Chapter 43 I Want Family
I Want Family
Holly
We’re silent on the drive home. My mind races over the words I’m dying to say to Mateo. His thumb has not stopped running over my knuckles since he started driving and the comfort from holding his calloused, imperfect hand sustains my bravery.
The inner calm and peace as I spoke to my parents and Rodney came from God. There is no other explanation for how I kept my cool and said what I needed to without having a panic attack. Some of the peace lingers even after suddenly quitting my job and telling Mateo we should move to Bolt.
But there is still a good fifty percent of me that is downright freaking out.
I am not impulsive. I’m a planner.
My husband’s personality is rubbing off on me.
We pull into the garage and Mateo puts the car in park but doesn’t move.
“Do you want to change first and then chat?”
The shapewear I’m wearing under my dress fully agrees that this is the best course of action. “Yes. My sweats are calling my name.”
He grins and squeezes my hand. “Don’t move, I’m getting your door.”
I smile and nod. He jumps out of the car and jogs around the front of the vehicle, opening my door dramatically. I giggle as he grabs my hand and walks me to my bedroom door. He pulls me into a hug before I can open the door, his forehead pressed against mine.
“You’re gorgeous, Holly. You slayed in this dress, kickin’ butts and takin’ names. I’m so proud of you.”
His nose brushes against mine before I lean in and kiss him, pouring out my thanks for his love and support. With one last peck on the lips, Mateo pulls back, and my heart lurches, unhappy at the distance between us.
He lets go of me and kisses my forehead, the tender touch sending heat through my veins. “See you in a minute, beautiful.”
He walks down the hall to his room, turning to wink at me before closing the door.
Butterflies flutter in my stomach and I let them.
I’m done avoiding my feelings for this man, once and for all.
Minutes later, I’m in my favorite sweats and munching on apple slices on the couch as I wait for Mateo to come out of his room.
What’s taking him so long?
Alex says the buttons on the white shirts take the longest. I say it’s a lack of urgency that men seem to have.
Like, hello, I have big feelings I need to confess. Get out here already!
Mateo’s door cracks open and I spin so I can see him as he walks into the room.
Man, I haven’t admired my husband enough. He is seriously attractive. How do basketball shorts and an old cotton t-shirt look so good on him?
He smiles when he sees me and eyes the apple slice in my hand. Laughter lines his eyes. “Do I need to get us snacks for this conversation?”
Cue heart flutters.
“Can you grab the pretzels?”
He walks to the pantry door and opens it, stepping inside. He pokes his head out a minute later. “Do you want the mini marshmallows too? The sweet and salty combo?”
I laugh. “Do you need to ask?”
I can hear him chuckling from the pantry. I love the way he so easily laughs, and how he helps me laugh too.
He walks over, a bag of marshmallows and pretzels tucked in his arm. He grabs his water bottle on the end of the counter and walks around the couch. He sets everything down on the coffee table. I grab a handful of marshmallows and a few pretzel sticks and pop them in my mouth.
Sweet and salty is a favorite combination of mine, and I can’t resist nibbling a little bit more on the snacks, especially considering we left the party before eating anything. When carbs and sugar satiate my stomach, I turn to Mateo.
He sips his water before replacing the lid and setting it on the coffee table. He turns into the couch, his arm resting on the back of it, his whole body angled toward me. His brown eyes meet mine. “Ready to talk?”
I dust my hands off and turn to him, tucking my legs under me on the couch, mimicking his posture. “I’m quitting. I’m resigning and the only client I’m going to keep is Alex— and, even then, I think I’m going to phase out of working with him.”
Mateo’s jaw drops. “You were serious?”
I clasp my hands in my lap and tap my fingers together in an effort to calm my racing heart. “Yes. I don’t want to do this job anymore. It’s not worth it. My parents have stained it, and I want to be as far away from them as possible.”
Mateo’s eyebrows pull together, concern in his eyes as they study mine. “But, Holly. You’re really good at your job.”
I shrug. “I know. But I don’t want to be successful in my job anymore.”
Mateo readjusts in his seat, scooting closer to me. “Well what do you want to do?”
I grab his hand and pull it into my lap. I look down at his fingers and trace them with my own. I note the calluses in his palms, at such odds with the tenderness he shows me whenever he brushes his fingers down my face. I love these hands that work so hard to take care of his family and me.
I look up into his eyes that look like melted chocolate in this lighting.
I take in a deep breath and muster the courage to say the words that have been running through my mind for days.
I weave my fingers through his and squeeze his hand.
“I want a family. I want you, I want your family, I want space from this place. I don’t care if anyone judges me for leaving.
I don’t want to deal with the backstabbing and insincerity of the social elite.
You are sincere. You are who I want. All I want is to come home to you and fall in your arms, and not worry about anyone else. ”
I pause. “Mateo, I love you. I have scars from my past I will be working to heal from for a long time. But Mateo, you’ve dented my armor and wiggled your way into my heart, and I can’t get you out.”
My vision of Mateo blurs with the last sentence. His hand comes up, cupping my jaw and wiping away my tears. I lean into the contact and savor the tenderness of his touch. “I want you, Mateo. Do you think we can figure this out together?”
Mateo leans in closer, his hand moving from my jaw to the back of my neck, tangling in the hair I took out of its chignon before coming to the living room. His smile is wide, his dimple on full display as he stares at me.
Tears gather in his eyes as he takes in a ragged breath. “I love you, Holly. Yes. Yes, we can work this out together. Yes, I will be right beside you as you heal and as we grow into better people together. I love every part of you, imperfections and all. I would love to have a family with you.”
He pulls me toward him, kissing my forehead and trailing his lips down to my cheek, where he kisses away my happy tears. My cheeks hurt from smiling, but it’s the best pain I’ve ever felt.
I move my hand up, tangling my fingers in his curls I love so much as I close the distance between us. “We’re moving to Bolt, you’ll go back to working on the farm, and I’ll figure out how to work with just Alex from there?”
He nods, his forehead bonking mine. We both laugh as he peppers me with kisses. “Yes. Absolutely yes. Let’s do it.”
I pull away, my mind racing with ideas and timelines. “I’m going to give my clients two weeks' notice. In that time, we can pack up essentials that can fit in the back of your truck. Then I’ll hire a moving company to pack everything else up.”
Mateo laughs. “I don’t know if my house can fit everything in your house, Holly.”
My head spins, making a list of things I want to keep and things I could sell.
“Hey, wifey. We can figure it out tomorrow. Right now, I want to revel in the fact we’re going to move back home.”
He kisses me, and I fall into him, basking in the feeling of kissing my husband without reservations, deadlines, or anything else looming in the back of my mind.
Mateo peppers kisses across my cheek before holding me tight and whispering in my ear. “I love you, Holly. Thank you for making my dreams come true.”
“Te amo,” I whisper in his ear.
He jerks back, his eyes alight with joy as he laughs. “Mi amor, I will love you forever. Tu eres mi esposa, mi vida, mi amor.”
Our lips meet, and I send up a prayer of gratitude to God for this amazing man he placed in my life.