39. Victor
Chapter thirty-nine
Victor
S itting in my office, I think back over the weekend. The only thing that went right was that I finally got Connor to speak to me. After what happened Friday night with Olivia, I didn’t call him Saturday like I planned. Instead, I took her horseback riding, but she was distant. She didn’t respond to my kisses like she normally does. In fact, she cut them off a few times.
Picking up my phone, I unlock it to pull up our last text. I sent her a good morning text and asked her to send me a picture of her in the outfit I chose for her last night. She sent me a good morning back, but nothing else. It’s unlike her. She’s always so quick to please and obey. I hurt her Friday night and I don’t know how to fix it.
I rub my palm over my jaw, unable to focus, so I shut my computer down and make my way downstairs, stopping in the kitchen where Crystal is sitting with Betsy going over this week’s groceries and items that need to be bought.
“Hi ladies,” I greet them. They both turn around with smiles. “I’m going out for a while. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
They both nod and turn back to continue what they were doing. Normally I work from home on Mondays, but today I need some fresh air. Walking out to the garage, I grab the keys to my bike, then pull up Malachi’s name on my phone.
“Yeah?” he answers.
“Hey. You at the club?” I ask.
“I am. You coming?”
“Yeah, I’m leaving my house now. I’ll be there soon.”
Since it’s a Monday morning, the club is pretty quiet. Malachi lives above the club, so he’s here all the time. There are a few employees that work here, but don’t see them when I walk in. Malachi is sitting on one of the brown leather couches watching TV in the corner. He waves me over, so I walk over and sit in the chair off to the side of the couch.
He’s watching some MMA fighting. Malachi’s obsessed with that shit. Even does some amateur fighting on the side when he’s not busy with club politics. “Hey man. What’s going on?” He puts the TV on mute and turns his attention to me.
When I don’t speak right away, he arches an eyebrow at me. He’s in the lifestyle too. That’s why I trusted him when Josie did what she did to me, but it doesn’t mean having this conversation is any easier. “I told you Olivia is my sub,” I begin. He nods, but doesn’t say anything. “We haven’t had sex, though.”
His eyes widen, and he leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “What the fuck, man? You two have been doing this for months and you haven’t had sex?” He knows Donovan abused her, but I haven’t given him details.
“Donovan sexually abused her when she was a kid,” I tell him. His hands ball into fists, but he doesn’t say anything. “He killed her mom and I’m beginning to suspect he might have killed her dad too.”
“Fuck,” Malachi whispers. “What makes you think that?”
“I was supposed to go riding with him that night, but I didn’t. So, I allowed guilt to cloud my mind about what happened that night. He took excellent care of his bike. Something happened that caused him to not be able to turn correctly, and he ran off that road into the guardrail. I have this feeling that Donovan saw Olivia and wanted her all along. She was his end goal.”
Malachi releases a long breath. “How old was she?”
“Nine.”
“That’s sick,” he growls.
I nod in agreement. “When we first started this relationship, I didn’t want her to think I was anything like him. Yes, I am attracted to her and in the beginning I felt guilty about it, but every Sunday afternoon after she leaves, I’m left wanting.”
I take a deep breath. I don’t want to tell her secrets, but I need to talk to someone and Malachi is as close to a best friend as I’ve got.
“She practiced self harm to deal with the things Donovan did to her and she was ashamed of the scars, so that’s what we’ve been working on. She hasn’t cut in months and I check in with her on a regular basis to see how she feels. The last time I did, she said she hasn’t thought about it in a long time. So, we’ve been working on her self confidence. She wouldn’t wear dresses or clothing that would potentially show her scars, and now she does. In front of me and her friends.”
One of the employees walks in from outside. Malachi looks over his shoulder. “Leave,” he barks.
The woman scowls at him. “Only if you say please,” she snaps back. Malachi slowly turns around, his eyes narrowing in her direction.
“Who the fuck are you talking to?”
She rolls her eyes, and I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing. She is brazen. “Well, it wasn’t him.” She points at me. “You’re the one who was being rude, so I guess I was talking to you. Asshole.”
They stare at each other for a long time as a silent war goes on between them. I’m shocked Malachi hasn’t fired her. He grinds his teeth.
“Leave please,” he grinds out.
She curtsies and gives him a triumphant smile. “Of course, your majesty.” She turns and leaves. He rubs his hand over the back of his neck and turns around.
“She’s new.”
“That’s Candace. She’s not new, you just haven’t been around in a while. I swear if that woman didn’t do such a fucking good job, I’d fire her ass,” he mumbles. I chuckle and he scowls at me. “Continue.” He motions at me and I’m tempted to ask questions, but let it go for now. He’ll talk when he’s ready.
“Like I said, he sexually abused her. He would force her to orgasm because in his sick mind, if she did, it meant she wanted him. So, I haven’t pushed that yet. Friday night she stayed over and for the first time, I stripped in front of her. She touched me.” Guilt gnaws at my chest. “I made her stop and told her I wanted her, but we wouldn’t be doing that until she was ready. And she asked me how I would know she wasn’t ready because I never tried.”
I lean forward and put my head in my hands. A ball of emotion wells up from my chest. Trying to swallow, I realize it’s traveled to my throat. I’ve fucked up. I hurt her, and didn’t mean to.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” he asks.
I look up. “What do you mean?” My voice is rough, but I don’t care.
“What do you mean, what do I mean? That was your opening man. She touched you of her own free will. Not because you told her to, and you rejected her.” He lays it out, not mincing words, which is why he and I get along so well. He’s a no bullshit kind of guy. “Why did you stop her?”
I furrow my brows. “Because of what she went through with Donovan,” I say, like it should be obvious.
“Are you sure?”
He relaxes back into the couch again and gives me a searching look. Drawing in a long breath, I think back over the last few months. Anytime she tried to move beyond just the kissing, I’d stop it. The only time I didn’t do that was when she got me the jersey, but even then I slowed it down.
Malachi sighs. “Listen, what Josie did to you was fucked up. Liv isn’t the only one with trauma man. So, stop just focusing on hers and focus on yours too. Maybe you’re using Liv’s trauma as an excuse not to get burned again.”
Part of me wants to lash out and tell him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but I take his words in and really think about them. “I told her what happened with Josie,” I tell him.
“That’s good, man. Now, you need to be honest with her and yourself about why you’ve been hesitant about going to the next level with her. I’m not saying you don’t care about her trauma because it’s obvious you do, but don’t let it be an excuse. You’re a good Dom. Don’t let what happened with Josie convince you otherwise.”
I inhale slowly and nod. “Alright. So, how do you think I should handle the orgasm issue? She said she would try so hard not to come, but he would force it out of her. I’ve been trying to figure out how to help her through that.”
He thinks about it for a moment when his eyes light up. “Try edging her. Make her so desperate for it she’ll want to come.” He arches an eyebrow at me, and I nod in agreement. “You two need to do a scene working through the shit he did to her.” He pauses. “And maybe a scene working through what Josie did to you.”
I recoil immediately, but he tilts his head at me like he’s asking if I’m being a hypocrite. I huff, but don’t say anything.
“It’s something to think about. Of course, she’d need some training to make sure she knows what she’s doing. If you decide you want to do it, let me know and I can talk to Missy.” I nod, albeit hesitantly. I trust Malachi, but it’s something I’ll have to consider for a while before agreeing to do it.