Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Chris
ALL I WANTED WAS U - Ex Habit - Omido
S he walks into the kitchen like everything is fine. The sun is out, coffee is ready, and she’ll share breakfast with the man she loves. Life is beautiful.
It’s only slightly unfortunate that he doesn’t love her back. That he doesn’t want to be in this relationship. That blackmailing only works to make him more and more vengeful every day.
Megan yawns, her perfectly straight black hair brushing the top of her shoulders as she stretches. It’s weird that she always looks perfect. Robotic.
Ella’s hair is so messy that when I used to sneak into her bedroom at night, I would spend ten minutes come morning, untangling everything before she would then straighten it herself.
“Thanks for coffee,” Megan murmurs as she pours herself a cup.
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Will you pour me another? ”
I buy her the most expensive beans that we grind in a barista coffee machine. She drinks it in a silk nightdress from a shop that only sells one item of everything they create, in a house where the rent costs more than a semester of tuition fees at SFU. We’re that kind of rich. We have a bank account where the far-left numbers never change.
My friends always say I’m stuck up. From a young age, I set up a routine I stuck to because I needed it. I wake up at 5:00 a.m. I read. I exercise. I have my coffee by 6:30 in clothes I’ve ironed that same morning, and I leave before 7:30 so I can sit somewhere and read a book or a play before the day starts.
Why I was ever popular in high school is as good a question as any. Maybe because of Luke, Jake, and Rose. Maybe because I balanced the group of unhinged friends with some quietness and gentleness. After all, I’m incredibly good at hiding the side of me that doesn’t fit my image.
So, I guess “stuck up” was a good term for my friends to use. Boring. When I started dating Megan, I liked that we had that in common. But then I realized something else.
Everything that has to do with Megan cannot be less than perfect. It’s terrifying. She obsesses over the smallest things that might make her feel like she doesn’t have control over the situation.
A manipulator must always have control over everything.
That’s why she touches my hair right after she settles my cup on the table. She rearranges it the way she likes it as if we’re in some sort of TV reality and are being watched at all times.
She leans forward for a kiss, and that’s when I reach for the back of her neck. I stand from my chair, forcing her to bend over the table, and slam her back down the second she tries to fight me.
Taking my cup of coffee, I balance it precariously over her head. The liquid is steaming, threatening to burn through anything in its way.
“Are you out of your fucking mind, Christopher?” she shrieks. “Let me go!”
A wild animal dying to escape the zoo it’s being kept in. That’s what I am. That’s the rage that’s spilling over.
“Listen to me,” I hiss above her. “Because I won’t warn you twice.”
She’s desperate to escape when I tilt the cup a little bit more, whimpering from fear.
“If you ever hurt her again, I will destroy you. I can’t kill you. I can’t leave, and I can’t hurt you beyond repair. But I will make your life a living hell, do you understand?”
“I’ll end your dad.” The venom in her voice freezes my blood, but I don’t release her.
It’s right here, the madness that bubbles when it comes to Ella. Protecting her and defending her is more important than breathing.
“Remember one thing, Megan. If you unleash the Circle on my dad, you will have nothing to hold over my head anymore. And do you know what’s dangerous? A man who has nothing to lose. So choose how often you use that threat. I’m staying with you. I initiated you into the Circle. Your hand is the one I hold on campus. You did it, babe . You have all the girls thinking you’re the one I chose, all the smoke and mirrors you wanted. Now leave. Ella. Alone. ”
To make sure she understands how serious I am, I pour burning coffee right next to her head. She screams even though it didn’t touch her.
I know this is stupid, but sometimes when it comes to Ella, I act stupid. The only advantage I have over her right now is that I took her by surprise. But once the fear and shock have passed, she’ll remember there’s not only my dad she can threaten. There’s Mom and Juliette. She understood very quickly how close I am to my family and how much I love them. That I moved back here so I could support both of them.
Megan’s controlling behavior won’t end after this, but at least she’ll know that sometimes there are repercussions.
I wasn’t planning on letting her go so soon, but the front door ringing doesn’t give me much of a choice.
We both freeze, my eyes going toward the kitchen door.
“Clean up,” I order as I finally let her go.
Please, let it not be anyone from her family. Daddy’s little girl will throw me under the bus on any occasion.
Stopping by the entrance hall mirror, I rake my fingers through my hair, making myself look presentable. I brush down the sleeves of my light-blue button-up and take a calming breath. That woman and her family will be the end of me.
But it’s not Megan’s dad standing behind the door. It’s another man who is ready to annihilate me.
“Luke.” If he was observant, he’d notice my short inhale and the way I almost choke on air from seeing him here.
He looks too angry to discern anything.
“We need to talk.”
He pushes in, and I let him.
“I know what you’re thinking, and I’ll fix it,” I lie as I follow him inside my own house.
We almost bump into Megan as she walks out of the kitchen, and my best friend doesn’t even acknowledge her, going straight through the hallway and into the large living room where we usually hang out .
“What am I thinking?” he growls, as he finally turns around to face me. “What will you fix?”
“Ella—”
“Was meant to be protected from this.”
I need to pause for a second. Calm means control. Control means power.
“Luke,” I say evenly. “I don’t know how she got an invite to the initiations. All I know is that she was there.”
Turning away from me, he pulls at his hair. Ella does the same thing when she’s angry. And when he starts walking around the room, it’s further proof of that.
“Do you know how many times the Circle offered me to marry her in? How many times I refused? What, for her to end up as a fucking wh?—”
“Don’t.” It’s a complicated thing to make it look like I’m not even more pissed off than he is when he’s about to call his sister a whore.
Call your sister whatever you want.
But don’t call my girl a whore.
He catches himself, realizing what was about to come out of his mouth.
“What am I supposed to do?” he rasps.
I won’t lie. Guilt tightens my chest when I think of what I’m about to put Ella through, but excitement’s teeth bite into my soul. She’s in the Circle now. There’s nothing Luke can do about it. And I can play with her however I want.
I fight to keep steady on my feet. “You have my word that I won’t let anything bad happen to her.”
“Like I had your word the Circle wouldn’t get their hands on her? What’s your plan now?”
He’s pacing again, looking like he wants to kick something. I would let him if Megan wasn’t so insane. If there’s something out of place, she’ll take it out on the house personnel.
“I didn’t have the power I have now. But I’m initiated. I’m a Shadow,” I explain. “I’ll make sure no one touches her.”
And for once, I’m not lying. No one will touch her. Except me. I’ll be touching her. I’ll be keeping her so busy no one else will get a chance to even approach her.
He’s almost panting when he finally stops, looking at me.
“I’m sure Megan loves the idea of you defending Ella. Her jealousy must take it well.”
I can’t help it. The second her name is mentioned when it’s unnecessary, my heart hardens. I’m an empathetic man, but not for her. I feel nothing but contempt when it comes to that woman. It’s so obvious who my heart belongs to that I could never feel anything more than contempt for my current fiancée.
“Megan doesn’t matter.” And before I know it, the words have escaped my mouth. “I wish I was marrying Ella, believe me?—”
The silence swallows the air in the room. Luke doesn’t react well to shock. He needs time to process things. And I’m not used to fucking up. Yet I keep doing so when it comes to Ella.
Eyes narrowed into slits, he tilts his head to the side. “What did you just say?”
I chuckle, pretending this is no big deal. If I have to gaslight my best friend, I will. And it’s probably the most innocent thing I’ll do to get her back.
“I meant, if I’m forced to marry someone to enter the Circle, and if it had been a way to save Ella from this current situation, I would have done it. ”
“You told my mom you wouldn’t. Keep it that way.”
“Of course. But when I said that, it was because we were trying to stop Ella from initiating altogether. The situation is different now. And if one of the solutions would be to marry her, and Megan wasn’t part of the picture, I would. All I mean is, I’ll always help in any way I can.”
“Absolutely fucking not. You wouldn’t marry her even considering the new situation. Because I wouldn’t let you .”
It’s rare to see such coldness coming from Luke, but it’s not surprising when it comes to Ella. She means everything to him. In a family where no love is being passed around, they held on to each other like their lives depended on it.
“Luke, this is ridiculous. You’re telling me if there was no other option to save your sister, you wouldn’t let her marry me to save herself? Your family?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. My warning still stands. None of you fucking touch her. Last option or not.”
I can’t help but notice he’s the second Baker to tell me this. And it’s starting to hurt my feelings. In fact, hurt my feelings is a rather small thing to say when someone tries to snuff out the hope I have to get Ella back. Rip my heart out of my chest would be more accurate.
“I understand.” I didn’t know a simple lie could feel like chewing glass. “If you don’t mind, I have to leave for class. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
I never wanted to feel distant from my best friend. I never wanted to manipulate him. All I ever wanted was to love his sister in peace.
No one is letting me love her in fucking peace.
It’s unfortunate that Ella will forever be paying for something she has no control over. She can’t control how much I need her to breathe, and she can’t control that I’ve always been too much of a coward to tell her brother. My mood was already horrible when I walked into Reeves’s undergrad class on this nightmare of a Monday, and the only person who can ever make me feel better is her. Problem is, I don’t believe she wants to.
When I have to witness her leaning against a desk with her ex—or whatever she names this one since I’m the one who always gets called the ex —so close to her he’s probably breathing the exact air that comes out of her lungs, I know my beautiful girl isn’t going to like my reaction.
Matias Roberts is some random jock-like lacrosse player who kissed her in front of everyone when he tried to make things official.
I know a few other things about him.
He’s twenty-one years old, broke his wrist when he was seven, has two younger sisters, got two concussions from lacrosse since he started college, majors in biology…and apparently walks into classes he doesn’t attend before they start. Just so he can talk to a woman who doesn’t belong to him.
Interesting, since I thought she was done with him. But that’s her problem. She’s too forgiving.
“Christopher,” a voice calls out right behind me. “Hey.”
Unfortunately, today I can’t pretend I’m even interested in talking to someone else, so I ignore them. There’s a woman I need to warn against flirting with other men. Especially men she slept with before. Consequences could be dire. I make my way to the desk Ella is leaning against while she talks to Matias, a satisfying rage simmering in my blood. I told her no other men. How many times can I say things calmly before it’s time to teach her a real lesson?
Should I cut off his hand for the simple fact that he just wrapped his fingers around her biceps to squeeze twice? What kind of reassurance does she need that I couldn’t give her? None. I can give her anything she wants.
I take my time walking, trying to catch some of the conversation as I approach.
“I can try to talk to her, Els,” he tells her, sounding like he’s trying to be reassuring. “She can’t do this to you.”
“She can, and she did.”
It’s easy to recognize when Ella is a split second from dropping the mask. Her sentences shorten, and her smile almost trembles from her muscles straining.
“You were captain,” Matias adds. “It’s so unfair.”
“Class is about to start,” I say evenly, but inside my pocket, I’m playing with the pearl I always keep on me. It keeps me steady.
Matias barely gives me a glance before going back to his conversation, but Ella isn’t listening to him anymore. Her eyes are stuck on me.
“You should go.” Intriguing me, her voice gets quieter. She scratches her throat when she realizes. “Reeves will be here any minute now.”
He reluctantly steps back. “I’ll see you at the Xi Ep party tonight, right?”
“I hope so.” She smiles at him…and I hate it.
I watch him roll his shoulders back as he strides away, attempting to stand taller. It’s hard to stand any taller than me.
“Funny that the other guy you were dating got his kneecap shattered, and this one isn’t even scared to flirt with you in public. ”
She crosses her arms over her chest in that I’m the ruler of this school way she does so well. Cute. When she acts childish, I like to pull a strand of her hair like a schoolboy with a crush. But I can’t today with everyone around us. Megan might have only been here for a few weeks, but she’s got eyes everywhere. Unlike Ella, she’s the kind to reign over a place with terror.
“We’re not going there today, Chris. You don’t get to pick who I date.”
“I absolutely do. You don’t date anyone.”
Throwing her blonde hair over her shoulder, she shakes her head. “Delusional much?”
I get closer to her, too close for the public eye. Tapping the desk she’s leaning on, I nod to myself.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Checking how sturdy your desk is since I’m going to sit you down and fuck you on it the second this lesson is over. Make sure you keep that in mind during the whole class.”
Her mouth drops open, and I take my time observing the blush creeping up her face. How beautiful. A work of art.
I’d love to keep playing along. To go back and forth and let her pretend I don’t make absolutely any decision I want when it comes to her. But I notice her mascara has run slightly, and the tip of her nose is red.
“You cried. What’s wrong?” It’s more than I can handle. I’m not controlling my body when my hand caresses her cheek. The one that doesn’t still bear the mark of Megan’s hit.
“Are you insane?” she hisses and looks around us. “Step back.”
I only listen because it would hurt her more if I didn’t.
“Tell me what happened. Is it because of yesterday? ”
My hand twitches to touch her again. I can’t breathe when she’s unwell. It eats me from the inside, crawls up my neck. I worry.
“I don’t want to talk about yesterday,” she snaps. “I want to lock it in a box, put it at the back of my head, and never touch it again. You all disgust me.”
Fair. The Silent Circle isn’t exactly a gentleman’s club.
“I understand the reasons why, but it’s not exactly healthy to?—”
“Tell me it was you.”
I can feel my eyebrows lift so high I might have to catch them.
“Me?”
“In that room, after the initiations. It felt like the way you would…play. But I don’t know. He didn’t…” Her gaze darts to the side, and her cheeks blush as she hesitates to talk.
“He didn’t what?” I ask softly.
“Smell like you. Fuck, I’m stupid. My mind’s a mess after yesterday, and I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”
My heart races, hope feeding my ever-growing infatuation.
“Are you upset because you wish I were the Shadow who kept you at the temple last night? Wondering if I’m mad about that since you know I told you not to let anyone else touch you?”
Her eyes narrow. “No,” she hisses. “You’re my ex, and I fucking hate you.”
She really has an inability to lie to me, and it’s kind of cute. It suits her.
Squaring her shoulders, she juts her chin. “Yesterday, and all it entails, is not going to hurt me because I decided so. Powerful men abusing women? Kinda used to that. ”
“So what is it?”
Does she really think I’m going to let this go and not get to the bottom of why she was crying? I’ll dig to the center of the earth if I have to. Because what if someone hurt her?
“I got kicked off the cheer team. They elected a new captain and voted me out entirely.” She says it in a rush, like she wants to give me what I want and get it over with.
For a second. I have to pinch my lips not to smile. The woman was chased through a maze, but she decided that wouldn’t get to her. Cheerleading, however, is making her eyes shine with tears.
She went through a lot yesterday. And I have no doubt she’s currently projecting her anxiety onto something smaller than the reality of her situation. And even if she wasn’t, I don’t care. It’s important to her, so it’s important to me.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she grits out. “What’s cheerleading?”
“I’m not?—”
“Being captain of that team is the only thing I’ve ever achieved. It’s the only thing I worked hard for and that actually led me somewhere.” Her voice breaks when she adds, “And now it’s gone.”
I hate that she feels that way about herself. She’s so beautiful, smart, and talented. I would give anything for her to see herself the way I do. But she never listens when I try to change her mind about herself.
“What happened? Why did they vote you out?”
“Don’t you follow Hermes on the SFU app?” she sneers. “They posted about me again. Said I knew about my dad’s parties. Apparently, I’m not a good image for the team.”
Something twists in my stomach .
I do have that stupid, toxic account. How was I meant to keep an eye on her while I was away otherwise?
“Do you want me to talk to the new cheer captain? I’ll tell her she’s making a mistake. I can be very convincing.”
A short laugh bursts out of her. “Could you not act like a dad about to defend his kid from the high school bullies? It’s weird.”
“I act like a man who cares. I know you didn’t have a lot of that growing up, but it’s not as uncommon as you think. And you’re allowed to let it happen.”
Her eyes narrow, but she’s a queen who’s had to deal with people throwing jabs at her more often than not. “Find someone else to feed your pathological need to care .”
She must notice the way I lick my lips. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until her eyes dropped to my mouth.
“But, Sweets. My pathological need to care goes hand in hand with your daddy issues.”
With an eye roll, she doesn’t deny it. “Fuck off.”
“I will in just a second. I have one last question.”
She cocks an eyebrow at me.
“Are you already wet imagining being fucked on this desk? Be a good girl and don’t make a spot on the chair, will you?”
This time, she completely ignores me, but there’s not much she can hide from a man who’s learned everything about her.
Like the way she shifts her hips the second she sits down. Or the way her eyes don’t come up to meet mine anymore. She focuses on taking her notebook out of her bag, her tablet, and Reeves’s terrible book about criminal law. That man is the biggest fraud to walk this college. He was born into the Circle, initiated the second he turned eighteen, and has been demanding favor after favor since then. It’ll come back to bite him in the ass.
I believe it already did when I threatened to tell the board he sleeps with students unless he left Ella to me after the initiations.
I’m the one who covers his lesson today. He was called by the Circle to work on the case of a Shadow who got too handsy with one of his housemaids. Those men have access to a pool of Aphrodites, and they still manage to put their filthy hands on unwilling women.
Like the parties Gerald Baker would organize. He wasn’t only a pervert who paid younger people to be his and his friends’ sex toys. He also roped his innocent daughter into it and threatened to take her down with him if she went to the police. Him and I talked extensively about this when I told him to leave her alone. He didn’t listen, unfortunately.
Unfortunately for him.
Everyone is surprised when I start the class. I can only work on a case I studied in first year. I don’t have the knowledge or experience to do much else, but most of these guys won’t pass their LSATs anyway.
Watching Ella squirm every time I walk a little too close to her table is a thrill that makes me giddy. If I’m close enough to smell her perfume of vanilla and lavender, then I’m close enough to make her feel how much I want her.
She knows what I smell like too. I could sigh lovingly remembering that. He didn’t smell like you .
They all have to hand in an essay today. I stand in front of my desk as they form a line, piling them up on the old furniture. When Ella hands hers over, I grab it right away, pretending to read some of it. I don’t even lift my eyes when I say, “Ella, could you hold back.” There’s no justifying myself. She does what I say because she doesn’t have a choice in front of everyone. An authority figure asks to talk about her essay. She listens.
But the second they’re all gone, and the door closes, she doesn’t have to behave anymore.
She sprints for the door without looking back. The tiny thing has nothing on me, though. I catch her before she reaches it, but for the sake of it, I fist her hair from behind, and push her until she’s against the door.
“So close,” I rasp in her ear. “We have to be quick, Sweets. Next class arrives in ten minutes.”