Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Peach
Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless
I tap my pen repeatedly on my notebook. I can't focus. I can't focus. I can't focus. All I can focus on is the fact that I can't focus.
Two days. It’s been two days since I’ve initiated, and all that’s happened so far is that Wren is having the time of his life telling me what to wear under my uniform. He’s been busy going back and forth between the temple and campus, so I haven’t even seen him since we were both in my room.
This morning, I got a text from him while I was getting ready.
Wren: I watched you sleep last night, with one leg hooked around your covers. Those shorts you wear make it hard not to touch you. Black looks so good on you. Wear that black lace thong today.
I could hear the lustful rasp in his voice as I read it, yet I couldn’t get myself to realize how creepy it was.
He breaks into your fucking room, Penelope.
He watches you sleep.
Definitely creepy.
"Peach."
I startle, looking up at Ella and Alex.
"Can you not?" Ella says tightly as her eyes go to my pen. "We're all trying to work here."
She's annoyed with me. Not because I'm stopping her from focusing too, but because her boyfriend told her I went to the initiations. Because I have a bruise on my cheek, right at the corner of my mouth, and a cut on my lower lip. Both of which we can't explain to Alex. Both of which made her worry to death.
The only thing that reassured her is the fact that Wren is my Shadow. Wren . What a joke.
I haven't told her about the murders. If I say too much, she'll ask more questions. I still haven't told her why I went to the initiations. What Hermes has on me. That's why she's so mad. She knows I'm keeping things from her.
Alex observes me silently. "I still can't believe you got so drunk you walked into a wall."
I offer her half a smile, the best I can do. "Yeah. The hangover felt as bad as I look."
Her brow furrows, and she shakes her head as she looks down at her notebook. "Sure."
Alex, too, knows I'm lying to her. Because why wouldn't she? The three of us have been best friends since kindergarten. First, there was Wren. Then, Alex. They're the first people I met when my dads brought me home from the orphanage. It was just before I turned six, and after spending three months with only my dads, I met Wren and Alex on the first day of kindergarten. Ella was a year older, so we became close later.
It breaks my heart to keep them at a distance, but it also feels overwhelming to share everything that’s happened. So, I stay in this limbo and hate myself in the process.
Ella's eyes stay on the lotus flower necklace around my neck. She wears the same, and we both acted surprised when Alex pointed it out. I hide mine under my uniform shirt and look back down at my notebook.
I'm dying to ask her a million questions, information I'd rather get out of her than Wren, but she's no help. The second I asked her about what happens to Heras on a daily basis, she shrugged.
I wouldn't know. Chris doesn't treat me like one and doesn't include me in anything regarding the Circle. It didn't change anything in our relationship; we just didn't have a choice but to initiate me as his Hera if we wanted to be together.
I look at the notes I'm working on following Professor Lopez's feedback. I need to at least finish a third today, but everyone’s concentration takes a hit again when all our phones vibrate.
"Oh no," Ella murmurs.
"Who wants to look?" Alex asks.
"I will," I say in a rush. I’m terrified of what Hermes could put out. I listened, so they have no excuse to air out my dirty laundry, but I’ve still been on edge.
It’s not about me. But it’s somehow linked to me anyway. The picture is of police cars parked by the library building. Reading the caption, I’m assuming that was last night.
Another body discovered on campus…
One of you is thirsty for blood and isn’t scared to leave traces.
Josh Addington’s body was found behind the library last night, and if campus security hides it from you…I WON’T.
Do we think he forgot to return a book he borrowed? We all know how strict Mrs. Davis is.
#byebyeJosh #murdererontheloose #SFUishidingthingsfromyou
"What the hell?" Alex says. "That’s horrible. Peach, wasn’t he in a lot of your classes?"
"Yes," I rasp.
He also assaulted me during the initiations. And two other men have already died for that. It’s just that no one knows about them.
"That’s the second student from SFU who shows up dead," Ella murmurs.
My heart palpitates. This one doesn’t say he was found with Scrabble tiles down his throat, but I know he was. After all, Caleb died because he upset me. Josh hurt me .
When I look up, Achilles and Wren are standing right behind Ella, books in their hands, clearly ready to join us.
“Did you guys see what happened?” Ella asks.
Wren’s knowing eyes don’t leave me. Beside him, Achilles gives me a smile, and I don't need more to understand that Wren got him up to date.
My cheeks burn from the idea. I don't like that Achilles now has an image of me kneeling at Wren's feet to prove my devotion. Nor do I like the fact that he knows his best friend is offing people whenever he feels like it.
Achilles sits down at the end of the table. "The campus and the police are bound to say something at this point. That’s two students."
"Exactly what I was thinking," Ella agrees. "We’ll at least hear from SFU."
I feel myself pale. If the police get involved, what does that mean? How protected are we now that Wren and I are part of the Circle?
Wren sits next to me, and the first thing he does is press his lips to my cheek before putting a possessive hand at the back of my neck. I stiffen as Alex's eyes widen.
"What the hell?" she squeaks, barely holding back her excitement. "Is it happening? Are you guys…together?"
Well, she quickly forgot about Addington.
Her eyes lighten with happiness, and I stand up so violently my chair falls back, earning more eyes on us. Fuck. I’m. On. Edge.
I shake my head. "We're not."
"We're not?" Wren chuckles. "Want to try that again?"
I narrow my gaze at him and push the words past my gritted teeth. "We're not."
Ella watches me with shock slackening her face, and Achilles mumbles to himself. "Someone is going to be in trouble."
"Shut up, Achilles." I ignore Alex's confused face as I slap my books shut. "I've got a headache. I'm going home."
I stride out of the library, hugging my books to my chest and ignoring people's gazes—more specifically, Mrs. Davis's, our librarian.
I'm in the dimly lit hallway of the library building when I realize Wren’s following me. I press on, refusing to look back. I'm wearing high-heeled Mary Janes, and I hate the way the click against the stone floor picks up. I hate even more that I accelerate, as if I'm scared of him.
"Peach, you're going to make this worse on yourself," I hear him call out calmly.
I'm not scared of him. This building is just creepy in general, and there's a murderer behind me. Plus, I'm mad at him, and for once, I don't want to confront him about it. I just want him to leave me alone.
But I must be seriously stupid if I think I can get out of here without him catching me. I can see the old wooden double doors leading out of the building when he grabs me by the elbow. He pulls me back so harshly, I drop all my stuff, and I'm between him and the cold stone wall before I can even catch my breath.
The walls in here are so old, I feel stone dust fall in my hair when he puts his forearm above my head. His other hand is still holding my arm, and all I have left to defend myself is to glare up at him.
Smiling like this is his favorite game, he tilts his head. "Come on. I thought chasing after you was a thing of the past now."
"Let me go before someone finds us like this."
"Change your tone with me before someone finds you on your knees with my dick so far down your throat you can't breathe."
My mouth drops open, his words tugging something in my stomach. Actually, lower. Way lower.
I swallow thickly, and he arches an eyebrow, waiting to see if I have a retort. Waiting to see if he can put his threat into action. I've seen Wren with people he doesn't like. People he doesn't treat like me. He only warns you once.
"I—" I take a deep breath, softening my voice. "I don’t want people to think we're together."
He snorts. "You bowed to me and promised loyalty and obedience, Trouble. We're past 'being together.' You quite literally belong to me."
"In the eyes of the Circle," I correct him. "Not…not for real."
His face falls. "For real ?"
I turn my head to the side, desperately holding on to the illusion that the Silent Circle isn't real life.
"Hey, hey." His hand leaves my arm for my face, grabbing my jaw and turning me back to look at him. "There’s nothing more real than the Circle, do you understand? I'm not saying this about us, I'm saying this about life. There’s nothing above them. No law, no politician, no god . For your own good, never forget that."
"Fine," I snarl. "We're together. Happy? I can say any words you want to appease you. But God knows, you're going to be the most frustrated boyfriend who ever walked this planet. Your dick is going to feel so fucking lonely, Wren."
"Interesting of you to say that," he says proudly. "Because my cock doesn’t feel so lonely when you come hard around it."
His eyes shine with delight, and I don’t have a foot to stand on if we’re going to stay on the topic of his cock. I did have sex with him twice now.
"Well, I'm telling you, on this campus, I don't want anyone to know about us. So step back."
"You're a funny one, Peach. There are dozens of women at SFU who would die to be in your place. Even you've admitted reciprocating the attraction. But you just want to stick to your idea of independence, don't you?"
My heart stops, and I look right into his eyes. "It's all I have."
His breath is the only indication that he's still present with me. His chest is so close to mine they're almost touching.
"In this place, it's all I have. We're from a town where people want to stick a label on you. Everyone reduces everyone else to a few words, so we can all fit into a box in their narrow minds. Alex is reduced to a goody-two-shoes, Ella the queen bee. Achilles is the devil. You're the best at everything." I take a trembling breath. "And I'm the independent, strong headed girl who insists she can survive this place all on her own."
When he just keeps searching my eyes, I hate myself for it, but I insist, "Please. My freedom is all I have."
"You mean being the girl who pushed me away for as long as everyone can remember is all you have. The reputation of turning me down, the rumors that you're the only thing I can't get, that's what you love. That's what you call your freedom."
He's right. Somewhere along the way, I associated refusing to give in to him with my entire personality. I lost track of whether I liked Wren or not, because I was too focused on turning him down at every turn. Because it was more important to me to show everyone else that I stuck to my decision than be the girl who gave in. Even if that could have meant being with the only man who’s special to me.
I think he's right. I think I'm the most stubborn woman I've ever met.
"Yes." My admission surprises him. "Maybe that's it. Still, it's mine. After everything that happened at the initiations, this is all I ask for. To not admit to the entire college…hell, the entirety of Stoneview—because word will spread, and you know it—that I gave in. Because then I won't be Peach, the strong girl, anymore. I'll be Wren Hunter's girlfriend. Just more proof that you get anything you want."
He tightens his grip on my jaw, and for a second, I think he'll never give up. For a second, I think there's nothing remaining of the Wren I once knew, the friend who would have done anything for me, and that all I have in my presence is Wren the Shadow. But then his grip softens, and he does this thing again. He kisses my forehead. I noticed that's what he does when we argue.
He's done it a lot over the last few days.
"It breaks my heart that you see yourself so one-dimensionally," he rasps. "You're more than a reputation or a label. You're human, Peach. My favorite one, as it just so happens. Don't do this to yourself."
I pretend the declaration flies right over my head, even though my heart feels like it's melting in my chest.
It doesn't matter.
This isn't what I want to hear, and he sees it, because he says, "I won't tell anyone, and I won't act differently on campus." His gaze hardens before he adds, "But one wrong move, and you can kiss your independence goodbye."
I nod. Fake freedom will do until I get the real one back. I can deal with that.
"Wren," I say shakily. “Did you… Josh?" My heart pounds harder, anticipating his answer.
He shrugs. "Probably."
I knew it. He doesn’t remember when it happens. I understood it the first time he admitted he thought he killed Caleb.
"You don’t remember, do you?" I insist.
"I have my ways to know."
"That’s what those little pieces of paper are for. So you can remember."
Smiling at me, he kisses the top of my head. "Such a smart, pretty girl."
The fact that I didn’t fuck up calms me, but he’s done with the topic. And he flips me around, my cheek now pressed against the wall.
"Pull up your skirt. I want to see if you listened," he growls.
He leaves a small space between us, so he can look down, I'm sure, and he doesn't pull my skirt up himself. No, he wants me to show I can do what I'm told. And now that he accepted my request, I need to execute, don't I?
My stomach tightens, knowing that anyone could catch us. If someone walks out of the library, they'll see me showing my black lace underwear to Wren Hunter.
Fisting the hem of my skirt with one hand, I pull it up to my lower back.
"What a good girl," he purrs in my ear. "Mm, the way your ass looks in those is better than I could have imagined. Keep your skirt up and bring your other hand between your legs."
For a few seconds, my brain tries to convince me I didn’t hear him right. I hesitate for too long, and his grip on my hips tightens.
"You heard me. I do you a favor, you do me one. Put your hand in your pretty thong and feel if you’re wet for me."
My heart palpitates, my thoughts stuck on the fact that anyone could walk by at any time.
"You can’t order me around all day every day, Wren," I whisper, hoping he’ll see reason.
"It looks like that’s exactly what I’m doing. One of us has to be in control in this relationship. And you know me, I never relinquish control. You…well." He laughs softly. "You already have, baby. Now, tick-tock."
Technically, even if someone was walking past us, they would only see me against the wall, not really what I’m doing…
I slide my hand beneath my underwear and almost startle when I feel how wet I am. Is it because he manhandled me? The control? The mix of those things and the soft kiss on my forehead? I don’t think I understand myself anymore.
"I want you to taste yourself," he murmurs.
My cheek burns hot even though it’s still pressed against the cold stone wall. He can’t be serious? But then again, a part of me would be disappointed if he wasn’t.
"Bring your fingers to your mouth, taste how I’m making you feel, and I’ll let you go."
Slowly, I bring my hand up, and before I can think it through, my trembling fingers are moving past my parted lips. I close my mouth and swirl my tongue around my middle and index fingers. My eyes shut tightly, not used to the way I taste, but Wren’s thumb caressing my hip relaxes me.
Especially when he adds, "There’s something about you, Penelope, that drives me crazy. I’ve spent years trying to pinpoint what it is, and to this day, I still fail. All I know is you make me lose my sanity, baby."
He breathes me in and finally releases me. The first thing I do is take my fingers out of my mouth. I let my skirt drop back into place, and he helps me turn back around slowly.
Just like that, I'm free to go. He picks my books up off the floor and hands them back to me.
"I have to travel for a week. The Circle is sending me away. Me not being on campus doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want. Behave and you won't get in trouble when I come back."
I can't hide my surprise. He's leaving? For a week? That's a long time away when he just flipped my life upside down. No one can understand what I'm going through anymore, and that’s his fault. How can he just leave me?
I keep the disappointment in my chest and ask something else instead. "What is it for?"
"Why do you sound disappointed? I thought you'd like a bit of time away from me."
Scratch that, I didn’t hide the disappointment that well. This man reads me like an open book.
I shake my head. "I like it," I lie.
He licks his lips, his gaze dropping to my mouth. It’s like he’s wondering if he could taste me too. He's going to kiss me. I can see he wants it so badly he can barely hold himself back.
My heart accelerates all over again, feeling stuck between panic and anticipation. I can't breathe.
And then he pulls away.
"When I come back, I’ll take you on a date so we can have some quality time together. In the meantime, behave," he says before walking back toward the library. There's dejection in his voice. Like he didn't get whatever he wanted. But I didn't move, didn't stop him. He could have kissed me.
Fuck. I think I wanted him to kiss me. That man drags me through misery and then says the most honest words I’ve ever heard. He says I'm his favorite human . I want to be someone's favorite.
I want to be Wren's favorite.
My brain is in overdrive as I step outside the building. Rushing down the few long steps, I cut across the grass. I want to get home and away from everyone as fast as I can.
I bump harshly into someone, stumbling back, and a voice calls out my name.
"Peach, are you okay?"
Elijah's voice grounds me. I look up, and the weight of everything that's happened becomes unbearable. I want him to take some of it. Eyes filling with tears, I swallow thickly.
"I—" I'm cut off by a sob sticking to the back of my throat.
I'm about to pour my heart out when I notice the woman next to him. Camila Diaz is holding his hand. She's a few years older than us and went to Stoneview Prep too. Her mother is a famous celebrity defense attorney, but she’s mainly known for defending rich criminals. And her father is the biggest developer on the East Coast. She's a postgrad now, who used to be the President of Xi Epsilon, the sorority I'm somehow still part of despite never showing up to anything. She left when she started her Master’s in Architecture.
"I've been trying to call you all day," Elijah insists.
I shake my head, blinking at Camila. "Uh…are you two…" That's when I catch the necklace around her throat, the one with a lotus flower pendant. My eyes automatically go to Elijah's hand. He's wearing the signet ring.
"Fuck," I huff. "You're everywhere," I murmur as I look back up at his face.
Camila pulls my necklace from under my shirt. " We're everywhere, honey."
"Peach," Elijah repeats. He’s clearly attempting to keep me in the present as my ears start ringing. "I tried calling you. Many times. Why aren't you picking up?"
"You didn't," I mumble, feeling like my soul is starting to detach from the situation.
Reality is too harsh right now.
I unlock my phone and show him my phone log. His name is nowhere to be seen.
"What the hell?" he says as he grabs it. "I fucking knew it." He taps on the screen then shows it back to me. "Your Shadow blocked my number."
I snatch my phone back, unblocking Elijah's number right away.
"Motherf—" I let out a short shriek, losing my mind and unable to keep it together. "He doesn't even have my password!"
"He's obsessed, Peach. He can guess it easily."
"I'm not stupid. It's hard to guess," I defend.
Elijah cocks an eyebrow at me, insinuating my naivety. "He knows you inside out. The man has no other hobby than studying you. What's your password?"
"The date my dads picked me up from the orpha— Yes, okay, I see it."
"Fucking psycho," Elijah murmurs to himself, but we all hear it.
"I have to go." I take a step back, needing to breathe from everyone connected to Wren or the Circle.
"Wait, wait. We need to talk about everything. Your face. Did he hurt you? I need to know you're okay."
"I'm not okay," I spit out before striding away.
I can't do this.
I rush home, throwing my stuff on the floor before diving into my bed and under the covers. I already have a few texts from Elijah, telling me we need to talk, asking me to spend time with him, that he's here for me. Only the last one gives me hope.
Elijah: Camila is having a party tonight at her house. She's a few doors down from you. Lots of people are going to be there. Come and we'll talk. Nothing can happen to you in front of so many people. Not even Wren will risk it.
I need to spend time with someone I trust. If I want explanations about all this, shouldn't I go to the man who didn't trick me into going to the initiations? Who didn't blackmail me into being his Hera? Who, on the night, was about to help me, not force me.
I'm going to that party. Because Elijah's right. What's the worst thing Wren can do?