Chapter Twelve #2
Cair knelt next to the tub, his sleeves rolled up his arms and his hair tied in that messy bun that never failed to stir feelings in me. He had deflected my attempts to entice him into the water, saying there wasn’t room, but I’d have sat in his lap if it meant we could be closer, and I could have the skin-to-skin contact I craved.
Ever since I’d come back from the dead—I’d never get used to saying that—it was as if there was a thin sheet of film between us. I could get close, but never close enough, and I wasn’t satisfied with the innocent cuddles and touches. Cair was distancing himself, somewhat, never truly letting his guard down, even when we were alone. On more than one occasion I’d sensed his desire and the flare of his possessive instincts, but each time, despite my eagerness, he’d stifled it, clenching his fists and willing away the hunger. He’d even leave the room whenever I fell asleep, like he couldn’t stand being beside me all night.
At first, it was probably because he didn’t want me wasting my energy on anything other than healing, so he took himself out of the equation to be a gentleman. Which, understandable and appreciated. But it had been over a week , and though I was still a little unsteady on my feet, I felt physically and mentally fine. He’d tried indulging me where he could, with chaste kisses and caresses, words of praise, but those reassurances seemed rehearsed in comparison to what he used to shower me with, and it would never cross the line into sex.
Which was what I was missing.
It wasn’t even about the act itself, but more so the intimacy, the togetherness. The love . I needed to be one with my mate, to go back to how we were before and feel the chemistry that used to be so easy for us. I needed to feel wanted by him in every way, to feel the proof that we were as unbreakable as I believed we were, but he wouldn’t take that leap. It was hard to ignore.
I’d wondered if the temporary snap in our bond had shaken our foundations, stripped everything bare, and naturally, created a slight drift. Or was it deeper than that? Had Cair finally come to the realization that being my mate was too much of an inconvenience? That I was too much of a liability, too dependent? It would explain his reluctance, the emotional avoidance, and his faraway stare whenever he looked at me now, but… no. No, he’d never think that, and I had to stop wandering down those dark, never-ending paths.
He loved and adored me more than anything, he cherished the ground I walked on, and I could still feel it even without the physical proof.
Couldn’t I?
“What’s troubling you, sweetheart?” Cair asked, concern creasing his brow. “Is the water too cold?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to deny everything. To shake my head and smile like I wasn’t gagging to tear his shirt off and ride him until that bridge between us was mended, until I knew for sure that I wasn’t the problem. But what came out was a small and desperate “Kiss me.”
There was a brief flicker of hesitation on Cair’s face, but it disappeared as fast as it had come. He wrung out the sponge he’d used to wash me and set it aside before reaching out. I sat up, tangling my fingers in the hair at his nape, and surged to meet his mouth before he even had the chance to get halfway. He made a startled sound in his throat, but recovered quickly, one of his hands coming to rest on my cheek as the other found my hip, squeezing gently.
I groaned against him, licking over the seam of his closed lips until they parted for my exploration. It was gratifying to hear Cair’s snarl at the first taste of me. Heat gathered in my belly as his fingers flexed against my hip and his tongue thrust forward, hot and seeking, like it was too intoxicating not to.
Growing bold, I trailed a hand from the back of his neck down to the deep vee in his shirt, my fingers dipping inside to brush bare skin. Cair drew back, breathing heavily, his jaw flexing in warning. “Luca…”
An involuntary shiver ran through me, the sound of him growling my name going straight to my cock. “I want you inside me,” I gasped against his lips, taking his hand in mine and slipping it under the water, pressing the heel of his palm to my hardness. “Do you feel how badly I need you? I’m aching, and so empty, I can’t stand it.”
Cair made a sound as if pained, shaking his head in weak protest. “It’s too soon.”
“No, no, it’s not. I promise it’s not.” I spread my legs and guided two of his fingers toward my hole, all while peppering desperate kisses along the tense line of his jaw. “I need it, Cair…” Kiss. “Please don’t push me away anymore…” Kiss. “I need?—”
“Shhh, I know.” He nudged the tip of my nose with his, a sympathetic look on his face, my pleas seemingly resonating. “I’ve got you.”
Contrary to his words, he slid his hand out from under mine, ignoring the broken little whine that escaped my throat. He shifted to the head of the tub before hooking an arm around my waist and urging me to lean back against his chest. His large frame bracketed me, his shadow looming in the water. My belly tightened. “Touch yourself.”
“What?”
His breath fanned my ear, and in a low, commanding voice, he whispered, “Take your pretty cock into your hand and stroke yourself for me.”
I swallowed thickly, biting my lip as I tentatively curled my fingers around my shaft, the embarrassment tinging my skin a deeper shade of pink. There was no finesse to my movements, not when his gaze was boring into me, making my heart pick up speed and my brain blank out. How the fuck did I used to touch myself? I rarely needed to anymore, not when I had a mate who was always ready and eager to give me earth-shattering orgasms—a program he was apparently abandoning tonight—so I just did what seemed natural. I fisted my dick with the goal of getting off, quick and sloppy, heedless of the water sloshing against the walls of the tub and splashing my chest.
I straightened my legs out, my toes curling, hoping the tautness of my muscles would spur on the usual coil of heat. There was a dull hum of arousal building, and I clung to it, but it wouldn’t rise any higher. It felt good, but not the same kind of good that would leave me boneless and sated. Not the kind of good Cair could give me. It was scratching an itch at best, a release for the sake of it, instead of for pure pleasure. It wasn’t what I needed, and I didn’t know how to?—
“ Slower ,” my mate encouraged after a moment. With a relieved sigh, I obeyed, relaxing into a more leisurely pace, my grip loosening. “That’s it, sweetheart. Swipe your thumb over the ridge under the tip. I like how it makes you shudder.”
I blindly followed his instruction, and before I could even process the faint zing of sensation, my nerves were acting of their own accord.
He chuckled darkly.
“There is no part of you that I am not familiar with, sweet boy. I’ve memorized every single reaction. I know exactly where to touch and caress to make your body sing for me. For instance, there’s a spot behind your ear that draws out such a delicious little keen when I flick it with my tongue.” He demonstrated, proving himself correct when my lips parted and a near-silent shrill tumbled into the humid air. “Or if I graze my fingers over the apex of your thigh, your cock twitches and drips.”
It was feather-light, the way he brushed the crease at the top of my leg. And it was instantly obvious how my length swelled obediently in my hand, a dribble of precum trickling from the slit.
“Your breath will hitch as I trace the cords in your neck with my fangs.” Those sharp points swept along my sensitive flesh, and on cue, my next exhale caught in my lungs. “And if I draw slow circles around your nipple, your back arches, chasing more of that ticklish sensation.”
It was as if my body was no longer my own. It was all his , an instrument that only played its tune for a master musician. I had no control over myself as he plucked at my strings, and no choice but to ride out each note and surrender myself to the melody.
I was completely and utterly at his mercy.
“You’re so responsive,” he praised me, giving my chest a gentle squeeze, eliciting another stunted gasp. “And I’ve never known anything so beautiful.”
The sultry purr of his voice had fire surging in my veins and goose bumps prickling my skin. He wasn’t even touching my cock, but with the way his words stirred the very air around me, I could imagine a phantom grip slotting over mine. It was a tease, but not for sport. He was realigning my senses, anchoring my attention to one spot at a time and heightening the pleasure, making me feel . He was lighting me up from the inside out, reminding me that I was alive, and everything I’d felt before hadn’t changed.
Exactly what I needed.
With a shaky moan, I let my head loll onto his shoulder, displaying my neck for him to mouth at my thudding pulse. I felt vulnerable, being laid completely bare for him as I jerked myself off, but that contrast in power rekindled the spark of lust I’d been aimlessly tracking before. Being surrounded by his bulk comforted me, had my head floating into the clouds and everything unimportant fading into the background.
“You like being on display for me, don’t you, my heart?” Cair murmured, perceptive as ever, and it would have been a total lie for me to do anything but nod.
“Yes.”
He hummed, the vibration dancing over my collarbone. “Does it feel good being in my arms, having my full and undivided attention on you as you touch yourself?”
Another nod.
“Bend your legs for me, pet,” he prompted, and I heeded him without a second thought. “Now open them a little wider… There you go.” He kissed my temple in approval, and I melted into it. “Being in that position makes you come harder.”
His large hands trailed across my wet torso, traveling downward. I watched as his fingers smoothed over every inch he could reach—my chest, my belly, my thighs—before he repeated the movements with the same tender reverence. My balls hugged the base of my dick, but the lazy bob of my hand wasn’t enough. It kept the flame at a low, simmering burn: a sparkler instead of a firework. I screwed my eyes shut, listening to the bathwater match the sticky squelch of my strokes, feeling the rise and fall of Cair’s chest against my back, and centering on each spasm and tingle, no matter how subtle.
But I still couldn’t come.
I groaned, twisting my wrist on the next upstroke, my grip firmer. “I need more.”
“I don’t think you do, sweetheart,” he rumbled. “I think you’re going to be good for me, and fall just like that.”
I whined in frustration, the head of my cock starting to feel raw and too sensitive. I readjusted before rocking my hips upward, picking up the pace again, but Cair’s hand splayed over my lower stomach, pinning me to him. The strength in his arm made it impossible for me to move even an inch.
He nipped at my throat.
“ Slow . Down .”
My gut clenched at his demanding tone as I tried to settle back into the steady pace. My arm ached with the repetition and my breath came in quicker, sharper pants, filtering between the needy noises climbing up the back of my throat. My legs squirmed restlessly, my skin was too hot, and tears pricked at my eyes.
The pleasure was right there , but I just couldn’t seize it.
“You’re doing so well,” he cooed. “That’s it, keep your hips steady and slide your hand up and down. You don’t have to do anything else, just let go.”
“Can’t you put your fingers inside me?” I asked, pleaded more like, but even that wouldn’t make him budge.
He shook his head before kissing my cheek, his tongue darting out to catch the tear rolling down my face. “As soon as you’re better, I’ll take you until you cannot speak,” he promised. “I’ll fuck you anywhere you wish, as fast and as hard you wish, but not tonight. Tonight I want to admire you, my heart. I want to see you make yourself come.”
“I can’t,” I snarled. “It’s not enough. I can’t, I can’t?—”
Cair latched onto my throat without warning, sucking harshly and replacing my babbling with a shameless, hiccuping whine. His fangs pierced the skin, and the unexpected sting had my free hand scrambling for purchase, nails digging into my mate’s arm. I was suddenly so close it was startling. The tip of my cock blushed a violent shade of red and my stomach was knotting, but I needed one last shove to fall over the edge.
“P-please let me come,” I outright begged. My thighs were trembling with the effort of not thrusting helplessly into the confines of my fist. My muscles strained, my back bowed. “Tell me to come.”
I felt Cair’s smirk against the stinging bruises, his tongue soothing the ache. “You’re stunning when you beg, sweet boy,” he whispered. “This is what you needed, isn’t it? To be reminded of how good it feels to be mine . To be shown that nothing, not even a cruel error in fate, can change it.”
I nodded frantically, sobs flowing freely. My orgasm sat at the base of my cock, waiting to be dragged up. Every single nerve inside me was wound tight. “Cair…”
“Go on then, little one,” he purred, his hand snaking back up my torso, clamping my nipple between his thumb and forefinger before twisting the rosy bud. A hint of pain… “ Come for me .”
Finally— finally —it hit me, that soul-rending crest I thought I’d never reach. I wept as my muscles locked up, and rush after rush of pleasure and relief tore through me from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I barely noticed my cum spilling over my stomach and chest, or the water crashing over the lip of the tub as my vision grew black and starry.
A full-body tremor racked me, and I couldn’t find my balance. My chest was heaving, but I couldn’t catch my breath. Everything was swirling too fast, too high, and it felt as if I were drifting apart from my body.
No longer connected.
Desperate fingers threaded through my curls and tugged gently, angling my head until my neck craned backward. Another hand gripped my face, keeping me steady as lips devoured mine, deep and passionate, yet slow and deliberate. I wanted to twist to the side for a better angle, but I was rooted in place. All I could do was take each hot thrust of a familiar tongue, and drink down the air that was breathed into me, coaxing me back to earth.
Slowly, the fog cleared, and Cair released his claim on my mouth, drawing back just enough to bump our noses together in a gesture that, no matter how many times he did it, always felt more tender and intimate than the last. I floated back to coherency, able to appreciate the soft words he was murmuring into the sliver of air between us, sweet odes to his love and adoration of me.
My heart swelled.
“You with me, sweetheart?” he said, his voice piecing me back together.
“Mm-hmm,” I mumbled, my tongue managing to fumble over a simple hum, not yet able to form proper words. I was totally wrecked.
But in the best way.
He brushed my hair back from my eyes, the damp strands sticking to my forehead. “It wasn’t my intention to neglect your needs, sweetheart,” he uttered, the words tinged with apology. “I just don’t want to lose control. I can’t .”
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, clarity smacking me sideways, and I felt a twinge of guilt well up in my chest, dampening my glow.
Cair had suffered immeasurably watching me die and come back to life. Losing and regaining a mate in one fell swoop had flipped his entire system upside down. Of course he was hesitant. He wasn’t just scared to let his instinct take over in case he hurt me, he was downright traumatized, and there I was moving on too quickly and asking for sex because I was a selfish asshole and I’d yet again let self-consciousness rule me.
I was the fucking worst.
“’M sorry if I pushed you. I wasn’t?—”
“Shhh, you didn’t.” He tenderly kissed my eyelids one at a time. “Never feel guilty for having needs, my heart, or for asking me to fulfill them. I shouldn’t have distanced myself, but I could not think of another way to calm my instincts. Be assured that my wavering was not because I don’t desire to be with you in every single way. Believe me, I do , but I also need more time to regulate. All I ask is for a little patience before I take you completely.”
“I’ll wait as long as you need. I only thought…” I lowered my eyes to the water, cutting off the dumb worries spinning around in my head.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t know, I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same as before. That what happened put you off me, and I guess that worry took root and made me a little too desperate for affection. I didn’t even consider your feelings, or that you’d obviously need more time, ’cause once I entertained the possibility that you might’ve realized I’m not what you want anymore, I couldn’t let it go.” I released a self-deprecating laugh. “Sounds awful when I say it out loud. Stupid too.” Never had I wanted so badly to scoop out my brain and give it a shake.
Cair cupped my cheeks in his hands, demanding my attention as he gazed at me as if he was holding his entire world. “You are everything to me, do you understand?” he said, tears gathering in his dark eyes, his voice cracking. “You are the air that I breathe, the blood in my heart, and the spark in my soul. I cannot live without you beside me, Luca, and nothing—not one single element on this earth or beyond—will ever make that any less so.”
I blinked up at him, my vision blurry and the smile on my face shaking at the edges. Whatever insecure thought had been spiraling in my head vanished into the ether. I should never have doubted him, even for a second.
What was it I’d once said about us overcoming every hurdle together?
“How do you keep making me fall more in love with you?”
Cair’s lips curved softly, and this time, when he leaned in to kiss me, slow and deep, there was no barrier in the way. No uncertainty. No distance. We were just us . Two people, joined in heart, body, and soul.
Following the path to exactly how we were before.