12. Giada
Giada
Chapter twelve
How is this what my life has turned into? The entire drive, I was trying and failing to come up with a plan that would get me out of whatever insane deal my brother made with the Petrovs while continuously telling myself jumping out of a moving vehicle was not the way to escape this predicament. Yes, Luca took a huge risk in telling me who he really was. But to say the admission didn’t spark some sense of buried family loyalty would be a lie. Not enough to make me want to run and tell someone that he was an impostor and has been working against our family since he arrived at the estate seven years ago, though. I feel completely betrayed that he played his role for seven years and I still wasn’t sure of his true motivations for wanting to now be my knight in shining armor. The one he said he wasn’t and never would be when I was younger.
Luca finds a parking spot on the street. We look out of the dirty window of his SUV and read the time on the giant clock on the city hall building in Manchester. Nearly eleven in the morning. Guess I was right about this being taken care of before lunch.
Luca and I stare at the building, neither of us moving or barely breathing at this point.
“You ready to do this?” he asks. If I didn’t know better, I would swear there was a note of nervousness in his voice.
I turn to him in time to see him swallow roughly, staring at the building before his gaze flicks to mine and all traces of anxiety are gone.
“Promise me again you won’t use me against my family, Luca. I need to know you’re doing this only because neither of us can see another way out and not because this is part of some elaborate scheme to take down my family.”
Luca’s gaze softens as he stares into my pleading eyes. “Your brother will stop at nothing to take back control of Boston from my cousin and his father-in-law. I wish like hell it hadn’t come down to this, Giada, I truly do, but he’s using you to make an alliance with the Russians. I want to keep you safe. But you should know before we go in there your brother was involved with trying to hurt my cousin’s wife.”
Fucking Carlo. Using or hurting women has never been an issue for him. The fact he tried with Monaghan’s wife isn’t surprising, just incredibly stupid.
“Finn’s been looking for him and not to have a coffee and a chat. The Russians want to use him to get to Boston, and he’s willing to trade you for their help. This is the only way I can think of to keep them from making that alliance. I understand if you view that as using you, but this is also the only way I can think to keep you out of the Russians’ hands for good. It’s not like if Finn finds Carlo and the world is short another asshole, the Russians will let you go. Honestly, who knows what the hell they would do with you. But if you’re with me, if you’re my wife, my family will make damn sure no one touches you. You will have the backing of the entire Monaghan organization, regardless of who you’re related to. From what my cousin told me, my aunt takes marriage quite seriously. All of them do. Family is what’s most important to them.”
The sad part about what he just said is I have no idea how that feels. To me, family has always felt like a chain around me. Sure, it was under the guise of loyalty, but it wasn’t from a place of love for family; it was always about control.
I consider his statement and appreciate his honesty. But fuck, I’m still pissed as hell at him for lying to me, for springing this on me. I’m pissed I’m in this situation at all and that he’s right. I can’t run. Where the hell would I go? If my brother signed any sort of contract with the Russians, I’m as good as theirs. Not only will Carlo be searching for me, but I’ll most likely have the Petrovs on my tail as well. There’s no way in hell I’d make it more than a week on my own, not with all the people my brother and the Russians know.
But if I’m married, well, you can’t be married to two people at the same time. Any contract signed by my brother would be null and void. He’ll be pissed, but all I can say about that is too fucking bad. He thought I was going to roll over and do his bidding. If Luca wasn’t there with another plan, I most likely would have.
I open the car door. “No turning back now. They probably already know we’re gone. I may be pissed as hell you lied, and I hate how you came into my life. I sure as hell don’t trust the Monaghans, but I also don’t have another choice. It’s just another time where I don’t have much of a say.” The look on his face is remorseful that, once again, I’m put in a situation where everyone has control over my life. Everyone except me.
Luca jogs to catch up to me as I hastily make my way to the front door of city hall. As far as weddings go, I suppose it’s better than the one my brother or my father would have planned for me. Between the two of them, they would have been like peacocks showing off their fancy feathers, or in this case, they’d each be wearing wide sharklike grins, knowing my union to the husband of their choice would ensure a powerful alliance. I would’ve been expected to play the part of an excited and deliriously happy bride. It would have been a lie then just as it’s a lie now.
He opens the door, and a sign hangs overhead, directing us to where we need to get our marriage license. The sound of our footsteps echoes off the walls. I should feel as though each step I take is a step toward freedom, but I’m scared. Luca is a good liar. He’d have to be to have survived in this little undercover sting operation he was a part of. The thought crosses my mind for the hundredth time that this could be a ploy to get me under his control and use me against my family. It’s not the thought of destroying Carlo or my father that scares me; it’s what will happen to me when I’m no longer useful. But the thought of being given away to the Russians scares me more, and that’s what propels me forward.
Before we get in line for the designated counter for marriage licenses, Luca gently grips my elbow and pulls me aside.
“When all of this is said and done,” he says in a low voice, standing so close I have to tilt my chin up to look in his eyes. “I won’t expect you to stay married to me. I know you want out of this life and out of Boston. I won’t hold you prisoner, Giada.”
I nod subtly, too overcome with nerves to give him much more of a reaction. I’m afraid if I open my mouth now, everything will come pouring out. About how much of a crush I had on him when I was younger, that I used to dream of marrying him and of him running away with me like some sappy romance movie. Or that the last few months of being around him again, seeing him every day, made me wish things were different. My feelings for Luca never completely disappeared. What was once a teenage crush turned into something else in the last few months, at least for me. And for a time, I thought maybe for him too. Now, I’m going through my memory with this new information about who he really is, and it puts a different slant on just about every interaction we’ve ever had. The times he would stop himself from speaking. Was it because he wanted to come clean? To be honest with me because he didn’t want lies and buried truths between us? Or am I romanticizing a liar and a criminal because I’m desperate to have someone in my corner who actually cares about what happens to me?
I suppose his reasons don’t matter. He’s the lifeline I have to grab. We may not know what’s in store after we say our vows, but I sure as hell know what’s in store if I let Nikolai Petrov get his hands on me. I was right earlier in saying I’m choosing the lesser of two evils. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, there are no white knights or saviors in this life. But maybe Luca will take pity on me and stay true to his word, letting me go after all is said and done. Regardless of how terrified I am that I could be putting my trust in someone who has done nothing but lie to me for years, I’m not left with much of a choice.
The people in the line start moving toward the counter with happy and excited smiles on their faces. I suppose none of them are being chased by their deranged brother, who’s trying to trade her to another criminal organization for power and protection. This is probably one of the happiest days of their life, and under different circumstances or in a different life, it would have been mine, too.
“Come on, let’s get in line. The quicker we get this done, the quicker we can go see your cousin.”
Luca’s face falls a bit when he realizes I’m not going to respond to his promise of letting me go. He probably assumes I don’t believe him, and he’s right. I don’t. Not fully anyways. But his reaction is a step in the right direction because I want to trust him, naive as it may be. I want to believe his story is true and even though he’s lied for years, he’s at least being honest about this one thing. It’s all I have at this point.
The line moves fairly quickly, and before long, he has the license in his hand. The clerk directs us to the justice of the peace, and it’s another short wait for her to perform the ceremony. I can’t help but look at the two couples before us; both of the women are wearing white dresses as they stand to wait for their turn.
“I’m sorry you don’t have a dress,” Luca says, looking down at the jeans and sweater I hastily put on before leaving the house. Of course, he’s dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt, which is the staple uniform of the guards at my house. Well, I suppose it isn’t my house anymore.
I shrug. “Considering we’re running from my brother and the Russians, I don’t think it matters what I’m wearing in the grand scheme of things.”
“Fair point. Maybe I would have liked to see you in white though.”
“Maybe I would have liked to not have to marry you to save myself from a Russian psychopath and my brother, but here we are.”
Luca’s eyes drop to the floor and his jaw tics with frustration. He’s trying to make this better for me. I don’t think he regrets the decision he made to come to Boston years ago to avenge his parents’ murders, but I do believe he regrets my being pulled into this situation.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” I say, feeling a pang of remorse at my harsh words. “You’re risking your life to help me.”
“I understand, Giada, more than you could imagine. I know what it’s like to be lied to by someone you care about. I can’t expect you to trust me yet, but I hope I can prove to you I’m not here to hurt you or use you.”
“Maybe you can put that in your vows?” I joke quietly, lifting the corner of my mouth in a small grin.
Luca’s eyes brighten with my joke, a touch of relief in his gaze. “That might get a strange look from her.” He nods toward the woman standing behind the desk, watching as the couple in front of her share their first kiss as husband and wife.
There’s one couple in front of us, and when they get to the part where they’re exchanging rings, Luca looks at me with a sad smile. “I don’t have a ring for you.”
There’s something about the dismay on his face that thaws a tiny part of me. It’s such an inconsequential thing, considering I don’t think either of us woke up this morning thinking this is where we would be. The disappointment he has because he can’t give me some small sense of normalcy in the incredibly abnormal situation makes me feel…I don’t know, less angry, less alone.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a small gold band, holding it between us. “This was my grandmother’s. My uncle gave it to me on my last trip. Said my mother would have given it to me herself, but…” Everyone knows she died when I was a child.
“Giada, I don’t want you to use that for this wedding. After all is said and done, what if you meet the man of your dreams and want him to slide that ring on your finger? Your mother would want you to wear that ring as a sign of love and commitment to the man you choose to be with, not me.”
At one point I thought Luca was the man of my dreams, but I don’t tell him that. “My mother would want me to marry someone who promises to protect me. That’s what you’re doing. I don’t think she would have a problem with me using this ring, so you shouldn’t either.”
Luca nods and takes the ring before putting it in his pocket. “I do want to protect you, Giada. That’s what I’ve always tried to do.”
The last couple before us finish with their short ceremony and we get up to walk to the desk, handing the license to the woman’s cheery-faced assistant. She smiles and signs the paper as the witness then the justice of the peace begins her speech. Luca and I stare at each other, and I barely make out what the woman is saying through the noise of rushing blood in my head. The urge to cry takes me by surprise. The man in front of me was the star of this little fantasy when I was younger, and now it’s my reality. But this reality leaves so much to be desired it’s almost laughable. In exactly none of my fantasies about this moment did I consider the only reason he would be marrying me was because my brother was about to hand me over to a ruthless organization. I imagined a look of love and devotion in his eyes, not the apologetic one I see now.
Luca slips the gold band on my finger and repeats the words he’s supposed to. I do the same, minus the ring, and a moment later, we’re pronounced husband and wife.
“You may kiss the bride,” the justice of the peace says.
I stand in front of Luca, momentarily frozen, my heart galloping in my chest as he leans in, his soft lips brushing mine. A zap of electricity runs through me at the contact. His kiss is gentle. He doesn’t try to deepen it in any way, but holy shit, I wish he would. That thought takes me by surprise as I back away from him and stare into his blue eyes. Confusion and surprise flick through his gaze, the same as mine, I’m sure. What the hell was that? I’ve kissed other men, hell, I’ve done more than that, but never have I felt tiny fireworks explode throughout my chest at the simple touch of a man’s lips to mine.
Luca clears his throat and the trance is broken. He thanks the justice of the peace and her assistant before we turn and silently walk out of the building. I feel like I should say something. I don’t know what, but the silence between us is weighing heavily on me as I still taste him on my lips.
Luca guides me back to the car and opens the passenger door. When he gets in on the other side, his body turns toward mine and he studies me for a moment. “That part’s done. I need to call my cousin,” he says after a few beats of crushing silence.
And there’s the stab to the heart. I didn’t necessarily think he was going to wax poetic about marriage and commitment or be overly joyous that I was now officially his wife. But to say absolutely nothing about what I know he felt in there when we sealed our marriage vows stings in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
He pulls a phone from his pocket and brings it to his ear. “Hey. We need to talk about my leaving. And by talk, I mean I’m leaving with Giada. Today.” Luca is silent for a few moments as he listens to his cousin on the other end. He looks at me and offers a small smile then steps out of the car, but I can still hear the muffled conversation.
“Listen, Finn. We’ve been doing it your way, and I understand, but Carlo hasn’t been here in months, and Giada got word that she needed to pack her things and be ready for some Russian to pick her up later today. He was going to ship her off to marry a man who will do God knows what to her. I’m done fighting in the shadows, Finn. And I’m not going to stand back while he hurts an innocent. I’m getting out, and Giada is coming with me.” Luca watches me through the dusty window and listens to his cousin before briefly closing his eyes.
“Too late,” he says and opens his eyes again, looking at me with steely determination. “Well, she can’t exactly marry the Pakhan’s son if she’s already married. I married her, Finn.”
He gives Finn our location then it sounds like he tries to apologize. I can’t lie to myself and say that doesn’t scare me, especially considering Luca told me that Carlo went after Finn’s wife. What if Finn decides that Luca’s decision puts his family in too much danger? He’s the head of the Irish mob. If he wants to send me back to my brother, he has the power to do it, and if he’s anything like my brother, Luca doesn’t stand a chance, which means neither do I.
Luca gets back in the car and blows out a breath. “We’re going to Finn’s penthouse in Boston. He’s meeting us there.”
“Is he upset?” Is he going to send me back?
“He was…surprised.” Luca gives me a reassuring smile. “It’ll be fine. We’ll go to the penthouse, and Finn will help us figure it out from there. Carlo can’t get to you now.”
I appreciate that he has faith in his cousin.
I just wish I had the same.