39. I gave up too quick
39
I GAVE UP TOO QUICK
Priscilla’s list of jobs kept Doogie busy all afternoon. She’d stayed mostly out of his way. He’d assumed he’d annoyed her again but by the time he’d finished, she seemed to have got over it enough to present him with a new list. He wondered what her kids did for her when they visited. Maybe she didn’t want to ask them. Although from what he’d seen of her, that was unlikely. He didn’t want to judge though. It wasn’t as if he ever offered to do jobs for his mum and Clive when he visited them. It wasn’t deliberate, it just didn’t occur to him. They were younger than Priscilla. His mum had been really young when she’d had him. Younger than his own daughter was now. He never really thought of her as old, but he guessed it wouldn’t be long before that changed. Clive was about the same age as his mum, and he kept himself fit. His dad though was about ten years older. Since Doogie hadn’t seen him in a long time, he had no idea how he was doing.
There were more cars in Netta’s road than usual. It had probably been a through-road, once, but the one end was blocked off now. It wasn’t close enough to park for the shops on the main road, unless you liked walking, so you didn’t seem to get a lot of visitors here. He recognised Arthur’s car parked next to another one that looked sort of familiar. Netta’s door opened, and he instantly remembered where he knew the car from. Oh fuck. The cavalry was here, and she didn’t look very happy.
Claire was blocking his way into the house. ‘Surprise!’ If it was supposed to be a friendly greeting it didn’t come off as one, but then it was unlikely that friendly had been her intention.
He decided the best approach was to style it out. He put on an expression that made out like he was pleased to see her. ‘What are you doing here?’
She stepped out onto the path and pulled the door to. ‘Take a wild guess.’
‘Er, no. Can’t think of anything.’
Doogie loved Claire. They’d been friends for so long they knew each other inside out. He credited himself with knowing pretty much all there was to know about her. And one thing he knew above everything else was you didn’t want to make Claire mad at you. Because when she was mad at you, it was impossible to tell which way she was going to go. She could scream and shout. She could throw things. She could be so angry she couldn’t speak. If she was really, really mad at you, she could be all of those things one after the other. And boy did she look really, really mad right now.
She came to within a few inches of him. ‘What the fuck are you playing at?’
‘Don’t know what you mean.’
‘Don’t give me that shit. You haven’t just turned up on Netta’s doorstep because you fancied a change. You’re up to something.’
She poked her forefinger into his chest. He backed away slightly. ‘I heard what had happened with the accountant wanker. I thought she might need some support.’
‘She’s got Frank for that.’
‘I know but…’
‘But what? You here to make a play for her while she’s at her most vulnerable?’
‘Don’t be stupid, Claire.’
She was in his face again. ‘How come I’m the one being stupid all of a sudden? It’s not like I dropped everything to drive four hundred miles, like a knight in his four-by-four charger to save an old girlfriend from the clutches of her evil ex-husband, is it? And while we’re at it, Merrie confessed to telling you, so let’s have less of the “I heard” crap, shall we?’
‘Is Merrie here as well?’
‘No, she’s at my mum’s. I told her she had to stay away until I’d spoken to you.’
‘It’s not her fault.’
Claire looked like a big cat ready to pounce on something, and the something in question was him. ‘I know that, shithead. I’m putting this all on you. You can see her tomorrow when you go to pick Spike up from your mum’s.’
He was about to tell her she’d got it wrong about Spike, but she flashed him a warning shot right between the eyes. ‘Don’t you dare try to lie your way out of this one. I have spoken to your mother. Yes, Doogie, I have actually spoken to Julie, the woman who can do no wrong. So I know you’ve been feeding Netta lies. Which leads me back to my first question, what the fuck are you up to?’
‘I’m here to stop Netta’s ex doing what he always does.’ He pressed his lips together. That was all she needed to know for now.
A loud cough made them both turn. Frank was on the other side of the fence. ‘How are yer, Claire? Great to see you.’
‘Frank. Lovely to see you too. Netta says you’ve been stuck babysitting Colin. You poor sod. You coming in?’
‘I am.’ Frank nodded at Doogie. Doogie wondered how much he’d heard.
‘Come over then. There’s a proper family council going on.’ She let Frank pass then gave Doogie more evils. ‘This isn’t finished.’
The whole family was inside, except for Will and Belle. Netta seemed on edge. Doogie saw her glance at him when he walked into the kitchen behind Frank and Claire. If Claire knew he’d lied about his mum being away, then she probably did, too. There was going to be a fallout of some kind. He could feel it brewing. He wasn’t exactly in the best of moods himself after Claire had said that about his mum being the woman who could do no wrong. She’d called her that before, back when he and Claire had been together. Usually because he’d refused to introduce them, or to tell his mum that she was a grandmother. He’d been a mess at the time, and it was just one more complication he could do without. He’d known then it was immature and selfish. It hadn’t stopped him doing it though. That was the coward in him again. Sometimes, when Doogie thought about all the years he’d wasted, he wanted to howl.
‘We can’t find Colin. He didn’t come back last night, and his phone’s switched off,’ said Netta.
The others seemed to be aware, so he assumed she’d said it to bring him up to speed. ‘Have you tried the allotment?’
‘He hasn’t been there since yesterday,’ said Arthur. ‘I’ve got everyone on high alert. If he turns up I’ll know about it straight away.’
‘Actually I saw him last night, watching his house. He was pissed up.’
‘What were you doing at his house? Never mind, what did he say?’ said Netta.
‘Nothing. I didn’t speak to him. He seemed to be okay, so I left him there.’ Yeah, all right, he probably wasn’t okay but so what? Doogie was no good Samaritan. Especially when it came to Colin the Wanker. Claire was eyeballing him. He looked around the room for a friendlier view and landed on the shiny new air fryer. That was better than nothing.
‘We should check the hospitals. And his road. And the pubs,’ said Netta.
‘We’ll go to his road,’ said Arthur.
‘I’ll come with you,’ said Liza.
‘I’ll call round the hospitals,’ said Frank.
Suddenly everyone was busy running around in different directions. Doogie reached into his pocket for his car keys. ‘I’ll try the pubs.’
Claire pulled him back. ‘No, I’ll try the pubs. You stay here with Netta.’
So that was the way it was going to go then? Just him and Netta. People were moving around them, getting their things together to set out on their searches but all Doogie could see was Netta, her endlessly deep, dark eyes full of hurt. He’d been right, there was going to be a fallout.
His mind took him back thirty years to the day she’d found out he’d been seeing someone else. A girl he’d met while they were on one of their legendary break-ups. To him she was just a friend who’d been helping him discover his Black roots, but as usual he’d let things go too far and it got complicated. He’d tried to keep them separate, but Netta had seen them together on that day and that had been the end of everything. His hopes, his dreams. Everything. She’d had that look in her eye then, right before she told him he was toxic, and she hated him. Right before she told him never to talk to her again. Later that day, she met Colin the Wanker.
Frank was the last of them to go, and then it was just him and Netta and a load of dogs, none of which was his. Doogie shoved his hands in his pockets and waited.
‘So I hear your mum isn’t on her holidays. I hear Spike is with her, not some random business acquaintance.’
‘No, she’s not, and yes he is.’
She put her fingers against her temple, like she had a headache that needed clearing. The headache, of course, was him. ‘I don’t understand. Why did you lie?’
‘Because I thought you wouldn’t let me stay here if you knew I’d got somewhere else to go.’
‘But why would you want to stay here with all this Colin stuff going down? I’d have thought the further away the better would suit you.’
‘I wanted to be close to you.’
‘Because of Colin?’
He went to say yes, but he held back for just a moment too long, and she caught it.
‘It’s not because of Colin, is it? Claire said there was more to it.’
‘Claire knows shit.’ He’d gone in too hard. He could tell by the look on her face. He should have known better than to criticise Claire.
‘Oh really. Why don’t you tell me then, Doog? Tell me what you’re really doing here.’
‘I’m here to protect you.’
‘To protect…’ She interrupted herself with a laugh. ‘From what? From Colin? Or Frank? You know what, don’t bother to answer. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need anyone’s protection. I can protect myself.’
‘I’m sorry, I just thought… Forget it.’
‘You thought it was the perfect excuse. You’re not telling me the whole truth, are you?’ She grabbed hold of his arms. ‘Tell me why you’re really here, and don’t give me any bullshit this time.’
‘It’s Grace. She wants to get married.’
‘Oh!’ This time it was her turn to hesitate. ‘That’s great, isn’t it?’
He didn’t answer. He was looking at those fucking eyes of hers again, thinking about how they were giving away her true reaction.
‘Are you going to?’
‘I don’t know.’
She turned away from him. ‘You should. You should marry her.’
And just like that Doogie was transported back in time again. This time to their affair when she’d go cold on him for no reason other than to keep him at a distance. The anger rose in him now, just as it did then. ‘I don’t need your permission.’
‘So what are you doing here?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Well then, you’re no use to me.’
She was right, he was no use to her. He was no fucking use at all. He turned and walked away. And all he could think about was Samuel’s words : I tried, but I gave up too quick.