Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Josy
I’m still lost in the haze of pleasure, my body humming from the intensity of what just happened.
I’m surrounded by Noah’s arms, his body still pressed against mine, and for a fleeting second, I want to stay here forever.
My heart races as I replay what just happened in my head, how everything shifted so quickly.
One minute I was about to walk out the door, and the next, I was swept off my feet by the man I’ve been secretly dreaming about for most of my life.
But as my heart rate starts to slow, reality comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave. Noah lets me go, slipping out of me, and that’s when I realize. I just let Noah fucked me in my new brand kitchen counter.
Oh my God. I just had sex with Noah. Don’t panic, Josy. You enjoyed it. Breathe. Take deep breaths and chill. This is not the time to freak out.
My mind races, trying to piece together the last few minutes. I wasn’t thinking, I was too caught up in him, too lost in the moment. This can’t be happening. My pulse spikes again, but this time it’s not from pleasure. It’s from panic.
Noah looks at me, still catching his breath, his hair a mess, sweat glistening on his forehead. He looks absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t help myself. I lean in and kiss him one more time. His lips are soft and familiar now, but the panic inside me doesn’t go away. In fact, it grows stronger.
He pulls me closer, kissing me back with such intensity that for a moment, I almost forget my rising dread. Almost. But then the realization hits me again like a punch to the gut. I can’t stay here.
I pull back, my heart pounding in my chest for all the wrong reasons now.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Noah asks, his voice soft, his hand gently resting on my waist.
I can’t answer him. I can’t even look at him. My eyes drop to the floor, and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I need to get out of here. I need to think.
“Josy?” His voice is a little firmer this time, trying to get me to look at him.
But I can’t. I can’t do this. Not right now.
Without saying a word, I start to gather my clothes, slipping them on as quickly as I can.
My hands are shaking, but I manage to get dressed.
I can feel Noah’s eyes on me the whole time, but I don’t dare meet his gaze.
If I do, I’ll crumble. I’ll fall apart right here in front of him, and I can’t afford to do that.
“Josy, wait—what’s going on?” Noah sounds genuinely confused, his voice laced with concern, but I don’t stop. I can’t.
I grab my bag and bolt for the door, my heart in my throat as I flee the building, leaving Noah behind without so much as a glance back.
I rush to my car and take a deep brath once inside.
My hands are trembling as I turn the ignition and start driving.
In my hurry, I didn’t even clean myself, and I can feel Noah's cum soaking through my panties.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter, hitting the steering wheel in frustration. I need to stop and get cleaned up.
Spotting a gas station near the exit to the highway that leads back to Honey Springs, I pull over and park. I rush inside, heading straight to the bathroom. As I clean myself, the reality of the situation starts to sink in. What the fuck was I thinking? What’s going to happen now?
Composing myself, I leave the bathroom and continue the trip home. I don’t know what I will be doing with Noah. I don’t know if I should keep avoiding him or just talk to him. I know he has questions, and I don’t know if I want to answer them.
Since I bolted without a word, Noah’s been texting and calling non-stop.
I’ve ignored every single one of his calls and texts.
I don’t even know what to say to him. Does he realize how much he scared the hell out of me?
The way he surrounded me, how his eyes bore into mine while he was deep inside me that I could see the raw desire he has for me.
If I ever doubted his attraction, those doubts are gone now.
The whole drive back home, I couldn’t stop replaying everything in my head; his kisses, his filthy words, the way his body felt against mine. It was everything I imagined it would be, and then some.
And now? I’m more lost than ever.
I’ve spent the better part of a decade avoiding him, trying my best to move on, and now I have no idea how we ended up having sex in the kitchen of my new shop.
Now that I’m home, in the safety of my own space, I can finally breathe.
I head to the back porch and settle into one of the old rocking chairs.
The view of the mountains stretches out in front of me, untouched and beautiful, like it always has been.
This view has always calmed me. I used to sit here with my nana, both of us just soaking in the moment.
We didn’t speak much, just enjoyed each other’s company.
I miss my grandparents fiercely. Life without them is not the same. I shake my head, trying to push the sadness away. Even though the pain has softened over the years, I know I’ll never forget them.
I lean back in the chair and ponder my next move. There’s no avoiding Noah forever, not after today. Not after everything we shared. But what now? I’m so lost in thought, I don’t hear the footsteps approaching until it’s too late.
"Hey." A deep voice pulls me from my thoughts, making me jump. I turn, startled, and see Noah standing at the edge of my porch. He looks beautiful with the mountains behind him, like a painting come to life. He’s still wearing the same clothes from earlier, but now he looks worn-out, his hair a mess from running his hands through it.
I take a deep breath, locking eyes with him. “Hey,” I reply, my voice soft.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice laced with concern.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I was really worried, Josy. You left so fast, and I didn’t know what else to do.”
“I guess I didn’t know what to do either. I just... needed to leave and think. Everything happened so fast.”
“I know.” That’s all Noah says as he steps closer. His eyes flick to the chair beside me, and I nod, giving him permission to sit.
“Can you tell me what happened?” His voice is so gentle.
I take another deep breath and force myself to meet his gaze. “I told you, I needed to think. You were too close, and when you’re that close, I can’t seem to think.” I offer a small, nervous smile.
He doesn’t return it. “I mean what happened to us. Why did you stop talking to me all those years ago?”
I turn to look at him, his question taking me by surprise.
After all this time, now he wants to know?
He never brought it up before. I stare into his eyes, and the truth hits me like a wave.
How could I ever have thought I’d forget him?
Noah wasn’t just my first crush, he’s the only man I’ve ever loved. Still love.
“I don’t know,” I lie, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Come on, Josy. You do know.” His tone softens, but there’s a weight behind it.
“We’ve been friends since high school. I remember that night clearly when we supposed to meet at Honey Tavern, but you never showed.
I waited for you all night, called you, texted you.
I even went to your school. But you ignored me.
After a few weeks, I got the hint and backed off.
” He pauses, watching me closely. “It broke my heart. I lost one of my best friends and never knew why. What happened?”
I close my eyes for a moment, steadying myself. It’s time to give him something, even if it’s not the whole truth. “You want the truth?”
“Always.”
“That night, I did show up. I got to the tavern and saw you outside talking to a woman.” I pause, feeling the old hurt resurface. “I overheard you. You said I was nothing to you.”
Noah’s brow furrows, confusion clouding his face. “What? I never—”
“You don’t remember?” I cut him off, shaking my head. “You called her ‘Honey,’ and you told her you couldn’t wait for her to ride you.”
Recognition flickers across his face, and he seems stunned into silence.
“That’s why I left, Noah. Because you thought so little of me.
Our friendship meant nothing to you.” My voice cracks, and I look away, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“But hearing you say all that to your Honey? It was like someone dumped ice water over my head. I felt humiliated. So, I left. Those words haunted me so much that I didn’t know how to talk to you again.
I guess time passed and I just stayed away.
” I know I am not saying the whole truth, but I can’t just tell him that I was in love with him.
He can’t know that I am still in love with him. There’s no point in that.
Noah rubs his hand over his face, clearly wrestling with what I’ve just said.
“Josy, I’m... I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.
I was young and stupid. I thought you were one of my best friends.
That woman you heard me talking to? She was no one.
I don’t even remember her name. I... I slept around a lot back then, especially when you were away at college. But none of them ever meant anything.”
I glare at him, my annoyance obvious. He holds up his hands in defense. “I know. That doesn’t make it okay. I was an idiot.”
“Well, now you know.” I take a deep breath, bracing myself for what I have to say next. “But don’t think anything’s changed.”
“What do you mean?” His voice tightens.
“I mean don’t think that just because we had sex, it means we’re something more now.
” I need to be clear. “I’m not expecting anything from you, Noah.
I’m just another woman you’ve slept with.
That’s it. I don’t have any illusions about you suddenly falling in love with me, because I don’t expect it. I can’t.”
“First of all, you are not just some random woman. Let’s get that straight.
” Noah’s voice is firm but gentle, his eyes locking with mine.
“I’m not expecting anything from you, but I know what happened wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment thing.
We both wanted it.” He pauses, running a hand through his tousled hair.
“I’m no saint, and yeah, I’ve slept around when I was younger.
But Josy, I’m a thirty-five-year-old man now.
I know what I want. Who I want. I’m ready. ”
I blink, confused. “You’re ready for what?” What is he saying? Does he really expect me to believe that now, after all this time, he’s suddenly interested in me? That just because we had sex, we can start a relationship? Just like that? No way. Today was just a meaningless fuck. Nothing more.
Noah sighs, clearly frustrated, but his voice stays calm.
“I’m ready to commit, Josy. Ready to start a family.
I’m tired of being alone. And if I’m being honest, I’ve been alone most of my life, even when I was with someone.
I kinda felt that I belong to someone else.
” He leans in slightly, his eyes searching mine.
“So no, what happened today wasn’t meaningless to me.
It could be the beginning of something real. Don’t you think?”
There’s hope in his eyes, a vulnerability I’ve never seen before.