13. Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
Tallahassee
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss Darren and I shared during Nash’s game.
I still don’t know why I let that happen.
My only defense is that I’d been fantasizing about kissing him.
When the kiss cam focused on us, it was the excuse I needed.
I saw the opportunity and couldn’t help myself.
No one has ever kissed me like that. I’m still reeling over how it made me feel.
The way Darren occupies my thoughts is disconcerting. I’m struggling to fight my feelings and reactions to the way he protects and takes care of me. The way he touches me.
The gentle way he took my hand when my swimming career came up and he noticed my distress. How his fingers felt caressing my shoulders. The sweet kiss to my forehead. Or when he called me baby and honey in that deep, growly voice, the words sliding over me like a touch.
And of course, that erotic kiss.
Everything he does undermines my resolve to protect myself from him. When it comes to Darren Stevens, I’m helpless. Something about him makes me break all my rules. Rules that were designed to protect me.
I can’t wear jeans and a t-shirt tonight; I’m going to need a more appropriate outfit to wear on our date.
There was a time I was on the talk show circuit, attending fancy parties, hobnobbing and schmoozing with celebrities, CEOs, agents, sponsors, and from time to time, politicians.
Which required a decent wardrobe. All those clothes are still where I left them, in my room at my parents’ house.
So I call them and let them know I’m coming by for lunch.
“Darren asked me on a date,” I blurt the second I cross the threshold. “I need something to wear.”
Mom fast claps several times, bouncing on her toes in excitement. “Ooh, that’s wonderful news!”
“He’s a good one,” Mama tells me.
Their opinions are comforting, because I think he’s a good one too, but I haven’t trusted my own judgment in a long time. I’m scared this is a bad idea, and I’m making a huge mistake.
The three of us climb the stairs to my old room. Inside these four walls is a time capsule. It hasn’t changed since the day I left. Walking through the door is always bittersweet, triggering memories and making me sentimental.
I make a conscious effort to avoid looking at the me wall. The place that holds all my ribbons, trophies, and the glass case I despise that contains my Olympic medals.
Mom and I sit side by side on my old bed while Mama disappears into the closet. “Let’s find you a dress.”
“Oh! The flapper dress,” Mom calls.
“Good idea,” Mama answers. “Yes. That’s perfect.”
I scrunch up my nose. “Flapper dress?”
While we wait, Mom turns to me. “You look happy, honey.”
“For the first time in a long time, I am happy, Mom.”
“But?” Mama calls from the depths of the closet.
“But I’m scared.”
“Why?” Mom asks gently.
“If I let myself fall for Darren, I’m giving him the power to hurt me. For so long I’ve been in control. The thought of giving that up—of allowing myself to be vulnerable again—is the most terrifying thing I can imagine.
“Problem is, I know it’s too late. He’s already breached my walls.” I feel the sting of tears well in my eyes. “It’s getting harder and harder to deny my feelings. The truth is…I’m already crazy about him. And that petrifies me,” I admit in a whisper.
I’m broken. My life is a mess, and he deserves to be with someone better than me. Worse, what if he figures out I’m not worth it? What if I take the leap and he rejects me? I’m not sure I could survive that.
Mom wraps her arm around my shoulder, and I lean into her. “Oh, honey, life is a risk. And love? Well, that’s the biggest risk of all. But when it finds you, you have to grab it and hang on with both hands.
“Darren is crazy about you. I see the way he looks at you. Give the boy a chance. What’ve you got to lose?”
Has she lost her mind? Darren could never accurately be described as a boy.
“Either that or walk away and set him free,” Mama adds from the closet. “It’s not fair to string him along.”
If I’m honest, I’m not sure it’s possible to walk away from him anymore. That’s part of the problem.
Mom nods her agreement. “He’s an alpha male. Not the sort of man who falls easily. When a man like that chooses a mate, he won’t be inclined to change his mind.”
My face twists in confusion. “A mate?”
Mama steps out of the closet. “She’s been reading those shifter romances again,” she explains with a laugh. “I found it!” she announces, holding up a clear garment bag.
Inside is a gold, sparkly dress.
“The black shoes,” Mom suggests, taking the garment bag from her.
“She can’t wear black shoes with a gold dress,” Mama scoffs, heading back into the closet to search through shoeboxes. “These,” she tells us a few minutes later, holding up a pair of strappy gold sandals.
After lunch, my parents walk me to the door.
“Remember to have fun,” Mama says, squeezing me tight.
“Let us know how it goes, honey!” Mom hollers with an enthusiastic wave when I reach my car.
It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been on a date or gotten dressed up so, I take my time getting ready.
I style my hair, slip on the dress, apply a little makeup, and finish it all off by sliding on the shoes.
When I’m convinced I’ve done all I can do, I face the mirror and take in my reflection.
The dress is unusual. Beautiful. It’s a sleeveless shift, short and daring, layered in cascading tiers of fringe made up of thousands of tiny, delicate gold beads. With every movement, the fringe sways as if the dress is alive.
When I hear the doorbell ring, butterflies take flight and my stomach flips with an enthusiastic swoop.
As I move to answer the door, one thought loops in my mind…I hope I’m not making a mistake.