Chapter 12 #2
“Nothing really. But if I’m rocking an AP, I’ll be damned if my woman is rocking a Marshalls watch.
If my necklace set me back a good fifty, then I’m not letting my woman walk out of the house with one that didn’t even cost her fifty dollars.
I match energies, Ever. There’s no I in team and neither is there a big me, little you.
My woman and anyone around me will always be a direct reflection of who I am as a man.
If I can’t make sure they’re straight, then I’m not to be trusted. ”
“ Your woman ,” she emphasized.
“You thought I was sliding in you raw and leaving my imprint for fun?”
“About that,” she started with a smile.
“Like I was saying, my woman…” I pointed in her direction with a finger. “Is a direct reflection of me. Now, do you like the watch, woman?”
“I love the watch, Luca.”
“But what?”
“I fell into my last relationship. I don’t want to fall into another the same way. I want to make things official. I want to be courted and asked to be your girlfriend. I don’t want to just fall into a routine and we call it a relationship.” She spoke her truth, and I was happy that she had.
“Good, because that’s not what I planned to do, either.
I’m claiming you because I know you’re mine, not because I’m trying to rob you of those feelings or desires.
We won’t fall into a routine and just call it a relationship.
I have every intention of making it very fucking obvious when we’re official. ”
“Thanks.”
“But I’m telling you now that we’re exclusive,” I followed up with. There was nothing to be mistaken about that.
“I can get with exclusive. I don’t want anyone being able to say they know how good you feel inside of them from this moment on, but me,” she admitted. “My heart wouldn’t be able to take it if they did.”
She picked her glass up and sipped from it.
I placed a lid on the boiling potatoes and made my way over to her.
I stood in front of her and removed the watch from her hand.
She placed her wineglass on the counter and handed me her left arm.
I clasped the diamond-encrusted piece around her tiny wrist, satisfied to know that it fit perfectly.
I’d predicted, but wasn’t sure if my guess was accurate.
Seeing her smile and hold her wrist in the air to get a better look was enough to swell my heart and curve the corners of my mouth.
“Mine either,” I finally responded. “Tell me, what else does your heart desire? From me. From a relationship in general. What are your hard boundaries?”
“Hard boundaries?”
“Yes. Hard boundaries. The things that you will not accept or don’t prefer. The things that you noticed you hate from prior situations. Shit like that.”
“My hard boundaries are simple. Unless I’m married, I’m not living with my man.
I’m still wondering if I want to even after.
I know it’s not traditional but the thought of living with a man again brings me anxiety.
Like, right now at Lyric’s, I can let my hair down and be who I really am.
When living with a man, I feel like I’m always on pins and needles, trying to be the whatever person he’s made it up in his head that I am.
It’s usually an image of perfection that is exhausting trying to keep up with.
I feel like the work is never ending, especially having two children.
“On top of being their mom, I have to be the cleaner, the cook, the laundry lady, the homeschooler when they’re not at school, the doctor, the negotiator, and so much more.
I’d rather not do all of that while trying to be the perfect partner when I would rather just relax.
I won’t feel like cooking every day. I won’t feel like cleaning the dishes every day.
I won’t feel like clearing the laundry room every week or folding the clothes I wash.
Some days I’ll be lazy and some days I’ll be fine.
When I’m alone, I don’t feel guilty about that. ”
“You shouldn’t. You’re not a robot, Ever.”
“Well, have you met men? Tell that to them.”
“Anyone who expects that much out of you is a coward. Because if you’re doing all of that, what the fuck are they doing?”
“Paying all the bills,” she revealed. “Which is my next hard boundary. I refuse to let a man pay all of my bills because then I feel indebted to them and that is what doesn’t allow me to rest…
at all. I always feel like I should be doing something to show my appreciation.
Cleaning the kitchen, mopping the floors, dusting the ceiling fans…
anything but sitting on my ass. For the first time, I can sit on my ass if that’s what I want to do. I don’t want that to stop.”
“Hmmm,” I responded with a nod, deciding against commenting on the damage her pussy ass nigga had done.
“No matter what it is, I want to keep a job. I never want to be jobless. Having a job actually gives me the small break I need from my children on a daily basis. I’d much rather it be my own business that claims my time instead of someone’s clock, but that will come in due time.
I have to stay employed. I can never and won’t ever depend on a man for everything anymore.
He cannot be the sole breadwinner in the house. ”
“Anything else?”
“My man must worship the ground I walk on. He must give me the same love that I give him. When I’m in love, I’m limitless. I’ll always go above and beyond. I want that reciprocated.”
“Understandable.”
“Last, there must not be an intentional or obvious difference made between the children I have with them and the ones I already have. I will leave in an instant. My children’s father has never been involved in their lives, although he’s always been around.
I don’t want that for them. I want a man to be everything they’ve been missing, to show them what a daughter and father relationship truly consists of.
They must be treated like they came from his nut sack. ”
“Is that something you can handle?”
“For the most part, but a few adjustments will need to be made.”
“No adjustments.”
“You can’t hear me out like I heard you out?”
“OK. Fair is fair. Let me hear it.”
“I will, after we’ve sat down with our food. Can I pour you another glass?”
“Yes.” She handed me the glass from her hand. It was nearly empty.
I refilled her wine and handed it to her. She slid from the island and followed me over to the stove where she held her hands out for me to lift her onto the countertop that was closer.
“Physical touch and quality time. Those are two of my love languages. I’m still trying to determine whether reassurance is the third.”
She continued teaching me things that I wanted to learn, but I didn’t mind the lessons. It was more for her protection than mine. Ever was fresh out, just like me, and not trying to get her shit broken into pieces.
“I’ve noticed.” I drained the potatoes of water and brought them back to the stove.
“Yours?”
She leaned in closer, watching as I added butter, milk, garlic, a pinch of dried ranch seasoning, salt, and pepper.
“Loyalty and respect. Submission, I’m trying to figure out if that’s my third.”
“Hmmmm. Sounds simple enough.”
“’Cause I’m a simple fucking man.” I shrugged.
“Have you met yourself? Far from simple, Luca,” she challenged.
“How would you classify me then?”
I was genuinely interested.
“Complex.”
I chuckled a bit. Not surprised by her revelation.
The truth was that so many considered me the same when I was the exact opposite.
However, my simplicity confused them to the point of attempting to unmask or unfold things that just weren’t there.
I didn’t have a million layers that needed to be peeled back.
Everything about me was black and white, straight to the point.
Many have made the mistake of thinking I’m complex, and I didn’t try to convince them otherwise.
But, Ever, I wanted her to understand that I wasn’t.
Figuring that out was the hard part, which made everyone give up and sum it up as me being a confusing or difficult subject.
“You’ve only known me for like two days.”
“And in that short amount of time, I still haven’t figured you out. It never takes this long.”
“Don’t try to figure me out, Ever. Determine who I am by my actions and you’ll see that I am, in fact, a very simple man. I’m straightforward, honest, respectful, and loyal. That’s it.”
“Sounds simple enough.”
“Because it is. Taste these,” I told her as I scooped a small spoonful of potatoes up and placed them at her lips. She opened and accepted it.
“Ummmm.” She moaned onto the spoon as I slid it out of her mouth. With her eyes closed, she nodded for approval.
“Are you ready to eat?”
“Umm hmmm.”
“Have a seat at the table, and I’ll bring your food over.”