Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Ella
Wrong Direction - Hailee Seinfeld
I gulp, my eyes widening to the point they might bulge out of my head. I can’t feel my legs, and I slide to the side one inch at a time, slowly trying to get myself out of this situation before he can notice.
His hand slams against the wall right next to my head, and I jolt, my eyes squeezing shut.
“You didn’t,” I rasp. “You didn’t kill my dad.”
“Your naivety is taking over again,” he says in a low voice. “Your dad was a nuisance at best, an abuser in reality. I warned him countless times that the closer I became to being a Shadow, the more he was at risk of losing his pathetic life if he didn’t start changing his behavior toward you.”
I shrink, refusing to look at him as I search for a way out. “Luke…you wouldn’t do this to Luke.”
“Luke helped me, Ella.”
My pulse thunders as I reach for my phone in my pocket, panic overtaking me. My own brother wouldn’t do this to our family. I’m searching for his number before Chris snatches the object from my hands.
“He knew.”
“Let me go,” I pant. “I want to go home.”
“You need to listen.”
“Please,” I whimper. But my refusal to look at him earns me a deadly grip on my jaw until the back of my head hits the wall and I have no choice but to face him.
“Your dad is the reason we’re in this hospital room. He’s the reason I’m stuck with Megan, and he’s the reason you were abused and roped into those sex parties. Your brother agreed with me. And now he’s gone.”
I knew it. I knew my father hadn’t killed himself…but I could have never imagined this.
“I bet my life my brother didn’t agree until you manipulated him into it.”
I try to shake my head, but his frustration shows in a tighter grip. He pulls out his wallet and takes something out, putting it in front of my eyes.
It’s a card I know too well. A Christmas card that my father had me distribute to some members of the Circle last Christmas. Almost a year ago.
My father was a board member, and every year, he was in charge of sending members the confirmation that they were invited to be part of the Circle for another year. No membership is for life; everyone must keep proving their use or they’re at risk of being kicked out. Unfortunately, being ‘kicked out’ often means worse than they think. You better be useful once you’re in, or your life is in question.
The card had a simple message, and Chris shows it to me.
“Remember this?”
I nod so slightly I wonder if he sees it.
“You took this from my bedroom,” I rasp. My throat is so dry. Every attempt to swallow makes me want to be sick.
“I did.”
Regret still tastes bitter from letting him into my bed last Christmas. So bitter it burns a hole through my stomach.
“Read it, Ella.”
I don’t read it out loud. But I do read it.
Merry Christmas to you
Relish a new order
A new year awaits if you wish to stay.
Looking back up at him, I observe the quiet fury burning in the amber of his eyes. A fire that wants nothing but to destroy everything. He does nothing about it. He simply says:
“This wasn’t some random Christmas card or your usual invite to stay in the Circle. It was a call to murder.”
“What—”
“Look at the first and last letter of each line.”
Suddenly hating the way he talks to me like a teacher to a struggling student, I throw him a glare before focusing on the card again, this time on the first and last letter of each line.
M. U. R. R. A. Y.
It takes me a second to swallow the news. My wide eyes dart to the bed next to us, and this time I feel like I’m in way over my head. What could Thomas Murray have possibly done to betray the Circle?
Reading the surprise on my face, he explains, “He refused to protect the men who participated in your father’s parties anymore.” He doesn’t even look away when he adds, “Including your father.”
I wrap my arms around myself, my body stiffening as my brain overworks. “Was your dad’s place within the Circle to protect the members from the police?”
Chris’s dad is a defense attorney for high-profile cases. He works with celebrities, didn’t use you be in Stoneview much, but he definitely had contacts in high places within the police.
“It was, yes. And he told him to stop those parties, but your dad refused. So he said he would stop looking out for him.”
“So, he’s the reason the police were looking into my dad. He didn’t want to protect him anymore. Rightly so.”
“Yes. And when the time came, the Circle pinned it all on your family.”
He relaxes his grip, but he doesn’t let go, sensing my urge to run away is still present.
“Ella, I broke up with Megan last Christmas. I didn’t lie. When I came to your house, I was not with her anymore. I saw the card on your desk, and I understood right away. The Shadows were going to kill my dad for not wanting to do his job within the Circle.”
And I remember Eugene Duval telling me the man who had gotten my dad in trouble had been punished accordingly.
I feel his behavior shift, his shoulders dropping. “Megan’s family is incredibly influential in the Circle. Enough that they could save someone’s life should they decide to. I messaged her, and I asked for her help.”
His grip turns to a flat hand on my cheek, and I don’t think he’s trying to stop me from running anymore. He’s seeking comfort .
“She said she’d help me. That she’d talk to her family and save my dad. That’s why I went back to her.”
“What happened?” A part of me feels horrible for him, even though I hate that part with a passion. “She said she’d help you, but clearly the Circle went for your dad anyway.”
Taking a step back, he sucks in a long breath. I can’t stand the defeat in his eyes, and he can’t stand me seeing it because he drops his gaze. “She helped me for a while…but this…” His gaze darts to the hospital bed. “This is how she punishes me.”
My eyebrows shoot up to my forehead.
“P-punishes you?” I hesitate.
He looks me in the eye again, digging so far into my soul I don’t trust myself not to melt right on the spot.
“Every time I do something she doesn’t like, my dad suffers.”
“She set the Circle on your dad?”
“He ended up here in the first place because she stopped telling them to leave us alone. It was August, the day before I tried to call you. I told her I wanted to leave her, and he ended up here in a coma. Poisoned. A couple of weeks ago, Reeves told her about us sleeping together. The doctor accidentally gave him the wrong dose of medicine. And today…I don’t know. I’m thinking she heard about me being at your dance lesson.”
“Oh my god,” I gasp, feeling like I might be sick. “Who…who does that?”
“Ella…”
“We’re doomed. You knew we were doomed all along. You’re stuck with her because if she doesn’t threaten your dad, she’ll threaten your mom or Juliette! It’ll never stop. You have to protect your family. You…you.” I can’t even say it. “You murdered my dad. ”
Everything becomes too much. I’m overstimulated by every single sound that comes out of his mouth and the feeling of his skin on mine. I don’t recognize those reactions to him, and it brings a new wave of unwellness barrelling through me.
“Listen to me?—”
“Let me go. I’ll scream, staff will come. Let me go, Chris.”
“Please, I need you to have faith in me. I’m going to get away from her.”
“You spent weeks trying to get me back, knowing that we would never ever be together again. Wake the fuck up! You’re going to marry her because you don’t have a choice. You belong to her.”
He gets closer to me, if that’s even possible. His lips are a hairbreadth away from mine.
“An arranged wedding doesn’t count, Ella. Do you think I touch her like I touch you? Do you think I even touch her at all ? Do you think my heart aches when I’m away from her? That I’d ever do anything to salvage my relationship with her?”
He does something I would have never expected from him. Chris. My Chris. The almighty man who lives for control…falls to his knees.
“Do you think I would get on my knees for her and beg her to trust me?”
My heart is beating so fast, I feel dizzy. The room is reeling, and I can’t focus my eyes on anything else but the man in front of me.
I struggle to take in a breath, my lungs tightening. “I’m scared of you,” I admit in a barely audible voice. “Of the things you make me feel.”
“Don’t be.” He buries himself against my stomach. “ The things you feel can only be a fraction of my love for you.” As he presses his ear against my ribs, I understand what he’s doing. Listening to my heartbeat.
“When your heartbeat picks up, mine is already racing.” He looks up at me, pressing a hand against my chest. “When your lungs feel tight from the overwhelming love between us, mine are crushed.”
The light reflects the passion in his gaze, and I feel the urgent need to fall to my knees.
“When your mind begs you to let go and let it happen, mine is already far down the rabbit hole. You will never love me like I love you, Ella. It hurts, and it gives me false hope. It drives me insane and pulls me back every time. You can’t possibly ever feel the same way. But I’ll take anything you give to me.” He takes in a shaky breath. “ Anything, please . ”
But that would be insane. Because anything is impossible. He’s stuck with her and I… I will always be the dirty secret. Or his dad could die.
So I break our hearts for both our sakes. There is no need to hope for the unattainable. Chris’s manipulation and lies to have me will never stop. And Megan’s schemes won’t either. She wants him. She has proven countless times that she will do anything to have him. Hell, she’s destroying me by pretending to be Hermes and attacking me through the account.
I’m the one who has to put an end to this madness.
With tears burning the backs of my eyes, I push him away by the shoulders, refusing to look away from the heartbreak translating on his beautiful face. He falls back, sitting on the floor. The man, who was once as strong as the wall of Troy, now crumbles like a house of cards.
And I walk away .
He doesn’t follow.
He doesn’t say anything.
I can only breathe again once I’m outside the hospital, but I’m moving on autopilot. If I don’t stop, I’ll crumble. In my daze, I bump shoulders with someone, mumbling a sorry before their voice makes a chill run down my spine.
“Always where he is, aren’t you?”
My head turns to stare at Megan with so many emotions going through my mind I can’t even find one word to express them.
“So…” She takes a threatening step toward me, and now that I know so much, I wonder how much I should fear her. “You’re on the list.”
“I am.”
It feels strangely good to stand my ground in front of her. And I’m not doing it because I will fight with her over Chris. I lost that fight a long time ago. I’m doing it because she’s an abuser, and she hurt someone I…love.
“You know he’ll never leave me, Ella. You’re only hurting yourself by hanging on.” She talks the same way an older sister would. Like she’s giving me advice on a toxic man she’s trying to protect me from.
“And you know forcing someone to stay with you doesn’t really mean they’re yours. You can’t blackmail someone into loving you.”
She snorts, rolling her eyes like it’s a chore to talk to someone as clueless as me.
“It’s funny coming from the girl who has no idea how badly she’s being manipulated. The only reason Chris managed to keep you wrapped around his finger is because everything hurting you comes from him.”
“Excuse me?” Now I sound really dumb .
Smirking, she crosses her arms over her chest. “You have no idea half of the things he’s done to keep you within reach. You should thank me for keeping him. I’m saving you a lifetime of toxicity, trust me.”
“And you have no idea what you’re talking about,” I hiss, even as my stomach churns in warning. “You’re a pathetic, abusive bitch who met him once he was already heartbroken from our breakup. You took advantage of him and the Circle threatening his family. You know nothing of the man he truly is. Whoever you brought back with you from Yale is not him. You don’t know him .”
“God, I almost feel bad for you. You’re so na?ve. Do you really believe your problems started when he came back? They started when you let him into your life. If you think the way I act is insane, start asking yourself about the things he did. It didn’t start this year.”
She leans down to look directly into my eyes. “His stupid, pointless obsession with keeping you close started well before you even went to SFU. Don’t believe me? Let’s see, do you think you never got into Juilliard because you weren’t good enough? Or because someone who could ask the Circle for a favor had your application denied? Someone who wanted you in a college where they knew people, where they could keep an eye on you. Where they could be close to you every time they came back to Stoneview? That shit didn’t start with me. He was always a psycho obsessed with you.”
My eyes bounce between hers, looking for something. A lie. The truth. I don’t know what I want. Frustration grows within me, and I shove her back.
“You’re fucking crazy,” I snarl. “Stay the hell away from me. ”
I don’t want to run and show her she’s won, but I walk faster than I ever have.
I can’t breathe, thinking of the things she said. Chris would never do this. Yes, he’s been acting irrational since transferring to SFU. And that’s not something I’m willing to forget so soon. But he didn’t…he didn’t plan my whole life behind my back. He would never. But then again…he just admitted to killing my father.
I walk for a while, not wanting to wait for a taxi right where Megan can reach me. It’s a small lane through the forest. I need the silence, the fresh air of the evening. I need to feel the pieces of my heart shattering and scattering into the wind. I must never forget that every time I let Chris close, the pain crushes me to dust.
Night has fallen, only a line of dark blue lingering on the horizon. It’s only when I can get out of my own head that I look for my phone to order a taxi and freeze.
Chris still has it.
Fuck.
Turning around, I know I have to walk back to the hospital, but it’s too hard to move after what happened. I can’t go looking for him.
I’m stuck, hesitating on the spot until a blacked-out SUV drives toward me, stopping right where I am. I step off the road, walking backward toward the forest as two men get out. A terror like no other grips me. I know this isn’t good. That eerie feeling that has been following me for weeks is back.
“Aphrodite,” one says. “You failed to commit to your duties.”
I put a shaky hand in front of me. “Don’t come closer.”
“Your presence is required at the temple, and you will suffer the adequate punishment from the Shadows. ”
“Wait.” I step back as one of them approaches with a syringe. “Wait, please. Help!”
He’s too quick. A prick at my neck and the forest is blurry a few seconds later. And then everything disappears.