming from the lamp on the dresser. My dress felt too tight, my hair heavy with hairspray, the glitter from my makeup clinging to my skin like static. I sighed, kicking off my shoes and stretching my toes against the cool floor.
Tino tossed his jacket over a chair, unbuttoning his cuffs as he said, “You can use the bathroom first. I need a minute to remember how buttons work.”
We had to share the bathroom with Nina and Finn as well, but neither of them were around when I went in.
Within minutes, my hair was loose, my makeup wiped off, and I was wrapped in my favorite pajama set—this one was white with bananas all over it and I could only imagine what comments Tino was going to make about it after how he’d acted about my strawberry-patterned ones the night before.
I opened the bathroom door again and started brushing my teeth.
I didn’t really expect for Tino to show up right away, but a few seconds later he appeared in the doorway and asked if he could brush his teeth as well.
I just nodded, keeping my gaze in the mirror so I couldn’t let my eyes linger on him.
For a while, the only sounds were the tap running and our toothbrushes against enamel. I caught our reflections side by side in the mirror—his broad shoulders slightly hunched as he leaned over the sink, my hair a mess from snow outside, both of us blinking sleepily under the bathroom light.
That was when he spoke.
“It’s weird,” Tino said. He started absent-mindedly and twirled his toothbrush between his fingers like it was a pencil. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, half of my mind still on brushing my teeth.
“What is?” I asked, though the words came out all garbled because my mouth was filled with toothpaste.
“I’ve known you for what, three years?” He said it like a question but didn’t wait for my response before continuing. “But I never really thought about you before.”
“Thanks,” I said flatly.
He laughed. “No, that’s not what I meant. Obviously I thought about you, but not… this version of you. I guess in mind, you’re so tied to Hartwell that I didn’t think about you having a life outside of it. A house and family and… well, a normal life.”
I processed his words as I rinsed my mouth.
It was a bit of a strange thing to hear, but at the same time I understood.
Boarding school was such a closed environment that it felt like it was our entire lives.
Honestly I’d never thought much of Tino outside of school either, but now that he mentioned it, I was curious.
What did his house look like? How did he and his siblings interact when they were at home?
Did his bedroom still look the same as it had when he was a kid or had he continued to change the decorations in it whenever he was home from school?
I cleared my throat as I tried to shake away the thoughts of what Tino’s bedroom might look like. What was wrong with me?
“Well, this isn’t my actual real life,” I reminded him. “I never lived with the band—Nina moved in with them long after I started at boarding school.”
“But it’s still a variation of your life,” he said.
“It’s still you, outside of school. And…
” I barely even noticed his hand moving, until it was brushing along the collar of my satin white pajama top.
My gaze dropped to look at his hand, then back up to his eyes which were staring softly at me. “I think I like what I see.”
My heart thumped in my chest, pounding hard against my ribs. Why was he staring at me like that? Were his eyes getting darker? He didn’t move his hand, but he didn’t press further either. He just looked at me, waiting—like if I stepped back, he would too.
And I didn’t.
Not right away.
Instead, I swallowed and said, voice barely above a whisper, “You should finish brushing your teeth.”
He huffed a quiet laugh, lowering his hand. “Yeah. Probably should.”
And then his toothbrush was falling to the counter and his lips crashed to mine with a ferocity I’d never felt from him before.
In the next moment, we were all lips and tongues and hands running through hair.
One of my fists found the soft cotton of his T-shirt and I held onto it for all it was worth, like I thought that if I let go even for a second, all of this would be over.
The next thing I knew, we were stumbling backwards toward the bed.
I was pretty sure I stepped on his foot and his hand caught on my scrunchie, but neither of us pulled away.
I was barely even breathing as I desperately pulled him closer and closer, wanting nothing more than his lips against mine for the rest of eternity.
When my legs hit the bed, we went toppling onto it. I laughed out of instinct but it was cut off as Tino’s lips found mine again.
The rational part of my brain asked me what on earth I was doing.
The rest of me just couldn’t care less.
Not until I heard the door open again.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” a voice asked.
My gasp lodged itself in my throat as I shoved Tino up. He awkwardly rolled off me, landing on his side, and we both stared in horror at my smirking brother—Luca, thank goodness, not Asa—who had somehow opened the door without either of us noticing.
“Luca!” I hissed. I glanced behind him at the doorway but I didn’t see anyone in the hallway behind him, thank goodness.
“Relax,” Luca said, dragging the word out and rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to rat you out for making out with your boyfriend in your room. Although I can’t say I’m happy that I had to walk in on this—I’ve seen enough of Nina and Finn making out on the couch to last a lifetime.”
“Shut up, Luca!” Nina’s muffled voice came from across the hall.
“I’ve never been happier that I go to boarding school,” I said flatly.
I pushed myself up to sit and tugged the scrunchie out of my hair so I could retie my bun in a hopefully less disastrous look.
Beside me, Tino sat up as well, looking very uncomfortable.
I guess I couldn’t blame him for that. “Now did you need something or did you just come in here to be annoying?”
Luca put a hand to his chest. “I am deeply offended that you think the only reason I would come in here is to annoy you.” I just stared at him until his face broke into another grin.
“Okay, fine, that was the main reason. But I also wanted to tell you there’s double chocolate ice cream in the basement freezer if you want some with the leftover cake. I got it for you.”
It was amazing how much I could hate and love my brother in one moment.
“Thank you,” I said but my voice came out a little sullen because I still wasn’t happy with him. “Now get out.”
Luca laughed loudly but he did as I asked, though he pointedly left the door only half-closed.
I sighed but got up to close it all the way, hearing him go, “Oh, Ninaaaa” as I shut it softly.
A moment later, I heard yelling that sounded like both Nina and Finn, who I imagined were probably in a similar position to the one Tino and I had been in moments before.
I pressed my back to the closed door as I turned to look at Tino with a sheepish expression.
For his part, he was looking anywhere but at me.
I gave myself ten seconds to appreciate how he looked in his pajamas with thoroughly messed up hair and the remnants of my chapstick on his face, before I walked over and sat in front of him on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry about him,” I said. “He’s just… well, you know what brothers are like.”
“Yeah,” Tino said but his voice sounded weirdly distant.
I reached out to put a hand on his knee but stopped myself at the last moment.
I’d fallen so easily into my role as his fake girlfriend lately that it was starting to become second nature, but I wasn’t sure whether it should.
Kissing, to me, was a sign that something had changed between us, but what if it wasn’t to him?
What if this was just a one-off, no-feelings-involved situation and I would be making it weird by taking it a step further?
I hugged my arms tightly against my stomach so I wouldn’t feel tempted to reach out, then looked around for something to talk about. The only thing that prompted me was the TV.
“Why don’t we watch a movie?” I suggested. “It’s still early enough.”
Tino didn’t look at me as he nodded. My heart fell, wishing I could comfort him but unsure how to.
How would I have reassured him before we started fake dating?
I couldn’t even remember anymore. It felt like I was sliding headfirst into this unintentionally, and I desperately needed a life preserver to stop me from drowning, but nobody could save me.
I got up slowly and walked around the bed to my side. Tino pulled the covers over himself stiffly, seeming to take extra care to make sure we didn’t bump elbows. It hurt more than I imagined it could.
The movie flickered across the screen in pale light, some half-watched comedy Luca must’ve left on the queue.
I couldn’t have told you the plot if I tried.
The room smelled faintly like mint toothpaste and the faint sweetness of Tino’s cologne, and every time he shifted beside me, the sheets whispered between us.
It wasn’t tense exactly—just fragile. Like the air would shatter if one of us breathed too loudly.
Halfway through, Tino shifted and murmured, “Do you want the blanket?”
I looked over. “You’re already under it.”
He hesitated, then lifted the edge anyway. “Still. You look cold.”
For a second, I almost said no, but the way he said it—quiet, careful, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to be kind—made my chest ache. I slid under, careful not to brush against him, but the mattress dipped just enough that our shoulders grazed. Neither of us moved away.
We sat like that for a long time. The TV played something cheerful that didn’t match the heaviness in my chest. My heartbeat wouldn’t settle.
By the time the credits rolled, I wasn’t any closer to figuring out what had happened between us—or what it meant. I could still feel the ghost of his lips on mine, warm and dizzying, and the look in his eyes before Luca barged in.
Tino reached forward and turned off the TV. Darkness fell across the room, soft and complete.
“Lilah?” he said quietly.
“Yeah?”
He hesitated. I could hear the sound of his breath in the dark. “I’m really glad I came this weekend.”
I swallowed, fingers curling lightly into the fabric of my shirt. “Me too.”
And for once, that didn’t feel complicated at all.