27. Antonio
Chapter 27
Antonio
E lka was avoiding me, more like ignoring me completely and honestly, I couldn’t blame her. That didn’t mean I was done trying to get her to talk to me, because I wasn’t. Instead, I was determined, that’s why I woke up early this morning and went for a long run to clear my mind. It didn’t work, my mind was anything but clear or focused since Elka had refused to see me when I showed up at her house, refused to talk to me when I called. Hell, I couldn’t even get her to return a damn text message.\
Again, not that I blamed her. I didn’t. Not at all. I screwed up. Made assumptions I shouldn’t have and hurt her feelings in the process. Worse, I made her feel unwanted just as I noticed how devastating it would be to her.
The run didn’t do a damn thing to help me figure out what to say to her when I saw her at the courthouse. Since I knew exactly where she would be today, I decided to ambush her and by ambush, I mean show my support. And to show her how much she meant to me. That didn’t mean I had a clue what to say but at this point I had to figure the words would just come.
Or they wouldn’t.
At five minutes to nine I stepped into Judge Mayburn’s courtroom and stopped right in front of the swinging doors and I enjoyed them less when they smacked into my backside. “Looks like I wasn’t the only one with this idea.” The courtroom was filled with people, most of them sitting on the left side. Behind the empty table.
“Not so special after all,” Preston mumbled beside me, a smug knowing smile on his face.
He wasn’t wrong. Everyone had shown up. Nin and Janey were in the front row, of course, but so was Bo and Penny, Mayor Ashford, Ry and even Nate. Looks like Elka had made an impact on more than just me. Only unlike me, these people were all smart enough to enjoy and appreciate her from the beginning. “Yeah, I guess not. Where’s Elka?”
Preston shrugged. “No one knows. She’s been barricaded in her house for days. Nina thinks she’s packing up and leaving town.”
Shit. That thought never crossed my mind, which it should have. Elka wasn’t from Tulip, this wasn’t her home. Not really.
But she wanted it to be and I took that from her. “Dammit.”
Preston clapped me on the back and flashed a sympathetic smile. “Don’t listen to Nina. I think you still have a chance. You see them,” he pointed to where Elka’s parents stood talking with their well-dressed attorney, all three looking like the proverbial fish out of water in their expensive clothes and accessories. Miles Nyland wore expensive wool slacks, despite the heat, a sky blue Oxford shirt with a tie and wing tips. Clara wore white pants with a red blouse and sky high heels that would’ve been more appropriate for a Junior League meeting than a small town courthouse. “They are the reason Elka is upset, not you.”
“I brought them here.”
“You trying to help, she’ll understand.”
“Maybe.” Elka was a nice woman with a big kind heart that could’ve gotten her in trouble if she hadn’t landed in Tulip, under normal circumstances she might have understood. “But I’ve been such a shit to her from the beginning I don’t think she will.”
“If she loves you, she will.”
That was a big fucking if. She loved me, she’d said as much herself, but that was before I screwed up royally. Before I violated her trust and proved all the worst things she believed about herself. “There’s the judge now.”
Mayburn entered the room hunched over with a bright smile on his face as he made his way to the bench, smiling and waving at so many of his friends and neighbors in the seats below. “Good morning. We have a big turnout this morning, am I missing some things on my schedule Judy?”
Judy shook her head and kept her gaze on the oversized calendar that lay on her table to the left of the judge. “No, Judge.”
“All right then,” he grinned and banged the gavel which always seemed to put an even bigger smile on his face. “Court is now in session. Today we’re here because Miles and Clara Nyland want to stop Elka from collecting on the life insurance policy on which she is the beneficiary. Stop me if I’ve got anything wrong.” The Nyland’s lawyer stood, flustered by Mayburn’s informality.
“Our understanding is the same, Your Honor.”
They went back and forth and I looked around the room, wondering where in the hell Elka was. This was her chance to stand up to her parents, to tell them where to shove it, and she hadn’t shown up. Did that mean she was done fighting or was she already gone?
“Good. Ms. Nyland has opted not to attend this hearing, for personal reasons.”
“Your Honor,” the lawyer was back on his feet, scowling at no one in particular.
“After reviewing the evidence Ms. Nyland dropped off with my assistant,” another nod to Judy, “I granted her request not to attend. But this is a court of law and as such we must abide by the laws and rules and such. We’ll play the evidence for the record and then I’ll make my ruling.”
The sounds of muttered conversations all around the courtroom rose up, curiosity and gossip and theories were the main topics while everyone waited for Judy to set up the laptop connected to the giant flat screen donated by Preston’s parents.
Finally the black screen dissolved into a smiling face that looked just like Elka. Austin’s skin was pale, making his strawberry blond hair appear closer to red as he sat on a bed with dark blue bedding. Shockingly blue eyes smiled into the camera, the freckles on the bridge of his nose the only real difference between him and Elka. “I know this isn’t something you’d ever do for yourself even though no person with a heart or a brain would blame if you did. Luckily you have me to do it for you. Inside my old stack of titty mags you will find a life insurance policy for a re-damn-diculous amount of money.” His smile was wide, similar to Elka’s when she had those rare, unguarded moments of happiness. “You were deprived of everything normal because of me and even though I was so damn grateful to have you by my side, I hated that it was a prison for you. My sister and my best friend.” He shook his head, floppy waves making him look so damn young it was heartbreaking. “This is my gift for you and I’ll be dead so you have to take it or the evil insurance company gets to keep it. Take this money and go to one of those pins on the map in your closet, conquer the world and make your dreams come true. Hell, make a few of mine come true too by jumping from a plane or climbing a big ass mountain. Miss me everyday kiddo because I’ll miss the hell out of you, but don’t cry too hard. You’re an ugly crier.” He laughed again and discreetly wiped a few tears from his eyes. “Love you. Live big.” He winked into the camera, pale face still full of life and fight, not ready to say goodbye.
Eyes sad but trying to hide it, just like his sister.
I walked out of the courtroom before the judge made his ruling because it was clear Elka had done nothing wrong and probably would have found a way to make Austin take it back if she’d known about it before his death. I needed to get home, to her. Now. She didn’t need to be alone, not now. Not when I know she spent all weekend watching that video, wondering if she was worthy of it.
I needed to make her see that she was, that I thought she was worthy. Hearing that even Austin knew what kind of hell Elka had lived in, was disheartening. It was actually fucking heartbreaking to know that she hadn’t had a life of her own until now. And I was the one who threatened her new life. “Dammit!” Her brother was an example in selfless love, spending what was probably a small fortune to make up for all that she missed because of him. No, not him, because of her parents.
I could now understand the depth of her pain at missing him and that made me even more determined to make her listen to me. Elka needed more than just a little tender loving care, she needed someone to let her shine. To show her just how special she really was.
“You’re leaving.” It wasn’t the most scintillating thing I’d ever said but pulling into the driveway to see another damn trailer blocking the sidewalk threw me for a loop.
“That’s the plan.” She didn’t look up which was fine by me because I didn’t have my words yet and because she was still a damn fine sight to these eyes. “Why are you here Antonio?”
“Figured it was time we talked.” It was clear Elka had no plans to make it easy on me.
She scoffed and pushed up from her spot on the floor where she’d packed books only recently unpacked. “You mean now that you have unequivocal proof that I’m not the terrible person you think I am? No thanks.”
“I deserve that,” I conceded because I’d condemned her without any facts.
“Damn right you do, but thanks for your permission.” Even though she was pissed at me, I liked this fiery, take no prisoners version of my little fairy.
“I’m not…shit, Elka, stop twisting everything I say. I’m trying to apologize for-,”
“Don’t you get it Antonio, I don’t want your apology. I wanted you to trust me, to see me for me before you made up your mind. That’s what I wanted.” And once again, what she wanted didn’t matter. She didn’t have to say it for me to know she was thinking it.
“So you’re saying its too late?” I couldn’t stand to hear that, not for one fucking second. “I screw up one time-,”
She laughed and it was pure, unabashed bitterness. “One time? Let’s not do this, Antonio. Knowing you has been…,” she trailed off and when her blue eyes landed on me, her smile was sad. Almost wistful. “A learning experience.”
I was sure that wasn’t what she’d been about to say but I also wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the original ending to that sentence. “Don’t you want to know how it all turned out?”
“What difference does it make, Antonio? The unspoken accusation is out there, out here in a small town. It will never be forgotten.” She was humiliated on top of everything else and in that moment, I wished I could make it all better for her.
“That’s where you’re wrong. Nearly the whole damn town showed up to support you in court today. They all sat behind your empty chair, glaring at your parents and their lawyer.” The stunned, wide-eyed expression on her face was priceless and if she wasn’t trying to dart out of town on the next stiff breeze, I might have been able to find the humor in it.
She sucked in a breath and took a step back before she dropped down onto the sofa. “So they all saw the video?”
“Of the amazing thing your brother did for you? Yeah. We all saw how much Austin loved you and how much of you he saw. How he believed in you and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all.”
She slumped forward and blew a stray curl out of her face. “Maybe, but saying it doesn’t make it so.”
“What if I asked you to stay?” Fuck it, there was no point in beating around the bush, maybe the direct approach would work this time.
She looked up and our gazes locked, an intense rush of heat and something far more powerful than lust zipped between us like a live wire. As angry as she was with me and as determined as Elka was to leave, she couldn’t look anyway any more than I could. “Are you asking me to stay, Antonio?” She stood and shook her head, waving her heads to discount my words before I even said that. “Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t,” I growled. “If it didn’t matter, I could answer. Right now. And it wouldn’t bother you.” She opened her mouth to tell me just how wrong I was but nothing came out.
Twice. “You’re wrong.”
“Fine, then yes I’m asking you stay. Asking you to give me, give us a real chance.”
“I can’t do that.”
Her voice wavered and I smiled, and took another step forward. “Can’t or too afraid to?” I had a feeling it was a little bit of both.
“Why shouldn’t I be afraid? You hurt me, over and over again and from what I can tell, for no reason at all.” Arms crossed, Elka was resolute. But she was open to being persuaded.
Persuading would me talking. No, not talking, ripping myself open and spilling my guts all over her bohemian designed, semi-packed living room. “May I?” She nodded and slid from the sofa to the chair, curling into herself until her arms were wrapped around her legs, chin resting on her knees. “When I lived in New Orleans there was a girl. A woman named Sadie. We dated for a couple years but I wouldn’t say we were serious.”
“Did you live together?” Her eyebrows pinched together adorably and I wondered if it was jealousy or idle curiosity.
“No. I spent most nights at her apartment but she had a key to mine. And that little fact right there is why I was such an asshole to you. Sadie was killed by a serial killer.” She gasped as I knew she would but I couldn’t look at her, not until I finished. “Who targeted prostitutes.”
“You dated a prostitute?” Realizing what her question sounded like, her blue eyes went comically round. “Not that I’m judging, but when you’re not being grumpy you’re kind of hot.”
“Good to know.” Her lips twitched but the smile never came and she motioned for me to keep talking. “I didn’t know she was until after I found her body. In hindsight it was obvious. Her place was bare of personal effects but who was I talk to when mine was too?”
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Antonio.”
“Me too,” I said, my words sharp and bitter. “I’m sorry that I let physical attraction blind me to what was right in front of me.”
“Bullshit.”
I looked up to see Elka staring at me, a defiant glint to her blue eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Bullshit. Don’t dismiss the love you had for her because she lied to you. Admit you’re angry about it, even angrier because you can’t confront her. You just have to accept it,” she said with a certain amount of wisdom and I knew she was talking about Austin.
“Just like that, huh?”
“No, not just like that . It takes time and effort. If you want to move beyond it, you will. Eventually.”
“And in the meantime?” It felt like were talking about more than my grieving over Sadie and for the first time since I walked in, I had hope.
“You take it a day at a time, as trite as that sounds. Try to drown out the bad memories with the good. Learn from your mistakes. I don’t know, I’m not exactly an expert.”
“You sound pretty wise to me.” Too wise for a woman her age. Elka should be out there making mistakes and learning from them, trying and failing before she found success. “Stay, Elka.”
“Why? Because you feel bad? Good, I’m glad about that. Maybe you’ll treat the next newcomer better.” She shrugged and flashed a sad smile before she pushed out of the chair. “Have a good life, Antonio.”
“I don’t feel bad. I mean, of course I feel bad because I was a complete dick to you but that’s not why I want you to stay.” I stood and went to her, less than a foot separated us and this close up I could see the flecks of brown swimming in her blue eyes.
“Why?” The question came out breathless, expectant. Almost hopeful.
“Because, I…because.” Christ, this was harder than I thought it would be. “Dammit, because I love you Elka.”
She gasped and put a hand to her mouth while her head shook slowly, side to side. “You don’t…you…can’t.”
“I do, I love you and I want you to stay in Tulip. Give us a shot.” She didn’t look convinced but she didn’t look ready to bolt either so I closed the distance between us and put one hand on her shoulders, the other sifted through her hair. “Please Elka. Stay.”
Confusion flickered in her gaze and then hope. “Antonio, don’t just say it because you think its what I want to hear.”
“I’m not. I wouldn’t. Did you say it because you thought I wanted to hear it?”
“I knew you wouldn’t want to hear it.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I told her and lowered my voice to a whisper pressed close to her ear. “I didn’t know how much I wanted to hear it until you said it. In the past tense.” She gasped and glanced over at me with a question in her eyes and I took advantage of the moment, pressing my mouth to hers and I kissed Elka until she was a boneless mass in my arms. “Now I want you to love me again. For real.” The more I said it, the more I felt it all the way down to my bones. Deep in my soul.
“I want that too Antonio, but I’m scared.” She put a hand on my chest while the other curled around the hairs at the base of my neck. “I want you but I’m scared.” Then before I could say another word, she was kissing me with her whole heart, her body.
Telling me she still loved me too.