Epilogue
Ella
Call My Name - GRAHAM, Henrik
S ix months later…
“That’s okay, try again.” I smile encouragingly at Olivia, helping her put her hands properly in front of her for first position. “That’s it, you’re doing amazing.”
She doesn’t say anything. She never does, but she’s becoming so much better every time I see her. Our one-on-one lessons have really paid off. Her parents keep coming back saying she’s asking for more and that the hour we spend together every Friday afternoon keeps a lot of her breakdowns at bay. The only fact that she’s here, doing something without her twin, is a huge step for her.
The alarm on my phone rings, and I run to turn it off.
“That’s our time,” I tell her softly. “Let’s go check if Mommy is waiting outside. ”
I walk proudly out of the studio. Since I’m back studying dance as a major, I’ve been enjoying the rehearsal space whenever I want, and I was over the moon when they accepted my special request to teach Olivia one-on-one. The more I was teaching kids, the more I understood this is what I want to do.
I don’t want to deal with the anxiety that comes with competing, whether it be cheer or ballet. I don’t want the feistiness of the girls going for the main roles in the shows we’re performing. And even less in the shows outside of college.
I love dancing, but what I love the most is sharing it with others and seeing them thrive like I do from their growing passion. My dad must be turning around in his grave knowing I not only went back to a career he thought unstable, but also that will never make me the kind of money he would have expected. But fuck him because I love it.
Olivia runs to her mom’s arms the second we walk out of the studio.
“How was she?” Kayla asks me, holding her baby girl tightly.
“She’s amazing.”
She smiles to herself. “She really is.”
“Bye, Olivia,” I exclaim, waving at the little girl who completely ignores me as her and her mom walk out. “See you next week!”
I pick up a call from Peach as I exit the building half an hour later.
“ Last SFU party of the year, baby. What time are we pre-gaming? ”
“I’m not sure,” I say as I walk toward the humanities building, past it, and then to the parking lot. “I have to go somewhere, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. Or if I’ll be back tonight.”
I play with the pearl necklace I’m wearing, rolling a pearl around the string. I finished it myself all those months without Chris. It was like a part of him was still helping me heal while he was staying away from me.
“ Um…will you be back at all? You’re not running away or something, are you? ”
She’s referring to me leaving without telling anyone over Christmas break. I didn’t want to spend Christmas at the family house, and I didn’t want to be in Stoneview knowing Chris was there. What I really wanted was to be in New York City, to see what my life could have been like if I had gone to Juilliard.
I spent a week among the tall buildings, walked in the freezing cold, then entered the stuffy subway. I tried to imagine being married to some middle-aged Shadow here and came to the realization that not only do I hate the city, but I would have hated it a lot more if Chris hadn’t stopped me from going there so my dad could marry me off to his CFO. And then I returned to the same usual problem: Chris should have run it past me.
That’s all my brain has been doing these last months. Oscillating between knowing some of his decisions were good, some bad, but that every single one of them was aimed toward getting us together without my knowledge. And every time, I have to purposely tell myself that even if it was everything I wanted, to be his, I should have a say in it.
I sit in my car and grab his journal out of my bag. I can’t seem to stop carrying it with me everywhere. I read it all the first night he gave it to me, almost calling him right away and telling him I choose him. But that would have been running back to my old ways .
As humans, we find such comfort in our toxic habits. It’s not just the obvious ones like smoking cigarettes or cutting. It’s the more subconscious ones. Loving someone who doesn’t deserve us. Putting our happiness on the line to please others. Letting our dark thoughts take over because they feel familiar.
It’s an everyday conscious decision to do everything in our power to be happy, but down the line, it’s worth it. And staying away from Chris for all these months was my own way of showing myself I could try my hardest to be happy without my toxic habits. I stopped cutting, I stopped forcing myself to be the girl everyone loves, and I focused on the things I truly wanted to do. And of course, I kept my ex out of my life.
For once, he was respectful enough to stay away. To not contact me, to not mess with my life so he could be in it. It’s funny how once we weren’t studying the same thing, we didn’t see each other that often. Not in the Law and Humanities building, not at parties, not at sporting events. Turns out, once the man stopped following me everywhere, it was easy to avoid him.
The hardest was his father’s funeral. All I wanted to do was run to the front and wrap my arms around him. But I stayed back with my mom while my brother hugged his best friend in front of his father’s grave. And that’s where I’m going now.
When I park in front of Stoneview cemetery, I open the journal again. Two pictures come out. They’re both from our high school years. Selfies we had taken together when we were alone. In one of them, we’re kissing, and in the other, I’m kissing his smiling cheek so hard my face is crushed against the side of his head.
We look so silly and happy.
I open to the first page, and it’s a note to me. The one I know by heart.
Dear Ella,
Someday, I will show you this. All the notes I made for you so you can see yourself through my eyes.
I hope then you’ll understand why I can’t stop thinking about you.
I flick through the journal for what feels like hours. Note after note about what he thinks of my eyes, my skin, my dancing skills. Of the way he sees my body and my mind. Of how impressed he is with me that I have a passion I can’t let go of. There are notes from the night I told him I wouldn’t be with him if he was my last option. Notes from the days he was assisting classes.
It's all there. His love and obsession for me.
It’s crazy to think that for a while, I was writing to him often, little sentences here and there, but that I never showed him how much I missed him. We did the same thing for each other without knowing for so long.
And the last one still brings the strangest feeling through my body. A mix of excitement, honor, and a pull at my heart.
If I ever give you this journal, remember the day they tried to keep me away from you. And remember I crawled home to you. I will always come home to you.
No matter how far Chris decides to stay, and however long he gives me, that string will always pull us back together. And I’m ready to say that to him.
I know he’ll be at his father’s grave because he’s there every Friday after class. Luke told me. But today, my heart falls.
He’s not here.
Out of nowhere, I’m hit with how badly I wanted him to be here. The graves around me start to spin, fear of having truly lost him freezing my blood. My knees hit the grass, and I struggle to take a breath. And for the first time in months, my hand reaches for my thigh. I scratch once, but it feels wrong.
I’m hurting, but I don’t want to hurt more. No, if anything, I want Chris to make it stop like I know he could.
I drop the flowers I had brought to his dad, reaching for my phone in my bag. I’m panicking, vision blurry. What if I lost him forever? What if he’s moved on because I made him wait for too long?
I press his name on my phone, and it rings once before he picks up.
“ Ella .” He’s whispering, barely pronouncing his words like he doesn’t want anyone around him to notice he’s on the phone. “ I’m in a quite important meeting, is everything alright? ”
“I…” God, I suddenly feel so stupid. “I’m hurting.” There could not have been a worse time to do this. “You once said I should call you if…I was…I wanted to hurt myself. I’m so sorry, this is ridiculous.”
There’s the scrape of a chair, mumbled apologies to people around him. I hear him say he’s got an emergency, and then a door.
“ Where are you? Don’t move. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I just have to get on the jet. ”
“What?” My chest tightens. He has to get on a jet?
“ Where are you? ” he insists.
“At the…at the Stoneview cemetery. I came to see you…but you weren’t there.”
There’s the sound of an elevator ding. His voice cuts off when he speaks.
“ Okay? ” is all I hear.
“I don’t know what you said, but you don’t have to get on the jet…where are you?”
“ Do not move. I’ll be there in less than five hours. I’ll stay on the phone the whole time .”
I bring my hand to my forehead, pulling at my hairline. “Wait, Chris, you don’t have to do any of this…”
“ Talk to me .” In the background, I hear busy streets. “ What made you call me? What hurts? ”
“I feel stupid talking about it,” I admit, now playing with the grass around me.
“ That’s okay. We can talk about something else. Did you have class with Olivia White today? ”
“Of course you’d know about that,” I snort. “Been spying on me?”
“ Always. But I learned to stay away, didn’t I? ”
“Yes.” And I hate it , I don’t say. “Class with Olivia was nice. She’s doing really well.”
“ I’m so glad. Are you happy that you’re dancing every day? Because I am.”
My heart skips a beat, and I can’t help a smile from spreading on my face. “I might have no future, but I’m so happy.”
“ You happy is all that matters, Sw– ” The way he cuts himself from saying my nickname is like a stab to the chest.
This is still real, the fact that we’re not together. That we’re friends, but that’s being generous. I hate the feeling it brings me.
He asks me more questions about my life in the last six months. Tells me that he and Luke speak, but they’re not on the best terms. Still, he’s confident he’ll make it right to him. The background noise changes from streets, to a car, to streets, to the busy noises of an airport.
He hangs up for barely a minute when he boards the jet, saying he’s switching to the plane’s Wi-Fi, and he calls me back right away.
“ I was with him, ” he carries on, talking about my brother. “ He had a meeting with some investors for his new company. People he knows from LA. No one from the Circle, thankfully. He wanted me to be there to pretend he had some kind of lawyer with him. ” Chuckling, he adds, “ I don’t know how wise it was to use a law school student, but at least it means he still trusts me. ”
“You left a meeting with my brother’s investors to fly back to me?”
“ He should know by now you come before everything else. ”
“Chris,” I groan. “He’s going to be fuming.”
“ More than when he buried me alive? ”
I laugh bursts past my lips, and I feel bad about it for a second before he joins me. Then a silence stretches, and I fill it with a question that’s been on my mind for months.
“The Circle…how can you forgive them for what they did to your dad?”
“ I will never forget, and I will never forgiv e,” he explains calmly. “ The Circle will get what’s coming to them. But you know what they say about your enemies. ”
I acknowledge his ominous words with a simple nod he can’t see, my eyes darting to the grave again. “You didn’t cry.”
He knows I mean at the funeral.
“ I had to be strong for Mom and Juliette .”
“Even Rose and Jake cried,” I add, feeling the emotions come back. “I did too.”
“ Then I guess I had to be strong for all of you, ” he chuckles.
I wipe a single tear falling on my left cheek. “I’m sorry,” I sniffle. “I feel like such an idiot. I just… Did you rest at least? Did you take the time to take care of yourself? I’m worried for you.”
He huffs, and I can imagine him resting his head on the seat of the plane, closing his eyes and opening them again. Maybe even massaging the back of his neck.
“ Do you want the truth? Or do you want me to reassure you? ”
“The truth. Please, only the truth from now on.”
“ I had too many things to grieve in the last few months, Els. I don’t think I had a chance to truly process any of them. I lost you, my safe space. Of course I didn’t cry about my dad’s death. Because I lost the shoulder I could cry on. And it’s my own fault .”
I don’t even know what to answer him. He’s right. All of it is right. So, he quickly changes the topic. We talk for hours on end about many things I never thought I’d ever talk to him about again. Our favorite time to go to the gym at SFU, complaints about our courses, my favorite ballet moves, the ones I’m struggling with the most. We talk about his law essays, his mom, Juliette and her grades. We even talk about our favorite memories together.
“ Do you want to tell me what was hurting you? Why you wanted to make it physical? ”
“I hadn’t done it in months,” I defend weakly. “I’ve been doing fine.”
“ It’s okay. Focus on the progress you made until now. You have to forgive yourself when the darker thoughts creep in. I’m so proud of you for not thinking about it until today. ”
Facing his father’s grave, my problems become minuscule. At least I’m alive. I take a deep breath, feeling oxygen bring more life to my body as I finally tell him the full truth of why I called.
“I’m here. I came back to you. Because I want to and not because you forced me. Because no matter how fulfilled my life can be without you, it’s completely meaningless. I came back and you weren’t there. I thought I’d lost you forever. That’s what hurts.”
“I’m right here.”
I jolt, looking behind me from where I’m sitting on the grass.
He’s standing right here, the May sun reflecting in his caramel hair, his wide shoulders stretching a white button-up. He’s holding the backpack he traveled with. My God…did we talk on the phone for five hours?
His amber eyes light up with joy when he sees me.
“Ella,” he exhales, like he’s been holding his breath for the last six months.
He takes me in his arms the second I stand up. It could be seen as a friendly hug, but now that I’m touching him, I remember there’s never been any friendship between Chris and me. We are star-crossed lovers, and there’s no other story for us than the one where we love each other forever.
The only question is, will it be together or apart?
He eyes the flowers I brought on the grave, and he thanks me, standing a step away from me. I can still feel the excitement emanating from him. He’s desperate to touch me, hug me…maybe even kiss me.
I feel like a teenager with a crush. The same way I was in high school when he would talk to me or give me attention. It changes from the anxiety mixed with passion we’ve been feeling around each other.
“I like the necklace,” he says almost shyly.
My hand automatically flies to it. “Thank you.” And as I roll a pearl around the string, my eyes go to the hand in his pocket. He’s doing it too, playing with a pearl to try to keep himself calm.
I lick my lips, not liking that after going through so much together, we’re almost scared to cross the final line. So, I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him until his head rests on my shoulder.
“Here,” I croak, trying to hold tears back. “You’ll always have my shoulder to cry on.”
Pulling me into him, he hugs me hard, and I don’t hear a single sound from him, but I feel the dampness on my skin, and so I stay silent, caressing his head and then his back.
The embrace becomes painful in this position, his huge body swallowing me whole. But I let him. When he finally pulls away, he wipes a hand across his face.
He takes something from his pocket and brings it to my lips. A love heart candy. I take it, smiling like an idiot, and he watches me, face close to mine.
“Say it,” I rasp, excitement mixing with the longing.
“I’m going to kiss you.”
“Do it.”
His lips capture mine in a deep kiss. It’s like we’ve never kissed before. Like we waited forever for it. The love heart candy dances along our tongues, and my arms wrap around his neck .
I never want this to end. Not the kiss, the feeling of belonging to someone so perfectly. The sensation of knowing you have found exactly what you need. Care, protection, a best friend… love.
When we pull away, he smiles at me like holding me in his arms is all he’s ever wanted to do.
“You’re my world, Sweets.”
“And you’re mine. I’ve known since high school. I knew when you came back. And I knew when you decided to give me time. You’re the one who had to be taught a lesson. I already knew.”
“Six months,” he rasps, but a smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. “You tortured me for six months, huh?”
“You deserved it.” I look around us, knowing nothing will be able to last if I don’t bring this up. “So. Am I going to be your Hera, now?”
He runs a hand behind his neck. “If we want to be together…it’s not something we have a choice in. I’m part of the Circle. I have to have a Hera, and I don’t want anyone else.”
When I don’t answer, he takes both my hands in his.
“We’ll take it very slowly. No marriage, nothing until you’re ready. You’ll get a necklace, I’ll get a new signet ring, and after that you’ll never have to go to the temple again. You’ll never have to deal with them. I promise you.”
It’s a strange feeling that goes through my being. Something I didn’t expect. I’m not…worried. I’m not anxious about it. Chris is part of the Circle. I’m part of him. It’s as simple as that.
“As long as I don’t have to see any of them ever again after the ceremony.”
“You won’t,” he reassures me.
“And you won’t have an Aphrodite… ”
“Oh, Sweets.” Shaking his head, his hand comes to the back of my neck. “You deserve to be punished for even having that kind of thought.”
He bites along my jaw, up to my ear, and a moan sneaks up my throat. “What kind do you think you deserve?”
“Nothing too bad, I’m sure.” When I giggle, I swear his eyes basically glow as he looks at me. The longing there heals the persistent ache in my chest.
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see how you behave tonight when I take you to dinner. If you’re on time…”
He grabs my hips, pulling them to his.
“Does it depend if I listen well?” I purr. “If I dress in the clothes Daddy chose?”
“Hm, Ella,” he growls. “You’re going to be such a good girl for me, aren’t you?”
He pulls me up, and his lips crash on mine, devouring me.
“The best girl,” I pant between kisses.
By the time we get to my college house, he’s managed to work me up enough that I’m ready to beg with everything I have for him to touch me.
But it’s not going to happen, because my four best friends are waiting in the living room as we walk past, calling our names.
Achilles, Peach, Wren, and Alex look more serious than I’ve ever seen them.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my hand automatically coming to scratch my chest.
Chris is silently on me, pulling it back and holding it tightly in his .
“Did you not check your college emails?” Alex asks, her worried gaze making me uncomfortable.
I shake my head silently.
“A dead body was found on campus. It’s Ania Livingston.”
My heart drops. Ania was a close friend of ours at Stoneview Prep.
Our phones all ring at once. The sound of wings moving through the air. Pulling out my device, I unlock the Hermes notification. It’s a screenshot of the campus security email saying the body of Ania has been found on campus this morning.
I’m back, babes.
And I have secrets. Secrets that will take one of you down…
I know who killed Ania Livingston.
Who’s excited for next year to begin? I’ll be seeing you in September.
And remember…
Your secrets are safe with me.
Until they aren’t.
The end.